Three Weeks

FYI, I'm getting back to training. Pretty much one day at a time, but at least I've sketched out how much running I should try and do between now and 11/1, if I'm to do that 50K.

But I really just need to get through the next 3 weeks. After that, I'll have a freshly painted, inside and out, house, complete with new windows and doors. And my street should be finished! New house, new street, new training season.

If you read up on dreams or just even psychology, you'd know that "house" is often a metaphor for one's inner self. Dreams about houses or rooms signify that you are doing "work" on yourself. What the fuck, I am all about working on myself. So much so that it does, at times, feel like actual work. How can I do work when I also have to WORK? How is it that it this first stage of working on my physical house has come down to 3 weeks to go? Then I will need to decide what's next. I suppose subconsciously I decided to begin working on my physical house knowing that I'd be working on my inner house at the same time.

The only problem with finishing one thing is that it means it's time to begin something else. Just like when you find the answer to one question in your life you are presented with the next question. And you know what? From my past experiences, it usually takes about 3 weeks for something to gel in my head and answer the first question and then I'm usually ready for the next one. Maybe that's why coaches recommend a 3-week step up and then 1 week down.

I received a bonus question yesterday--an invitation to the 30 Days of Prison Workouts, care of Louis. He's a guy I met at the outdoor pool this summer who is into CrossFit. Well, I guess I just signed up for it. Starts in 3 weeks. I know I can do the 50 air squats, planks, Superman, anything abs I can do. I can do a few burpees. I'm excited about this because, well, it will be a replacement for my current strength training for a month. I am sure once the month is up that Louis will be pointing me to something else.

There are just too many coincidences here. This is why I write this shit down.

3 weeks. I can't wait! I get to be a prisoner in my own house!

Where am I Going?

Fall is a common time when we think about the past year and look towards the next. A little over a year ago, I was having discussions with my Dad about possibly moving someplace else and him coming to live with me. At the time, I also knew that I'd want to have some work done on my house, after about 9 years of neglect due to my immersion in running and then triathlon, before making such a move. Well, things turned out a little differently. Dad died, but I still wanted to get going on those house projects because I needed to start thinking about where I want to live next, assuming I'm able to change directions in the next few years.

First I had to get the Estate process going, and I got most of it done before IMLP, but then knew I'd still be wanting to train a lot. Something told me in early August that it was time to pull the trigger and start work on the house. That one decision has created a snowball effect. So far, the exterior has been painted and new windows have been installed. Next will be interior painting and redoing some of the window treatments and maybe getting some new furniture in the bedrooms. In the process of moving things around to prepare for the work, things are just screaming at me to do something about them--be it fix up, toss or evaluate for the future. I had begun a general purge of "stuff" last winter, as part of my grief process, and now it continues.

I've kept a page on my office desk blotter at home for 5 years now, and while I moved the blotter and the computers on top of it so I could work in a different area of the house, I just moved them back and decided to read something I'd written to myself 5 years ago, and so I'm going to write it down here before I toss the paper. In rereading it myself, I can see that I probably knew where I was heading, and while I'm not all the way there, I think I've made good progress.

I wrote this on 5/10/2003 at the point where I was injured, unable to run, and knew I couldn't go race in a 1/2 Ironman in Kona in a few weeks. It was devastating to me at the time because, well, I really love Kona, didn't know how long I'd be injured, and it was my first brush with the possibility that I might not be able to run again. As it turns out, I still went to Kona and had a wonderful time cheering for a friend and basically everyone else, I came back from the injury by July as a result of researching trigger point therapy, and I PR'ed in a 1/2 IM after not much training. I went back to a chiropractor I had seen just a few times and he was shocked that I had fixed myself. I was proud of myself because in returning to running, I took an extremely conservative approach, which was a huge exercise in self-control for me. Since that time, I have learned pretty well how to manage potential injuries and also a ton of patience, and obviously, become much more in tune with my body and hopefully my mind.

So, reprinted for your reading pleasure, see if you can see the future themes, many of which I think I've laid out on this blog:

5/10/2003

Dear Sheila,

I know this hurts (literally) and is disappointing. But, you will no doubt benefit from the rest and perhaps reconnect with your health in a new way. Not to mention becoming a better swimmer! Learn from this--listen more carefully to your body and the signals it sends when it needs a break. Tell those around you that you need their help in sounding back at you when you say you are "not 100%." Because you know that you are usually running around 250%. Let others help you. Tell them they need to be honest with you. You are not invincible, even though you have a shell that makes it appear that way. Take care of some other aspects of your life during this time away from training. You were a pretty cool person before you started doing this triathlon stuff, and that part of you is still inside. Don't be afraid of that part of yourself. It's the foundation that has enabled you to be where you are today.

Be thankful. Despite this injury, you are a healthy, beautiful woman. You have friends and family that love you, even when you act self-absorbed and think what you are doing is so amazing. Remember how you always say that the main thing you want in your life is to live every day with integrity, and to set a good example of what's possible to others? You are already living proof of that, and you are not diminished in the eyes of anyone for failing one goal. You need to keep aiming and shooting--sometimes you will hit, and sometimes you will miss. Each miss may hurt, but learn from it so you increase the chance of hitting.

