Mystery Science Theater 3000, or How to Make a Crackhead Crack or High Anxiety 2013

Watch here.

So, after the ER visit last week, I had discharge instructions to go see my regular physician in "2-3 days" to follow up on the blood pressure thing.  I contacted my doctor and told her I would wait until this virus clears my system, since my BP won't be completely normal until that happens.  She agreed with me.

On Friday, I felt basically fine, but could tell my BP was still up there--not super high, but elevated.  I swam 4100 in the AM and that felt great, then I finished my strength workout for the week (:30), and finally I ran enough to get in what I was supposed to have done on Thursday, about :40.  All of this felt just fine, and I wasn't concerned about anything in particular.  I fixed bottles for the weekend's biking.  I needed to get in 8 hours total.  I had wanted to do a century ride called the Pumpkin Pie Ride out of Ottawa on Sunday, but it looked like it was going to be pretty cold (for me) for riding that day, and then I decided with all the health nonsense going on with me and being 8 weeks out from IMCOZ that driving a bunch to ride was just not the stress I needed.  It looked like it would still be warm on Saturday, so I decided I'd ride 4:30 in Fermilab on Saturday, and then do 3:30 on Death Machine, maybe with my brother Mike, on Sunday.  I don't mind riding the MTB when it's cold outside since I'm not going that fast anyway and it's comfortable on there being all bundled up.

Saturday morning I felt basically fine, but still with slightly elevated BP.  How do I know it's elevated even though I did not own a BP cuff at the time?  Because I can feel it.  My doctor told me yesterday that since I'm bradycardic, I will notice irregular heart beats and pumping patterns more than normal people.  Yes, I know, I am SO special!  I was so happy to see the weather was going to be nice and warm (for October) in the low to mid-70's, but that it was supposed to rain in the afternoon, so I got my shit together to go ride and do a transition run in Fermilab.  I'd fucked up in that I thought I was supposed to do a brick run, but it turns out the training plan said to run FIRST, but oh well, stupid coach!

I took 5 hours of Infinit with me in case I decided to ride longer than 4:30, which turned out to be a great idea.  I parked on Continental Drive, which is technically considered in Warrenville, just outside the East Gate of Fermilab.  I started riding at 7:05AM.  It was warm and very humid and overcast, so perfect riding conditions. Here is Skull Kingdom just before I started riding:

As you can see, I only loaded 1 bottle of Infinit (in a Pirate.biz bottle!), which would hold me for about 1:15 of riding or perhaps a bit more.  I already had in my tank: about 350 calories from my usual breakfast, 300 calories of Ultrafuel, a banana and about 100 calories of Gatorade, so I felt well fueled for 4-5 hours of riding.

When I started out, my legs felt a bit crunchy.  It's always entertaining to me that during a rest week (I'd only run about 12 miles so far that week) how I sometimes notice the accumulated fatigue in my body.  I've learned that's normal for a rest week, and it's normal for a taper, so I don't worry about it.

I did not need to pay attention to wattage for this ride--it was just go however I felt.  It wasn't particularly windy, and the humidity didn't bother me, I mean what a bonus to be wearing shorts and a tank top on an October day!  It was cool, though, maybe upper 60's, when I started, and this made me need to stop and pee rather frequently, maybe every 20 minutes, but I understood that to be related solely to the temperature and nothing else.

On my first "pass," I rode for 1:30 on 1 hour of Infinit, but that was OK because I felt like I had enough calories in the tank and I was really only missing :15 of calories (I typically drink every :15; it just makes things easier).  I skipped Secret Mad Scientist Road the first loop around Eola, Wilson, B, Pine and A-1 (I usually ride counterclockwise). But on the second pass of that loop, I DID go up Secret Mad Scientist Road, and on my way out of there a mad scientist was driving to her house!  She didn't honk or look at me like I was breaking the law (technically I was, although I don't think she owns the road).  The road was littered with black walnuts and leaves, as were sections of Pine.  It's funny to me that the black walnut trees are pretty camouflaged most of the year until they drop their leaves and then you see the tree nearly naked with what look like neon tennis balls all over them!

The nuts are pretty big, so you don't want to try riding over them!  Anyway, on that first pass with Bottle #1, I did Secret Mad Scientist Road twice.

I felt good after pass 1, rode back to my car and swapped bottles, but first I took :15 worth of Infinit from one of the other bottles so that I could go for 1:45 on my second pass.   All I needed to do on my second pass to get to 1:45 was to add one complete loop of A-1 road, which is where lots of us do intervals since it is straight, flat, and sometimes there is a nice tailwind from the south. It was awesome, and I rode Secret Mad Scientist Road 3 times on this pass.

I figured since the weather was cooperating that I'd ride for 5 hours instead of just 4:30 and skip running off the bike (I'd have time to do it on Sunday).  So when I got back to my car, I picked up 2 more bottles so I'd have enough for the remaining 1:45.  I still wasn't looking at my speed or watts--I was just riding.  On the way in for pass #3, there was a freight train just outside the gate, but it finished up just as I was getting there, and I was happy for that!

So pass #3 was the same as pass #2, with the one extra loop of A-1 road.  By this time, I was feeling pretty good, and I rode in the big chainring except when ascending Secret Mad Scientist Road and the small climb up B.  Sometimes I'm lazy about using the small chainring, so I was patting myself on the back for using it!  It was on this pass when I was heading south on A-1 that one cloud decided to begin raining on me.  This was a sign to hammer so I could get to Wilson Hall and wait it out, since I could tell it was a very isolated shower.  I went into Wilson Hall and waited less than 5 minutes for the downpour to finish, and then I headed back out to finish up.

I decided when I got onto Batavia Road after my last interior loop headed back to my car for the last time that I would check my mileage.  I was at 85, fuckin' A!  So I was going to make 90 or better in 5 hours, which would be awesome for the day.  When I got to Eola Road, I decided to head north for a bit just to ensure I got at least to 90 miles.  When all was said and done, I covered 91.06 miles in 5 hours!  I was pretty happy with my effort, and here I am all done:

I look pretty fucking happy, don't I?  It was 1PM (yes there was an extra hour in there for all the stops I had to make to pee, whatever I don't sweat that), and since it had rained, I took some time to wipe down Skull Kingdom so she'd be all pretty before I put her back in the car.  Since I rode 5 hours, I didn't have time to run, because I needed to get home, eat lunch, go get waxed, stretch, and run to the grocery store before getting ready to go to a party.

I was pretty excited to get home for lunch because I knew I was going to have this awesome sandwich, comprised of my homemade muffuletta and various Italian deli meats (soppressata, capicollo, Volpi salami and pistachio mortadella) plus Provolone cheese on a tomato focaccia bread.  Look at this!

I ate half the sandwich, and it truly was the best sandwich I've ever had in my life!  I went and got waxed, and then I was going to go to Binny's, but as soon as I left, the sky opened up and I was driving through a true deluge, including hail!  I figured I'd just head home to wait out the storm, as I was hydroplaning in the car and making a wake as if I were a boat.  The storm didn't last long, and I think we had about 1.5" of rain in less than 1/2 hour.  I used that wait time to stretch (while still wearing my compression tights) and decided that instead of Binny's, I'd just head to my nearby grocery store and get my own shopping done and pick up a bottle of wine for the party I was going to.

The party was great (thanks, Kevin!), but it was mostly about drinking wine.  While I like wine, I don't drink much of it while I'm in heavy training as it will just put me to sleep in a hurry, which is not a good scenario for being social at a party!  While there, I did feel edgy, and tried my best to not come off as completely batshit crazy.  I left around 9:15, because I knew that already I was past my bedtime and would probably still wake up at 2 or 3AM no matter what time I went to sleep.  I'd eaten a lot of protein and veggies at the party, so when I got home I ate 3 cookies because I knew otherwise I'd be low on carbs for the next day.

