Yesterday's Ride and I Had One of "The Dreams"

I got EIGHT HOURS of sleep last night!!!! See, I was so exhausted and sore yesterday, I figured I'd sleep well, and I did. Even though I woke up at 12:30AM to a lot of lightning and thunder, I fell back asleep pretty quickly as it was a quickly passing storm.

Yesterday I was planning on driving north to do this ride called BCLC Ramble. I enjoyed it so much last year that I thought I'd repeat. But when I looked at the weather forecast, it called for a higher chance of rain up there (pretty much due north) than by me, and then I thought how nice to not spend 3 hours driving, so I bagged it and decided to ride to Fermilab from home.

My legs were fucking tired at the get go. But I thought that with a nice 1 hour warmup they should come around. They never really did. About 2 hours in, I started having the thoughts of gee I could just bag this--if I only rode 4 hours it would be enough. But then that little HTFU guy was sitting on the other shoulder telling me that I needed for this to be a huge training week. So I pressed on, even though I wasn't riding particularly well.

And then the winds really picked up. I mean REALLY PICKED UP! Look at the graph below and notice what starts happening around 9:30AM:





On Saturday, the winds were around 15MPH, which is still pretty good wind for working hard (and I did), but when this shit started, I was like OMG! When I was riding east, the cross winds didn't bother me, but riding west or south were crazy! Since I wasn't feeling too great anyway, at first I didn't acknowledge that it was the wind causing me to suck so much, but as I came on other riders, I'd ask if it was worse than yesterday, and they said hell yeah!

I pressed on, planning on doing 4 loops, which would give me 94 miles. When I was midway through the last loop, the sky began to look a little menacing, but it looked like it was to the north. Still, we've been stuck in this thunderstorm factory for about a week now, and I decided that with all the wind, even if I didn't do a full loop I'd still get in plenty of riding.

As I continued around now, I cut out 2 east-west sections, as I just couldn't face riding west into the headwinds anymore. As I neared my exit, the clouds began gathering above me now, so it was time to hammer the hell home.

It's been a few years since I've done rain sprints, and good thing I hadn't been riding too hard because I had plenty of giddy up in my legs once I got through the 1/2 mile south leg before I turned east.

And when I turned east, it was all good. I just put the hammer down because now I was trying to beat a storm. At one stoplight, I was next to a car and a little girl was smiling at me. Dad rolled down the window and told me she had said, "That boy is going really fast." Well, from the back, it's hard to tell. I took it as a compliment because I was riding really fast. They did, however, notice that I am a girl, and I said to the little doll, "See? Girls can ride really fast, too!" She smiled, the light changed, and off we went again. More hammering.

About 7 miles from home, 3 roadies (not FRP's) came up on me at a stoplight, and we chatted about the wind, etc. I asked them how much riding they'd done and they were at about 80 miles. One of them looked at my Ergomo and saw the time on there and said, "Oh, looks like you've been out for awhile, too." Yep. So I latched onto their wheels for about 3 miles, one of them split off, and I stayed with the other 2 for about another mile.

Then it started raining. I'm 3 miles from home now, and the rain is coming a little hard. I made an executive decision to duck into a parking garage, and it was a wise move. Then the deluge began. Rain dumping down going every which way, but I was all safe and snug in my parking garage. I even did a few laps in there! The clouds looked to be moving fast, so I knew I wouldn't have to wait very long. I didn't time it (I no longer wear a watch while on the bike; the Ergomo has a clock, but I don't bother making intervals), but I figure it lasted 20 minutes? Thing is now when I have to wait like this I'm pretty relaxed. Actually I was glad for the break, but I wasn't too happy about riding on soaked roads, but what are you going to do? I figured I had to make a fast break because there would probably be more rain coming.

I made it home pretty filthy from all the road spray, and I took everything off Bitchie and wheeled her into the garage to clean her off a bit (full cleaning sometime today).

When I showered, there were bugs all over me as well as some nice road grime, and then bike grime since I'd wiped down my rims and that stuff got all over my hands. As always, though, it was the best shower ever, and then I made myself a big plate of nachos, and decided I wasn't into the Endurox R4. I mean, how can you drink that with nachos? So I cracked a beer, and it tasted, well, great.

I noticed pretty quickly than in stopping exercising that my legs were pretty fucked up, and that I would need to lay down. I checked the TV listings (no, still don't have cable; I barely watch TV anymore as it is), and saw that Jackie Brown was on. But on network, meaning they would need to censor pretty much every line. Still, I wanted to make it without passing out to the scene where Louis shoots Melanie. Below is a funny scene and then a summary of the movie with all the shit that got censored from the movie.





And I pretty much laid around and then stretched and then passed out for good. When I woke up this morning, I had just had a dream that I was doing IMLP and I had just got my bike to go ride. My legs felt bad, I couldn't pedal, and then I look down and notice my power meter is gone as are my aerobars! In the dream I then stopped and was sobbing uncontrollably. And then I woke up.