Love,
Me

And of course, I have to reprint my two favorite quotes that are displayed prominently in my home office area that I only ran across for the first time a few years ago:

When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power.
--Tranxu

To achieve satisfaction in everything
Desire it in nothing.
To possess everything,
Desire to have nothing.
To be everything,
Desire to be nothing.
To know everything,
Desire to know nothing.
--John of the Cross

I think I must have known 5 years ago that I would get to the point of wanting to do NothingMan, and I just right now realized the poignancy of both quotes.

The journey continues!

Historical Crackhead Training & Racing

I'm trying to get over Nothing, but I keep getting something out of it. But I did promise that for whatever reason (those of you addicted to the crack) that I would post my season totals and all that.

First, here are some of the interesting facts:

• Number of insect stings: 3. I may need to get a prescription for an Epi pen since I seem to be reacting more each time I get stung.
  
• Number of times I rode 100+ miles in a day: 8. This is a problem. I'm going to need to get on those earlier in the year, like March-April timeframe. Ironman is all about riding far FAST. I can do plenty of FAST in the winter, add FAR, but then the kicker is FAR and FAST.
• Number of times I swam at the outdoor pool: Not sure, but close to 50. I miss that.
• Number of times I bonked while running: 2 or 3
• Number of hyperthermia incidents: 1. I'm pretty proud that this was my first time :)
  
• Did the most number of triathlons (including Nothings) in a season at 15. That's a whole lot of fun!
• Number of hypothermia incidents: 2--once at Triple T, IMLP.
• Won Grand Master Crackhead division at Triple T.
• Swam in the coldest water I've ever been in at Triple T.
  
• Did my longest run ever.
• Did 2 IM's (1 Nothing) in the rain. Got rained on during a 1/2 NothingMan. Got rained on at Triple T. Got rained on a lot!
• Number of nearly naked pics of me on this blog: I don't know. Count them yourself :) Winner gets to predict my next crazy adventure.

Below is all the data since I started doing this stuff. The only thing I know for sure is that since I was a little low on running and swimming, strength training kept me sound this past season. Stress took a heavy toll on me pretty much through July, but that is mostly in the past now. I am now officially beginning my 2008-2009 year, and I predict that no matter what my time achievements may be, that there will be another bunch of firsts, a whole lot of fun, and great experiences on my own and with others of a similar mindset. I kicked off the season in a unique way--I ran in the desert over this past weekend. Not too far from Death Valley. It's really true--there are dinosaurs in the desert!

Training Year Beg.	Total Run Hours/ Year	Avg. Run Hours/ Week	Est. Total Run Miles/ Year	Est. Avg. Run Miles/ Week	Annualized Run Miles
2000-2001	222.84	4.29	1337.04	25.71	1285.62
2001-2002	244.00	4.44	1464.00	26.62	1330.91
2002-2003	239.92	4.14	1439.52	24.82	1240.97
2003-2004	194.92	3.90	1208.48	24.17	1208.48
2004-2005	188.10	4.00	1166.22	24.81	1290.29
2005-2006	229.74	4.33	1463.72	27.62	1436.24
2006-2007	223.84	4.30	1433.97	27.58	1433.97
2007-2008	200.35	3.93	1284.45	25.19	1309.64
Training Year Beg.	Total Bike Hours/ Year	Avg. Bike Hours/ Week	Est. Total Bike Miles/ Year	Est. Avg. Bike Miles/ Week	Annualized Bike Miles
2000-2001	262.85	5.05	3942.75	75.82	3791.11
2001-2002	275.00	5.00	4675.00	85.00	4250.00
2002-2003	338.48	5.84	5754.16	99.21	4960.48
2003-2004	335.13	6.70	5697.27	113.95	5697.27
2004-2005	274.08	5.83	4796.46	102.05	5306.72
2005-2006	304.86	5.75	5326.86	100.51	5226.35
2006-2007	330.22	6.35	5710.85	109.82	5710.85
2007-2008	319.95	6.27	5596.46	109.73	5706.19
Training Year Beg.	Total Swim Hours/ Year	Avg. Swim Hours/ Week	Est. Total Swim Yards/ Year	Est. Total Swim Yards/ Week	Est. Total Swim Miles/ Week	Annualized Swim Yards
2000-2001	146.67	2.82	366675	7051.44	4.00	352572
2001-2002	166.00	3.02	415000	7545.45	4.28	377273
2002-2003	190.28	3.28	508422	8765.90	4.97	438295
2003-2004	197.72	3.95	563709	11274.18	6.40	563709
2004-2005	158.98	3.38	455671	9695.13	5.50	504147
2005-2006	153.49	2.90	437285	8250.66	4.68	429034
2006-2007	164.56	3.16	471743	9071.98	5.15	471743
2007-2008	143.76	2.82	408658	8012.90	4.55	416671
Training Year Beg.	Total Strength Hours Year	Avg. Strength Hours/ Week
2000-2001	80.00	1.54
2001-2002	65.00	1.18
2002-2003	78.75	1.36
2003-2004	62.93	1.26
2004-2005	45.78	0.97
2005-2006	70.81	1.34
2006-2007	66.27	1.27
2007-2008	75.41	1.48
Training Year Beg.	Total Hours/ Year	Avg. Hours/ Week	%Increase	Annualized Hours/ 50 weeks	Cum. Avg. Hours
2000-2001	712.36	13.70		684.96	13.69923
2001-2002	750.00	13.64	1.00	681.82	13.66780
2002-2003	847.43	14.61	1.07	730.54	13.98215
2003-2004	790.70	15.81	1.08	790.70	14.44011
2004-2005	666.95	14.19	0.90	709.52	14.39018
2005-2006	758.96	14.32	1.01	744.64	14.47395
2006-2007	784.89	15.09	1.05	754.70	14.56253
2007-2008	739.47	14.50	0.96	724.97	14.55464
Training Year Beg.	Stretching Avg. per Week	Avg. Hours Sleep
2000-2001
2001-2002
2002-2003
2003-2004
2004-2005		8.51
2005-2006	1.92	8.54
2006-2007	1.39	8.24
2007-2008	1.79	8.19

