Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Holding Myself Back Today
Today is one of those days where when I woke up, I just felt awesome. My DOMS is gone, I got 9 hours of sleep, I didn't feel particularly fatigued, didn't feel like there were a million things I should be doing--it just felt like a day with lots of potential.
As I got my day started--eating something, taking out the garbage and recycleables--I realized I was rushing for no good reason, so I told myself to relax, which was good.
So I went to the pool, and the water was warm, but I didn't care. I was part way through my main set, which I chose to do with Zoomers on, to make it easier on myself (even though at the time I was swimming hard for me), since that is the objective for day, and then my favorite scenery showed up. I finished my 8x150 as 100 hard, 50 easy, 15" RI, and then I just decided I had swam enough, so I noodled around, chatted with the scenery, took a nice, long, hot shower and headed home to work.
I kept up my non-rushing attitude, and it occurred to me that this is the same mindset I have while in transition in a triathlon. If you are all worried and herky-jerky you are likely to stumble, forget something, or just put yourself in a bad mental place. If you've planned ahead and you know you have what you need in your transition bags and you methodically go through them and remain (relatively) calm, you aren't going to be wasting any time. So I suppose that we "create" the ability to be relaxed by planning ahead a bit, but that doesn't seem like a paradox to me. The time to go fast in a race is when you are, well racing. That is when you are just using your body to do what you've trained it to do, hopefully in auto-pilot mode.
Transition, to me, is all about purposefulness and setting the tone for the next leg of the race. It's a bad time to think about what happened in the leg of the race you just finished--like you went too slow or you got hit or kicked or you were cold or hot. What's done is done. It's called transition for a reason. You are preparing for the next part.
There's a time to be in the present moment, to be in the now, and that is indeed, most of our day. I'm (fill in the blank)-ing. But I think it also pays to be mindful of all the transitions that occur throughout the day, as they are also golden opportunities for mindfulness. So the next time someone asks what you are doing or thinking about while you appear to be sitting quietly doing nothing, just say you are transition-ing--preparing for the next thing you will be doing.
I've got a number of other transitions to do today, and hope they are all as smooth as the ones that are already done!
Edit: I thought I should write this down since I found it quite funny. On the way into the Y, you can see down into the basketball courts/running track. I saw one of the trainers strapping a gizmo to a guy's back that was attached to a 25-lb. barbell plate on the ground. So I yell at them, "NIIIIIICE" and tell the guy to run hard. Of course I was thinking to myself, could I do that? Not sure I'd pull 25 lbs., but 10 wouldn't be too bad. Anyway, there was another woman going in right behind me, and she heard me and looked, and then she says to me, "That's crazy." I turn to her and said, "Honey, you're LOOKING AT crazy!" Meaning me. And I told her to ask the woman at the front desk why.
My run was glorious. It didn't get as warm as I hoped, but still, I didn't need gloves or a beanie, and I went commando under the tights. I ran into the wind first, but couldn't avoid hills--no matter which way I run from home they're there. I tried to stay relaxed and run easy, but I actually ran OK--no complaints. I'm feeling like my hill-running strength is returning, and it's all good.
As I got my day started--eating something, taking out the garbage and recycleables--I realized I was rushing for no good reason, so I told myself to relax, which was good.
So I went to the pool, and the water was warm, but I didn't care. I was part way through my main set, which I chose to do with Zoomers on, to make it easier on myself (even though at the time I was swimming hard for me), since that is the objective for day, and then my favorite scenery showed up. I finished my 8x150 as 100 hard, 50 easy, 15" RI, and then I just decided I had swam enough, so I noodled around, chatted with the scenery, took a nice, long, hot shower and headed home to work.
I kept up my non-rushing attitude, and it occurred to me that this is the same mindset I have while in transition in a triathlon. If you are all worried and herky-jerky you are likely to stumble, forget something, or just put yourself in a bad mental place. If you've planned ahead and you know you have what you need in your transition bags and you methodically go through them and remain (relatively) calm, you aren't going to be wasting any time. So I suppose that we "create" the ability to be relaxed by planning ahead a bit, but that doesn't seem like a paradox to me. The time to go fast in a race is when you are, well racing. That is when you are just using your body to do what you've trained it to do, hopefully in auto-pilot mode.
Transition, to me, is all about purposefulness and setting the tone for the next leg of the race. It's a bad time to think about what happened in the leg of the race you just finished--like you went too slow or you got hit or kicked or you were cold or hot. What's done is done. It's called transition for a reason. You are preparing for the next part.
There's a time to be in the present moment, to be in the now, and that is indeed, most of our day. I'm (fill in the blank)-ing. But I think it also pays to be mindful of all the transitions that occur throughout the day, as they are also golden opportunities for mindfulness. So the next time someone asks what you are doing or thinking about while you appear to be sitting quietly doing nothing, just say you are transition-ing--preparing for the next thing you will be doing.
I've got a number of other transitions to do today, and hope they are all as smooth as the ones that are already done!
Edit: I thought I should write this down since I found it quite funny. On the way into the Y, you can see down into the basketball courts/running track. I saw one of the trainers strapping a gizmo to a guy's back that was attached to a 25-lb. barbell plate on the ground. So I yell at them, "NIIIIIICE" and tell the guy to run hard. Of course I was thinking to myself, could I do that? Not sure I'd pull 25 lbs., but 10 wouldn't be too bad. Anyway, there was another woman going in right behind me, and she heard me and looked, and then she says to me, "That's crazy." I turn to her and said, "Honey, you're LOOKING AT crazy!" Meaning me. And I told her to ask the woman at the front desk why.
My run was glorious. It didn't get as warm as I hoped, but still, I didn't need gloves or a beanie, and I went commando under the tights. I ran into the wind first, but couldn't avoid hills--no matter which way I run from home they're there. I tried to stay relaxed and run easy, but I actually ran OK--no complaints. I'm feeling like my hill-running strength is returning, and it's all good.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Not Sick--Just Trying to Kill Myself
I was right on Sunday. I had a virus, but it is gone.
So I'm getting ready for a weekend of NothingNess x 3, and um...there is no taper involved. Taper-schmaper. Who needs 'em? I'm simply playing it by ear and doing what I think I can. Yes, I have a training schedule, but it was written by ME so it has a high probability of making me blow myself up, so I'm constantly reevaluating.
I started out Sunday evening by looking at the weather forecast. I am so fucking tired of running on the treadmill, but I'm also pretty wimpy when it comes to cold. 40's is OK for outdoor runs usually, but 50's is better. Plus there's the acclimation to the fucking pavement, and trying to become "unscared" of cars again. As each year goes by, I notice the progressively worsening habits of many drivers. It used to be people used turn signals (or as I call them, "blinkers"). Apparently, they have become optional. This year I'm noticing that stop signs have also become optional. Even when I'm in my car, I don't trust that someone won't just blow through an intersection without looking both ways.
