Tiki Torch Gaming Machines Launch Relief Effort!

Tiki Torch Gaming Machines Launch Relief Effort!
Pahrump, NV – updated 2 min. ago

Tiki Torch Gaming Machines across the State of Nevada have
joined forces to launch a massive relief effort for the
residents and guests of the Barbie Tiki-Hut.

“We stand in solidarity with the Tiki-Hut Barbies,” said
Tiki Torch Big Kahuna earlier today.  “We have machines in
Las Vegas, so we know topless!  We admire and appreciate
the perkiness of the Barbies, and will not rest until
their home is restored.”

Details of the relief effort are sketchy, but seem to
involve some highly risky skimming of pennies from
‘big bonus’ payouts.  If the Tiki Torch machines are
successful, they hope to send a shipment of poles,
tropical grasses, and hemp rope to the Barbies by
week’s end.

Tiki Hut Update

Well, I called this number thinking this is where Mattel might have the Tiki Hut in for refurbishing, but they had no record of a "Barbie" Tiki Hut.

Damn. Next, I'm going to try this place. Maybe I need to go ahead and get a full size Tiki Hut for myself. Wait a minute--Target carries Tiki Huts??? Check it out.

Where I live, stupid backyard gazebos are all the rage as status symbols. I think a Tiki Hut would liven up my yard a bit. And then when I'm going to ride with other people (see I inserted triathlon content), I could just say, "Let's meet up at the Tiki Hut." Or, "After we're finished riding, let's chill by the Tiki Hut."

Stay tuned...

In other actual triathlon news, I had a great run yesterday. This morning I'm swimming 8 billion yards or something like that at the outdoor pool, which hopefully has cooled off a bit. I am now in "pool whore" mode, because next week the YMCA pool is closed for a week of cleaning, and the outdoor pool goes to only afternoon hours beginning next Wednesday. Meaning I only get today and Monday (maybe Tuesday) to swim outdoors. Fuck... Then I will need to whore myself out to yet ANOTHER pool next week while the YMCA pool is closed. Luckily, there's another one about 3 miles from home. However, it's the home of the infamous 2005 pool rage incident, although I doubt they remember me. I will just show up in my pink sparkly swimsuit and all will be forgotten!

Did I mention I've been swimming so much (I still suck at it, though) that my lats have gotten bigger? I've been noticing some close-fitting tops feeling extra snug, so out comes the tape measure and voila, bigger lats. Alas, I will never have Barbie tits. So I'll just have to settle for a nice V-taper and great abs.

Left Defenseless, Tiki Hut Residents and Sympathizers Attacked by Giant Poultry

On the bright side, if someone can figure out how to kill the poultry, there will be more food on the table...

Mattel Tiki Hut Recall Update: We're Mad as Hell and We're Not Gonna Take it Anymore!

Wow, they're getting pretty organized now...

Mattel Tiki Hut Recall Update: Barbie Protest Gathers Momentum

Cali Girl (my Mom gave her to me as "Call Girl") Barbie (seated) has joined in on the protest, topless, although she appears to be more interested in tanning at the moment.

Brazilian Whore Barbie (green skirt, topless--you can't see her FMP's--trust me, they are HOT) has joined in, and she just got back from getting a fresh, full Brazilian wax, which should shock Mattel into negotiations, at a minimum, should she remove her skirt.

Palm Beach (I call her Palm Beeyotch) Barbie is unable to remove her painted-on top in support of the other Barbies. She's trying to flash a beaver, but alas, her bottoms are also painted on. This didn't stop Mattel representatives from looking up her see-through coverup.

Mattel has provided every assurance that the Tiki Hut will be returned, lead-free, and without any dangerous magnetic parts that might be eaten by reticulated crabs.

Mattel Recalls Tiki Hut; Barbies Go Topless in Protest

Mattel, the world’s largest toy company, today announced its second major recall in a month of Chinese-made toys contaminated with Tiki Hut paraphernalia. At the same time, it recalled millions of other toys whose small, powerful magnets could come loose and be swallowed by reticulated crabs, causing potential choking hazards.

The resident Tiki Hut Barbies removed their tops in protest, as they now find themselves temporarily homeless, hoping that their perkiness will attract compassion for the entire Tiki Hut community. When asked for comments, the Barbies were uncharacteristically mute, and their joints were pretty stiff, too.

Thankfully, Tiki Hut residents have one rotisserie chicken left to eat, as their fruit, burgers and cake were confiscated.

Mind of Iron is standing by awaiting the new, improved Tiki Hut with the blessings of the Consumer Product Safety Commission.