Reflections on Nothing

I'm assembling all my stats for my 2007-2008 triathlon season, which officially concluded with NothingMan. I thought I'd get around to posting that this week, but I'm lazy so not until next week.

But I am looking back on the year and just this past weekend and all I can say it's been some kind of ride. I feel kind of like the Phoenix, in that I truly, honestly felt like I was in an abyss from November through mid-February, and then things just got better and better, but still with bumps along the way, leading up to the reemergence of everything that is good and right with the world.

You, or should I say I, can't stop the inevitable cycles of energy/inertia, bliss/despair, success/failure, and believe me, I had it all this past season, and know there will be more of it in my future. But on the plus side, when you've been at your lowest point, like I was last winter, anything not that is like frosting on the cake. If nothing (!) else, I've become much, much more appreciative of not bad stuff and grateful in general.

After IMLP, which ostensibly was not a good race for me, I was happy to keep training for NothingMan, because, well, I was just happy to be able to do it, and I really now feel like that Phoenix in that I feel really, really physically and mentally strong right now. And then NothingMan was way, way better than anything else all year, and I felt like I was celebrating during it, and still am. I had water in my house, the streets were flooded, it rained all weekend, but that was all just the background. The thing about NothingMan is that you go into it knowing that it has the potential to be way more problematical (from a logistical perspective) than a normal Ironman, and you just have to be OK with it! And then move beyond it, and let the experience be and unfold under the guise of you're swimming, biking and running, which also recedes into the background. And so to be ready for NothingMan, I guess what I'm saying is it's not so much the physical training that counts, but the mental aspect and really, really being able to let go of everything so you can move through it (I suppose for the sake of saying you did x distance) in a state of receptivity to what you can learn about yourself.

Hard to explain, but you are doing the physical activity and maintaining awareness of your surroundings, but it's your mind that really gets to exercise. There were some interesting thoughts I had during the weekend that sometimes I'd share and sometimes not. A new one I had this time around was, "I hate myself." But it was funny--almost like I was disassociating from my own self, or maybe from my physical self. Hard to explain. Anyway, there was no time during NothingMan that I felt any true physical pain or concern over my ability to keep going. In fact, I think I could have just kept going, but sometimes you do need to stop :)

I had my first glimpse of NothingMan-ness in 2004 when I think I was finally able to absorb all the training I'd done the prior 3 years and just enjoy my mental state during the marathon at IMC, which is why that race holds a special place in my heart. And then I got that same thing going during the marathon at IMH 2004. And it made me think, how do I get that more often in my life? And that's when my real journey into Nothingness began. In 2005 I went and ran a marathon by myself. I mean, you know, trying to PR and all, which I did do. And it was good Nothingness, because it prepared me for the next year when my Mom died. I don't know why I waited again until 2007 to do my first NothingMan, but something must have guided me, because it prepared me for the death of my Dad.

And so I think that I really got my Nothingness together (if, in fact, it's possible to get nothing together) for this last weekend's NothingMan, because I was able to transcend all the physical stuff and just float through it, knowing that at some level it's preparing me for something else--what, I have no idea, but I'll know it when it happens. Like my body was just a vehicle that was enabling my mind to do its preparation for what will come next. And I got lucky in that my co-NothingMan was in the same place mentally so we could do it together but allow one another to be wherever we were in our heads, which is the whole point. But then again, a person knows they can do Nothing or else they wouldn't sign up for it, right?

I think at some level that a regular Ironman now just sets me up for Nothing, and I am good with that. I'll eventually be able to stop doing Ironman and just do Nothing. I think I'm getting to be pretty good at Nothing! Don't get me wrong--I think you can get some of your Nothing doing actual events, too, but for me actual events can sometimes be way too distracting what with people trying to shake you loose from your own mind--what's up with that? But both actual events and Nothing do serve to awaken you to more possibilities so you can go, "gee, I could do that." I almost think there is nothing that I couldn't do, but sometimes it just needs to be presented at the right time. You can't force the Nothingness to happen. But to me, it's better than some stupid PR for doing something! Although, again, don't get me wrong--I do not want to suck while doing something or nothing, and I know that the physical preparation is also necessary. Holy shit--did it really take me 12 IM's to get here? I guess so.