Aaaaaaaaaanyway...back to the weather. I figured for my 2 weekday runs I want to run outside, so I decided I'm running Monday and Wednesday and biking Tuesday and Thursday. I'm keeping my swims on Monday and Wednesday. By the way, the pool was niiiiiiiiiiice and cool again on Monday. Sadly, no scenery, but very nice for swimming.
I managed to sleep well Sunday night after my brick festival, and even though I got 9 big ones, I could feel the fatigue on Monday morning. Still, gotta swim--it will help me either recover or dig myself a hole--I really don't care which. Did that bitchin' 30x50 (odds hard; evens easy) with 10" rest workout, and my arms were screamin' MOMMA (not really--they were actually saying what the hell motherfucker why don't you just stop already), and actually did OK even though I was tired to begin with.
When it came time to run I knew a track workout would not work--legs too tired from Sunday--but odds are if I ran outside I'd go at or close to tempo pace. Given that, how long did I want to run? Well, I still want some decent volume this week, so at first I was like OK, 1 hour, but then it wasn't much farther to a landmark which out and back would give me 7.5 miles, so I decided to do that. It's a fairly hilly run, so my legs are toast, I haven't done much road running yet, it's not very warm (it was like 32 when I ran), and so what the hell. I slowed down on the way home a little, but well, I just didn't care. 1:07. I was cold the entire time, but I looked like I meant business--I was sporting my new sushi-print toque and my Cateye sunglasses, along with my Finisher jacked from IMLP 2007. While I typically don't wear all the Ironman crap frequently, there are times when I feel like it will give me a mental boost, and I needed it yesterday.
I stretched really well last night, since as the evening wore on, I knew I was on the verge of shelling myself. So this morning I decided, what the hell, may as well lift before I start work. So I did. 1 hour LARGE. I mean, since I do it at home, I'm cramming a lot into an hour, and I still have about 10 minutes to finish up tomorrow. I kinda had some DOMS going on from Monday's run, and I just added to it, since I wanted to get legs done today.
Well, then I needed to bike in the middle of the day. DOMS is really settling in big time now, and I'm thinking can I even manage a respectable workout on the bike? What the hell, it's only pain, right? My power may be down a bit, but what the hell. Since I had finished lifting, I am just wanting to eat everything in the house, but I was a good girl and had a glass of egg protein, 2 bananas and a slice of cheese (fat-free) in between lifting and biking. Healthy crap.
Gatorade on the bike and we get going. Mid-day news on for a few minutes, followed by some Teletubbies, and then my warmup is over and I fire up Ironman 2004 (the year I did it) on the VCR, just so I have a timing device staring me in the face so I don't need to have my head in my lap looking at the Ergomo screen. While doing my intervals, I had to rest a few seconds here and there because, well, my legs were toast. But I still got in a TSS of 104 in 1:20, which was plenty enough intensity for the day. I ate a Lean Cuisine and drank Endurox R4, and I'm wishing I had some chips in the house (I decided not to buy any last week) because I'm STARVING. But I'll be OK. I'm sorta trying to not go too nuts on carbs (I MUST HAVE a ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FOR DINNER) as a sort of modified carb loading thing for the weekend.
Tomorrow I swim and run (probably just an hour if I can be sane enough to limit myself) easy, finish up my lifting, and then Thursday is another trainer ride, which I should cut down to maybe 1:05 to 1:10, with just a few "bursts of flavor." And then Friday I do a sprint NothingMan. I'm going to do the whole thing at the Y because otherwise I'd spend more time transitioning than racing! And I don't really want to change clothes during it so I'll probably slap on a tri suit and freak everyone out at the Y when they see me on the stationary bike and treadmill in a swimsuit. Saturday is the day I double down and do 2 Olympics back to back.
Ah...the life of a Crackhead!
Tune in tomorrow to see if I'm surviving my training.
So I'm getting ready for a weekend of NothingNess x 3, and um...there is no taper involved. Taper-schmaper. Who needs 'em? I'm simply playing it by ear and doing what I think I can. Yes, I have a training schedule, but it was written by ME so it has a high probability of making me blow myself up, so I'm constantly reevaluating.
I started out Sunday evening by looking at the weather forecast. I am so fucking tired of running on the treadmill, but I'm also pretty wimpy when it comes to cold. 40's is OK for outdoor runs usually, but 50's is better. Plus there's the acclimation to the fucking pavement, and trying to become "unscared" of cars again. As each year goes by, I notice the progressively worsening habits of many drivers. It used to be people used turn signals (or as I call them, "blinkers"). Apparently, they have become optional. This year I'm noticing that stop signs have also become optional. Even when I'm in my car, I don't trust that someone won't just blow through an intersection without looking both ways.
Aaaaaaaaaanyway...back to the weather. I figured for my 2 weekday runs I want to run outside, so I decided I'm running Monday and Wednesday and biking Tuesday and Thursday. I'm keeping my swims on Monday and Wednesday. By the way, the pool was niiiiiiiiiiice and cool again on Monday. Sadly, no scenery, but very nice for swimming.
I managed to sleep well Sunday night after my brick festival, and even though I got 9 big ones, I could feel the fatigue on Monday morning. Still, gotta swim--it will help me either recover or dig myself a hole--I really don't care which. Did that bitchin' 30x50 (odds hard; evens easy) with 10" rest workout, and my arms were screamin' MOMMA (not really--they were actually saying what the hell motherfucker why don't you just stop already), and actually did OK even though I was tired to begin with.
When it came time to run I knew a track workout would not work--legs too tired from Sunday--but odds are if I ran outside I'd go at or close to tempo pace. Given that, how long did I want to run? Well, I still want some decent volume this week, so at first I was like OK, 1 hour, but then it wasn't much farther to a landmark which out and back would give me 7.5 miles, so I decided to do that. It's a fairly hilly run, so my legs are toast, I haven't done much road running yet, it's not very warm (it was like 32 when I ran), and so what the hell. I slowed down on the way home a little, but well, I just didn't care. 1:07. I was cold the entire time, but I looked like I meant business--I was sporting my new sushi-print toque and my Cateye sunglasses, along with my Finisher jacked from IMLP 2007. While I typically don't wear all the Ironman crap frequently, there are times when I feel like it will give me a mental boost, and I needed it yesterday.
I stretched really well last night, since as the evening wore on, I knew I was on the verge of shelling myself. So this morning I decided, what the hell, may as well lift before I start work. So I did. 1 hour LARGE. I mean, since I do it at home, I'm cramming a lot into an hour, and I still have about 10 minutes to finish up tomorrow. I kinda had some DOMS going on from Monday's run, and I just added to it, since I wanted to get legs done today.
