The End of Nothing

Fucking A. We did it. OK, so the bike leg was a bit short (104 vs. 112), but we swam the full 2.4 miles and ran a marathon. I can't believe we did it. NothingMan goes down as the most extreme thing I've done. But for Jostein--today was his first 100 mile or more ride and his first Ironman. I told him I was happy to help.

Time to lay down and try to sleep. Will post pics tomorrow, and the report will take a few days, as it will be a collaborative effort.

Shit, It's COLD!

34 here in Madison area this morning. On the plus side, there is no wind. I think it's a good call that we are swimming in a pool. I don't care what the lake temperature is--the surface would be too cold for me!

It's predicted to be 45 by 9AM. Holy blue lips, Batman! I don't think I've ever been on my bike in those temperatures. Let's hope my cold weather gear does the trick.

I didn't even take my bike out of my car last night. Or my swim gear. Or my bike gear. Or my run gear. Hmmmmm....maybe we should have called this non-event "CarMan" or "AutoMan." "BackseatMan."

Nah...NothingMan it is. Stay tuned!

The Beginning of Nothing

Photo documentary here; check in tonight for updates once I get to Verona and then either really late tomorrow or Sunday morning or whenever I get to it for during and post-race updates.

For those of you reading about NothingMan for the first time, me and a friend are doing a self-supported Ironman distance training day tomorrow in the Madison area. Since it is going to be rather chilly, we will most likely swim in a YMCA pool starting at 6AM rather than in Lake Wingra. I am concerned about starting my day in a state of hypothermia and near darkness! While the lake may still be in the upper 60's, the air temperature will only be in the 30's in the morning, and if we weren't doing a full Ironman, that would be fine, but I think the pool will be the better option.

We'll bike from Wingra Park, making our way to the IMWI bike course and completing that, ending back at Wingra Park. I will have all my bike nutrition with me on the bike at the start, but will need to stop periodically for water, since I'm using concentrated Infinit.

For the run, Jostein (my NothingMan teammate? Not sure what to call him except crazy like me) measured out a loop in Wingra Park, that we will complete 59 times in order to achieve the marathon distance. It's on grass, so that will be really nice. He bought us candy necklaces so that we can eat one "bead" each lap to keep track of where we are. Jostein will finish before me, so it will be interesting to see if I decide to go the full distance or not. Something tells me I will, because, well, I should.

Jostein is even nuttier than me. He's a fireman, and will be driving up north late tonight, getting in around midnight or so. Hopefully he can crash for 4 hours before we start the day!

My car is packed up except for the coolers that will hold my bike and run nutrition (all liquid) and assorted other drinks I will need today through Sunday.

This is the first time ever that I am doing an Ironman that I am not completely sure I can finish, but that's part of the fun, isn't it? I messed up my recovery from IMLP somewhat, not to mention my mental state hasn't been ideal lately. But, I have had some good to great training rides and runs since IMLP, and I have to believe I have the endurance to go the distance. We won't be racing at all; Jostein is much faster than me, but we will mostly stick together through the bike.

We had extended an invitation to people via Slowtwitch to come join us to swim, bike or run with us or just watch, but it looks like that isn't happening, which I guess makes this even a bit more hardcore. So it's just me and Jostein toughing it out for a day.

OK, I need to shower and get driving so that I can stretch and relax for the rest of the day. Good thing I've been sleeping a ton this week, since I doubt I will sleep too well tonight, even though I truly don't feel the usual pre-Ironman excitement.

Oh--there will be no online coverage, no timing chips, no official photographer, in the spirit of "nothing." Like I said, whatever pics we get (I'm pretty good at conning strangers into taking pics) I'll post up and update my blog, but that's about it. We're not doing this as a stunt or for publicity or anything.

Peace out until Verona!

A Little Bit of Pain

I can't wait...

All you ask for is a little bit of pain
It goes a long way
All you wanted was the stinging of her rain
rolling down you face

It´s like you told her- there´s nothing you won´t do
Crawling comes so easy
Now that you´re older you will lick her dirty boots
Nothing is too sleazy

You didn´t know what love was
You didn´t know what pain does
Let your arms ache
Let your heart break

All you wanted was the clinging of her vine
to wrap around you
Now you´re dying for a swallow of her brine
so she can drown you

Gone to heaven, then it´s back to hell
you´re climbing down her staircase
All you wanted was to love this Jezebel
Even angels make mistakes

You didn´t know what love was
You didn´t know what pain does
Let your arms ache
Let your heart break

All you ask for is a little bit of pain

Its Possessive

As I continue muddling through this mentally difficult yet enjoyable period of time, that I realize is truly a luxury experience to have (to paraphrase effendi, if you aren't struggling just to survive, only then can you bask in your own mental gyrations), I find myself thinking a lot about triathlon and particularly Ironman, as it's been a big part of my life for the last 7 years.

I still vividly remember crossing the finish line at my first Ironman. I had heard all this hype about how happy and proud you feel. I felt none of that. In my head I was saying what the hell was that? I was happy it was over, but I just couldn't process anything more than that. It was just a thing I did.

Six years later, at my most recent Ironman finish, I can honestly say I knew what the hell it was, and yes, I was happy it was over, but in a way I wanted to keep going in that place in my head.

What is that place? It's that deep, dark core of myself that only those brave enough to attempt real intimacy (not the "I live with you and have sex with you and exist in a modern society" kind) with me will ever know, because it's not something I can put into words.

I may be a lot of things, but I am not an Ironman. I do Ironman distance races. They are just a vehicle to drive myself to that place that I love so much. Where I can escape my physical self by appearing to do something so physical.

So this Saturday I get to go there. Without crowds. Without medals. Without someone shouting (it's a lie, anyway), "You are an Ironman." Now if someone wants to come out and shout at me, "You are Sheila!" I would really believe that!