I DID wake up at 3AM so I got 5 hours of sleep, but I seemed to feel just fine.  Don't ask what the hell I did from 3AM until 8AM which is when I took off on Death Machine for a ride.  It was cold outside, so I donned all my good cold weather riding gear.  I'd originally thought about wearing my neon helmet, but decided I'd rather look all serious in all black.  Oh yeah--one of the things I did between 3 and 8 was to mount a new saddle on Death Machine.  The one it came with did some serious chafing to my lady parts, so I bought the same kind that's on Skull Kingdom, Bitch and La Gazza Ladra--a Terry Butterfly, and got that in place for my ride.  Here I am ready to go:

I'd been hoping to ride part of my time with my brother Mike, but he never returned my phone call from Saturday.  Still, I was going to maybe ride right past his house, so I could stop there and get on his case for not calling me back.

Instead, I headed straight west on Hobson (giving a thumbs up at Naper Blvd. since my friend Mark lives just off of Hobson on that road) and kept going until I hooked up to the Dupage River Trail, and then I headed south on that and back to Whalen Park.  When I got to Whalen, I was 1:03 in, so I decided to do about :27 worth of loops around the lake (4 times around), and then head back where I'd come from, and when I got back to Hobson, I'd ride north for :15 and back, and that should get me to 3 hours or so.  I never did go past my brother's house.  I had a great time listening to Coldplay the entire time to keep me calm, as I was still feeling jittery, although it seems my heart settles down once I'm exercising.  There were a number of road cyclists who saw me on Death Machine, and even though it's an MTB, I know that I LOOK LIKE I'm a serious rider, which I am, and besides it was cold out, so we were thumbs-upping one another in salute to our tenacity.  There were a few times when I felt a bit warm, but I was never hot.  I saw some people on bikes with shorts and barely anything else and figured they had to be freezing their asses off!  I didn't have to pee nearly as much on Sunday as I did on Saturday.

When I got to Whalen Park, I remember thinking to myself THANK GOD I DIDN'T WEAR THE NEON HELMET BECAUSE I WOULD LOOK LIKE A DINGLEBERRY!!!  Where the fuck that word came from out of the depths of my brain, I have no idea, but it made me laugh for at least 10 minutes.

While my legs were predictably a bit tired when I started out, by the time I was nearly finished, I felt great, and was looking forward to seeing how well I could run off the bike.  When I got home, I stripped off ALL my biking clothes, since they were now sweaty and cold, and changed into tights, a bra top and long sleeved technical top to run, and grabbed a 12-oz. bottle of Gatorade to fuel me for 3-4 miles.  :30 would be enough, but if I felt like it I could go :40.  I also drank about 16 oz. of water just before I left, which is something I always do when I run off longer rides.  Oh yeah, I covered 45 miles on Death Machine in 3 hours, so a solid ride there.

I headed out and felt like I was running in concrete, but when I hit the .3 mile mark, I saw that I was actually running at a decent clip all things considered.  I rolled the sleeves of my shirt up to my elbows, as the warm sun made me realize I should have gone with short sleeves, but I'd be fine.  The tights I was wearing were great, though, as they have a good degree of compression in them, and that was great for my legs.

When I got about 1.75 miles out, I felt like I was bonking, so I decided not to run any further than that.  OH HELLZ YEAH I WAS BONKING!  It made me laugh, as I thought I'd had enough calories on the bike, but in retrospect (keep reading for the exciting conclusion) I didn't.  I chugged down all the Gatorade, stripped off my shirt because I was very warm, and rested for about 2 minutes, then told my brain to FUCK OFF and began running again.  I was a bit light headed for maybe 1/4 mile, but then I felt fine as the sugar kicked in and did it's job, and I began FLYING home.  I negative split the run big time, and really didn't feel all that hungry once I got home.  Here I am ecstatic with what I'd just completed:

And here's my reward:

I took the remainder of that sandwich out of the fridge and took a bite, took a shower, slammed Endurox R4, then cracked a beer and felt pretty happy with myself.  Since it was early afternoon, I figured I could take a nap, so I got in bed after lunch and watched the lame Bears for a few minutes, turned out the lights and tried to sleep.

NOT HAPPENING.  Still, I laid in bed for maybe 1.5 hours just to relax and give my legs a break, then I got up and felt like I could go work out another 6 hours.  I went outside and decided to rake/sweep the leaves that had come tumbling down and washed into my yard from Saturday's deluge.  My neighbor, Paul, who lives 2 doors from me, was doing the same thing, only using a leaf blower.  At one point, I yelled to him, "YOU'RE WINNING," but that was impetus for me to pick up the pace, and I ended up beating him with about the same amount of leaves AND I did it all manually!  I was feeling pretty good, but noticed that my heart still felt jumpy.

OK, so now we get to the interesting part.  Yesterday morning, I woke up after maybe 6 hours of sleep, but felt fine and rested on it.  WHAT THE FUCK???  I should be tired as shit, considering I'd trained 18 hours on the week (a REST WEEK, to boot, with very little running), had biked 8 hours on the weekend, and was getting very little sleep.  Nope.  I noticed my heart was still squirrelly and felt worse than it had the prior 3 days, so I was getting a bit worried.  I decided to do 3 things:

1. Take my BP at the Y before I swam, and if it was too high, I'd skip the swim altogether
2. Purchase a BP cuff, at the urging of my brother Mike.  Initially, I'd not wanted to do this post-ER recommendation, but he made me realize it was a good idea in general.
3. Depending on my BP reading, I might try and get in to see my doctor right away.

I headed to the Y with a good deal of trepidation.  What if my heart is totally fucked up and now I would need to go on BP meds?  FUCK.  The prospect of this, I am certain, made my BP go even higher.  I tried to calm myself down, and hooked myself into the machine and took the first reading.  Pretty fucking high (176 over something).  That is BAD.  But I figured some of it was anxiety induced, so I waited a few minutes, tried to calm myself again, and fired up the machine again.  It dropped 20 points, so that was good, but I thought it was still high enough for concern, so I waited another few minutes and went one more time.  It dropped another 15 points, and based on that, I felt like I was at least good to go swim, but decided that I would call my doctor right when I was done and get in to see her ASAP.

I'd driven to the CVS before I went to the Y to buy the BP cuff, but they weren't open, which I am sure increased my BP as well!  While I was swimming, I had time to think about what was going on in my body, and my first thought was that maybe I was just the QUEEN OF ANXIETY with all the crap that kept happening to me, training really hard, and worried that I was going to be shut out of yet another race.  So I decided that I would ask my doctor for some anti-anxiety stuff that would maybe get me over the hump and allow me to relax and maybe my BP would settle down and everything would be fine.

When I finished swimming and got in my car, I called my doctor's office to make an appointment.  The scheduler said she had no openings today, and she was not in on Tuesday, and so I couldn't see her until Wednesday.  She asked me if I would like to see another doctor in the practice, and I said NO (or maybe I said FUCK NO I don't remember) I need to see HER AND ONLY HER BECAUSE THIS WILL BE TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE ELSE.  I asked again nicely could they fit me in today with her because my BP was still pretty high and I'd been in the ER on Thursday for a bunch of shit.  The scheduler said NO, so I asked to be transferred to the nurse's desk.  Luckily, I got straight through to the nurse on duty, explained what was going on, and that I needed to get in NOW. While swimming, it occurred to me that as well as high anxiety, that perhaps I'd changed my body chemistry with all the recent super hard training and that maybe I'd gone hyPERthyroid again.  I rationalized this was possible, and relayed this to the nurse, as it finally made sense to me, as heavy training has lots of different impacts.  The nurse asked if I could make it at 12:50, and I practically shouted YES!!!

I headed back to CVS to get the BP cuff, knowing it would come in handy at some point, and felt better that I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor.  I ended up having a nice chat with the pharmacist about drug interactions with levothyroxine, and she was very smart and confirmed a number of things for me--that dextromethorphan can be nearly lethal to a person on levothyroxine, and that it's entirely possible that I was altering my thyroid function with all the heavy training.  So I would get to my doctor armed with more knowledge about myself.  The best quote from this young woman was: YOUR THYROID AFFECTS MANY THINGS, AND MANY THINGS AFFECT YOUR THYROID.  SO fucking true!