Interesting Dream

I have always enjoyed remembering and thinking about dreams. They are one of the ways we work through things, giving the brain time to free associate and assemble bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings.

In the vivid dream I remember from last night, I was in a bus or train station (not sure which), waiting for my bus or train to arrive. I had a suitcase, and I was wearing a black coat--the black coat that I remade from one of my Mom's coats while in college--I took apart her original coat and cut a new one out of new fabric. At some point, I took the coat off and hung it up because there was going to be a wait, and I don't recall what I was wearing under the coat (I wasn't naked!). I did keep the suitcase with me, though, and I put it down to go up to the ticket counter, and when I got back it was gone! Someone had taken it. I was going to go outside and give chase, so I went to get my coat, and it was gone, too! I remember sobbing uncontrollably in the dream because there were things in the suitcase that I could never replace (not sure what things exactly), and the coat was something very dear to me that could also not be replaced.

When I woke up from the dream, I felt the sadness I had felt while dreaming. In looking at my favorite online dream analysis site and some books, I can make a few inferences about the dream:

• Being robbed signifies that I'm experiencing an identity crisis and/or feel a sense of loss. Amazing, huh?
• A suitcase either symbolizes that I'm very together (not!) or that I am in need of a vacation.
  
• A coat signifies my protectiveness and defensiveness. OK, so take away my coat!

Putting this together, I'm having an identity crisis and feel like part of me is being stripped away! This is not a bad thing. I just love it when dreams meet reality.

Off to Madison now...

Weekly Workout Totals 06/25/2007-07/01/2007and Surviving Ironman Training

So, the ride yesterday didn't go as well as planned. 1) I decided to stop and take pictures. 2) I was "thinking" a bit too much. Even though I'm bummed, it is what it is, and so I will let it go and move on. I'm riding 100 miles on Wednesday, and so I have another chance to see how well I do, although I wasn't given any pacing guidance, so I will most likely hammer it! I plan on riding my disc just for shits and grins, panties, the whole outrageous kit! What the hell, it's the 4th of July, gotta celebrate!

Now, onto the topic at hand: How do you (an average age grouper) keep your sanity while training for an Ironman? It all comes down to the following equation:

Sanity = x * (time you want to train to achieve your outrageous goals) - y * (time actually available to train) - z * (unpredictable life crap) + q * (value of your support network, and be honest) + s * (genetic giftedness) + t * (amount of training planning you actually do or coaching you receive) - v * (amount of unnecessary crap you engage in that doesn't contribute towards your training/racing goals) + r * (your knowledge of the art and science of triathlon training in order to cope with all the other shit)

The variables x, y, z, q, s, t, v and r are very important and very individual, and are subject to change at any given time! Considering that "sanity" will reflect your ability to execute on race day, it's very important to be honest about the variables. Things get even more complicated because many people are unable to self-assess to the extent required to keep things in balance and keep things real.

What about me? I am subject to the same stressors as the next guy or gal. Sure, I'm not married and don't have kids, but hey, cut me some slack. I do EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING for myself. I work, and if I lose my job, I have noone to lean on to support me. I pay the bills, take out the garbage, tend to the house and yard, do the laundry, cooking, dishes, repairs, anything you can imagine.

BUT, and this is a very important BUT, I do everything possible to ensure that I can get in the training that I want to do to achieve what I think is possible for me. So I eliminate crap that doesn't need to get done, and while I make incessant lists, many things never get done because they just aren't truly necessary. If I want to go out drinking with a friend, I know in advance the price I will pay and whether I will be able to execute the next day's workouts. I knew that by stopping to take pictures and "thinking" too much yesterday that I was jeopardizing my race rehearsal ride. Sure, I'm still pissed, but it was a choice I made, and in the end, I still had fun doing it, I still got in a good workout, and the experience will still contribute to my race day execution. At least I did the workout, you know?

I am by no means a talented athlete. I got where I am by sheer determination, discipline and hard work. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes my sanity equation gets out of whack, and I just try to sit back and figure out what needs to give.

Right now, for example, I'm sort of at the edge of my own sanity. I feel incredibly fit, yet I am subject to the odd poor workout. I also need to be aware that as I've aged that I may have reached my inevitable peak and begin to decline in ability any day now. It's all I can do right now to do the workouts, maintain some semblance of "regular life," do my job and begin planning for a race that happens in 3 weeks. It's fucking nuts! I would be totally remiss to say it was anything less than that.

