Horribly Hilly Hundreds Ride Report

This was my 4th or 5th time doing this ride. The first time I did it, I found out about it from some email that magically came to me, and I remember thinking, hey, this looks pretty hard, I should try it! It was back then, I think, that I began getting on email lists for challenging events.

The first time I did it, I did it on Bitchie and went by myself. I am perfectly fine doing things totally on my own, and cool with a group, too. I did OK that time, but had to walk part way up the final climb and vowed I would never walk it again, and I haven't.

This year, I signed up with and was originally supposed to stay with, Jostein (OMG I said his name!). But you may know how that turned out. About 5 or 6 weeks ago, a guy living in my area found me on the IamTri networking site, we exchanged emails and friended on Facebook. I didn't know too much about him until he saw my (now deleted) blog post about what had recently happened between me and Jostein, and sometimes, common misery brings people together, so long story short, Brad and I started talking about doing some stuff together (this is just friends kids, I am old enough to be his Mom). He ended up doing the Rockman sprint the day I did the half, but I didn't know it until the next day. I convinced him to come and ride Horribly Hilly, even though I knew he'd be far, far ahead of me, but I thought he'd enjoy it, having recently spent time in the Rockies, plus he races bikes and just started doing triathlons and is kicking serious ass.

So we drive up there Friday night, talking the entire time, and just as we got to Mount Horeb for packet pickup, it began raining, and our bikes were on top of his Jeep, so they got a nice bath. Oh well, no worries, it was forecast to be sunny and hot for Saturday. I ran into a few people I know at registration, and we spent some time looking over the large-scale map of the ride route and talking to one of the volunteers (who looked, physique-wise to be an experienced rider), and I recounted many of the roads whose names I remembered fondly as sporting climbs that SUCK BAD.

Next we checked into the Super 8 in Verona, where I've stayed I don't know how many times (I'll be there again in 2 weeks for a race rehearsal weekend). Now, while I don't travel with a lot of girly body care products, I do have certain things that I need with me like one of my own bed pillows, a small selection of clothes, a small cooler with bike bottles and other fluids, and extra bike shit in case something breaks down. Whereas Brad had a bag of wheels, a backpack and a pump. It was kind of funny, but he didn't make fun of me or anything.

We ate dinner at Avanti and ran into several more people that I know (all men), and we thought we'd all start riding together the next day, but that never happened. Some random barfly chatted us up because he wanted to know why my shirt said "Crackhead" on it and then we talked about what we were doing, and how Brad ended up in Chicago and what he's doing here, which is Assistant Pro (sorry if I get the title wrong) at Medinah Country Club. Golf and triathlon--seems like a good mix to me!

We split an extra large pizza, and I think Brad was impressed that I could eat so much, but when I know what's coming the next day, my brain just tells me to eat.

The stupid hotel room didn't get cold enough, so I slept fitfully, but still slept, and then 4:45AM, and it's wake the fuck up time. I looked out the window and the sky was perfectly clear, and it was already 65, so it was going to be a hot day. Perfect!

In getting to the ride start, there were so many cars lined up to get into Mounds State Park, that it appeared we wouldn't make a 6:30AM start time, but no worries, I think we got started just before 7AM, which was the official start. We didn't want to get into that whole fray, so we took off just a bit ahead. Right away we were riding with 3 other guys, but I knew that pace was too fast for me, so after a few miles, I just let them go. I really don't mind riding by myself.

I had thought I was well-prepared for a decent ride on the day, what with Rockman having been hilly, and having done several other rides with decent amounts of climbing. But you never know, right? To fuck with my head, the Ergomo decided not to show me speed or distance, but I still had cadence (who cares?) and watts. Even still, in doing a ride like this, it's basically about get your ass up each hill and then hammer down as hard as you can and take advantage of the few flatish stretches.

On one of the climbs in the first stage (5 stages--see course map), I remember feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I didn't think I was pushing it that hard, but I guess I must have--typically I will feel a little like this on the first bad climb, but I honestly thought, "Huh, maybe I'm going to die right now." But I didn't really care, and had no choice but to continue climbing.

I got the first stage, which was 24 miles, done in like 1:26, and I remember thinking, huh, that's like 16MPH, I'll take it. Actually it's 16.7 MPH. There was 2041 feet of climbing in that 24 miles. The worst part of this stage is the 3.5 mile climb back up into Mounds State Park.

The second stage is 20.3 miles, and I got it done in 1:15, so 16.2 MPH. Again, I was pretty pleased with myself. There was only 1673 feet of climbing in that 20 miles. During Stage 2, you go by or on parts of the Ironman Wisconsin course, like Garfoot Road, so you see plenty of people just riding the course as well as HHH riders. I think the Mineral Point climb on this stretch was the hardest. I had been on Vermont Church Road with Jostein in April, I think, so when we got there I was like I've done this a bunch of times already.