What's funny is that I think I'm going to go run a 50K in a few weeks. It won't be nothing, but that's what I mean about sometimes doing nothing awakening you to other things. But I already am excited about doing a 1/2 NothingMan in a couple of months. I'm still not locked in on anything between now and May 2009, but I know it's going to be good stuff one way or the other.

And so I will end this post with a pic of me from the weekend that to me captures just how great it was. I can still feel that smile on my face deep down inside, and hope I can hang onto it for awhile! It was taken after we finished riding in the rain at Fermilab on Saturday.

This is not a Race Report

We finished things up yesterday by starting out with 61 miles on the trainer (we ended up at 54 on Saturday) while it rained pretty heavily. That was the easiest trainer ride I've ever done! And then it was time to do the 27 mile run.

It wasn't pouring, but there was still a steady rain falling when we began the run. Both of us having done rainy Ironman's, we knew to lube up heavily. I had planned out a run "route," and the intention was to do 6.5 miles out and then back, and then stay on the same general route, completing how ever many loops we each individually wanted to do to finish things out.

I was totally thrilled that Rob wanted to run with me. WITH ME! I'm in awe of his running prowess, and I had no clue about how I'd be able to run, considering I'd run like crap at IMLP and that I'd felt somewhat injured the last 3 weeks. Plus, I just don't think of myself as a "runner." But whatever it was, I didn't feel too badly, and I was happy for the running motivation, which was helped by the awesome...um...scenery. Thanks, man!

We did the 6.5 mile out and back together, dodging various flooded roads and sidewalks, getting our feet totally soaked, including a downhill at mile 10 where an SUV decided it just had to plow through all this standing water and create a nice wave that washed up onto my calves. Then it was up the 1-mile hill and 2 more miles mostly gentle downhill to finish out the first 13. We stopped back home for some warm chicken broth and a change of clothes and shoes, since the rain seemed to be tapering off somewhat.

Then we both went out 2+ miles, and Rob went another mile out while I wimped out and turned around because I didn't want to have to run back up the 1-mile hill again. I run that hill (well, maybe it's not a hill to him) a lot in training runs, and I just didn't think I had that much hill running in me today.

I stopped briefly at home for some fluids and headed out for my next 2+ out and then back. Rob went out to the 2+ out, saying he'd catch up to me already going back, but it took him a bit longer than either he or I expected. I was running pretty well at this point, but was starting to feel the usual "this is a long way to run" stuff, plus we spent a lot of time on concrete sidewalks, and even though the rain had let up, it would spray on and off. After we were joined back up, we decided we could use some more warm chicken broth back at the house.

At this point (of course it was difficult to do math, and we had to do the calculations probably three times), Rob was at 24.2 miles and I was at 22.2, so I needed to do the 2+ out and back plus a little more to hit my 27. Rob wanted to stay with me and just do some extra miles (no big deal for him), but as happy as I had been to spend so much time running with him (and being amazed that he would run at my pace), I told him he should just do his 27, and I'd enjoy my last 2 miles running alone.

I had put the red blinky necklace on, and it was getting dark (just after 7PM), and the rain had finally stopped, so people were out walking in this park that we ran by 8 times, I suppose after having been cooped up for 3 straight days of rain. I have to say here that there were at least 4 times in this stretch that there was a girl on rollerblades with child in stroller and a friend of hers on the sidewalk that never budged every time we ran by. Where the hell were they going? Apparently nowhere, since while they were camped out in THE EXACT SPOT on this sidewalk about 1.75 miles from home, we've been running a fucking marathon. You could move, you know. I'm just sayin'. Come on, people--get the fuck outta my way here and give me something to run on! Whatever.

I'm sure I looked odd running with the blinky thing on all by myself. Two women looked at me funny, and I felt compelled to tell them that I was running a marathon and that's why I was blinking. At the time it made sense to me, but now that I write it down, how would someone think that the two things were related?

It felt pretty good when I was about where mile 26 would be, knowing that now I was doing something I'd never done before. After my little rough patch around miles 20-21, my legs were again feeling pretty good, because I knew I was about done. When I got home, Rob kept making me run up and down my driveway trying to get a finishing shot of me running--don't know whether he got one or not, but I was laughing because I could have kept running, but I did sort of want to stop. My right foot never did bother me one iota and neither of us got blisters or chafed, and yeah, maybe it wasn't a big deal because we spread things over 2 days, but still, we just ran 27 miles (I ended up running my 27 in 4:35, what the hell!), and yet we felt pretty great.

There were then many beers, a bottle of champagne and pizza, many, many smiles and general good feelings. I don't remember all of what we talked about last night, but it was all good, including the usual endorphin high, sense of accomplishment and all that. It's really difficult to talk about how doing something like this feels. It's way different than an actual race--in some ways, so much more satisfying--and when I look at how I rode and ran, it was really good for me, so I think that I have some more unexplored potential. Maybe.