Well, then I needed to bike in the middle of the day. DOMS is really settling in big time now, and I'm thinking can I even manage a respectable workout on the bike? What the hell, it's only pain, right? My power may be down a bit, but what the hell. Since I had finished lifting, I am just wanting to eat everything in the house, but I was a good girl and had a glass of egg protein, 2 bananas and a slice of cheese (fat-free) in between lifting and biking. Healthy crap.
Gatorade on the bike and we get going. Mid-day news on for a few minutes, followed by some Teletubbies, and then my warmup is over and I fire up Ironman 2004 (the year I did it) on the VCR, just so I have a timing device staring me in the face so I don't need to have my head in my lap looking at the Ergomo screen. While doing my intervals, I had to rest a few seconds here and there because, well, my legs were toast. But I still got in a TSS of 104 in 1:20, which was plenty enough intensity for the day. I ate a Lean Cuisine and drank Endurox R4, and I'm wishing I had some chips in the house (I decided not to buy any last week) because I'm STARVING. But I'll be OK. I'm sorta trying to not go too nuts on carbs (I MUST HAVE a ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FOR DINNER) as a sort of modified carb loading thing for the weekend.
Tomorrow I swim and run (probably just an hour if I can be sane enough to limit myself) easy, finish up my lifting, and then Thursday is another trainer ride, which I should cut down to maybe 1:05 to 1:10, with just a few "bursts of flavor." And then Friday I do a sprint NothingMan. I'm going to do the whole thing at the Y because otherwise I'd spend more time transitioning than racing! And I don't really want to change clothes during it so I'll probably slap on a tri suit and freak everyone out at the Y when they see me on the stationary bike and treadmill in a swimsuit. Saturday is the day I double down and do 2 Olympics back to back.
Ah...the life of a Crackhead!
Tune in tomorrow to see if I'm surviving my training.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Weekly Workout Totals 03/17/2008-03/23/2008 and Miscellaneous Stuff
I know there are some people who have "feelings" towards the posting of the amount of time spent doing something. Feelings are good, but remember that numbers are just that--numbers--and if you choose to react to them in some way, I just hope that you enjoy your reaction!
I believe I have some sort of virus, but the good news is that I think I'm mostly done with it. I ended up not working on Tuesday because I felt so crappy, but I couldn't tell if I was partly overtrained or actually sick. Having a sinus headache for several days convinced me that I surely had something but that doesn't mean I wasn't overtraining, either. Every time I try something new to see how far I can push myself, well, there's always a chance of overdoing it. I think that when I wasn't able to kick out my usual intensity, the volume and sequence of workouts I was doing were just fine. But when I decided I could go full bore pretty much every day, well, guess what? Not.
So, lesson learned. At least once I knew I had a virus, I took things pretty easy. It was weird because I could do a workout and feel good doing it, but then a few hours later feel like crap. Such is life. Today I nailed a pretty good intensity bike and run (3 hours worth total), and while I am pretty wiped out and hungry as hell, I don't feel "sick." I only hope I wake up feeling this good tomorrow morning!
As is the case with any holiday now, I really missed both my parents. I had a short cry near the end of my run today, but I was enjoying running outside so much that it seemed like Mom and Dad would rather see me being happy doing something I love, so I just continued on.
IF I'm mainly recovered from my virus AND I get my workout sequence correct this week (meaning I need to actually take an EASY day tomorrow), THEN my plan for the weekend is to do a sprint NothingMan on Friday, and on Saturday do two Olympic NothingMan's back to back, same as like at Triple T, meaning the second one is bike-swim-run instead of the usual swim-bike-run. Of course, Sunday will be a rest day. It's still too cold for me to bike outdoors, but the weather is OK for outdoor running now, and if it's dry on Saturday, that will be excellent for a NothingMan. I guess if part of it is outdoors I should call it a half-assed double-roly-poly-Oly NothingMan. Try ordering one of those at Starbucks! NO FOAM, PLEASE.
I believe I have some sort of virus, but the good news is that I think I'm mostly done with it. I ended up not working on Tuesday because I felt so crappy, but I couldn't tell if I was partly overtrained or actually sick. Having a sinus headache for several days convinced me that I surely had something but that doesn't mean I wasn't overtraining, either. Every time I try something new to see how far I can push myself, well, there's always a chance of overdoing it. I think that when I wasn't able to kick out my usual intensity, the volume and sequence of workouts I was doing were just fine. But when I decided I could go full bore pretty much every day, well, guess what? Not.
So, lesson learned. At least once I knew I had a virus, I took things pretty easy. It was weird because I could do a workout and feel good doing it, but then a few hours later feel like crap. Such is life. Today I nailed a pretty good intensity bike and run (3 hours worth total), and while I am pretty wiped out and hungry as hell, I don't feel "sick." I only hope I wake up feeling this good tomorrow morning!
As is the case with any holiday now, I really missed both my parents. I had a short cry near the end of my run today, but I was enjoying running outside so much that it seemed like Mom and Dad would rather see me being happy doing something I love, so I just continued on.
IF I'm mainly recovered from my virus AND I get my workout sequence correct this week (meaning I need to actually take an EASY day tomorrow), THEN my plan for the weekend is to do a sprint NothingMan on Friday, and on Saturday do two Olympic NothingMan's back to back, same as like at Triple T, meaning the second one is bike-swim-run instead of the usual swim-bike-run. Of course, Sunday will be a rest day. It's still too cold for me to bike outdoors, but the weather is OK for outdoor running now, and if it's dry on Saturday, that will be excellent for a NothingMan. I guess if part of it is outdoors I should call it a half-assed double-roly-poly-Oly NothingMan. Try ordering one of those at Starbucks! NO FOAM, PLEASE.
| Weekly Workout Totals | 03/17/2008-03/23/2008 |
| Swim: | 8700 yards (4.94 miles) in 3.13 hours; 22% of weekly workout time; approx. 1097 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 87.51 miles in 5 hours; 34% of weekly workout time; approx. 2251 calories burned; Total TSS=413 |
| Run: | Approx. 28.45 miles in 4.43 hours; 31% of weekly workout time; approx. 2010 calories burned |
| Strength: | 1.95 hours; 13% of weekly workout time; approx. 488 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 120.9 miles in 14.51 hours; approx. 5846 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.39 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 2.23 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Crackburgers??? I'm IN!!!