So after that chat, I was pretty sure that what was happening was that I'd gone hyPERthyroid again, which explains the heart palpitations and high BP.  That's what happened to me back in July when they over medicated me, only this time it came on a bit differently.  However, when I got back home and chatted with my colleague, Liz, and began talking at the speed of light (which I asked her to confirm), I realized it was definitely hyPERthyroidism, because back in July I talked to my best friend, Susan, while I was hyperthyroid, and she got to witness how I get when that way.

Lest you think it's fun to be hyperthyroid, let me tell you it's NOT.  It's dangerous for your heart if it goes on too long, but there are some fun aspects to it.

On the plus side you get:

• Laser sharp focus.  I can knock out an EVIL Sudoku in like 5 minutes.
• A feeling of "extra" happiness
• A need for very little sleep, in my case, 5 hours, and you feel just fine on it.  So more time to get more things done.
• A feeling of invincibility
• Talking at the speed of light.  HEAR ME NOW AND LISTEN TO ME LATER!!!
• The desire to write really, REALLY long blog posts because of the extra time due to lack of sleep
• An extreme feeling of I WILL TAKE NO SHIT FROM ANYONE, DON'T FUCK WITH ME
• Colors are brighter and things that are funny are extra funny.  The color thing correlates to my sudden re-fascination with all things neon.
• I want my music either really loud and all Nine Inch Nails or calm and nearly depressing, hard to decide which is better.
• My libido goes into overdrive, which sounds fun, except I don't have a boyfriend, and this one man I fancy is not interested, and I know I'm a whole lot of scary to some people right now. I could easily be taken advantage of by someone in the libido area right about now.
• I feel entirely over-stimulated--food tastes better, things look better (and also uglier if they are leaning that way), I'm either too warm or too cold (and shivering when cold) despite rooms/pools/outdoors being appropriately temperature-ized (I just made up that word!) and me wearing temperature-appropriate clothing, music touches me more deeply, my normal really good sense of smell is enhanced (good stuff smells better and bad stuff worse), and my tactile sense is amped up
• It's like being super high without any nasty side effects like a hangover

On the minus side you get:

• Heart palpitations, which are very disturbing when you are bradycardic to start with, and worrisome while you are working out.
• The need to poop a lot more than normal, as the body increases its throughput of nutrients.
• The potential to be overly aggressive with anyone who gives you shit, including at work.  It's not as controllable as you would like it to be.
• Extra hours in the day to ponder how fucked up your body is
• Wishing all this extra zip would make you able to work out harder/faster, but really it doesn't have that effect at all.  You are just jittery.
• Your body wants to wake up at the same time in the morning (2-3AM) no matter when you went to sleep
• People who may not know you well most likely will think you are high, crazy, aggressive, or all of that.  I'm used to a baseline amount of that when "normal" (whatever the fuck that is maybe I've NEVER been normal), so being Crackhead on extra Crack is bound to be unintentionally intimidating.
• For me, my sense of hunger gets all fucked up, like I don't know if I'm really hungry or I don't need anything to eat or what.  Not good when you are in Ironman training.

So I make it to the doctor, and when she sees me prior to me getting into the room, she smiles at me and I yell, "I'm BAAAAAACK."  That was yet another indicator that I am probably hyperthyroid.

Before I went, I made a list of questions and observations for Dr. Ambrose with 16 items on it so I wouldn't forget everything I wanted her to know, and of course, I brought one copy for her.  I got in the room and a nurse took my BP, and I knew it would be high.  It was 150-something over 82, so not dangerously high, but still high, and that was what I expected.  I waited just a little bit, and then Dr. Ambrose came in and we began talking, and I started out with that I think I'm hyperthyroid maybe due to all the training.  I also said I was puzzled why they didn't check my thyroid function in the ER since they knew I was on levothyroxine, and she had no idea.

Well the first thing she says to me is that Evista is an estrogen uptake enhancer, and that by going off of it a little over a week ago, it's possible that my need for levothyroxine would DECREASE, and that could set off the chain reaction that I've been having resulting in hyperthyroidism.  YEP.  Or, this could just be a sudden onset of a BP issue.  NOPE.  FUCK I'M BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS IT'S HYPERTHYROIDISM.  We reviewed most of the rest of the list, she told me the following:

• My BP isn't that high and it won't be for too long since we will do SOMETHING about it shortly.  If my BP were to remain elevated for weeks, though, it would be a problem requiring a fix of some sort.
• It's OK for me to keep exercising (YAY!)
• The reason I feel the BP so much is that I'm bradycardic, so any increase in heart activity is particularly noticeable to me.
• She realizes that I have a VERY sensitive metabolic physiology
• I shouldn't stop taking the levothyroxine, but OK to drop to 50 mcg today (which I've already done and am still jittery, but it will take a few days for it to pass).
• Nurse would be in to take my blood and run the thyroid panel.
• She confirmed that I should avoid decongestants at all costs, as they will seriously fuck with me (MY words not hers)
• We will not consider me seeing a cardiologist until after we get the thyroid test results back, which should be today sometime.
• The way they calibrate the levothyroxine dose is that for "normal" people, you will be OK within a range of 12.5 mcg, but I may not be "normal" enough for that to work for me.
• It was good that I went to the ER last week because any number of things could have been happening
• No anti-anxiety meds for me until we see what's going with my thyroid (sounds like a good plan to me) 
• My kidney function had checked out normal in the ER
• She didn't get the CT scan pictures, but I can ask for the CD from the hospital, and I will, since I'd like pretty pictures of my brain.
• The aura I had was probably not related to my thyroid, and could have just been coincidental in this cluster fuck of bodily happenings.  While she confirmed it was indeed an ocular migraine, she said nobody really knows what causes them.  I AM SO FUCKING SPECIAL, AREN'T I???

I later noted to my friend Susan what the signs of me becoming hyperthyroid are as outlined above.  I should have clued in on the feeling of "EXTRA HAPPY" last Thursday when I landed in the ER, but that was not how I experienced the hyperthyroidism back in July, so how the fuck would I have known?  But what a kick in the balls to know that feeling "EXTRA HAPPY" is a sign that my body is fucked up.  Oh well, really I'm OK with "NORMAL HAPPY!"  Which I've been for quite some time now, and oh by the way, did you know that one of the minimal side effects of levothyroxine is that it can make you more prone to crying?  So I've gone from crying because I was so depressed and lethargic to crying because I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!  What a turn of events, indeed!

So I returned home from the doctor visit feeling vindicated that I'd at least noticed my body was fucked up, and while I would have liked to relax, relaxation isn't exactly the order of the day right now, so I suited up for a run, and ran pretty well, but you can see the frustration/weariness/mental exhaustion on my face:

So now I wait for test results, hopefully confirming that I'm hyperthyroid (boy can I feel it right now as I write this), then another adjustment in meds, and then maybe I can get on with my life without any doctor visits for a few months.  I am SO tired of this routine--it's now been almost 1.5 years since I've felt any semblance of normalcy.  I just want to race IM Cozumel--my bib number is 2056--which I think is a good omen since I was born in 1956, so that means I will live to be 100, right?  I JUST WANT TO RACE IRONMAN COZUMEL!  I already know there is at least one woman in my AG who on paper is much faster than me, and I'm relaxed about that notion, I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE GODDAMN FUCKING START LINE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR????

I will end this post with this song, which, unfortunately, describes me to a tee right now, although what needs to be fixed on me is not the loss of romantic love--it's the loss of my identity as I know it, the loss of my ability to have done Ultraman Hawaii last year, the loss of both parents in the last 7 years, the loss of feeling that I'm a healthy, vital person, the loss of control over what my body does, but at least I can keep training for now.  I will be in Cozumel, come hell or high water, I will toe that start line, I will enjoy it!

    

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Closing In

This is going to be a very rambling post.

WTC STILL hasn't posted the start list for IMCOZ.  WTF???  You can't put up a fucking list of people on the Interwebz?  I need to know who my competition is, so that I can either get excited about the possibility of a Kona slot, or I can relax, knowing it probably won't happen.