Quickie IMWI Report

Caught up with Cindy and Shelley on Friday night, and proceeded to hang in downtown Madison with Cindy and some guys we know from various places. I don't know how many bars we visited or how many drinks we had. But we drank and danced a lot, and I think it was around 3:30AM Saturday that I decided I needed to quit drinking and get back to my hotel, so I just walked out, walked about a mile back to where my car was parked, and managed to drive 12 miles back to Verona. Funny thing is there were so many people (not racers!) out and about at that time of the morning. I drove back safely, and was so starved that I hit the 24-hour McDonald's. I chowed that down and passed out at I don't know what time.

Saturday morning was not fun. I was supposed to swim, but considering I couldn't move until about 8:30AM, swimming was not in the cards. But I figured if I put on running clothes that eventually I would do some of that. Cindy called to be sure I was OK, and I told her I felt bad about eating McDonald's, and her comment was, "Oh, you feel bad about that but not about all the drinking?"

Headed down to the expo and met up with some folks from the TRI-DRS list, collected some bottles at the Infinit booth, and about noon decided I'd try running. I actually didn't feel too bad as I started, probably because I had no sense of pace. I wanted to run for an hour, but figured whatever I could get in would be enough, and that it would work out some of the cobwebs. I managed to run for 1:04. While I was out there, racers were checking me out to see if I had "the bracelet" on, and if so, why was I running? I was sporting a fake tattoo they could see (you can see it in the pic), and man were people trying to figure out what it was. It means I'm Ironman royalty!!!

After running by Lake Monona, I headed back to Verona, got some lunch and proceeded to lay about the rest of the day because I needed to feel good for Sunday. I organized my stuff since I'd need to leave the hotel by 5:30AM.

Sunday I woke up before the alarm and felt pretty good. Downed some coffee and put my biking clothes on and headed into Madison, where I basically got on my bike and took off out onto the course. I didn't go watch the swim, since I just wanted to get in a decent ride. I rode out on the course, and when I got to the loop, I rode it in the reverse direction. At the bottom of the big Garfoot Road downhill, Rich Strauss and Patrick McCrann caught up to me. For some stupid reason, I decided to take a mini break down there, which meant I had to walk my bike up a short hill before I could mount again.

We rode to the intersection of Garfoot and Mineral Point and waited for the first bikes to come through. What a beautiful day! It was like the weather in 2002, the inaugural year, when I did the race for the first time. I was wearing my Trashy Cat tiger kit, which seemed to brighten the mood of some of the racers. After watching many bikes go by, we headed back to make our way back to Madison.

Somewhere after Mount Horeb, Rich and Patrick took off, which I expected anyway, since I'm not anywhere near their speed, and I just haven't had much in the way of biking legs anyway. Also, I was happy to keep looking at the racers coming the other way to see if I could spot anyone I know.

When I got back to Madison, I changed back at my car, dumped my bike, and headed out on the run course on State Street. I saw pretty much all the folks I know head out onto the run, and then I stayed to see most of them complete one or some even two loops. There were some great performances yesterday! I thoroughly enjoyed cheering for anyone and everyone. I left town at 6:44 and made it home at 8:45, so I think that was record time (141 miles--I just realized how ironic it is that I live that distance from Madison). I really just wanted to get home, shower, eat and get a good night's sleep.

I unpacked, sort of, but kept thinking maybe I should just leave it all in my car since I'm going back on Friday! I can't believe Nothingman is coming up, but it is, and I'm doing it!

As to my mental state, well, nothing like a long night of drinking and dancing to deliver some perspective, I guess. I've let go of some mental crap that I needed to let go of, and almost feel like my "reset" button has been pushed, so that's good. It will be good to get Nothingman done and then really rest up for a few weeks, and I think I'll be able to rest physically and mentally finally.

Interesting Dream

I have always enjoyed remembering and thinking about dreams. They are one of the ways we work through things, giving the brain time to free associate and assemble bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings.

In the vivid dream I remember from last night, I was in a bus or train station (not sure which), waiting for my bus or train to arrive. I had a suitcase, and I was wearing a black coat--the black coat that I remade from one of my Mom's coats while in college--I took apart her original coat and cut a new one out of new fabric. At some point, I took the coat off and hung it up because there was going to be a wait, and I don't recall what I was wearing under the coat (I wasn't naked!). I did keep the suitcase with me, though, and I put it down to go up to the ticket counter, and when I got back it was gone! Someone had taken it. I was going to go outside and give chase, so I went to get my coat, and it was gone, too! I remember sobbing uncontrollably in the dream because there were things in the suitcase that I could never replace (not sure what things exactly), and the coat was something very dear to me that could also not be replaced.

When I woke up from the dream, I felt the sadness I had felt while dreaming. In looking at my favorite online dream analysis site and some books, I can make a few inferences about the dream:

• Being robbed signifies that I'm experiencing an identity crisis and/or feel a sense of loss. Amazing, huh?
• A suitcase either symbolizes that I'm very together (not!) or that I am in need of a vacation.
  
• A coat signifies my protectiveness and defensiveness. OK, so take away my coat!

Putting this together, I'm having an identity crisis and feel like part of me is being stripped away! This is not a bad thing. I just love it when dreams meet reality.

Off to Madison now...

Still Lost

Thanks everyone who left me such nice words on the last post. I am still lost, I am still suffering and I suppose now I'm getting back to the roots of how I started this blog in the first place, which was being in a similar place that I am now, only 2 years ago.

I have been writing down a lot of stuff over the past two weeks, so I knew that I was falling down the rabbit hole already, and Cindy was very observant in that I need to be able to articulate my own condition before I'm ready to start talking about it. I've articulated a lot in my private journal, and as it comes together I will share what I think is shareable, but here are a few thoughts:

• Yes, Pirate Girl--I am probably self-medicating with exercise to eliminate periods of mental suffering. Whether or not I'm truly bipolar is not something I'm concerned with right now (I've been down that path before and I could be a LOT worse off than I am). A problem with this form of self-medication, though, is that periodically the body actually does require rest; only when I've become so used to not resting, it's as if I've stored up a suffering bomb that eventually must be unleashed. So you can see why I rarely talk about hard training or racing as having an element of suffering! For me, it isn't!
  
