The I Want to Tell Everyone to Fuck Off part of Tapering

Well, I knew it would happen eventually...life conspired to fuck some things up, and it looks like I will be driving myself to Lake Placid. In a way, it's a good thing--I can bring whatever the hell I want, and do it the way I want. In another way, it totally fucking sucks. It's a long trip! The way back I am sure will be hell, but then I get to pick when I want to leave and head home and I may make a stop on the way back.

Other than that, I am trying to chill. I swam this morning, after waiting for thunderstorms to roll through. I went to the outdoor pool (drove), and Lou was there, and while we were waiting for fucking Thor to settle down, we had a lot of time to chat about all things functional exercise. I really enjoy talking to Lou. If you think I am Crackheaded, well, amp that up by a factor of about 10 and you would have Lou. I am really glad I met him.

So anyway, Thor finally gets his fucking shit together and we are allowed to swim. I had about 3/4 of the pool to myself. It was great! I wore my pink whore suit, which drew looks from anyone else brave enough to show up. I just did some drills and whatnot. 1600 meters. It was fun, and I wished I had more time to stay and just lollygag.

Around noon I headed out to run and it didn't feel too bad, in fact I ran the first 2 miles really fast, even though I was holding back. And then my body said FUCK THIS as it was fucking hot and humid, and I started to feel like shit, as I couldn't cool myself down. But I struggled, and I had to stop and soak my hat in cold water, and when I looked at my watch, I realized I wasn't going to make it back home for this business call and what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm looking for anyone with a cell phone, and I thought I'd try and break into a church, but all the doors are locked, so I'm like what the fuck, I kept going until I got to the Y and asked if I could use their phone for a toll-free call, and they, of course (they are SO nice to me all the time!) said yes. So I'm sitting in a chair dripping like a mofo and doing business and that thing worked out.

I run home and then I get the notification that I am now on my own for transportation to Lake Placid. Nice. I am really, really pissed, but I am dealing. I briefly looked at flights, and while I might be able to get one, the hassle of getting myself to the airport, packing the bike box, limiting my luggage, renting a car from Albany or bumfuck somewhere in the Northeast, I just am not up for that, so it's a long, long drive.

Right now I am feeling pretty much like shit. There is always a point during taper where you have to just start letting emotions out, and this is it. It's my 11th Ironman, and I'm an orphan, and I am going there by myself and it sucks. Makes me think about the life I've chosen for myself and whether all this crap is worth it, and as usual, I hope some of this is just taper shit and I'll be fine once I get there. It's just one of those times when I wish there was someone--family member, boyfriend, friend, whatever--who was HERE RIGHT NOW and could help me out with some of this shit. It's another fucking test. It always comes down to that. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and gee, wouldn't it be fucking stupid to let this get to me when I have a race to do?

YES. So I'm going to go have cocktails. Attitude adjustment should help! In the big scheme of things, I have a swim race tomorrow, a sprint on Sunday and plenty of time to pack my shit and be ready. The only hitch in the plan now is a lot of driving by myself. Oh well! I just have to get over my disappointment and move on.

On the bright side, I saw a beautiful rainbow today and several people asked me about my upcoming race without me saying anything. I know it will all be OK, but allow me this moment to break down a little. You know what? It's good to be breaking over about something that does not include death!