I am 8.5 weeks out from race day.  In case you haven't been fucking paying attention (oh, did I forget to say this post will be LITTERED with F-bombs?), here's the remaining training:

That is some hefty fucking training, eh?  I don't fear it, though, since I've done more than this in my build for Ultraman Canada.  I have to keep telling people that because they still look at me all cross-eyed when they see how much training I am doing NOW.  Either they don't have a fucking memory, or they have just recently jumped on the Crackhead bandwagon.  I know--it's a wild ride, isn't it?

I get almost a villainous laugh when faced with a training block like this.  Why?  Because to me it's ALL KINDS OF FUCKING FUN!!!

I get to test my mental toughness in a huge way, since it's likely I will be doing some very long trainer rides (I think my longest ever is 5 hours; I will go up to maybe 6:15 this time around), including 3 of what I am calling FUCK ME biking weekends:

• 10/19 4:00 hours, 10/20 5:30
• 10/26 3:00 hours, 10/27 5:00 hours
• 11/16 5:30, 11/17 4:00 hours

Thing is, I've done this shit before, only FUCKING OUTSIDE!!!  At least one, possibly all three, of these weekends will be trainer rides.  But you know what?  I don't fucking care.  For one thing, my homey Shelley (who I haven't seen in 4 years can't wait!) will be here for the first one, and her job is to tell me how fucking amazing I am, fetch fresh, cold bottles from the fridge, tell me what an idiot I am, take stupid pictures and post to Facebook, and commiserate with me in general.  I think we will be watching James Bond movies--I just got the Blu-Ray 23-disk set that includes Skyfall. Then we will consume mass quantities of food--I plan on sushi one night and Dell Rhea's Chicken Basket the other.

Also, on 11/9, I do my race rehearsal ride, which will most likely be 6:15 in duration, and Cortney will be here for a wedding, and she gets to perform Crackhead sherpa duty that day.  I've never met her in person, so this should be interesting.  Cortney is a budding Crackhead herself, so I am pretty sure we will have a great time!

My birthday (57 CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT???) is on 10/22.  Shelley will be here in close proximity, so we will no doubt celebrate.  I have already gifted myself of many things, and really don't need anyone to buy me stuff, although I joke about it all the time on Facebook.  I have been given nice things by nice people.  Gatorade is always appreciated, as are superhero action figures and gift certificates to Desoto and Zoot, hint hint.  Last year when I was so depressed, one of the irrational thoughts I kept having was that I am old and ugly.  Well maybe I AM old, but at least now I am OK with it.  I tricked my best friend, Susan, into believing that I would never race Ironman again, and that it would be a GOOD thing.  I have since notified her that I was crazy at the time, and that this training and racing is what keeps me sane, vital, vigorous, sexy, good at my job and just loving life!

As you already know, I've had my early fall illness already.  I still have somewhat of a cough, but I feel like I'm OK without the inhaler, except right before exercise. Yesterday was a drug festival, though, as I woke up after 5 hours of sleep, drank coffee, swam, came home and worked, took some Ambien to try to sleep, never slept, woke up feeling drugged, worked more, finally started feeling better and had a Coke, passed out around 7PM and woke up at 2AM.  I am just rolling with this oddball sleep schedule.  Tonight I may take the Ambien right before I go to sleep at around 8PM and hope I sleep until 3AM.

Oh--yesterday I went to this little boutique in town and bought some fancy ass clothes, including this dress:

It looks really good on me.  The owner is all excited about having me as a client since I'm pretty tiny and look good in all this designer shit.  Although I think I have a strange physique now--either I'm fat (I've put on about 3 lbs. last 2 months but plan on dropping it), or I am really carrying a lot of muscle.  My size 3 (ACTUAL SIZE 3 NOT WHAT PASSES FOR 3 NOW) jeans fit me just fine, even a bit loose, but my ass is huge.  I have rather big legs for such a small person.  I wonder whether with my thyroid function fixed that my metabolism is allowing me to keep more muscle on me?  Whatever, apparently I have been eating enough to put it on.  Yesterday I started an austerity program for the last weeks before IMCOZ--no more candy, no more Twinkies, Pringles and Cheetos sparingly, watch my beer intake.  That is all it will take to shed those 3-4 lbs. in maybe 4 weeks.  I feel really "thick" if that makes sense, which is a feeling of being solid, not jiggly, so maybe this is muscle.  I plan on getting my metabolism measured sometime after my next blood test, assuming my TSH level is where I want it to be which is between 1 and 2.  If it's higher, that means my thyroid continues to crap out and I will need to go on a higher dosage.  This is so much fucking fun, NOT!

That dress will be making an appearance in Vegas next March, where I and 2 girlfriends (maybe Shelley if she can get out of a stupid work trip) will be visiting Susan and running the Red Rock Canyon marathon, and then going out on the town.  I wish I had an occasion to wear it before then, but stupid men I fancy are afraid to get with all this.  I mean, look, I DO have time for social life, just the rest of my life is far from normal.  I manage to kick ass at a sometimes high pressure job, maintain a house and gardens, cook (WELL I might add) for myself, train for a fucking Ironman, manage to keep a few good friends, coach Brad, and be generally awesome. What is not to like about that?  I know people who ask me about my training are doing mental gyrations and thinking, "she can't POSSIBLY have time for a relationship," but that is just not true.  Sigh.  Well, I can't be concerned about the man thing right now.  If someone is brave enough to take the Crackhead challenge, great, STEP THE FUCK UP.  Oh, I guess with an attitude like that I can be a little intimidating.  GET THE FUCK OVER IT GUYS!!!  As my brother, Mike, says, "someone in the relationship has to be smarter."  Fortunately, I have a few friends that "get" me and aren't trying to hold me back or tell me to "tone down" or "be more girly" or "quit being so boisterous."  While I may have a foul mouth, I am quite girly, thank you very much LOOK AT THAT FUCKING DRESS!!!

Also, I am getting back on my strength training.  I got off kilter there for a few weeks with IMWI and then getting sick, but I'm back on the weights.  That is crucial for me, since it helps me to support my training and my life in general.  I figured out that the reason I was cramping (lower legs and feet) while swimming was due to the Evista I was taking for osteoporosis.  I've been off it for a week, and already I can kick like a mad fool and not cramp.  Leg cramps are a documented side effect, and since I can't tolerate cramping up during a swim, I stopped it.  I am working with my doctor to figure out what alternative I will take, but I don't plan on starting anything new until after IMCOZ since I don't want to fuck with potential side effects.

The other thing about Evista is that it can increase your likelihood of DVT.  I was already planning on asking whether I should stop it prior to flying to Mexico, so at least I can take that off my to do list.  I was also experiencing some excess edema in my right calf, which MIGHT have been from spraining my ankle, but I think it was also related to the Evista.  One day last week when I was running I became paranoid that maybe I was experiencing DVT, but all that swelling is gone, so PHEW!

I should probably tell you how I've done against my planned training.  If you recall, I registered for IMCOZ on 7/22, and I quickly put together a training plan which has since become what my protégé, Brad, is being killed by...er...following.  It only took me about 3 iterations to eyeball it for making sense, being a reasonable progression, and getting me in top-top shape.  So here's how I've done against the plan so far:

Not too shabby for a working stiff, eh?  Also, since 1/1/2013, I am averaging 14.8 hour of training per week.  My highest ever was 16.3 while training for IMLP 2009, so I'm a bit of a slacker, but that's because I really didn't do much from January through early July.  As of 7/21, I was only averaging 13.7 hours per week, which is really nothing for me.

Now, if you look at my average training hours per week since 6/17, it's 17.8 as of the end of last week.  THAT is good, serious training!  I dropped off a bit from 18 due to being sick.   HUGE NUMBERS MAKE ME FUCKING HAPPY!!!

This week is a "rest week," meaning not much running--only 2.5 hours scheduled.  I will still swim quite a bit and bike like 9.5 hours, so other than running, this is still a solid week.  I know the rest is working its magic on me since yesterday I was going a bit crazy since all I did was swim.  So I finally got my weights on, at least a start on it, and I did some gardening, too.  I can already tell that I will go batshit crazy during my IMCOZ taper.  It's been awhile since I've been in this kind of shape, and soaring to the peak of fitness and then dropping out the volume to taper is sure to turn me into this:

But I LIKE that feeling!  There is nothing in the world like it!  When you are at the top of your game, all mental and physical systems in your body are in perfect synchronicity with your goals, WHO WOULDN'T FUCKING WANT THAT FOR THEMSELVES???