• I really am looking for connectedness and intimacy--it doesn't need to come in the form of a sexual relationship, but just with some friends. I don't feel like I have that, and I wonder if, in fact, I push it away. Or maybe I'm just too afraid to ask for it. Thing is, I can be a rather intense person to be around, and when I want something, I want it. I've been told that can be overwhelming, yet I don't know how to be that subdued once my desires take over, and that is one avenue for creating my own suffering, because I don't feel entitled to ask for anything from anyone, really, and a lot of the time I think my desires are out of control. Paradoxically, this, I believe, is one of the traits that other people are attracted to about me--my intensity. Or else I'm hallucinating :) Now see, what's funny about this is that's why people read this blog, isn't it? I know that I really like reading blogs of other people who are really, really intense, and I love reading books by crazed endurance athletes, as I feel this certain kinship with their mindset.
  
• In the universe of people who I consider my acquaintances, of which I have plenty, I think, there are very few who are able to cope with the push and pull and the mental turmoil that I put myself through. What I mean by that is being able to leave me alone when that is what I really need, and not leave me alone when that is not what I need, for example. Also knowing when to agree with me when I say things like I suck and when to disagree. And to pull me out of myself when all I want to do is retreat. I can be quite resistant to the very thing I need at times. I tend to use strong language when describing myself, and I'm sure it can be difficult for someone else to dissect all that and figure out what the hell I really mean at times. I guess in a nutshell is that while I have this very intense, confident outer shell, it's really just a fragile shell. Don't get me wrong--I enjoy it a lot of the time--but sometimes I'm just wishing for someone to come along with a hammer and crack the shell and let me be who I am with my guard down. I haven't had a relationship like that in years.
• The reason I know what I know about those few things that I know a lot about is that I have this laser focus that I enjoy putting to use periodically by totally immersing myself in something. However, comma, the one thing I am unable to immerse myself in is my self! I have this really strong drive to figure myself out, and what I have been able to figure out so far is not something I like all the time, and I don't know how to change it. I hear that is a normal part of the human condition, but for some reason I seem to feel it pretty intensely. Maybe I'm self-medicating against feeling it in one way, but doesn't everyone do that in one way or the other? I mean who really wants to experience the depths of their own personal suffering? And I think you need to experience it and go there in order to escape from it. Yes, I've read all sorts of books on meditation and such, and I do do it, but periodically I come back to the reality that I've not achieved Nirvana and that I probably won't ever, but I suppose one should still have that as a goal? Tough to do in the society in which I live. I could do better, though.
• I keep being drawn back to ego and desire and how ruinous those things can be, and they certainly have been in my life, yet I haven't figured a way to break that cycle, because desire is such a heady thing. I think that's one of the key things I've learned during this recent "mental event" is that I need to be watchful of becoming too desirous. It's something I recognized in myself a few years ago, and I thought I had it licked, but I guess I was dead wrong. For me, desire is a thing that is intimately connected to my sense of power and physical fitness. I didn't get to experience it so much last year with Ironman Brazil because my mom had died. But this time around, what the hell, I was feeling on top of the world and so fucking fit and everything was going so well and I felt so in control, and when that all comes together I just become this ball of energy and lust for anything and everything around me, and it can be difficult for me to retain perspective when I most need it. I want to suck everyone into it, because it feels so great. I have to say that even while I was out there at IMLP doing my thing, I just had this sense of energy about me that felt very perfect. Again, one of the reasons I like the Ironman distance so much. To me, it becomes a way of hanging onto that desirous feeling. Which may sound funny, considering I'm not very fast at all, but nonetheless, I enjoy the hell out of it. And then I realize that is a dangerous way to feel because it can't last, you know?
  

Again, this is the tip of the iceberg. I feel honored that I can share what's going on in my head with the blogosphere for whatever it's worth, and I do appreciate any and all observations. They are all good!

There are 2 quotes that I have printed up in large type in my office at home, and they pretty much capture one of the central issues I have with myself, so it's not like I didn't know this stuff already, but I guess I need to keep relearning the same lessons over and over and over and over...in my runup to IMLP this year I certainly wasn't looking for a prize, but I was still definitely in the hunt for satisfaction...

When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills;
when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous;
when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets and is out of his mind.
His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares!
He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power.
--Tranxu

To achieve satisfaction in everything
Desire it in nothing.
To possess everything,
Desire to have nothing.
To be everything,
Desire to be nothing.
To know everything,
Desire to know nothing.
--John of the Cross

Lost & Found

Lost: me

Found: $.02. About how I feel.

Something needs to change, but I haven't figured it out yet. Normally I wouldn't post all this here, but it is part of my overall experience, and I'm pretty open, so what the hell. I've been reading Pam Reed's book, The Extra Mile, and she's pretty open about all her stuff, but I think she found a workable situation for herself--not to mention she's a kick-ass, gifted athlete, which I am not, so I think she has a natural advantage. I thought I had found something that worked for me, but I'm questioning it now. This is not to say that I can't function in my regular life--I have to do that--but there's some kind of hole that's there that's been there before that has opened up again, and I really don't want to fall in. Someone I'm sure will toss out the "committed relationship" card, and that's a nice thought, but I've said it before, that is just not happening and I don't know how to make it happen and besides I had better be good with myself in the first place.

None of this will stop me from going up to Wisconsin this weekend and next. This weekend is all about other people, which is always a good thing. I have to admit I get so wrapped up in all my own shit it's crazy--and very easy to do with the life situation that I have--so moving that focus off of myself will be a good thing. The following weekend, well that should be cathartic, much like when 2 years ago I went and ran a marathon (OK ultrarunners you can laugh your ass off at me) just for the hell of it.

There's this part of me that's not happy unless I'm experiencing physical pain. I know, I know--I rarely speak of training and racing in that vein, yet you have to know there's a lot of times when it just doesn't feel good. But I seem to feel my best when I'm thoroughly exhausted, even if it's from the world's crappiest workout. I think it goes beyond endorphins. I also think I'm borderline manic-depressive, and I got to thinking today that while I got into triathlon for the physical fitness and also to make friends who are into the same thing (which did happen and continues to happen), it's also been happily enabling of my manic-depressive tendencies. So I've got that working for me. And really some days when I don't need to work out at all I just don't know what to do with myself.