Yet I know that to some folks, I appear totally cool, calm, collected and all that shit. Oh, boy, there are things I could talk about going on in my head that would make YOUR head spin. Let's just say I have an extremely active fantasy life right now. My brain is constantly scrolling through all sorts of scenarios, not just for the present, but for the near and far futures. I am constantly testing myself against what I think I am, what I think I know, what I think I want, and all possible combinations. Sometimes I think it's a miracle that I can concentrate on a single thing, like writing this post. Am I unique in this regard? I don't think so. I bet that if I could get other would-be or already Ironmen to comment on these feelings that they would concur.

It's a fantastic thing to bring your body to this point--where you are a finely honed machine that is constantly chomping at the bit for the next challenge. In fact, that's how I like to schedule my entire training calendar for a year. Most of the time it works like a charm, but there's always something different about an impending Ironman.

At this time, what I try and do is draw heavily upon my support network, and by that, I mean those people closest to me who really know what this is about in terms of ME--they don't need to know the ins and outs of Ironman training or racing--but they need to know ME and just be there and reinforce my sense of self and confidence and in the end, that's really all any of us needs, right?

But sometimes my support network doesn't see through my external shell of She-Ra strength and attitude, and I need to remind them that I am just as vulnerable as everyone else. It's OK to ask for support when you need it, and it's OK to be a little selfish in these last 3 weeks. Of course, that's with the assumption that I'm giving back to my support network. I try my best to do so, and I am regularly surprised at all the nice things other people do for me throughout the year. I never think I am doing enough for others, which is a personality fault of mine. I'm a doer, plain and simple. That's what I do; that's what I get satisfaction from. Even when I may feel overwhelmed at all the "doing" that I've committed to, in the end, that's what makes me a happy camper. When my schedule is overflowing with stuff, to me it all just becomes a juggling act that is yet another skill for me to master.

So now, here's what I did last week. I have one more big (20-hour or so) week, and then it's taper time! I'm feeling very much on the edge right now, but I just need to bear with it and then it should all come together. I'm heading back to Wisconsin this Friday with Rich to conduct an IMWI training camp, and I'm looking forward to that. To me, it will be a ton of fun, assuming I don't frighten off the other campers! And then I'm looking forward to meeting up with old friends at IMLP, so no matter what happens, it will all be good!


Weekly Workout Totals 06/25/2007-07/01/2007
Swim: 15215 yards (8.64 miles) in 5.12 hours; 24% of weekly workout time; approx. 1790 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 180.54 miles in 10.32 hours; 48% of weekly workout time; approx. 4584 calories burned
Run: Approx. 31.75 miles in 4.82 hours; 23% of weekly workout time; approx. 2177 calories burned
Strength: 1.03 hours; 5% of weekly workout time; approx. 258 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 220.93 miles in 21.29 hours; approx. 8809 calories burned
Sleep: 7.07 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.23 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Oh, and if you haven't looked, see what's blooming for this past week: http://www.flickr.com/photos/8737154@N04/sets/72157600496071836/

Edit (Monday morning): I woke up at 2AM (as has been happening pretty much daily for the last 3-4 weeks--notice the correlation to the number of training hours I'm putting up) this morning. I was hoping it was later, but my curiousity got the better of me and I looked at a clock. I was like, oh fuck, this is even earlier than my usual 3-3:30AM wakeup. But whatever. I've learned not to obsess about this, figuring that as long as I am horizontal, it's all good in terms of giving my body a rest. So I took stock--I was, as always, hot, even though my bedroom temperature was 73 (my bedside clock has a thermometer in it--I told you I like to measure stuff!) and I had a fan blowing on me all night and I sleep naked. I went to the bathroom and turned on the light, looked in the mirror and thought, "I look disgusting." Guess most of us don't look so hot at 2AM, huh? And this is why we invented alcoholic beverages... I washed my face, got pissed about a zit on my chin (I mean what the fuck, I'm 50 and I still get these things? Oh yeah, I ride a bike and drool all over my face while sweating like a pig.), turned off the light and got back in bed, knowing I would lay there for awhile wide awake thinking, or should I say "scrolling." I just let my mind do it, because trying to stop it is futile (much like the Borg). What was cool was that I went into a lucid dreaming state--I went through 4 dreams, where I had them and then immediately became fully alert and awake, knowing I had just had a dream (trust, me, they were all good ones), feeling like my mind was having some fun, and then I dropped back into sleep only to repeat the sequence. Sometimes I just have to let my brain run wild, and this can be the happy result. I ended up with 8.5 hours of sleep, and I feel great, rarin' to go. There's a link on my sidebar to a dream interpretation site. I taught myself to recall my dreams many, many years ago, and also this ability to stare at the ceiling (during daylight hours) until I am not "seeing" at all. It's sort of like what happens when they give you that shot of sodium pentathol to put you under before surgery and you see the bright white light that collapses into nothing and then you are out. The purpose of doing this? Achieving the feeling of nothingness and everythingness all at once. Being there and being gone. I think it's a fleeting glimpse of that thing they call "Nirvana."