OK, so those are some of the facts. Here's the important stuff: the whole weekend was fucking awesome. I had a good hunch that Rob and I would get along really well, and we did, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have done this with. It just worked between us without any effort. All I had to do was point him in in the right direction and he was good, and he provided a lot of great decision making when I couldn't seem to do it, gave me a little bit of HTFU on Saturday and got me to run really well on Sunday. We had quiet stretches, thoughtful periods and plenty of laughs.

It was Nothing and Everything and perfect! I highly recommend it, but you know--next time around there might be NothingMan qualifiers :)

Oh--by the way--I am registered for Ironman Canada 2009 as well as IMLP 2009. How did that happen, you ask? Well, Brett told me he got into IMCA during the unanticipated online registration a few weeks ago, and I was talking to him about how great that race is and how I'd like to do it again. And then fate took over, as a second online registration opened up, but I still wasn't thinking about it until Rob told me he was going to try and get in, and I thought I'd try (knowing that I could do both IMLP and IMCA) but really didn't think I'd get in, and then we were talking on the phone and trying to register at the same time (it's true what they say--simultaneous Ironman registration really is hot), and we both got in at about the same time, and neither of us had really planned it, but now it's done. So I get to do the infamous IMLP/IMCA double. How fucking cool will that be?

But I'm pretty sure I'll still find a way to do something nothing soon enough. I'm not sure I can wait another year for it. I know that whenever it is, it will be good and everything I thought it was cracked up to be. Just like NothingMan 2008. It really was something.

Wet Man 2008

That's about all I can say about this. We are into day 3 of monsoon rains care of Hurricane Ike, and are now on Day 2 of NothingMan. Obviously, the plans have changed from a single day festival to do whatever we can whenever we can. I've got some water in my basement, but it's not as bad as some people have. There's a new lake, Lake Nothing, on my street.

We managed to swim yesterday, thinking we'd only have 1 hour during mid-day lap, but then nobody made us stop so we kept going. Rob did all 2.5 miles; me--I didn't count, which was rare for me, but covered a lot of ground.

Then we had to decide about riding in the rain some, all or nothing. We ended up doing about 3 hours in the rain in Fermilab. It wasn't too bad--no lightning, and pleasant enough temperatures.

It's still raining and not stopping anytime soon, so we're going to finish up riding on...THE TRAINER...and then head out and get the run done.

FREE BIRD!!!

What it Takes to Do a NothingMan

Looks like we are going for Sunday, as Saturday will be rainy and cold.

Here is a selection of provisions:

Had to defizz some Ultra Violence and Coke for the run












Need some fizzy Coke for biking and lots of water













More water for the run













Things that are salty













Some blinky things :)













Some malty/hoppy things













Something with wings













Something bubbly













Something jizzy













In case it's cold on the run


















Sweetness













Morning caffeine













Oh yeah that pizza's in the freezer














Gatorade Tower


















Got some schwag, too, but that's a surprise!

Stop Stinging Me!

So today I got stung by something for the third time this year. Usually, I just have the localized reaction (swelling, itching), but this time, I got some hives in various places. Nice! So maybe the third time is a charm? Why am I so attractive to stinging insects? I have lots of bumble bees and honey bees in my yard and they are very nice and don't sting.

First time: 6/27, running, stung on top of right hand, blew up in under 5 minutes.

Second time: 7/15, riding, stung on right boob, localized reaction, no swelling (sadly--I could use some there, but I would have been lopsided)

Third time: 9/10, riding, stung on left inguinal fascia, localized swelling, hives on both arms, legs and ears. Hives are going away after taking some Allegra. Doctor says to get some Benadryl to take tonight.

I'm done being stung. Time for NothingMan.

Mellow...Who? Me?

But first, a little food porn. I made my once-per-year deep dish pizza this weekend. It takes 2 days (well, 2 half days, I guess) to make it between chopping and grating, making the tomato sauce, shrimp, dough and cleanup (I don't count making the pesto, which I did a few weeks ago). It's all going in the freezer, with a few slices coming out this weekend. I weighed it--the beast weighs 13 pounds, and I think there is at least a full head of garlic in there between the tomato sauce, BBQ shrimp and pesto.
Pre-baked crust and fillings ready to be added









3 cheeses on bottom (smoked mozzarella, gouda and fontinella), pesto, BBQ shrimp, artichoke hearts and black olives added on








Plus plum tomatoes








Tomato sauce and final cheeses (romano and Parmesan)








Finished!








I've been sleeping a ton, and even not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Laying in bed--I could get used to it! Not-training-wise, I did about what I needed to last week. I have some aches and pains here and there, but nothing that I'm too worried about. I've been moving stuff around in the house in preparation for installation of new windows and doors, which is getting me to toss out yet more of the abundant crap I have accumulated. Had a few friends successfully complete their Ironman races this weekend...that always makes me smile.