And then sometimes I think that when I experience the depressive side which by my nature carries with it excess amounts of mental analysis and what I call "scrolling," that it's just some perverse balancing act that my brain thinks I must do in order to "deserve" all the good stuff that's part of the manic cycle. And that it's necessary to suffer through this because it serves some purpose.

Yes, I've read up about bipolar disorder and don't think I really have it the way some people have it (in case you are wondering, no I do not have suicidal thoughts), but whatever it is that I do have sucks, on average, about 10% of the time. And then it seems like I just come to grips with some form of reality/logic that says I was OK anyway. Only right now it doesn't feel that way, and I wonder if I've been fooling myself all along.

And then there's the aspect of myself that says just be here in the moment even if it sucks right now, because I think that at some level I need to experience that, or else I don't feel human, if that makes any sense. I guess I must have something in common with some artists who feel they must suffer for their art! Sometimes I feel like I must suffer for my own personality!

It's all more complicated than what I just wrote here..this is just the tip of the iceberg, as they say.

And now for the hard part--hitting the "Publish Post" button.

Weekly Workout Totals 08/27/2007-09/02/2007 and Hamstering Around for NothingMan

So I did a race rehearsal thingie today. Although I shouldn't call it that, because I'm not training, and I'm not doing anything on 9/15. Well, I'm doing something, but mostly nothing...

Beautiful day here in Chicagoland. Couldn't ask for better weather this time of year. Got lots of sleep last night and was rarin' to go. As soon as I got on the bike, I could tell I'm still in recovery mode from IMLP but that's too fucking bad because I have NothingMan in 2 weeks.

I ended up doing NOTHING yesterday, as after I was up for awhile, I got this headache and felt like I had one of those training hangover things (if you've ever had one you know what I mean), and knew I wasn't going to amount to much of anything. I tried napping, but that didn't work, so I just struggled through the day with my one goal of getting to sleep early and sleeping well, which I did.

There was a century ride up in Wisconsin, but I didn't feel like getting up at oh-dark-thirty and spending $ on gas to drive more miles than I would ride, so today's plan was to ride to Fermilab and hamster around in there and home. I packed one of my trusty HTFU wrist bands (the one from last week's 134 mile ride) for inspiration. I had (2) 3-hour bottles of my special Infinit and one water bottle on Bitchie.

I wanted to do a pantie ride but it was a tad too cool in the morning and besides that I've been feeling fat and disgusting lately, so I settled on a Primal Wear kit I've had for years. Turns out it worked fine, although it's a little big on me, but no matter the shorts are nice and short so I got a nice tan boost anyway.

My ride was this: 16 miles to Fermilab, circle around 5 times in there (at almost 16 miles each loop) and then ride home. I ended up at 110 miles. At one point, I thought I'd ride more once I got home to reach the magic fucking 112, but as I approached home I decided it really didn't matter. After all, I'm not training, right?

While I was in Fermilab, I saw egrets, herons, red-tailed hawks, ducks, geese, buffalo, cyclists, many dogs being run in one area, several bi-planes soaring overhead, nitrogen and helium tanks (I love them!), plenty of wildflowers, the accelerator ring (GO PROTONS!!!), Morlocks (or at least I always think I see them), lots of sun and a few cars. TIMES FIVE!

The winds were calm for the first 2 laps, but then they picked up, which is to be expected. I replenished my water bottles twice at Wilson Hall, and today I didn't notice any weird taste to the nuclear water when I drank it. The Ergomo was functioning perfectly, which was good, and I never experienced feet on fire or crotch on fire.

I rode the 110 miles at 18MPH (bonus for Strauss if he's reading--you can get a hard-on because my TSS was 302), which if my FTP is correct, was a measly 70% of threshold watts. Yip-fucking-ee. Of course this was in pancake-flat land so what does that mean? Since the Ergomo is new and different and may not read the same as the SRM, who the hell knows what's going on at this point, and I will not be doing any sort of actual FTP test anytime soon. So I'll just go with what I thought I was at and hope it's right. I was in the aero position the entire time, and I had to force myself to stand periodically. This makes me really look forward to MiamiMan, when I will be well-rested and ready to go fucking hardcore on the flats. But I digress...

When I got home, I chugged a big glass of cold water and some Gatorade and headed out to run. Well, let's just say I remembered doing a few Ironman races once I started running...Oh well, it sucks, and it sucked riding that long by myself in hamster mode with no spectators, and it sucked running with nobody out there either. Harden the fuck up!!! This is what's it's about...can't always have the fucking spectators, family, friends, whatever out there making your sorry ass feel all great. Today it was just me. I soldiered through about 5.2 miles. It was hot. I was nasty. I was not smiling. But I got it done.

I won't say I'm golden for NothingMan, but I do feel good that I put in a "real" race rehearsal today, so now I can start tapering down for absolutely nothing. My NothingMan competitor (well, I'm not competing with him he will just be there doing it with me), Jostein, scoped out our swim and run venue, which will be TOTAL FUCKING HAMSTER MODE!!! The swim will be nice, though--in a lake which happens to be 1.2 miles across one way. I am really looking forward to that. We'll ride our bikes from there and hook up with the IMWI course, and then our run will be a 1/2 mile loop. Yes--you heard it right--a 1/2 mile loop! I'm already thinking up all sorts of antics for the run. Hopefully we can get someone to video us, because I think it is going to be ground breaking!

Anyway, here's what I ended the week at:

Weekly Workout Totals	08/27/2007-09/02/2007
Swim:	10600 yards (6.02 miles) in 3.5 hours; 21% of weekly workout time; approx. 1226 calories burned
Bike:	Approx. 133.33 miles in 7.45 hours; 44% of weekly workout time; approx. 3353 calories burned
Run:	Approx. 34.42 miles in 5.17 hours; 3 0% of weekly workout time; approx. 2343 calories burned
Strength:	0.88 hours; 5% of weekly workout time; approx. 220 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 173.77 miles in 17 hours; approx. 7142 calories burned
Sleep:	8.5 hours avg./night
Stretching:	2.2 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Bike and Wetsuit Porn!!!