Yet, it can frighten the shit out of people.  I've already put myself on notice at work to watch my attitude, because I get pretty aggressive right about now.  DON'T FUCK WITH ME.

Here are the to do items I have left to go for my IMCOZ preparations:

• Try out my race clothes.  I hope to do this today, as the weather will be warm when I bike and run later.  You might guess I would wear zebra stripes or skulls or both, but actually I'm going with simple red and black.  Skull Kingdom has plenty of skulls, as does my aero helmet.
• Make my reservation with Tri Bike Transport.
• Have Magic Mike take another look at me in the pool.  I am not going to get any faster before IMCOZ, but I want him to check if my work the past few weeks has made a difference.  I DO plan on working with him on my speed beginning in January.
• Put new saddle on Death Machine and get cleats for new shoes.
• Figure out when the fuck I will have time to get my final bike tuneup before dropping it off for transport.
• Go insane and try to not commit any felonies.

Today I get to do a broken tri-ath-A-lon (as my friend, Mark, pronounces it, which makes me smile): 2900 swim in the AM, then 1:30 bike with :20 brick run.  I am SO looking forward to getting on the bike today!
Congratulations if you made it this far.  NOW FUCK OFF!!!!  Just kidding, have a wonderful day!

In Sickness and in Health

Saturday I rode Death Machine for 3:18 and then did a little running afterward.  It was cool out, 50's is all.  I have the gear to ride in weather like that, and I was completely comfortable.  When I was done, though, I seemed to have developed a dry cough and the beginnings of a sore throat.  I attributed it to the cold weather riding.  A few hours later, I also noticed my entire patootie was sore, dumbass, you don't just ride a new MTB that long and not expect it!  I may need to get a different saddle for him.  But I digress.

I went to dinner with some friends, and we had a rollicking good time.  2 I hadn't seen in quite awhile (yet more people I inadvertently alienated last year while depressed), and then Lori.  I thought maybe she would get sick of me because this was 3 weekends in a row we'd spent time together!  We had a great dinner of sushi.  I had beer, the rest had wine.

When I got home, my throat felt worse.  I'd already started on the Zicam drops, but that night, I was barely able to sleep because my throat was so sore.  I'd planned to ride with Blane on Sunday, but that was clearly out.  Sunday I spent the day being completely miserable, barely able to do anything much except lay around and watch TV.  When you are in heavy training and the bottom drops out and you can't do it, you don't know what to do with yourself!  Kind of like a taper.

I began pumping in my usual medicines--Alka Seltzer Plus, cough syrup (I had Vicks 44 laying around), and cough drops as needed to help with the throat.  My throat improved on Sunday and I no longer wanted to off myself.  That was the worst sore throat I have ever had in my life!  I began asking around to see if this was the "going thing," and indeed it is.  But that doesn't help me any.  I'd already planned to take Monday off from work, and now I would be sick.  At least on Sunday I managed to make the muffuletta that I'd bought ingredients for a few days earlier:

Work has been very busy as many of us are working on HIX customers, and it's a series of daily calls for status checks, ensuring the customer's issues are being worked well, tons of email, making sure everyone is happy (such as it is), and it's generally high pressure because this stuff is very visible.  While I had a colleague covering for me yesterday, I still wanted to attend the 2 primary calls just to stay up with my customer.  That's how it goes when you do the job that I do.  Sometimes.  Usually I can just be gone and not think about things.

Well, I joined the first call and tried not to talk, as my voice was pretty much kaput--porn star quality, though!  Over the weekend, things had blown up somewhat, and I really can't go into detail here, but I wanted to be sure I made a statement as to the disposition of that particular issue.  So I did, only I didn't realize a certain person was on the call.  Nonetheless, I didn't say anything that hadn't already been sent in a public email, but the dude I didn't know was on the call said, "We are already spending fucking tons of money."  Yay!  My first F-bomb on a customer call!  Luckily, I am the queen of the MUTE button on my phone (I use my land line for these toll-free conference calls because the quality is unsurpassed and I know nobody can call me while on there), and it was all I could do not to laugh hysterically.  I got support from my colleagues on the call, and we carried on.

After that call, I had a doctor's appointment, because I just wanted to be checked out in case I had something bacterial, and also I'd decided I wanted an inhaler just to keep my lungs in tip-top shape.  I've done this before, and the reason is that when I was a child, I had repeated episodes of bronchitis, and it has scarred my lungs (it shows up on chest X-ray), so I'm a little vulnerable when things move into my lungs.  The doctor checked me out and pronounced me OK as far as lungs, throat, ears and nose, told me it's viral, and then she obliged me by writing the script for the inhaler.

After that, I made a trip to Toys 'R Us to look for various things, and found 2 new friends for Iron Man:

They were having a special buy one Iron Man 3 thing get the second 40% off, so of course I got them both!  They make quite the crew, don't they?  Then I stopped at the UPS Store to mail some things to my friend, William, who had recently sent me some T-shirts from his coaching company, a Rudy Project winter hat (I LOVE Rudy Project), and an articulated HULK!

Finally, I picked up my inhaler at the drug store and headed home.  I wasn't feeling too too bad, except I was all jacked up from the combination of drugs I'd taken.  My body is very sensitive to antihistamines and ephedrine and norepinephrine, and I was a bit jittery, my heart was racing a bit (at the doctor my BP was way up and she was alarmed but I explained why), and I had a whopping headache.  I decided that I was well enough to terminate everything but the inhaler.

I attended one more call from work, and then I needed to lay down, which I did, and probably napped a little bit--not really sure.  I really needed to mow my lawn, so around 5:45 I finally went outside and did that, and the gasoline fumes made me choke, but I got it done.

The headache was pretty bad, but I knew it wasn't sinus based on its location.  So I finally got an ice pack and iced my head!  That helped a lot.  I got a good night's sleep last night, and while I still have a bit of a cough, my nose is no longer running like a faucet, and as you can see, I am up early again.  I decided to take today as a sick day, although I will probably participate in some calls at work.  I also am going to try doing a light workout, as I am beginning to feel creaky!  I need to move around, even if it's just to walk, but I think I can at least jump on a bike on the trainer and spin for a little bit.  So I definitely am on the mend, I am through the worst of this, and hope to be good as new by Thursday so I can get in a long run and then of course, the weekend's long rides.

I had several well-meaning friends try and tell me to take this or that for my illness, and while I appreciate their input (because some of the things I forget like get my usual vitamins), I know my body really well and that I can't really put too many foreign substances in there because I do have pronounced systemic reactions to them.  Typically when I contract something viral, I can do full-strength medicine for one day, and then I have to taper off because the reaction I have to the drugs is worse than the disease.  It has always been this way for me, and my Dad was the same way.  I had to take something initially just for symptom relief.  And this time was no different.  Sunday--all the drugs.  Monday morning--all the drugs, but then I cut them out mid-day.  Today, just inhaler as needed.

The only GOOD thing about being sick is that when you feel well again, it feels AWESOME!  So I am looking forward to that, and I think it's maybe a day or two away.  In years past, I might have tried to push it in terms of working out, but I know that would be suicidal at this point, so I am just rolling with it.  Next week is a planned rest week anyway, so I guess I'm doing an early taper!

Tons o' Biking Part 6 and First Day in Wisconsin

This is getting repetitive ;)

Yesterday I took the day off from work due to needing to drive up to IMWI to train some and hang with friends. First, I swam 3200 pretty fast for me.  Next up was a :40 easy run.  While I seem to have licked my right foot issue, my right glute area is none too happy.  I tried to assess what about my mechanics might be in play, and I also assume there is some nerve action, due to my L5/S1 disks that may or may not still be herniated.