In a day or so it will be my turn to start thinking about the weather this weekend, and I'm pretty sure I'll have one of those absolutely blissful runs that tells me I'm rested and ready to go. And maybe even get excited about it. Nah--I'm pretty sure I'm going to jump from mellow to excited any day now. Is there such a thing as mellowly excited? That's what I'm going for.

I...HATE...TAPERS

I think TAPER must stand for

Take
Away
Pleasurable
Endorphin
Rush

At least that's what it feels like to me...but then you know the only cure is

Tackle
Another
Painful
Endurance
Race

An....tici.....pation

It's taper time...again...gee...when has this happened before? I must be stuck in a time warp...

In predictable fashion, today I am fucking tired, even though I slept 10 1/2 hours last night. I think it may be the heat...

I did my last long ride on Saturday--90 miles--and it was fucking hot, but I was happy I was able to run afterwards. My right foot still ain't right (but that doesn't make it left, either), but I think I'll get by. I'm playing around with different shoes, doing trigger point work, icing, blah, blah, blah.

When I ran yesterday, it was...OMG...HOT! I ran up on a guy and a girl (obviously not a couple judging from their age difference) that I figured were training for a marathon. There were a lot of people at Argonne running, walking, biking, you name it--it always makes me happy to be with so many others getting out and getting it done. I struck up a conversation with the couple, as they seemed to be holding a good pace for me. They were on their second loop of 2 for a total of 19 miles, and they are training for the Milwaukee marathon. They asked me what I was training for, and I just said, "an Ironman." Of course, the questions followed about which one, and the young girl, upon hearing it was going to be self-supported, asked, "Why would you do that?" I smiled, waited for a moment, and finally replied, "Because after you do it anything else you do feels easy." But I saw her roll her eyes. How would she get it? Milwaukee would be her first marathon. Most people I tell about NothingMan think it's cool or at least don't look at me like I'm some deranged weirdo. This girl, well, I'm pretty sure she figured me for nutso.

After running, I went with my brother Mike to the cemetery where my Mom is buried, and we took some of Dad's ashes along for the ride. I had a little talk with Mom, we sprinkled some of Dad around the area, Mike and I sat in the shade and talked about how we live our lives and anything else we felt like talking about, and then when I got home, I decided I needed to ride CF up to the top of this landfill that is near where Mike lives.

Typically when I feel like riding really easy on CF, I ride to Greene Valley and try and get lost on the trails. Last fall, the week before my Dad was hospitalized, I discovered the road to the top and went almost all the way. Yesterday, I decided going all the way up would just be an exclamation point on the day of visiting all the dead people.

It turns out it's only 1 mile up to the top, and it took me about 7 minutes. I would go faster, except most of the road is really chunky gravel and not at all easy to ride on. But the view from the top was spectacular--well, for the area, anyway. I could see all the water towers of the various suburbs, including my own, and the Sears Tower plus other parts of the Chicago skyline. On the way down, I saw a few brave souls running up the road, and of course, it's now on my to do list.

Today I did a bunch of crap, including a very short run, because I just felt too tired to run (19 hours of training last week; so I've put together 5 solid 19 to 21 hour weeks since IMLP), but I managed to finally motivate and get a strength workout done, too.

One day into a taper and I'm already feeling, well, off. But I'm usually a little off, so no worries there. My main concern is the weather right now, right on target for 2 weeks out from a (not a) race. Usually these hot spells don't last too long, so I'm going to hope for 70's or even 60's in a few weeks. But it could be anything in 2 weeks. I'm a little concerned about my right foot, but I'm hoping it will come around as I'll be resting like crazy.

But I am really looking forward to NothingMan in a well, nothing sort of way. It is going to happen, that's a given, it's going to be a long day filled with all sorts of surprises and interesting thoughts, I'm sure. I can't wait!

I'm in Mourning

Today was the last day for lap swim at my outdoor pool.

It was a perfect morning. A little below 70. I rode CF to the pool, for the last time this year. The sun was just coming up over the horizon. I really should get lights for CF...that will be next year.

As soon as I got to the pool, I saw someone I just met this year, and she was finishing up, and she commented on being sad that this was the last outdoor lap swim, and wished me a good year! I don't know where she usually swims, but I know she does triathlons, so odds are we will run into one another sometime before next June.

Out on the deck, where I snapped my last picture of the year there:









Boy, am I going to miss this place! This is my first summer of swimming there pretty much every swim I did, except for a couple days when I decided to sleep in and either didn't swim or drove. And I have to credit my former coach, Rich, for getting me to ride a bike there. It was one of those things where at first I didn't think I could make the extra time to ride there and back, but since for most of the summer I'm up with the sun, it wasn't really that difficult to leave many days by 5:30. And once I got used to riding there, well, I really had no excuse to drive. I never did end up buying a lock for CF because I just parked her to the side of the main deck, so no lock necessary.

The first few weeks that I rode I didn't know whether I should cut back my normal rides or not. Well, that turned into a no brainer. I just sort of "forgot" that I was doing this extra riding, even though I did record it in my training log. I ended up putting about 400 miles on CF just riding to and from the pool. And I think that extra riding made me stronger. Not so much faster, but it was just another good thing to add to my training regimen.