Seriously, though: Link
CINCINNATI, Ohio -- An Ohio woman ordered a sandwich at a fast-food restaurant, and it contained crack cocaine, she said.NewsChannel5's Cincinnati affiliate WCPO reported that what was just supposed to be a quick stop for a couple of fish sandwiches ended up being the catalyst for an undercover police investigation."Immediately, I didn't notice it, as a matter of fact I was kind of ravenous, grabbed the sandwich, took a bite, looked down and here's this," she said. "These white clumps of something -- looked like a powdery substance, laying on the paper that the sandwich came wrapped in. I think the majority of it fell out of the paper."Police said they believe the substance was about 10 grams of crack cocaine. Because of possible retaliation, the woman will not be identified."There was quite a bit of it, and I thought well this doesn't belong in a sandwich, this is not part of what I should normally get from Rally's, so I ate the other sandwich and called the police," she said.Police sent undercover officers to the location where the sandwiches were purchased.A Rally's employee, Russell Calbert, was arrested.At this point, he's charged with marijuana possession. Authorities said more charges could be announced in connection with the crack cocaine.A pretrial has been set for next month.
OK so I added the BOLD stuff. I saw the news clip on CNN today, and they showed the woman who got the Crackburger (tm--I just trademarked that name). They didn't show her face, but OMG she was the hugest porker--you could see some of her belly flab hanging out. But even such circumstances can teach us valuable lessons:
- Always order TWO sandwiches in case one of them is a rogue Crackburger (tm).
- If you find out your first sandwich is a Crackburger(tm), be sure to EAT THE OTHER SANDWICH BEFORE YOU CALL THE POLICE!
You're welcome.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Guess Who's Back?
This guy. I missed him. He's about a month early, though, based on appearances in prior years, and he's H-U-N-G-R-Y. Maybe it's the extra energy I'm expending on my THIRD job. Maybe it's hanging out at 15 or so hours per week of training. Maybe I've been workin' it hard, especially on the bike. Maybe I need to start wearing an HRM again so I can see how much I'm burning. Maybe I need to get my RMR measured again.
It can only mean one thing--I need to eat MORE! Towards that end, you will now find peanut butter in my house (a couple of tablespoons makes a nice snack), Gummi bears (replacing the Easter jelly beans which have become tiresome), chips (I SWEAR they put Crack into the Doritos Hint of Lime), good hard cheeses (Reggianno Parmesan and Locatelli Romano), and now I realize it's time to stock up on cookies (raspberry Fig Newtons are my favorite). And I'm eating pasta a few times a week. Yesterday I actually saved coupons for Steak 'n Shake, so I'll have to get there this weekend--not that I need coupons--they just reminded me that I should go there. I'm not too keen on milkshakes (or ice cream except on rare occasions), but a steakburger and cheese fries? HIT ME!
I'm already plotting my treats for after my next NothingMan--on 3/28 I'm doing a Sprint NothingMan and on 3/29 instead of a Half NothingMan, I'm going to do 2 Olympics back to back like we do in Triple T--effectively, swim, bike, run, bike swim run. Oh joy! I have even begun designs for NothingMan swimsuits: (women's) and (men's). If you have any ideas or want to submit a design for a NothingMan suit, fire away and send me the link!
Today I did these workouts:
Swim: WU: 200 swim, 200 kick, 200 pull, 200 drill
MS: 30 x 50 (10"), as odds Hard, evens Easy.
100 easy swim.
2 x 300 (15") pull, Steady with excellent stroke.
CD: 100 easy swim
Bike: I figured I should take it easy, so I did 1:15 worth of Spinervals Totally Time Trial, only I "overdid" their % ranges (what is it supposed to be a percent of?) by at least 5% on the hard intervals. TSS=103. I didn't think I could hit 100 today, but hey, what the hell. I've got my trainer (TACX is awesome) so I'm overgeared, since I have a compact crankset on LGL, and I prefer the middle cogs of the big chainring.
I wrote down a track workout for tomorrow, but I'll need to see how my legs feel. They were pretty toasty yesterday, a little sluggish (for me) today on the bike, but it was only 1:15 so I should be fine tomorrow.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Weekly Workout Totals 03/10/2008-03/16/2008
I had some good workouts and some not so good ones. Proving that recovering from a HIM can be a tricky proposition. On the plus side, I swam extra, and totally enjoyed it, as 3 out of 4 times I swam the pool was nice and cold. On the down side, my legs hurt like mofos right now even though I just stretched, after completing a 2:30/:30 brick workout today. But I know I am totally warped, because when I hurt like this, I actually feel all nice and content with the world. I suppose part of that is because when you hurt or are really tired, that's pretty much all you focus on, and nothing else really matters. Part of the pain is from 2 runs on the roads this weeks. I tend to not break myself in all that easily from treadmill to road running--both runs were fairly peppy.
Spring is actually coming here now. I saw my first robins the other day, and today I checked around some of the flower beds and tulips are starting to poke up in the south-facing bed. I ran outside twice this week, it's nice to see the sun still up so much later already (thanks, Daylight Savings Time), but on the down side, my body is wanting to wake up earlier even though it's dark. I guess that means my winter of long sleeps is coming to an end, which it surely does every spring. Soon enough the grass will be growing, which means mowing, and crap, I need to order seeds for annuals and some annual flowers. Well, I don't need to so much as it's sort of a spring tradition for me--something handed down from my Mom and her Mom. I cannot grow indoor plants for shit (except for my pet Bonsai from Cindy), but outdoors, well, it seems I have a talent there, and it would be a shame to waste it.
I actually sat down and played the piano for a bit yesterday. That's something I haven't done in months. It reminded me of all the times I would play for my Mom and Dad, and how they thought I was so talented. I suppose if I had pursued that I might, in fact, be a concert pianist today, but thankfully I'm still pretty good at sight-reading and if I just practice a little bit, I can pull of some pretty good stuff. If I can resurrect some Bach, Chopin and Mozart, I'm a happy camper!
And then there's the Tiki Hut. It's begging to come out, but I have some other items I need to clear out of my house before I set that up again.
I guess that this week I'm reminded of all the things I really enjoy doing besides triathlon, which I don't talk about so much on this blog, because, well, this is Crackhead's Mind of Iron. So enough about the non-tri stuff.
If you're catching up on me, don't forget to read the NothingMan 2008 announcement below.
Spring is actually coming here now. I saw my first robins the other day, and today I checked around some of the flower beds and tulips are starting to poke up in the south-facing bed. I ran outside twice this week, it's nice to see the sun still up so much later already (thanks, Daylight Savings Time), but on the down side, my body is wanting to wake up earlier even though it's dark. I guess that means my winter of long sleeps is coming to an end, which it surely does every spring. Soon enough the grass will be growing, which means mowing, and crap, I need to order seeds for annuals and some annual flowers. Well, I don't need to so much as it's sort of a spring tradition for me--something handed down from my Mom and her Mom. I cannot grow indoor plants for shit (except for my pet Bonsai from Cindy), but outdoors, well, it seems I have a talent there, and it would be a shame to waste it.