Photos here.

First, a big shout out to my 2 favorite mechanics, Drew (my illegitimate Dutch son) and Anthony (the Italian Stallion), who are doing a 24-hour bike race today!

Yesterday I got Bitchie's Ergomo mount issue taken resolved, and picked up LGL all newly (well she was already pretty sexy) sexed up and got my new wetsuit.

I'm going to ride Bitch tomorrow on my last 100 mile ride before NothingMan. I'm "sort of" doing a race rehearsal ride, but since this will be the first time I get to observe my watts as recorded by the Ergomo, I could end up shooting somewhat in the dark, but I don't really care, as NothingMan is not a race and I'm not really training!

I get to use the new wetsuit next weekend up in Wisconsin. Originally, I was going to sleep in next Friday and lollygag my way up there in the afternoon, but now I'm looking forward to a few more open water swims, and will most likely leave real early Friday just so I can swim in Lake Monona on Friday and Saturday. Maybe. All plans are subject to change. All I know is I can't wait to get this wetsuit wet! It was super easy to get the thing on totally dry without any lube, and it came off in a flash. Turns out my Orca is kaput--the gash from IMLP is not repairable.

Now that LGL is sexed up to the max (neither I nor my LBSG can think of anything else I can "do" to her), I suppose I should ride her before the weather takes a turn for the worse here. I may take her up to Wisconsin next weekend instead of Bitch--I've never ridden the IMWI course on a road bike, but having done Horribly Hilly on her, I'm sure it would be fun.

Today I'm taking an easy day (:45 run and 1:00 swim) instead of running 1:30 like I thought I'd do. I'm sort of itching to get on a bike, but it's best I start winding down. What the hell--I guess I'm tapering or something. Well, I will be on Monday, for sure. It's interesting to be training for something that is not a real race, yet I am looking forward to really resting after it. And then I will fire up 1/2 Ironman training for a bit. Even though MiamiMan isn't an A race for me, I want to do better at it than I did last year, and in order for that to happen, it's going to be critical that I rest up after NothingMan.

Enough of this crap--I have other things to do today besides train!

Doing Something You've Never Done Before

I guess this will be the 2nd time in a week, since Sunday was my longest ride (in miles) ever.

I swam 4,000 yards pull this morning (after 800 yds. warmup). Never done that before! Why? Why not? I was going to do some long intervals, but once again, I just felt like swimming continuously. It's an opportunity to think about everything and nothing. Sometimes I feel like nobody can get to me while I'm swimming, although one yahoo did rap me on the left hand while doing his worst impression of breaststroke.

I hope we can swim in a lake for NothingMan. My buddy, Jostein, is doing reconnaissance for that. A pool would suck, but it is what it is. After all, that's why we are calling it NothingMan.

Happiness is a Warm Gun...er...Cool Run

Had a great long-ish run this morning. Plan (in case you didn't know, I've been training with my own sketch of a plan which has been 100% flexible based on how I feel) was to run anywhere from 1:40 to 2:00, since I may squeeze in another 1:30 run on Saturday or Monday (again, I haven't made that decision yet).

Aaaaaaaanyway...now that my body is starting to want to sleep more (fuckin' A), which nicely coincides with shorter days, I had to set my fucking alarm clock to make sure I would get up at 5:00AM! I woke up once during the night and lay in bed awake doing some mental scrolling (still working through something --I have some of my best revelations around 3AM), but fell back asleep and had some weird-ass dreams. I can't recall them right now, but they seemed entertaining at the time.

Then I was awakened by the alarm clock. Shit! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! I initially hit the snooze, but then immediately thought HARDEN THE FUCK UP SHEILA YOU NEED TO BE FINISHED RUNNING BY 8:30. I had slept naked, and there was no good reason for me to put on clothes since I'd be running soon enough. So I ran downstairs to turn on the coffee pot without even putting my glasses on (I'm nearly blind without them but I can still get around), and then I put my running clothes on. Within 5 minutes, I've got coffee and am eating a Power Bar Triple Threat (my usual breakfast). Coffee tastes great. Suck down one cup pretty fast, check weather, only 65, looks great! Manage to get down 2 more cups (visited bathroom 3 times I won't go into details), fuck around online, make Voodoo Mix , it's GO TIME!

Head out the door a little after 6:15, and the weather is beautiful. Still a bit humid, but not bad. The sun isn't up all the way and cars still have headlights on, and so many people are going to work, I spend a lot of time running on the sidewalks, which I don't typically do. I just ran comfortably; although technically I should have inserted some 1/2 marathon pace stuff in there, I just wanted to have a good, consistently paced run.

About 3.25 miles in I was going past a park and the lawn was being mowed, and the guys stopped the mowers so they wouldn't spray me with grass. I always smile at people out working while I'm running, and one of them said, "Nice body" to me as I ran by. I thanked him and smiled. What's not to like about that? I was running uphill at that point, and I just felt weightless. Since there were so many people on their way to work, I had a lot of people looking at me. I felt great, and pretty much smiled the entire way.

I ran all the way to my beloved, now closed, outdoor pool, let out a little sigh, ran past it to go out for :50 (my math skills were fucked up at the time because I definitely wanted to do more than 1:40 total), then flipped it. When I got back to the pool, I stopped there to pee in their nicely mulched yews and then drink some water. I hadn't yet drank any Voodoo even though I was almost 6 miles into the run, since I had had coffee and food, and my stomach just didn't want anything until this point. But I figured it was time to start drinking, so I took a hit of Voodoo and then some water, and blech...the water was lukewarm. So I kept the fountain running, but it never warmed up, so I just sucked it up and drank warm water. Tasty!