I got sort of lazy with my swimming, though. See I just enjoyed swimming outside so much that I wasn't much into the speed thing. But I can swim forever! Even though I didn't swim much in the winter, I got a lot in this summer because I usually just did whatever in yards as meters, and the meters added up to some extra yardage. All good.

But now it's time to say goodbye to swimming outdoors for 9 months. This week I've been thinking about all the different things that have made swimming outside so great, and I've summed them up in a Top 10 list below:

TOP TEN GREAT THINGS ABOUT SWIMMING AT MY 50 METER OUTDOOR POOL

10 I got to swim with a better class of swimmers, and bonus, better looking, than what I generally encounter at my Y. Face it, people who are swimming at 5:30 in the morning are pretty serious. I didn't have to worry about some idiot whacking me or not knowing how to circle swim.

9 Seeing/hearing the trains going by. The pool is right alongside railroad tracks, and every so often I'd hear a commuter train (there are lots of them from 5:30 to 8:30) go by or the low rumble of a freight train. Seeing the commuter trains made me smile--poor schmucks are on a train going to their job and I'm swimming outside!

8 Seeing planes overhead. I don't live that far from O'Hare Airport, so there's a good amount of air traffic, and for some reason, I enjoyed seeing them fly overhead.

7 Wearing two-piece swimsuits. What can I say? I like having a tan, armpits and all! Sure I could wear two-piece suits indoors, too, but I just don't normally.

6 Riding a bike there and back. It made me feel like a kid (and also like I was doing something good for my budget and also the environment) every single time.

5 50 METERS!!! Less counting when you're swimming, say 2.9 miles straight, like I did today.

4 Wide lanes. How can you go wrong with both long and wide? You can't.

3 Finding toys.
I don't know what the dolphin does (float? dive?) , but it was on deck one day when I was swimming in a lane with one of the high school girls, and I thought maybe it was a lucky charm or something for her. But she left, and the dolphin stayed, and I decided to keep it. I supposed I could have thrown it into the huge bin of forgotten toys and towels, but I doubt anyone would claim it. The other thing, I'm not sure what it is--it's like some cat/bear combination that I found at the bottom of the pool last week. You can fill it with water and then squeeze and it shoots out its mouth. I was highly entertained doing this while doing a bit of kicking with a board. I had the cat/bear thing on top and would fill it and squirt it. I am such a dork!

2 Cool morning air and water. There were only a few times this summer where I was actually cold, and there were only a few times when the water was way too warm. Mostly, it was cool morning air and cool water. I don't know for sure, but my guess is the pool temperature was 79-80 most days. We've had glorious summer mornings this year, so usually the air was cooler than the pool. There were many days when I was chilled on the bike, and happy for it.

1 Showering and shaving al fresco.
Now, it's already great to have swum outside in cool air in cool water, but you top it off with a nice shower pretty much outdoors, and what is better than that? The shower/locker room building isn't completely out in the open, but the ceilings are high and there are just screens on the windows and you can see outside while you're in the shower. Sure the showers get kind of gross, but who cares? Having that natural light and fresh air is just the bestest.


Well, all is not lost. We'll run right by the joint during NothingMan, and I'll tip my hat and remember all the fun I had there this summer. We got lucky that the lap swim was extended through today, so 2 extra weeks of outdoor fun, and I'm grateful for that!

I'll get over it...eventually.

OUCH! FUCK! OUCH! (repeat)

That is what was coming out of my mouth yesterday during my attempted run. I swam in the morning (rode bike to/from pool), and that was good, and then I was oddly pretty damn tired. Oh well, what to do, I need to get some running in this week.

Monday evening during a massage, I noticed my feet felt out of whack--the left one had something going on that hurt under one toe when I flexed my foot, and the right one just seemed generally abused in the arch area. I'm pretty accustomed to trigger point stuff, so I wasn't really concerned. After riding home from the pool yesterday, though, the left foot was totally fine, and I didn't really notice anything in the right.

As soon as I started running yesterday, my right foot didn't feel right on the oustide just in front of my heel. I'm used to all sorts of stuff hurting during the initial part of a workout, so I just tried to ignore it. When I was almost 3 miles out, I couldn't ignore it anymore and decided to take about a 1/4 mile walk break to see if I could figure out what was going on. Well, it hurt more to walk so I just tried to keep to an easy jog.

Stupid idiot, I should have iced my foot immediately yesterday, but I didn't. I did look in my trigger point book to figure out what muscle was causing the problems, and so I worked on it, sonofabitch that hurt! For those playing along at home, it's my abductor digiti minimi, which makes your little toe go away from your midline.

I think part of this is because I haven't worn "normal" shoes in months now. Flip flops, and then running and biking shoes. I got everything ready assuming I'd be running early this morning, but during the night, as it hurt to just walk on the stupid foot, I shut off the alarm, wrapped my foot in an Ace bandage, and slept long and hard.

Today the thing is still hurting, but I'm working on the trigger points, icing, compressing, you name it, although I'm holding myself back since I have a tendency to overdo pretty much anything. I'm also aware that the right side of my back is pretty tight, so I'm stretching that. My guess is that the tight back precipitated the whole thing, that plus just a lot of running on cambered roads for months now.

