A Few Thoughts

This morning I was reading about a person whose friend is in the hospital with a neurological condition. It made me cry a little, and I realized that was a good thing. Why? Because despite our personal issues, one of the things that makes being a human so special is empathy. When I'm so wrapped up in my own misery that I fail to empathize with others, it's not a good thing. And I have been wrapped up in myself. Some of it was necessary; some not.

But in the way of the Tao, a person must become enlightened in order to help others along the way. For awhile this fall/early winter, I felt like I was way off track in my quest to grow mentally and spiritually. But as is always true, I knew there would be many lessons for me to learn as I experienced a number of uncomfortable situations.

Back in August, I was feeling that I was in a position to help others through difficult times. And then I guess I decided that I needed to subject myself to some additional (non-triathlon) challenges in order to make sure I was truly ready! A hallmark of a life well-lived is the impact you have on others in your sphere of influence. I am not sure who I have left a mark on in the last 4 months, but I hope there are a few people out there who have somehow benefited from my existence. Not because I did anything to do with money or things; but rather just being. I suppose one of my lessons from this time was that I can just be even while I am doing. Maybe that is what Sheila v2.0 is all about. I've always struggled with the doing thing, but fact is that if I stop doing then I'm dead. So I am going to keep doing and if that is what get me to be, then I'm fine with it.

I'm pretty sure that I am going to experience a number of sobering moments now that this phase of my house remodeling is complete. I am relearning how to just live in my house, rather than keep changing it around. I am relearning where things belong, as most every room has been reorganized to some degree. I am relearning to be relaxed and comfortable without creating additional stress on myself. I am relearning that beautiful things around me make me feel good, as shallow as that sounds. I am returning to my happy place, and think I've done enough grieving for myself now. I am really happy that through this last 4 months that I have worked hard at a few friendships that are deeply important to me.

Even though my physical body is still injured, I'm feeling like my spirit is rising back up. It's making me cry that once again, it is the result of a lot of turmoil and sadness. But such is life. The reason I'm Crackhead is that when the ups are happening I am taking 200% advantage of them, and I plan to keep doing so. Why wouldn't I? If it appears to outsiders that I'm a little manic when doing so, tough shit. Life really is too short, and there is too much good stuff to suck up, and when it all gets balanced out, I want to look back on my life and know that I lived it large and with integrity.

As I sit here, I'm looking at my poster of Madam Pele. While she represents the fire of the volcano, she also emanates peace. I am relighting my fire as I rediscover my inner peace.