I ran back to the Mile 5 mark in about the same time as I had going out, and that section is flat, so it was time to hit the hills again. Some days I just get more motivated to stay on pace with the hills, and today I just felt great, so the first hilly mile back I negative split and thought, huh, I wonder if I can keep doing this? If nothing else, I'm always happy if I don't positive split when I take this route from home, since the hills are worse on the way back. Next mile has some decent climbs, too, and I negative split that one, too, and then the big fucker of a 1-mile long hill, where I had to HTFU again (although I did briefly stop to pet a yellow Lab puppy named Fenway). And I negative split that one, too. The mile after the hill I usually slow down some because I've charged the 1-mile hill. No worries, I'm keeping a decent pace. Last mile home, negative split again!

And then it hits me I've only done 1:40 and feeling really good, so I go in and grab some Gatorade and head back out, deciding I'll do another 15 minutes and call it a day. I took that last 15 minutes fairly easily, and all in all ended up at 12.9 miles in 1:55. Looking back at my long runs over the year, this goes down as one of the best, so I'll take it. Cool weather ROCKS!!! And I feel great--like I coulda run a full marathon today at that pace. Nice!

It was just one of those days where the running felt effortless. I think I'm going to do a 1:30 run on Saturday just to get in a decent run volume for this week, and then I begin "tapering" of sorts for Nothingman.

Weekly Workout Totals 8/20/2007-8/26/2007 and Hottie Inspiration

I was feeling slackerish this morning in getting ready for my swim. Not sure why--I had a pretty good run yesterday (albeit on the dreadmill), even though my legs were still tired from the Sunday festival.

So I donned my Vegas pink suit, pink flip flops and grabbed a pink cap and headed to the pool. On the way in, I ran into a friend who had done the Bike Psychos ride on Sunday, and I think it was his first 100-miler, and he said he had 110 miles! Again, that meshes perfectly with me ending at 134 miles on the day. I congratulated him for toughing it out.

Arriving on the pool deck, I ran into Brent, who I've only seen once at the Y. I told him I must be psychic, and by that I meant that I was wearing my pink suit. We chatted, and I laughed because he knew what was going on with me because he reads this blog. I warmed up, and we chatted some more and he asked me how much I was going to swim today. I said I should swim 3500, but that I had looked at a workout and wasn't doing that and would just make something up.

I took off and was cycling through what I might do--5x500, 8x300, 6x400 or what. Initially, I settled in on swimming 2000 straight, then I was thinking 2x1500, but at 1500 I just wanted to keep going (which is odd, since I rarely do long, straight swims), so then I thought I'd keep going to 2000, but when I finished that, I figured I would just swim until 8:30. I ended up swimming 3000 straight, so with my warmup, 3800 yards.

So thanks, Brent, for inspiring me today. After all our talk about HTFU, I got that in my head and it got me going. Oh and yeah I enjoyed watching you swim there for awhile. I mean, ladies--have you ever known a guy named Brent who wasn't a hottie? I'd put him in my Hottie Brigade, except I don't have a pic of him (yet). Guess I need to take my camera to the pool...

Here's how I finished out last week:

Weekly Workout Totals	08/20/2007-08/26/2007
Swim:	10800 yards (6.13 miles) in 3.67 hours; 18% of weekly workout time; approx. 1284 calories burned
Bike:	Approx. 200.41 miles in 11.53 hours; 57% of weekly workout time; approx. 5191 calories burned
Run:	Approx. 28.16 miles in 4.42 hours; 22% of weekly workout time; approx. 2009 calories burned
Strength:	0.72 hours; 4% of weekly workout time; approx. 180 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 234.7 miles in 20.34 hours; approx. 8664 calories burned
Sleep:	7.61 hours avg./night
Stretching:	1.83 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Now THIS is What I'm talkin' about!

It just hit me, and yes, I checked my Ergomo was set properly for wheel size--I did, in fact, ride 133 miles on Sunday. People--Harden the Fuck Up!

Tiki Hut Update: Tiki Hut Still MIA; Barbies get New Furniture!!!

The bitches were growing weak due to only have one rotisserie chicken and a few cocktails, so they got naked to conserve energy, and some silent patron of the Barbie arts donated a fridge and some new furniture.

Man--these bitches sure can eat a lot considering how skinny they are! I also have no clue how they hoisted that bike on top of the fridge.

Thing 2, as always, is being lecherous, hiding in fridge drawers and staring at the girls.

And what's up with those dogs?

Harden the Fuck Up

OK so the wrist band to the left is pretty crude--I only had a pen to write on it, not a magic marker like I had at Dairyland Dare.

Sometimes HTFU works, and sometimes it doesn't, but it's always a welcome phrase to me now.

At IMLP during the run, when Nick (aka Colossal Quads) yelled it at me while pointing at me, it woke me up out of my lackluster performance.

During Dairyland Dare, it reminded me that sometimes I make stupid training errors (like thinking I could ride 300K 3 weeks after an Ironman, for example, without really resting properly first).

Yesterday, I didn't know what it would do for me. After a solid week of rain (including Saturday, which saw me on a fucking stationary bike at the Y for 2:10 because I couldn't even use the trainer at home because the basement was still drying and too damp for my liking), it was going to clear up and be beautiful yesterday. My plan was to ride the Bike Psychos 200K, which is a gorgeous ride that takes you around and through several Illinois State Parks, including Illini, Starved Rock and Mathiessen. Each of these parks are on or around the Illinois River, which is pretty big as rivers go, so you know what that means--up and down in and out of river valleys. Somehow, I didn't remember it as very challenging when I did it last year.

Bitchie got the Ergomo and compact cranks installed last week, so I was excited to see how that would work out. I got to the ride start by 6:15AM, and wanted to start at 6:30, but it appeared that the bike club didn't want to start registering us until 6:30AM, so whatever. I stretched a bit while standing in line. My legs were a bit stiff from spending time on a stationary bike (they don't fit me quite right), but I had got plenty of sleep, and have started many a ride with slightly sore legs, so I wasn't worried.

I registered and got my wrist band and wouldn't let them put it on me--I told them I needed to write something on it. So I went over to the table and did my thing and put it on, knowing I might have a tough day, knowing I might not make 200K (there were several shorter options), but feeling good. I ran into a guy I know who said he had the black rubber wrist bands made for his swimmers, and he said he'd give me a real one! He's doing IMWI, and I'll be there, so I'm going to hold him to that.