I guess, in short, this means I've been abusing myself a little bit. I'm going to just see how today goes--I may or may not bike some, and no worries, I'm pretty much tapering now so there's not a whole lot of additional fitness I'm going to get this week. I will make it to the outdoor pool tomorrow, though, since it's the last day of lap swim :(

Meanwhile, good luck to peeps racing at IMLOU this weekend--Shelley, Karen, Leah and Adam. I'll be watching!

More Nothing and Desire

I had a really nice brick workout today. It reminded me that sometimes just the thing you need is presented to you. While riding, I saw some people picking pears off a large tree along my interval route. I had never noticed the pears until today. I was also surprised at the size of the tree--as big as a large oak! I asked the people picking the pears if they were any good, but I don't think they heard me. I turned around to ride back up a 1/2 mile hill, and when I got to the top where there is a church and a big parking lot to turn around in, I decided to switch my bottles between the cages on LGL under this big tree in a bit of shade and guess what? It was a pear tree! So I picked 3 of them (after taking a bite out of a small one to satisfy myself that they would be sweet), put 2 in my jersey pocket and 1 in the Bento Box and headed on home. I ended up riding about 2 hours, which I didn't need to do, but it was just such a gorgeous day that I couldn't help myself. Running was a little rough, though, but I was glad to suffer a bit (suffering being the fact that I was running even though I knew it wouldn't be comfortable).

I had plenty of time today to think about desire and nothing and all I could come up with today is that it's OK to have desires and goals and such as long as you do your best to be in the moment during the implementation of those things. Now desire itself is not a thing to implement--goals are, though. I separate the two because goals seem to have more of an end point whereas desire seems to fuel itself ad infinitum. I mean do you ever really stop wanting really good food, sex, laughter, that sort of thing? On the other hand, I think most of us can be happy achieving the goal of one college degree, one special vacation, for example (although we may desire the feeling we have just when we accomplish the goal). Another way to think about it is that something that is sensual seems to go hand in hand with desire. Maybe endorphins are to blame for making my body confuse heavy training with sensuality! Goals creating desire, as it were. I didn't really get beyond that, but I do recognize that I have gone through this before, so I'm having fun doing a little deep dive into my thoughts instead of being puzzled by them.

Maybe there is something symbolic about the pears. You know how sometimes you notice something out of the ordinary and then all of a sudden you are seeing it everywhere? Maybe it was that. I had seen a pear tree on Sunday sometime during the 200K ride that I did. I remember thinking, huh, pears. I didn't think they grew around here. Maybe it was that I've turned around and gone down and then back up that same hill countless times (more so in the last 2 months) and turned around in the church parking lot and wouldn't have figured out there was a pear tree there until today when I'm looking to understand certain thoughts and feelings. Maybe it was just to point out to me that I can have pears! I also noticed some very large drill bits (like 6 feet tall) on a flatbed and thought those were pretty cool. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy seeing large drill bits like that?

Then again, maybe the pears represent nothing!

Anyway, here's some nothing










Here's some faux nothing:



















And finally, is it nothing?

Another Post About Desire...or Nothing

I find myself in a strange place right now. It's hard to say if it's lacking desire or trying to stifle it. In my mind, anyway, desire is what drives me, and if that is the case, I must love to suffer! Desire to achieve, desire to feel, desire to know, desire to discover, desire to escape the mundane, desire for new experiences. Desire is not something of the present moment--it's exactly the opposite of that. When I sense a lack of desire, it feels unexciting to me, and it's precisely that state of a lack of excitement that I find difficult to be comfortable in--but I keep trying anyway.

Desire is like that carrot in front of your face--you know you want it, and a lot of the "fun" of it is the not having. Isn't that crazy? To cause yourself suffering that way? Oh, to be human that way, and even better to think about why you behave like that! Even more fun if you're not even sure what it is that you want, but you think you'll know it when you get it!

If desire is such a great thing then what happens when you achieve its object? Sometimes it creates in me a negative desire. I want to not want. But how can that be? Isn't not wanting still wanting? Ah--I guess that state of nirvana is neither wanting nor not wanting. Just being. But how can I know how to describe it? Is "it" a thing? Or is it nothing? Isn't being something?

I like thinking about this. Or should I not like thinking about it?

Lots of Stripes

So I'm about to put my contact lenses in and head to the pool this morning, and I look out in my backyard and see this family of skunks coming onto the lawn from the back flower bed. My guess is they have a nice home under the rotting shed in my white trash neighbor's yard. I had smelled skunk a few days ago, and now I know where the smell came from! They came into my yard and they were just playing, all the while with their tails straight up in the air like flags! I did my best to get decent shots between all the running around they were doing, the lighting and trying not to spook them. They were really cute, but of course, I decided to hold off on venturing out there until they went back to sleep or wherever they went. They were sure cute, and pretty hard to miss against the deep green of the lawn.

When I was ready to get CF out of the garage, I looked back there one more time and saw a flash of stripes in the foliage, and decided I'd better get out of dodge.