I actually sat down and played the piano for a bit yesterday. That's something I haven't done in months. It reminded me of all the times I would play for my Mom and Dad, and how they thought I was so talented. I suppose if I had pursued that I might, in fact, be a concert pianist today, but thankfully I'm still pretty good at sight-reading and if I just practice a little bit, I can pull of some pretty good stuff. If I can resurrect some Bach, Chopin and Mozart, I'm a happy camper!
And then there's the Tiki Hut. It's begging to come out, but I have some other items I need to clear out of my house before I set that up again.
I guess that this week I'm reminded of all the things I really enjoy doing besides triathlon, which I don't talk about so much on this blog, because, well, this is Crackhead's Mind of Iron. So enough about the non-tri stuff.
If you're catching up on me, don't forget to read the NothingMan 2008 announcement below.
| Weekly Workout Totals | 03/10/2008-03/16/2008 |
| Swim: | 10000 yards (5.68 miles) in 3.55 hours; 23% of weekly workout time; approx. 1243 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 103.55 miles in 5.92 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2663 calories burned; Total TSS=463 |
| Run: | Approx. 27.17 miles in 4.1 hours; 27% of weekly workout time; approx. 1858 calories burned |
| Strength: | 1.64 hours; 11% of weekly workout time; approx. 410 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 136.4 miles in 15.21 hours; approx. 6174 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.21 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 2.32 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
Friday, March 14, 2008
Full NothingMan 2008
It's Saturday, 9/13/2008. Start time will be 6:00AM (we need to be out of the pool by 8AM because Masters swim begins then). Contact me if you are interested and have the cojones to do this without all the NAS Sports (or whatever it's called now) hoopla.
- No participant booklet.
- No registration fee.
- No expo.
- No day before bike check in (you can just show up day of if you want).
- No T-shirts.
- No medals.
- No awards.
- Nobody yelling, "YOU ARE A NOTHINGMAN" at the finish.
- No official timing.
- No (or very little) support.
- No packet pickup.
- No age groups.
- No bib numbers.
- No drafting penalties (in fact, drafting on the bike is highly encouraged)
You do need to be prepared, though. Virgins will have their preparation carefully scrutinzed by me. Participants need to be able to finish the swim in under 1:30, the bike in under 7:00, and while you technically have until midnight to finish the run, the pizza might be gone by then.
I can accommodate 6 people in my house, or there are nearby hotels/motels like Sybaris, for example, in case you feel you need to have an orgy before or after, or if you'd rather stay elsewhere (some people find me scary).
Once you are committed, it's up to you to do the training, etc. There are currently EIGHT AVAILABLE SLOTS for the full. There is no limit on folks doing a partial training day.
If you are interested, leave a comment with your Blogger ID that shows your email address, and I'll contact you via email.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I Want to Scream!!!
sprockets
But first, we dance :)
I'm training. That's good. I took Sunday off. Monday AM I did an easy swim drill workout. Mid-day I got on the bike for 1 hour--my intent was to ride/spin easy. Well that is just way too boring so I did my usual warmup and then ramped up for some 90% of FT time (2x10' w/2' rest) and ended up with some 30/30's. The nice thing about 30/30's is that depending on how hard the workout was before you do them, you can really crank out some watts. Since my preceding time was relatively easy, I was hitting some really sweet numbers. I almost rode more than an hour, but stopped myself, knowing that HIM recovery can be iffy.
Yesterday I ran. The plan was to run 1 hour easy, which means Z1-Z2. Well, you know the drill. That is BORING. But I did it for :45, and then I went to run on the track because I couldn't stand it any longer. I ran 10', trying to keep it maybe Z3, but I ended up in upper Z3. Then I was REALLY going to run for 5' easy, but after 2 laps, I was lapped by a hottie dude, and I figured I could keep up with him (I had been running faster than him for the earlier bout), and I am pretty sure he sped up knowing I was on his tail. I felt fine holding his pace, but my leg muscles were screaming STOP. So I did. I talked to the guy, Nicola--turns out we had met last summer in the pool. Nice guy. He's training to geta position as a professional soccer referee! And you know how much they run! I gave him some tips (unbelievable, I know) on his running, since I had watched him run. Pretty good form except he needs to up his cadence. He was happy for the advice, saying he'd never had someone watch him run before.
Well I knew pretty much within an hour that I shouldn't have run on the track AT ALL, but I still had a strength workout to do, which I began after finishing work for the day. Fuuuuuuuck...I wanted to cry I felt so wiped out! But I did most of the workout (56' worth), and I have about 10' to finish up today. I'm glad I did it and I feel fine today.
This morning I wake up at 5AM ON MY OWN (my body knows that spring is coming), but manage to fall back asleep for about :30 and then the I hear the coffee pot start up, so it's time to get up, then put on PJ's, get a cup of coffee, check my email, and find that I need to get some documentation over to my tax accountant, so I print that stuff off, put it in an envelope, get my swim bag together, prep my goggles, put on my swimsuit and real clothes, take the garbage and recycleables out to the curb, grab 1/2 cup more coffee, get in the car, drive to the tax accountant to drop the stuff off (made it there by 6:30), have a short little stress cry in the car listening to the song 'Keep Control' (lyrics following) while driving to the Y to swim, get in for a 2800 yard workout and thank GOD the pool is nice and cold (but sadly, there is no scenery today), am swimming pretty well (I guess the increase in intensity and yardage is starting to work) and decide it's so nice I may as well make it an even 3,000 yards (especially since I'm wearing my brand-spanking-new custom Crackhead suit), get out, shower and shave, figure I have a few minutes to spend in the sauna to stretch/decompress (7' as it turned out), get dressed, drive home, log into work and want to scream as I have 2 customer calls this morning that will be challenging, but hey, I heard ducks flying over my house at 6:00AM so they must know that spring is coming, right? and on the way home I heard a cardinal singing and I know I am going to want to scream several times today but I think I'll make it through.
But first, we dance :)
I'm training. That's good. I took Sunday off. Monday AM I did an easy swim drill workout. Mid-day I got on the bike for 1 hour--my intent was to ride/spin easy. Well that is just way too boring so I did my usual warmup and then ramped up for some 90% of FT time (2x10' w/2' rest) and ended up with some 30/30's. The nice thing about 30/30's is that depending on how hard the workout was before you do them, you can really crank out some watts. Since my preceding time was relatively easy, I was hitting some really sweet numbers. I almost rode more than an hour, but stopped myself, knowing that HIM recovery can be iffy.