Stage 3 is 20.9 miles, and it's the flattest stage (only 1509 feet of gain), and I thought I might have been pushing it a bit, so I decided to take it easy. I got it done in 1:14, which is 16.9MPH. The worst climb, to me, on this stage was the Turkey Road/Blackberry Road combination. When I saw the sign for Turkey Road, I was like, "Oh FUCK" in my head or maybe out loud--I don't know. I guess it was out loud because 2 guys rode just ahead of me and went, "Gobble Gobble." Turkey Road (as many of the climbs on this ride) starts out innocently enough, but then you get fucked in the ass at least 3 times, and then you think you are done with a short downhill, you make a left and you start climbing Blackberry Road! Ugh...that was just unnecessary (as the entire ride but that's why we do it, right?).

Stage 4 is long--33 miles, and mentally tough, plus, this is where they really start throwing the nastiest hills at you that they could find. There is 2543 feet of climbing in this section. I did it in 2:07, so my speed noticeably dropped--all of 15.6MPH. I suck. And man, this stretch has some of the worst fucking shit you can imagine. Reeves Road had like 5 separate fuck you in the ass climbs, and you could never see up ahead to the end of the road. It was funny driving back home that Brad commented we'd be in a flat stretch, and he'd see some hill and think, "Of COURSE they are going to send us up there." He also, as I did a number of times, would notice these houses at the tops of these hills with really long driveways, and sometimes the driveways would look like roads, and he said he thought that if they weren't gravel they would have made us ride right up to their front door!

Anyway, Reeves Road sucked bad, Fesenfeld, Sutcliffe, Zwettler (really fucking bad) and Ray Hollow. All major suckage.

I don't know about anyone else, but my legs are starting to feel pretty fried by now, and the brain starts playing games with me. I started thinking how the hell am I going to finish this thing, I suck, I suck and I want to stop. But you get to that last aid station and this is where you need to have a serious talk with yourself. Why? Because the last stage is the hardest of all. First, you are going to head right out of that aid station and climb Pinnacle Road, which is just a leg burner, then you get Lake View Road, which sounds pleasant enough, but anything with View, Ridge, Hollow, Valley or Otto (!) in the name is going to be horrendous.

So at this point, my brain is going a little haywire on me--it's hot, I'm overheated, sweaty as hell, covered in bugs, sticky, disgusting and just plain tired. And yet, for some unknown reason, I get back on my bike and head out.

You get maybe 1/2 mile and you are already on Pinnacle Road (pinnacle not being a nice word this day), and I'm thinking no way am I going to be able to climb it without walking, but somehow, I make it up 1, 2 and then 3 sectors of the climb, but wait, that's not enough, there's a short downhill and they fuck you in the ass one more time up to a stop sign at a T intersection.

But I made it, I made it! How the hell did that happen? But I can tell my legs are really, really fried, and I'm also suffering because I decided to eat 1/2 of a ham sandwich back at the aid station and my body is trying to send blood to my stomach while my legs are being tortured to death. But I figured I should be able to recover from this shit, right?

Fuck no. It's not very long before we get to Lake View Road, and I remembered this one as being pretty and at the same time fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. There are some shorter climbs on this road, but the last 2 you can see (which was rare for all the hills we'd been on) the road going straight up, and I guess it was just demoralizing and I was hot and I wanted to quit so bad, and I'd see SAG going the other way yet somehow my hand did not go up COME AND GET ME.

So I stopped briefly (it was may 15 seconds) at the bottom of the first big climb and had a little chat with myself. I said that if I could make it up here I was going to be fine to finish the whole fucking thing so let's go get it done. And just as I had been up until now as I was climbing, I looked at my HARDEN THE FUCK UP bracelet and was chanting to myself "Harden the Fuck Up, Sheila" over and over and over again, and somehow I made it up that bitch and the switch went back on in my brain that I was doing OK and everyone else was probably suffering, too, but there was one more of these fuckers to get up, and that one was just fine and I felt good to go.

After Lake View, there was a nice flatish section and then we start climbing again and I'm thinking, "Where the fuck are we?" And then I remember, we are going into the town of Barneveld and there's a nasty climb right into town, but before I had time to think too much about it, I'm on it, and somehow I am even passing a few people, but now I am remembering that this is the last bad climb before we head back into the park.