The day started a bit cool, but I didn't put on arm warmers. It was supposed to get into the upper 70's, so I figured I'd be quite comfortable with what little I was wearing. I had my hot pink IMLP bottles loaded with 6 hours worth of Infinit, and I was off. Right away I noticed that the Ergomo didn't seem to be reading correct watts--either that or I really sucked. But it did look like the speed and cadence were OK, so I was just going to need to ride powerlessly.

The first 3 hours were pretty good, and I rode with a few guys. It was then (after about 60 miles) that the ride split off--you either decided on 100 or you went out and added the special loop that was just for the 200K. I wavered slightly but thought I'd head out on the extra loop. I had forgotten my cell phone and ID like a dumbass, but didn't notice until I was about 10 miles into the ride, and no way was I going back for them, so I just needed to hope nothing happened.

The loop was in wide open country that took us away from the river valleys, and the wind had kicked up. I tried to hang with this guy (Jim, I think) and girl (never got her name), but after hearing how fast they'd covered 58 miles (2:40), I knew I wasn't that fast today (hell, that's my 1/2 IM pace!), and let them go ahead, but they were never too far ahead of me. We all got lost, but then we all found our way. Someone had removed one of the road markings. When we finally found the next one, I asked the guy what it said. He had seen my wrist band, and so he said it said HARDEN THE FUCK UP! We all cracked up over that, because being out there seemingly the only ones riding the loop, we knew that's what we needed to do.

I kept wondering whether the Ergomo was reading the correct mileage, but I compared to my buddy Jim and we were the same, so I'm saying it was right. That loop seemed endless, and there was one climb in there that totally sucked--a la Horribly Hilly or Dairyland Dare. We went down a short, steep hill, and there's the Vermillion River, and then you look up and what the fuck! About a 1/4 mile steep fucker. At that moment, I was really wondering if I could make it up, and I could hear the cars' gears grinding as they passed me. All I could think is how much I suck and what have I done to myself, but I looked at my wrist and thought I will make it up this thing one way or the other. Sweet relief!

We finished the loop about 8 miles after that (I think), and everyone who was back at the park that had done that climb remarked at how truly bad it was. I told several riders how happy I was to hear that because I thought at the time that either a) I sucked really bad or that b) it was very steep. (b), thank you!

So now I'm at about 80 miles, and seriously wondering if I'm going to finish this bad boy, but I figure I have no choice but to keep riding. Every time I would think I sucked horribly, I would pass someone else who must have sucked even more than me. And now it was headwind all the way back (why is that there's always a headwind on the way back?), and I couldn't tell what my power was or how bad I sucked except by my speed.

What kept me going at this point was the prospect of a turkey sandwich. At the rest station (we had already been there on the way out) we'd hit next, they have sandwiches. And I really wanted one! Even though I didn't feel like I was nutritionally bonking, sometimes on these really long rides (and considering I haven't been eating enough carbs lately--that's another story for another day), I figured extra food couldn't hurt. Well I got there and they were out of meat! I was crushed! Well, not really, but still...I had a slice of bread with some peanut butter. I took my sweet time there, but then realized I needed to get going. I was at 101 miles, so a good ride already, but 20-something to go, only I heard people talking there was 35 more miles??? WHAT THE FUCK!!! It was another of those days where I wasn't really up for 130 miles, you know? And there were other riders there who had done Horribly Hilly 200K which had turned into 130+ miles depending on whether or not you got lost. Oh well, how long could another 35 take?

So I head out of there, and thank you, fuck me up the ass, there's another climb right out of there. Because, you know, we were in another fucking valley. It wasn't like the Vermillion River, though, so not so bad, but it was at least 1/2 mile long. Oh well, grind up and hope it flattens out. It sort of did.

I passed a bunch of people who were only riding 100 miles as suck-ass as I was riding. We got to Ottawa and were right above the Illinois River, and you could see a bunch of stop signs in the water! It really showed just how much rain we had received, and it was definitely a sight. I wished I had my camera with me, but considering how much not fun I was having, I was glad to not be carrying anything extra. Right by the river, I came up on a guy on an MTB, and I asked how far he was riding. He said he was trying for 100. I was impressed! I also thought how much I sucked because for awhile I couldn't even stay with him, but then I got some semblance of legs back and passed him.

Somewhere after Ottawa, I came up on a group of 4 riders and again, couldn't believe I was catching anybody, as poorly as I thought I was riding. I socialized a bit, and one woman rode up to me and said, "Are you Sheila?" I said yes, and she said she reads my blog all the time, and she's doing IMWI, and has found a lot of good tips here! Nice! So I thought I'd be a Good Samaritan and chat with her awhile and spill anything she wanted to know since it will be her first Ironman. I enjoyed talking to her, as it took my mind off my sorry ass legs.

We got to the last rest station and I was at 121 miles. OK, how much further to go? They said 12 miles. Yippeekayay. I told the girls to come with me, and they said they didn't want me to hold them back, but I said I sucked not to worry. We got about 5 miles out and for some reason I got a bit of a second wind and I just took off. Apparently I didn't suck as much as I thought.

Well, the speedo gave me just about 12 miles more, so then I knew it was accurate, and I ended up at 133.5 miles. As tired as I felt (and I didn't even stay to shower there, and it was a 50-mile drive back home), for some reason I felt good that I had done it. 133.5 in 7:40. How??? Why???

HARDEN THE FUCK UP

Get it While It's Free!!! Crackhead's IMLP Race Report Podcast!!!

HERE

Please note this podcast will disappear into a private area at some point in the future. So if you've ever wanted to listen to me babble (as interviewed by my coach, Rich), even you pervs, take a listen now. It's a little like phone sex, if you think about it. I will be featured on future podcasts at Endurance Nation, FYI.

Rich had to stop me after 45 minutes, as I can babble on ad infinitum about things in my knowledge areas.