Yesterday I ran. The plan was to run 1 hour easy, which means Z1-Z2. Well, you know the drill. That is BORING. But I did it for :45, and then I went to run on the track because I couldn't stand it any longer. I ran 10', trying to keep it maybe Z3, but I ended up in upper Z3. Then I was REALLY going to run for 5' easy, but after 2 laps, I was lapped by a hottie dude, and I figured I could keep up with him (I had been running faster than him for the earlier bout), and I am pretty sure he sped up knowing I was on his tail. I felt fine holding his pace, but my leg muscles were screaming STOP. So I did. I talked to the guy, Nicola--turns out we had met last summer in the pool. Nice guy. He's training to geta position as a professional soccer referee! And you know how much they run! I gave him some tips (unbelievable, I know) on his running, since I had watched him run. Pretty good form except he needs to up his cadence. He was happy for the advice, saying he'd never had someone watch him run before.
Well I knew pretty much within an hour that I shouldn't have run on the track AT ALL, but I still had a strength workout to do, which I began after finishing work for the day. Fuuuuuuuck...I wanted to cry I felt so wiped out! But I did most of the workout (56' worth), and I have about 10' to finish up today. I'm glad I did it and I feel fine today.
This morning I wake up at 5AM ON MY OWN (my body knows that spring is coming), but manage to fall back asleep for about :30 and then the I hear the coffee pot start up, so it's time to get up, then put on PJ's, get a cup of coffee, check my email, and find that I need to get some documentation over to my tax accountant, so I print that stuff off, put it in an envelope, get my swim bag together, prep my goggles, put on my swimsuit and real clothes, take the garbage and recycleables out to the curb, grab 1/2 cup more coffee, get in the car, drive to the tax accountant to drop the stuff off (made it there by 6:30), have a short little stress cry in the car listening to the song 'Keep Control' (lyrics following) while driving to the Y to swim, get in for a 2800 yard workout and thank GOD the pool is nice and cold (but sadly, there is no scenery today), am swimming pretty well (I guess the increase in intensity and yardage is starting to work) and decide it's so nice I may as well make it an even 3,000 yards (especially since I'm wearing my brand-spanking-new custom Crackhead suit), get out, shower and shave, figure I have a few minutes to spend in the sauna to stretch/decompress (7' as it turned out), get dressed, drive home, log into work and want to scream as I have 2 customer calls this morning that will be challenging, but hey, I heard ducks flying over my house at 6:00AM so they must know that spring is coming, right? and on the way home I heard a cardinal singing and I know I am going to want to scream several times today but I think I'll make it through.
think it's time to put an end to it
try clean my head again
start to resuscitate my engine
try to walk back where i ran
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
i break up all the things behind me
going on the other way
try to find myself again slowly
to move on the other day
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
something new has moved into my life
an essential missing part
takes control of my past addiction
and reanimates my heart
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control..
try clean my head again
start to resuscitate my engine
try to walk back where i ran
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
i break up all the things behind me
going on the other way
try to find myself again slowly
to move on the other day
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
something new has moved into my life
an essential missing part
takes control of my past addiction
and reanimates my heart
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control, of me
try to keep the frequency
keep control..
Monday, March 10, 2008
Weekly Workout Totals 03/03/2008-03/09/2008
Not a bad week considering it included a little "race" (see following post) and 2 full days off. Yesterday, I felt like I had, indeed, raced, in the sense of how tired I felt. We'll see how I'm doing as my own coach over the next few days as I ramp back up.
| Weekly Workout Totals | 03/03/2008-03/09/2008 |
| Swim: | 7700 yards (4.37 miles) in 2.67 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 933 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 99.76 miles in 5.48 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2469 calories burned; Total TSS=435 |
| Run: | Approx. 27.59 miles in 4.2 hours; 30% of weekly workout time; approx. 1904 calories burned |
| Strength: | 1.73 hours; 12% of weekly workout time; approx. 433 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 131.72 miles in 14.08 hours; approx. 5739 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.29 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 1.85 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Race Report: First HTFU Half Indoor NothingMan of 2008
Pics are here.
OK, so I didn't announce I was doing this because, well, the way things have gone the past few months, anything could happen. But I was pretty sure it was going to be game on. I figured as long as I was hitting some decent training amounts, I may as well do a HIM. I scheduled it about 4 weeks ago just to give myself something to look forward to. Hard to believe, but I haven't raced since last September's NothingMan!
I knew that my bike fitness was there, and probably also my run fitness. As far as swimming, I still haven't been swimming enough to pick up any appreciable speed yet, but that should start happening in a few weeks. The investment of time for me to noticeably improve at swimming is just not worth the time, although my body certainly appreciates swimming as cross training and recovery.
Why a HIM? Why the hell not? I do need to get ready for Triple T, and it's not like I did a winter marathon or anything, so may as well combine the long bike and run and just get it done.
It was interesting yesterday taking a rest day. I stretched. I worked, but it wasn't a difficult work day. I did a few Dominatrix activities. But mostly I felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I did laugh, though, because I had to fix bottles. Today was my first time in 2008 using my custom Infinit mix (with CAFFEINE!) and Ultrafuel prior to racing and deciding what I wanted to use on the run, which turned out to be mostly Coke. I am not yet feeling the need for the old Ultra Violence. Actually, today was the first time in 2008 that I have even used caffeine during a workout, and I must say, I still love the stuff. Especially when you know you are going to bore yourself to death by doing a HIM all indoors, all by your lonesome.
As is usually the case, I felt compelled to really load up at dinner--really mostly post-dinner. I had some mahi-mahi and peas. Then saltines with romano cheese. Then I decided I deserved one of the Fannie Mae creme eggs (available only near Easter). I had bought 2 of them, and after polishing off the first one figured I may as well eat the other one, too. They were both good. Also, whereas the day before I thought maybe no beer the night before the "race," I reconsidered and had 2. So I was plenty carbed up to go.
I slept really well except for a few anticipatory bouts of hotness. My metabolism still senses when it's going to be asked to kick in bigtime, and this is why I think it's sometimes difficult to sleep the night before a race. Although lately at the rate I've been training and well, just living, my metabolism has been pretty high, and I've been careful to keep the house fairly cool at night (67 seems about right for me).
Since I didn't have to travel far to swim, I set the alarm for 5:00AM. No biggie there--on M/W/F when I swim I've been getting up easily at 5:30 lately. I messed around with my training spreadsheet for a bit, drank coffee, ate my usual Power Bar Triple Threat, and around 5:45AM I drank the Ultrafuel. Well, one thing that never changes is the stuff makes me gag. I just chug it all down and wait for the inevitable insulin coma, as my body quickly tries to do something with the giant sugar bomb I have just drunk.