And you get out of Barneveld and there's a whole lot of pretty countryside (as there was all day--I should note that the scenery is beautiful if you can manage to look around you instead of at the fucking road all day), and it's mainly rolling, and now you can see the Mound and you sort of start getting this sense of dread. Because you climbed that bitch once already today, only it was maybe 7 miles into the ride and didn't feel too bad, but the second time, you do the whole climb and then there's the last 800 feet up into the park itself that you didn't do before but that is really, really bad.

So I'm riding and just figuring, oh well, time to get this done, and another friend of mine, Joel, comes by. We run into each other a lot at races and rides, and he says this is the last time he will get ahead of me because I will pass him going into the park. I didn't really think so, as he was looking pretty strong, but still I tried to stay sort of with him.

When we got to the turn into the park, I thought that was fast, and then I thought, oh shit, here it is. I was right with Joel, but after the first flatish 1/2 mile, I stopped my bike briefly to catch my breath, and that's when I invoked my dead Dad to help me out for the first time all day. I had some of his ashes with me, and just like he pushed me up many hills on the run course at Rockman, I really hoped he'd be able to push my sorry ass up this final climb.

I forgot how many twists and turns and you think you're done but you're not, and my legs were just screaming, but I was telling myself to try and relax and breathe, and even though I had really, really thought I wasn't going to make it several times and would need to stop and walk my bike, I just kept going. I did see one girl walking with her bike and thought I wonder if walking would be faster, but somehow I rode up to her and past, and despite how pitifully slow I was going, I was going faster than if I had walked, so I just kept it up, and I did pass Joel somehow and we said a few soft words to one another, and then I got to the crest where you turn right for the worst part into the park and I thought I was going to need to stop, but I didn't, because if I stopped now it was all over, and I couldn't even believe I was turning the cranks at all, and I wanted to stand up but knew if I did I'd be committed and it would hurt even more, so I just kept turning the cranks over, and there were people lining the road now clapping and encouraging us, and I couldn't believe I was going to make it up, and finally I did and went through the makeshift finish line, and I saw Brad sitting on the grass waiting for me and I was so happy to be done!

And I looked down at the Ergomo, which although it hadn't shown me anything but watts all day long, I figured the time was correct because I knew about how long I had spent at the aid stations, and I had done the whole thing plus the aid stations in 9:30, which meant the 8:13 on the clock for riding time was good, and that was a PR for me by about :45! But it wasn't sinking in, and besides, I wanted to hear about Brad's experience, because after all, I had dragged him here telling him it would be challenging even though it's not the Rocky Mountains.

And he told me how he got to ride with Robbie Ventura, easily keeping pace with him, and I don't know Brad's actual time, but let's just say he's really fucking fast, and I have to say thanks that he waited for my sorry ass there, and I didn't want to keep him much longer, so I first grabbed and ice cream cone, then walked over and got a beer, then went to the car, toweled myself off, loaded up the Jeep and we got on our way, me driving.

And as in years past, you are just so wired from what you have done, and I mostly wanted to hear about it from Brad's perspective which was hilarious since he had no idea what to expect, but I knew he'd be right up there with the lead riders all day. It was funny that he had some of the same evil brain thoughts that I did like this really sucks I am sick of it and yet we would keep going, and we'd think about how "they" were making us go up these stupid hills all day, but "they" was really OURSELVES and we have nobody else to blame.

And I rode pretty much all day by myself and in a sick, sick sort of way, enjoyed it. I had thought to myself that if I rode a good time on the day that it might be an omen for Lake Placid, and I guess so, and I guess it's time for me to start ignoring the numbers on the power meter like I did yesterday and JFR (Just Fucking Ride) and get it done.

So now it's 5 weeks to IMLP and I've got 3 more big weekends of work (mostly riding) to get done, and I'm psyched for it, and honestly, I feel pretty good today, although I'm just going to go for a swim and a short run to work the crap out of my muscles.

Mostly I'm really glad to have made a new friend who is as crazy or maybe even worse than me, and we are driving to IMLP together which will be fun as hell, and I get to play Iron Mentor to Brad for his first Ironman, and that always gets me excited to see all the excitement and fear on a person doing their first one, but I'm sure he's going to do just fine, and I am looking forward to putting myself in a seriously painful place on the day--this year is the first time I've felt like I could go to that place, and I don't know what that means, but I am finally feeling strong this year despite some emotional and physical hurdles (and I know there will be more), so all I need to do at this point is stay physically healthy and I should be fine.

One thing I do know is that physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain, and while physical pain doesn't cancel out the emotional, it seems to provide some relief. So I will keep planning to hurt myself in a way that seems to be good. And on that note, I am going for a short run and then a swim to try and loosen up.

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are Dads, and to everyone who still has their Dad living, be grateful--it is never the same once he's gone!