It seems I want to turn my right foot out--I have worked hard over the years to not do that, and I'm not sure whether this is the after effect of fixing the metatarsalgia or not.  At any rate, my ass hurt like a mofo while I was running.  It only slowed me slightly, though, since I have boatloads of HTFU and I know I don't have an actual "injury."  I could tell that when I focused on pointing my foot straight ahead, that my external hip rotators were not angry with me, so perhaps this means I need to alter my metatarsal pad placement a bit.  Or maybe I am just running too much!  Or biking too much!  This has happened to me in the past, so I know I can make it go away.  Typically, biking a lot helps, because the bike pedals put my feet/hips in a straight ahead position, thus letting those external hip rotators work less.  Funny how that works!

Here I am after the run:

I'm wearing a wristband from some IM race, I don't know offhand which one it is.

Outside Fish is such a voyeur!

Finally, I had an optional 1-hour ride, so of course I was going to do it, and for easy rides I get to ride any bike I want, so it was Death Machine, because, well, it's a fucking fine bike! 

Outside Fish wanted to go for a ride, but I had to leave him at home.

I started out riding kinda hard, since a guy was coming out of the Y road as I was riding through, and he appeared to be going rather fast, so I just hit the gas and was going 20mph and got far ahead.  Then I settled down, and remembered why this ride was supposed to be EASY and why I should honor that.  There has been quite the buildup of both strength and fatigue in my legs with the amount of biking I've been doing.  I think you can see it in my legs--honestly, I don't think my legs have ever been quite this muscular.  So yay!

I had one altercation with a car, and backup to me leaving the Y, I asked them if I could either do a board and/or a presentation on what the new law in Illinois is regarding cars passing cyclists.   Here is the law.  I know most of us cyclists know it, but cars?  I'd say 95% do NOT know.  I have been using any opportunity to get on my soapbox and explain this to people.  Most times, I get a "yeah but most of the cyclists I see don't obey traffic signals."  And then I just about lose it.  Because drivers only feel that way when they are in a hurry, and they believe the cyclist is somehow impeding them from making it to Dunkin' Donuts.  I calmly explain that probably 60% or better of DRIVERS don't use turn signals, coast through stop signs, don't look both ways when turning.  But I am quick to point out that unless there is ZERO TRAFFIC, I am obeying all traffic rules, signs and signals.  Please if you live in Illinois help get the word out! 

Back to my altercation.  We were side by side at a stoplight, and across the intersection was a USPS truck parked to the right.  I'd signaled to the car next to me where I was going, and often I will accelerate faster than a car at a light, so I went first.  Now, I have to give the parked truck room, and at this point, the car behind me speeds up to overtake me!  They tried to pass within about a foot of me, and I didn't swear at them, but said, "What are you doing???"  They got all pissed and I calmly explained the 3-feet law, but they were none too interested.  It was maybe 10:30 in the morning, meaning these people were most likely retired and not needing to be anywhere.  Oh well.

Moving on, I finished up the ride:

And then I finished packing for Wisconsin.  I drove up and it took me 2:30, which is slow (146 miles) because I90 was under construction for like 40 miles.  Which meant that once I crossed the border into Wisconsin, I was exceeding the speed limit ;)  I had to make up time!

When I got to the hotel, I took load 1 out of my car.  I have as much or more crap than someone who is racing, because I am training AND SPECTATING, and I need my energy, so I have 2 coolers, an entire bag of running stuff, a bag of spectating outfits, my bike stuff and a bag of snacks.  DON'T EVER MAKE FUN OF HOW MUCH CRAP I HAVE!!!  Because someone invariably needs something I have...

I called William who is staying down the hall from me, and he and his wife, Donna, came to my room, and Donna and I had a beer, and we caught up, and then they helped me get the rest of my crap out of my car, and then Lori and Jen arrived, and we had dinner at Tutto Pasta and wow, there is so much to tell, but here are pics of all of us:

William "Iron Ox" (he's racing) and his wife, Donna

Lori and Jen, who are both racing

Lori, Jen and me

Today I ride LGL on the course for about 72 miles, then I meet up with Dark Knight to firm up our race day plans (basically I am going to be half naked motivating him and others), possibly catch a glimpse of one of my former coaches, then an early dinner, hopefully same crew as last night (although if they are sick of me I will go off on my own), and then the real fun begins tomorrow morning!

I might not be able to blog again until Monday, so hold onto your pants, we're in for a wild ride!

Amended List of How to Know I'm at Race Weight/VERY Fit

#6-#12 are additions.

1. Men nearly crash their cars trying to gape at me when I'm running.
2. I want to listen to NIN and nothing but NIN.
3. I feel confident rolling my running shorts down.
4. I feel light as a feather running up hills. 
5. I have no problem taking and posting nearly naked pics of myself.
6. I have no interest in the news, but luckily other people tell me what I need to know like Ben Affleck is going to be Batman. 
7. I contemplate buying a spray can of whipping cream to go on top of the Twinkies.
8. My size 3 pants are practically falling off me.
9. I have a sudden urge to buy actual fashion clothing.  Because I know I will look good in it now.
10. Candy for breakfast (supplement to my normal breakfast).
11. Sandwiches for snacks and in the middle of the night.
12. A day like today where "all" I have to do is a 3-hour ride, practically feels like a rest day.

It always comes down to TWELVE STEPS, doesn't it?

By the way, the reduced STH is already working its magic as the overdose leaves my system.  I am waking up feeling more rested, I am feeling "normally" wired, and I am talking at a speed a little less than supersonic (thanks to Susan for letting me run out the audio tape on her these last 6 weeks).

If you need compression tights, get the Zoot CompressRx.  They are the best!  I wore them this morning just getting ready for my day and then finishing up my lifting for the week.  I would model for Zoot if they asked me!

I am going to see if my brother, Mike, is riding tomorrow because I only need to ride 2 hours, so I'd like to get on Death Machine! 

Enjoy the weekend!

Super Fun Week and Bike Psychos 200k Ride Report

I can't believe all the great stuff that I did and that happened to me this week.