I felt pretty good getting up this morning, and as the sun came up, I saw it was snowing. Fucking excellent! And only about 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Couldn't have picked a better day to do this, I say!
When I got on deck at the pool, some guy flagged me as a triathlete--I have no idea how--do I just look like one? Anyway, we chatted a bit, and it turns out he's doing his first HIM at Steelhead this summer. At this point I hadn't told him what I was doing, but eventually I told him I was doing a HIM RIGHT NOW and it was just to "see where the fitness is." Of course then he asked me what other triathlons I've done, and then I said I hadn't raced since last September, and he figured I did IMWI, but I told him no, me and a guy did it unsupported. Now he's probably thinking I'm a little nuts, but I'm used to that. He swims on the Masters team and I know many of them. I ended up sharing a lane with this guy, and he did try and "race" me every now and then, not that I was going very fast--I was just cruising.
Swim time: 41:09 for 2200 yards. Pretty crappy, but not as crappy as I thought I might do. I really wasn't trying at all, and I felt solid the entire time. I mean, 2200 yards, even though I'm not in IM shape yet, is still nothing as far as my endurance goes.
Out of the pool, quick shower, and change into biking clothes. Make some woman who speaks broken English take a photo, and I drive back home to get on the bike.
T1 time: 24:11. Long, I know, but hey, I was in no hurry.
I used my road bike, as that's all I've been riding this winter. I had pegged my FTP at 205 (I think it's really closer to 210 now, but let's prove it today, eh?), and decided to hold myself between 80-85% of FTP for HIM pacing. Actually mostly closer to 80%, because I had no idea whether I'd blow up on the run. I have done HIM rides anywhere from 78-88% of FTP. I think I'm good at about 85%, but I'll save that for a "real" race.
I warmed up easy at 70% for 30 minutes and then kicked it in. After about an hour, I noticed my legs were protesting a bit, and I just told them to STFU. This is the first time I've done a HIM simulation ride wholly on the trainer. It ain't easy. At 80% of FTP you are definitely working, but without an opportunity to coast or get a slingshot from passing someone (which is legal), it's tough to just keep pedaling, pedaling, pedaling at the same power output. I changed my gears here and there and stood up a few times, but that's about it. I couldn't tell if the reason my legs hurt a bit was because I effectively didn't taper (and I did 2 fucking hard bike workouts earlier in the week) or because I am just a wuss. Nevertheless, periodically I'd look in the mirror and tell myself to just HARDEN THE FUCK UP because it had to be done. Actually, it was kind of nice to feel the old pain of a good, hard effort. I'll take that any day over work, death, a boring, useless life, or being out of shape. Being in shape requires pain, no?
Since I was on the road bike which has a very different position than my Bitch, I expected my speed to be slower than I would normally do. Below are the bike statistics:
Elapsed Time: 3:05.38
Ride Time: 2:59.52
NP=160, IF=.78 (yay), TSS=202
God damn, I sure hope I can ride faster than that on my tri bike!
T2: 25:29 I fucked around with the camera, dumping the pics on it in case it got full, and then I had to WAIT for a treadmill at the Y.
Luckily, I got the endo-treadmill which is right under a nice ceiling fan, and it's a little cooler there because there's some airflow in from the track/basketball court area. I decided I'd try and do a progressive run, where the speed increases. I started in Z1 and only went up to Z3, which is fine for my first time out at a HIM this year. For the first 20 minutes, my legs felt like shit, and my stomach did, too. I have only done 2 brick runs before this! But I tried to forget that I had been on a bike before this and just think like I was doing my long run, and after that first 20 minutes, my legs felt pretty much OK. I was sweating bullets, which cause many onlookers to look at me funny--I sweat a lot normally during a long run, but as soon as I got on the treadmill today, I already felt like it was really humid in the room, and it wasn't going to get any better.
What can I say? The run was boring. Boring, boring, boring, and then more boring. But I was happy that I didn't feel too bad and that I could run off the bike at all!
Run stats: 13.1 miles in 2:01.45, or 9:18/mile, which is fine by me. I feel like I can bring that down to 9:05 or even 9:00 in a HIM, or at least I should be able to do that.
Total elapsed time: 6:38
Net moving time: 5:50.46
Not too bad for my first HIM in a long time. I'm happiest about how well I ran, since I totally changed up my run training this winter--up until 2 weeks ago, I've only been doing 3 runs per week, but still holding down decent volume. And only having run off the bike twice (for 30 minutes, no less), makes the run even sweeter. The bike I'm not worried about, as it was the road bike, and I think I biked pretty hard earlier in the week and should have rested a bit more. Oh well! As far as the swim goes, well, my endurance is there, and my speed is returning in bits and pieces over the last 2 weeks. So all in all, this was a solid effort for me, all things considered. I have 2 more of these (assuming my body holds up with the training) planned before Triple T. I'd always wanted to do a HIM per month over a summer, but this is as good as it's going to get right now. I can't plan any away time just yet, but I can still get my fix and feel the pain.
After I showered and got some Endurox R4 in me, I headed to the Chicken Basket for my post-race meal. On the way there, man, I wanted every form of food--candy, burgers, fish, you name it. Every restaurant was calling my name. I always figure that I need the 4 basic food groups after a race--salt, fat, beer and meat. Chicken Basket serves it up in spades! I ate 2 biscuits with butter and tons of honey, a cup of chicken dumpling soup, a giant Warsteiner Weiss beer, half of the coleslaw, half of the fries, a leg and a wing. The rest of my meal is waiting for my next hunger attack, which will be any time now.
Oh and when I got home, guess what had been delivered? My custom Splish Crackhead suit, which I'll wear at my next "race." Any of you ladies out there are welcome to order my design to show a little solidarity. The design is here.
Time to put my legs up and wait for my stomach to command me to eat again, but for now, it's time for another beer!
OK, so I didn't announce I was doing this because, well, the way things have gone the past few months, anything could happen. But I was pretty sure it was going to be game on. I figured as long as I was hitting some decent training amounts, I may as well do a HIM. I scheduled it about 4 weeks ago just to give myself something to look forward to. Hard to believe, but I haven't raced since last September's NothingMan!
I knew that my bike fitness was there, and probably also my run fitness. As far as swimming, I still haven't been swimming enough to pick up any appreciable speed yet, but that should start happening in a few weeks. The investment of time for me to noticeably improve at swimming is just not worth the time, although my body certainly appreciates swimming as cross training and recovery.
Why a HIM? Why the hell not? I do need to get ready for Triple T, and it's not like I did a winter marathon or anything, so may as well combine the long bike and run and just get it done.