In other news, I seem to be coming around. At least my body now wants to sleep more, which is a good thing. I was able to run for 1:50 on Thursday (on no sleep and a hangover, I might add, AND the first 1:10 was on a treadmill and the last :40 on an indoor track, AND the track time was at a good pace), and did a 4400-yd. swim yesterday (I just couldn't get up early enough to get in 5,000 yards before 7:45, when I had a work meeting to attend). Really bad storms rolled through Chicago on Thursday evening, and I got some water in my basement, but that's almost cleaned up. Today will be just a short ride (2 hours) and some running, and then tomorrow I am going to see if I can ride 200k (FLAT!) at a decent pace.

I got Bitchie back, and she's got the Ergomo on there now. I already miss the SRM...that damn Ergomo meter is a huge sonofabitch. Oh well, thank God I have abandoned the use of an aerobottle, since the fucking meter sits ON the aerobars now. I am so small, and my bike is so small that everything on it is pretty tight (he he so am I), so it wouldn't fit on the stem extension. Also, in installing the compact crankset, I ended up with a new Dura Ace front derailleur. My LBSG, Anthony, who put it on, asked me to guess how many derailleurs he had to go through before he found one that fit (he did try SRAM, which would have been cool). I guessed 6, and I was right! We high fived over that. I swear sometimes I'm psychic.

LGL is now in the shop getting sexed up to the max with her red Nokon cables. I will need to show up next week with some beer for Anthony, since the cables are installed piece by piece. I got after him again about my magpie decals, so we'll see if we finally get that going.

I know lots of peeps racing Ironman Louisville and Ironman Canada. I hope everyone has a great day.

Plans for IMWI spectating and Nothingman live coverage are in the works...

Weekly Workout Totals 8/13/2007-8/19/2007 (Lame) and Various Crap

Even though it was the right thing to do, I'm embarrassed about how little I did last week:

Weekly Workout Totals	08/13/2007-08/19/2007
Swim:	11700 yards (6.64 miles) in 4.05 hours; 28% of weekly workout time; approx. 1418 calories burned
Bike:	Approx. 76.71 miles in 4.38 hours; 30% of weekly workout time; approx. 2004 calories burned
Run:	Approx. 30.24 miles in 4.48 hours; 31% of weekly workout time; approx. 2017 calories burned
Strength:	1.5 hours; 10% of weekly workout time; approx. 375 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 113.59 miles in 14.41 hours; approx. 5814 calories burned
Sleep:	7.96 hours avg./night
Stretching:	2.12 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

On the plus side, I got in a good amount of swimming, running, sleep and stretching. I just hate it when I can't bike like I want to, though.

How's it going this week? I'm taking it one day at a time. It has been raining here every day so far (right now included), so even though I could still go to the outdoor pool (tomorrow is the last day it's open for morning lap swim contrary to what I had thought), not so much. I swam 3,000 (fucking yards--at least when you've become used to meters) on Monday and 3,400 yesterday. I biked about 1:30 on Tuesday, but I had to keep the intensity really low. I ran Monday and Wednesday, but tried to hold the intensity down. That was no problem yesterday because it was 90 with high humidity yesterday! No wonder I felt like crap. Today I'm going to see if I can get close to a 2-hour run in. We'll see...

In other news, I have connected up with the (and I use the term loosely) "organizer" of Nothingman. Turns out he lives not very far from me, and he was kind enough to invite me to dinner with his family last night. I enjoyed meeting his wife and 2 young sons, and we tried to not talk triathlon the entire time! As long as I can regain my ability to train decently for a few more weeks, I'm in. Jostein and I have some neat ideas for our special day, which we intend to be first, a lot of fun, and second, basically a long training day. Anyone who would like to "crew" for us, do parts of the "race" with us or just hang out is welcome. Jostein is going to scope out our swim and run course this weekend. Since we'll be mostly unsupported, and since both Jostein and I could care less if we swim in a pool and run around a 1-mile loop, we're going to keep it simple.

I'm making a deal with my LBSG for my SRM (which has, by now, been stripped off Bitchie), and am getting goods and services for its value. So far, I'm getting red Nokon cables for LGL, an Aquaman Metal Cell wetsuit, Thule bike rack for my car (so other peeps can whore around with me now), and whatever else I can think of. Believe it or not, there's this $100 rain jacket I might get. And then, I swear, I am done buying triathlon crap this year! I think I've overhauled just about every piece of gear. I think now it's time for me to do something different with my body. Hmmm...what might that be?

I hope it's not raining tomorrow morning so I can swim one last time outdoors; but the forecast doesn't look good.

Oh well--keep training everyone!

Crash 'n Burn

I managed to drag myself down to the 100K bike race yesterday, hoping that being in the presence of so many bikes (and I have to admit--assorted hotties) would lift me out of my mentally and physically tired state. If you're interested, there are more photos at my Flickr page.

Just walking 1/2 mile down to the race was enough exercise for the day. Unfortunately, it pissed rain all day, but at least it wasn't pouring for this race. Secretly, I figured I'd get to see at least one good crash.

Until I started biking seriously myself, I didn't even know this race was a short waltz from home, and now I try and attend it every year. Usually, though, I've come off of a good ride in the morning myself, but not yesterday.

I felt bad for the riders--I don't much like riding in the rain--but they were racing. The bikes sounded differently than in dry weather. It was still fun to watch, and even though there weren't as many spectators as in other (always dry) years, I still ran into a number of people I know. I didn't have it in me to yell at the riders, though. Too much energy!

I got to see the crash in the photo above. It was a smallish crash--earlier there was a 20-rider pileup. This course is a 1.2 mile loop, so there are tons of turns. When it's dry, the place where most crashes occur is the turn off of Washington Street onto Curtiss. But this time, with all the rain, every turn was an opportunity to crash. Velonews.com doesn't yet have a writeup of yesterday's race, but I'm sure crashing will be featured.

Speaking of crashing, I'm not sure what today will bring. I may go put my face into the water shortly to see what happens. It's still raining, the Y pool is closed, I can't swim at the outdoor pool, so if I want to swim, I'll need to go with Plan C, Good Samaritan. Maybe I'll just swim 1/2 hour and then hit the hot tub. Yeah--that sounds like a plan and a good way to start a Monday.