• I selected and ordered a new laptop for work.  Another DELL.  They make good machines.  This one comes with a webcam, and I know what you are thinking---OH NO CRACKHEAD HAS A FUCKING WEBCAM!!!  The NSA and Quebec are going wild as we speak, see below.
• Quebec disallowed a friend from accessing my blog.  He was up there getting ready for his Ironman Mont-Tremblant, tried to read my blog from his hotel and got the following message: Reason: Weighted phrase limit exceeded.
  Categories: Pornography, Pornography (Malay), Pornography (German), Proxies. I had my friend, Susan, check some other areas of Canada for me, and B.C. was able to access, and also in The Netherlands.  Although I told her it would make sense for The Netherlands to not have any filter since they are OK with whores and pot.
• I ate about 8 Italian Beef sandwiches for dinners from Monday through Friday, with sweet and hot peppers.  You might think that is not good training fuel, but apparently it worked out quite well.  However, on Saturday, I gifted my brother, Mike, with the remainder, as I knew it was time to get back to a whole lot more carbs!
• I got new tires put on my car!  The POS feels a whole lot nicer to drive now!  I am blessed to have had a great, reasonable mechanic for years--Beard Auto in Downers Grove--who told me I needed the new tires.  Sears put them on and tried to claim I hadn't paid for disposal when I got there, so I paid $10, then when I got home I checked the invoice and I HAD paid, called Sears, and they fixed it.
• I had my annual eye exam.  Last year, I went while I was in the dregs of depression.  My eye doctor is a really fast triathlete, so he usually listens to me go off about all my races and crazy training.  Last year, I was very subdued.  This time, he told me I'm a completely different person!  And I know that he meant it in a good way.  My eyes had improved over the last year, too!  Last year I had these huge, annoying floaters in my left eye.  They are still there, but nearly gone now.  Dr. Kampschroeder told me my eyes are in excellent health!  When my exam was finished, I was waiting to have my bill made up when these frames just screamed at me TRY ME ON!  I wasn't planning on buying new glasses (my prescription hasn't changed and I have 2 perfectly good pairs), but I tried them on, they are gorgeous, and decided why not.  When I got home, I realized that I had set aside plenty of money in my FSA to cover them (my vision plan will cover either contact lenses OR glasses in a year, so I'll use the benefit to pay for the glasses, which are more expensive geez the frames are like $250), which made me feel good about an impulse purchase.  But they are beautiful, and I can't wait to get them.  Hint: the front of the frame is black, and the sides and inside of the front are HOT PINK!!!!!
• I had another blood draw to test my thyroid function and it is finally in working order!  I feel FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC and CRACTACULAR!
• I ran into a friend at the grocery store and caught her up on things, and she remarked that many times last year when she would see me she could tell I was on the verge of tears, I felt that bad. She could see how great I feel again (my normal self), and I told her, and this is the truth, that lately I've been on the verge of tears at least once a day because I feel so good and am so grateful for everything in my life.
• I got a massage on Friday evening from my most excellent masseusse, Mike.
• I made my coachee, Brad, an official NothingMan finisher shirt (black with white NOTHING letters on the front, and nothing on the back), and I made us matching shirts for IMCOZ that I am not going to show you until we are close to race day or I can't stand the suspense any longer.  I was so excited waiting for Brad to get the package on Friday, because I knew it would get him pumped for the weekend's training festival.  I wore my own NothingMan shirt on Saturday and Sunday.  When I was coming out of the Y on Saturday, a man saw me in it and said, "Cool shirt."  I smiled broadly and spun around and said, "LOOK IT SAYS NOTHING ON THE BACK, TOO!"  We both laughed hysterically at that. I think Brad and I are going to flip some people out at IMCOZ by going to packet pickup with our homemade shirts in our hands, slip them into our bags, and then pull them out as if they came with the swag, and go "LOOK AT THESE!"  Trust me, they are awesome and one of a kind!  Brad actually thought I had the shirts custom silk screened, but I ironed on the letters (and numbers for IMCOZ) myself.
• On Saturday, I did (so did Brad) an inside out mini-NothingMan sprint.  1 hour really hard bike ride (I accidentally deleted the Power tap file, but know that I was hitting some really good wattages), then a :40 brick run which didn't even suck, and finally I swam 1,000 yards really easy.  
• Saturday afternoon I picked up my new MTB, christened Death Machine.  He's (yes, this is my first male bike) a beauty, has 700cm wheels with Presta valves (no more Schrader, fine by me), the frame has room for TWO bottle cages (meaning I can ride many miles without stopping to refuel), is fairly lightweight and just fucking cool looking. While at The Bike Shop, I had them adjust the saddle height and fore/aft, and then they sent me off for a test ride.  I was like how the hell do I shift this thing, because I've never had the thumb shifters.  I must have looked pretty funny and clumsy while riding and trying to figure it out, but I did!  When I got back to the shop, I asked my most excellent mechanic (and Bike Stylist, as I now call him, since he finds cool parts that will look good on my bikes) if he would wrap the hand grips because they were a little smaller than I liked.  And I showed him how big I wanted them to be with my hands.  Well, let's just say that Drew and the other 2 mechanics had a good laugh--I didn't realize right away what it looked like I was doing with my hands, but then I did and I turned beet red!  Drew asked what color, and of course, RED would be the only logical choice, so Death Machine is all ready to go.  I also got a matte black Giro helmet, whose model name is, oddly enough, "Savant." Huh.  Kinda fits me, don't you think?

Death Machine in front of my POS car (but it runs fine!)

Got the grips wrapped because they were too small for me

• Saturday night, I had dinner with my brother, Mike.  We ate a bunch of sushi and I had 1 huge and 1 small Sapporo with dinner, and I also had a miso soup.  I was not wearing any Ironman shit.  A man, shaved head, looked like late 40's or early 50's, swaggers into the restaurant wearing an M-dot shirt.  After him comes his out of shape and not too attractive wife.  Then another guy, not very buff, wearing an IM shirt and his fat, unattractive wife.  I was wearing a shirt that says SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.  Well the 2 men were eyeballing me the entire time to try and figure out what my thing was.  Mike and I finished dinner before their table, and on the way out, I flashed the M-dot on my bag (it's from Kona).  Set them straight, huh?
• Gave my old MTB, Clipless Fuck, to my niece, Michelle (she can rename it since she probably won't use clipless pedals).  She seems excited to have a pretty nice MTB, and I look forward to the day when I can go riding with her!
• Began getting excited about going up to Ironman Wisconsin in 3 weeks to be a professional spectator and dispense immense amounts of HTFU to both racers I know and completely random strangers!
• Slept 8 hours last night.  This is the frist time I've slept that long in about 3 weeks.  I've figured it's because I've been so excited at feeling good again, and also that maybe I just needed to really tire myself out in order to sleep well.  Mission accomplished!
• Yesterday I rode 129 miles at the Bike Psychos 200k Invitational Ride. The remainder of this post will be about that.  My friend from Miami, Peter, was texting me to see if we could get together afterwards since he was in town for his Mom's birthday (she's 95, I believe), and I called him and had to say no, I would be pretty tired, and I was.
• I tracked a few people I know at Ironman Mont-Tremblant when I got home from riding and was perturbed that ironman.com displayed the athlete tracking data in kilometers.  I was joking, though, when I posed about it on Facebook, although a few people became outraged and hurriedly told me how to convert kms to miles, which I know how to do, except my training spreadsheet does it for me automatically and I'm not used to doing it "by hand."

OK, so for that ride report...I woke up so excited to ride far, and did my normal routine:

• Cup of coffee. Gather up clothes and shit to go with me.
• Apply chamois cream to my bike shorts and hang over bathtub.
• Wait 1/2 hour to take the thyroid pill.
• Eat regular breakfast, catch up on Facebook.
• Chug down Ultrafuel, strip and put on sunscreen.
• Drink 2 more big glasses of water.
• Load the cooler with my bottles for during and after.
• Pump my tires.
• Put my contact lenses in and put on my bike clothes. I wore black tri shorts, a black tank, my usual low cut socks, my silver Sidi's and the white Catlike helmet.  I had really wanted to wear my Bell aero helmet, but thought I'd be too much of a dork if I did.  Well, I'm a dork anyway, but it's tough to talk to people with it on.
• Grab a Coke from the fridge for the drive over.
• Load the car.
• Drive to Coal City, IL, about a :40 drive

On the way there, there was a bunch of fog, and the temperature was high 50's.  I knew I'd be cold to start, but depending on whether the fog dissipated by starting time (6:30 was the plan), I might or might not wear arm warmers.  The plan was to meet a friend, AJ, and ride with him, as he was doing the century. 


I got to the start at like 6:10, so I could sign in and wait for AJ.  I was freezing cold (someone took a pic of me, but it's not yet posted anywhere).  We got these rad neon technical shirts, that I will be able to use on cool fall runs.  Many times I don't want a t-shirt because I have so many, but some are now worn out and I do enjoy keeping the ones from 100+ mile rides now.  Lots of people were lusting after Skull Kingdom, and why not?  I think it's the most unique, beautiful bike I've ever seen.  How can you go wrong with skulls on a bike?

AJ showed up around 6:30 and still had to register.  He was smart, and had worn a long sleeve shirt that he intended to toss at one of the rest stops.  We immediately started babbling on about this and that (he's doing IMWI I can't wait to cheer him on!), as it had been a few years since we'd spent any time together, and at best, it would be passing remarks during or after workouts.


I decided I needed to go with the arm warmers, and I was actually shivering waiting for AJ to be ready to roll.  We headed out, and I don't think there was a moment of silence for 53 miles!  We rode side by side most of the time, and we passed loads of people.  We were just laughing our asses off, sharing stories about our wild youths (his was more wild than mine until my 20's, but I still refrain from divulging all of that because it was let's just say EPIC), being OK with packs of roadies passing us, and generally having a great time.  I quizzed AJ about his training and race preparation, and I hope he shares his race plan with me because I want him to have a great IMWI, which will be his 2nd IM.

Early in the ride (I think it was about :40 in), we were at about a point where it would have been nice to have a rest stop because I always have to piss right away especially when it's cool and foggy, and AJ saw what he thought was a rest stop, so I pull in behind him and it turns out it was a bunch of tables set up (with place settings) for what I thought was going to be a wedding reception!  We had a huge laugh over this, because, well, bike ride rest stations don't usually have tables and chairs and tablecloths!  Later on there was another area that we thought was a rest station that turned out to be a campground!  We had another huge laugh over that.

We were pedaling and talking and laughing the entire time.  I don't think there was a minute we weren't both smiling or thinking of the next story to tell one another.  At one point, AJ says he has to tell me this story that is going to make me laugh, so he starts in on once when his wife was at the Y on a treadmill, this 'woman' came up to her and started grilling her about the Ironman hat that she was wearing.  All of a sudden, I remembered the incident, and "that woman" was ME.  I thought I had written a blog post about it, but I can't find it if I did.  AJ described to me the encounter from his wife's perspective, which was that I was basically a stark raving lunatic who chastised her for wearing an Ironman hat when she hadn't done an Ironman race.  Turns out the hat was AJ's, and HE never wore it (until he'd done an Ironman), but he hadn't told his wife "the rules."  At that time, someone used to call me "Crazy Sheila" all the time, because I was the only swimmer who did triathlons way back when.  Well "someone" has now qualified for Kona a few times, is a good coach and is living the dream.  Who's crazy now?

It was funny to me that I could remember just how riled up I felt at the time, and how now I wouldn't say anything if I saw someone who looked "unqualified" wearing Ironman stuff.  Whatever.  You do an Ironman, you wear the shit.  You haven't done one, it inspires you, wear the shit.  You are a lazy, fat slob, wear the shit.  It's no different than NFL gear or stuff from any pro sports team. I rather like the idea that even when I'm not wearing the shit (and I don't wear it all the time), I get people coming up to me and telling me I look like I do Ironman.   No shit, Batman!

Back to the ride...we got to the turn around for the 100-miler, and at that point, the 200k ride does a separate loop from there, so unless AJ went with me, we were done riding together.  He was making some calls, and I was talking to some people about my dilemma. I considered lying to AJ and telling him that the 100-mile route was really only 87, so he should go with me, but I decided to go with the truth.  I tried valiantly to convince AJ to keep going, but he had other commitments for the day, and so we said goodbye, and I kept on riding.  But I had SO much fun riding with AJ.  It was almost exhausting trying to keep up with his stories (and comedy, which apparently runs in his family).

Also at that same stop a guy who I ran into last week on a ride came and said hi to me and I forgot who he was and he said he'd tried to keep up with me last week but it only lasted about 3 minutes ;) There was also a group of 3 roadies who remembered me from years past, and they always were just a few minutes ahead of me.  I think they were secretly worried I'd catch them.

On the loop that was only for the 200k, I was not far behind a guy on a road bike, so I figured I'd just follow him.  When we got to the town of Tonica, I remembered I'd been lost there a few times, but was confident since I was following someone that I was OK.  Note to self, NEVER assume who you are following knows where they are going or that they are even DOING the ride you are on (I had made this same mistake a week ago trying to chase down some roadies and successfully intercepting but then discovering I was nearly lost). He stops all of a sudden, and I yell, "ARE WE LOST?"  And he says we missed a turn.  I really didn't care, since I knew it couldn't have been that far back.  But the guy didn't wait for me or anything, so I was on my own finding my way to the turn.  I stopped at a kid's baseball game and asked some locals where E 550 is and they said, "We don't know the road numbers."  I laughed and rode on, figuring I'd only ridden 1 mile out of the way but it turns out it was more like 2.5.  Whatever.  I found the turn and remembered the road, which was awesome.

I was all by my lonesome for the rest of that loop, and wondered just how many people were even doing the 200k, since you'd need to have started early.  I circled back to the same rest station where I'd left AJ, stopped briefly, and then started back with mostly 100-mile riders. I don't remember when I started counting how many people I was passing, but it must have been awhile.  There were 2 more rest stations, and I really looked forward to the next one, as it was getting warmer out and the wind was picking up and we were riding right into the wind.

I forgot that the way back takes a different route than the way out.  We ride along the Illinois River, and it's just beautiful to see it, and there are tons of motorcycles out riding in that area.  Many of the motorcyclists would wave at me once they could see the skulls on my bike!  

There are lots of ups and downs, too, as we pass through valleys of the river and its tributaries.  One really cool part is Ottawa Canyon which goes through a part of Starved Rock State Park.  The road is all windy and twisty and up and down and lots of WOO HOO downhill and just really awesome!  I bombed through there and passed several people who I think were a bit shocked when I flew by.   We get back along the river and then there's this tall hill on the right and I'm like, "I hope they don't make us go up that," but they DID, and it wasn't really that bad.

When I got to the second to last aid station, I went over to a table where they had a big map of the ride and asked one of the volunteers, "WHERE AM I?"  It made me laugh to ask the question, since I just follow the road markings and go where they tell me having absolutely no clue where the hell I am. 

I ran into a guy, Fred, that I've know for years (and ridden with a few times).  He and his 2 sons and their wives are ALL doing Ironman Wisconsin!  They should get McDonald's to sponsor them (that's their last name)!  I thought Fred would ride with me, but he left before I did, but then I caught him and we stayed together a bit, but then he got well ahead of me or so I thought.  Turns out I was only ever may 30 seconds behind him, and we rolled into the last rest station nearly together.  At that one (and all the other ones) there would be at least a handful of people (mainly guys) staring at my bike.  Sometimes I say nothing, and sometimes I say, "Cool bike, huh?"

Well it was time to get back and be done, and I'm riding and riding, and thought we were close, and I could just tell I thought I'd already done 200k, because I've ridden that far on numerous occasions.  I'd had the Power Tap on elapsed time only because then it tells me when I need to take in nutrition, and I hadn't looked at actual mileage.  Well I did, and I was at 126 with some miles to go!  I laughed because I was dead on feeling like 200k.  I passed a few more people with only 1 mile to go, and one group of guys I said, "Sorry, but I have to pass you now even though we are almost done."  I needed to be done.

There were 2 girls riding together that I was about to pass, and I noticed one of them had a really poor bike fit, so as I passed I yelled, "YOUR SADDLE IS WAY TOO HIGH," and she actually yelled back, "THANK YOU," and I thought maybe she then added to herself COMMA BITCH, but whatever, her saddle was way too high.  I didn't think anything of it and rode on.

I got to the turn into the parking lot of the Coal City High School at 128.75 miles, so you KNOW what I had to do...noodle around in the parking lot to hit 129 miles!  I said goodbye to Fred and said I'd see him (and his famous family of McDonalds) at Ironman Wisconsin.

I then see 2 women and one of them looks like the woman I'd yelled at, and I asked, and she said yes, we talked, turns out she (Caroline) lives near me and is doing Ironman Cozumel (and her friend, Monica and her husband are going to cheer)!  So hopefully we will get to do some training together, since Caroline is an ultrarunner turned triathlete, and I suck at running so maybe I can get some HTFU from her.

At the end they had an ice cream truck giving us free either ice cream sandwiches or cones.  I got a sandwich and went into the school to shower and change.  I ate only 1/2 the sandwich and laid it on top of some extra toilet paper in the locker room while I showered, then I panicked while I was showering in case someone took it!  But nobody did, and another woman and I were babbling and laughing and thankful for the post-ride shower.

I went back to my car to start the drive home.  I immediately ate a Twinkie I'd brought along, and it was actually quite good after being heated up in the car, except the creme filling was liquid.  Then I grabbed the can of Pringles that was on the passenger side floor and the top popped off and a bunch fell out on the floor, but I didn't care, so I munched those on the way home and drank Endurox R4.  I called my friend, Peter, from Miami, to tell him that no, I didn't want to drink champagne tonight, and we decided to skip a bonus meeting since I'd be too tired and he wasn't having dinner with his folks until 7:30, at which time I'd be nearly pass out.

I got home, unpacked the car, inhaled 4 pieces of sushi left over from Saturday and cracked a beer, put stuff away, put a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, got on the computer to start tracking some Ironman Mont-Tremblant people, ate the Lean Cuisine, waited maybe 15 minutes for more hunger to arrive, decided on a big, fat avocado stuffed with tuna, one more beer, more water, and that was all I could manage before passing out at 8PM.

What a week, huh?