It was interesting yesterday taking a rest day. I stretched. I worked, but it wasn't a difficult work day. I did a few Dominatrix activities. But mostly I felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I did laugh, though, because I had to fix bottles. Today was my first time in 2008 using my custom Infinit mix (with CAFFEINE!) and Ultrafuel prior to racing and deciding what I wanted to use on the run, which turned out to be mostly Coke. I am not yet feeling the need for the old Ultra Violence. Actually, today was the first time in 2008 that I have even used caffeine during a workout, and I must say, I still love the stuff. Especially when you know you are going to bore yourself to death by doing a HIM all indoors, all by your lonesome.
As is usually the case, I felt compelled to really load up at dinner--really mostly post-dinner. I had some mahi-mahi and peas. Then saltines with romano cheese. Then I decided I deserved one of the Fannie Mae creme eggs (available only near Easter). I had bought 2 of them, and after polishing off the first one figured I may as well eat the other one, too. They were both good. Also, whereas the day before I thought maybe no beer the night before the "race," I reconsidered and had 2. So I was plenty carbed up to go.
I slept really well except for a few anticipatory bouts of hotness. My metabolism still senses when it's going to be asked to kick in bigtime, and this is why I think it's sometimes difficult to sleep the night before a race. Although lately at the rate I've been training and well, just living, my metabolism has been pretty high, and I've been careful to keep the house fairly cool at night (67 seems about right for me).
Since I didn't have to travel far to swim, I set the alarm for 5:00AM. No biggie there--on M/W/F when I swim I've been getting up easily at 5:30 lately. I messed around with my training spreadsheet for a bit, drank coffee, ate my usual Power Bar Triple Threat, and around 5:45AM I drank the Ultrafuel. Well, one thing that never changes is the stuff makes me gag. I just chug it all down and wait for the inevitable insulin coma, as my body quickly tries to do something with the giant sugar bomb I have just drunk.
I felt pretty good getting up this morning, and as the sun came up, I saw it was snowing. Fucking excellent! And only about 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Couldn't have picked a better day to do this, I say!
When I got on deck at the pool, some guy flagged me as a triathlete--I have no idea how--do I just look like one? Anyway, we chatted a bit, and it turns out he's doing his first HIM at Steelhead this summer. At this point I hadn't told him what I was doing, but eventually I told him I was doing a HIM RIGHT NOW and it was just to "see where the fitness is." Of course then he asked me what other triathlons I've done, and then I said I hadn't raced since last September, and he figured I did IMWI, but I told him no, me and a guy did it unsupported. Now he's probably thinking I'm a little nuts, but I'm used to that. He swims on the Masters team and I know many of them. I ended up sharing a lane with this guy, and he did try and "race" me every now and then, not that I was going very fast--I was just cruising.
Swim time: 41:09 for 2200 yards. Pretty crappy, but not as crappy as I thought I might do. I really wasn't trying at all, and I felt solid the entire time. I mean, 2200 yards, even though I'm not in IM shape yet, is still nothing as far as my endurance goes.
Out of the pool, quick shower, and change into biking clothes. Make some woman who speaks broken English take a photo, and I drive back home to get on the bike.
T1 time: 24:11. Long, I know, but hey, I was in no hurry.
I used my road bike, as that's all I've been riding this winter. I had pegged my FTP at 205 (I think it's really closer to 210 now, but let's prove it today, eh?), and decided to hold myself between 80-85% of FTP for HIM pacing. Actually mostly closer to 80%, because I had no idea whether I'd blow up on the run. I have done HIM rides anywhere from 78-88% of FTP. I think I'm good at about 85%, but I'll save that for a "real" race.
I warmed up easy at 70% for 30 minutes and then kicked it in. After about an hour, I noticed my legs were protesting a bit, and I just told them to STFU. This is the first time I've done a HIM simulation ride wholly on the trainer. It ain't easy. At 80% of FTP you are definitely working, but without an opportunity to coast or get a slingshot from passing someone (which is legal), it's tough to just keep pedaling, pedaling, pedaling at the same power output. I changed my gears here and there and stood up a few times, but that's about it. I couldn't tell if the reason my legs hurt a bit was because I effectively didn't taper (and I did 2 fucking hard bike workouts earlier in the week) or because I am just a wuss. Nevertheless, periodically I'd look in the mirror and tell myself to just HARDEN THE FUCK UP because it had to be done. Actually, it was kind of nice to feel the old pain of a good, hard effort. I'll take that any day over work, death, a boring, useless life, or being out of shape. Being in shape requires pain, no?
Since I was on the road bike which has a very different position than my Bitch, I expected my speed to be slower than I would normally do. Below are the bike statistics:
Elapsed Time: 3:05.38
Ride Time: 2:59.52
NP=160, IF=.78 (yay), TSS=202
God damn, I sure hope I can ride faster than that on my tri bike!
T2: 25:29 I fucked around with the camera, dumping the pics on it in case it got full, and then I had to WAIT for a treadmill at the Y.
Luckily, I got the endo-treadmill which is right under a nice ceiling fan, and it's a little cooler there because there's some airflow in from the track/basketball court area. I decided I'd try and do a progressive run, where the speed increases. I started in Z1 and only went up to Z3, which is fine for my first time out at a HIM this year. For the first 20 minutes, my legs felt like shit, and my stomach did, too. I have only done 2 brick runs before this! But I tried to forget that I had been on a bike before this and just think like I was doing my long run, and after that first 20 minutes, my legs felt pretty much OK. I was sweating bullets, which cause many onlookers to look at me funny--I sweat a lot normally during a long run, but as soon as I got on the treadmill today, I already felt like it was really humid in the room, and it wasn't going to get any better.
What can I say? The run was boring. Boring, boring, boring, and then more boring. But I was happy that I didn't feel too bad and that I could run off the bike at all!
Run stats: 13.1 miles in 2:01.45, or 9:18/mile, which is fine by me. I feel like I can bring that down to 9:05 or even 9:00 in a HIM, or at least I should be able to do that.
Total elapsed time: 6:38
Net moving time: 5:50.46
Not too bad for my first HIM in a long time. I'm happiest about how well I ran, since I totally changed up my run training this winter--up until 2 weeks ago, I've only been doing 3 runs per week, but still holding down decent volume. And only having run off the bike twice (for 30 minutes, no less), makes the run even sweeter. The bike I'm not worried about, as it was the road bike, and I think I biked pretty hard earlier in the week and should have rested a bit more. Oh well! As far as the swim goes, well, my endurance is there, and my speed is returning in bits and pieces over the last 2 weeks. So all in all, this was a solid effort for me, all things considered. I have 2 more of these (assuming my body holds up with the training) planned before Triple T. I'd always wanted to do a HIM per month over a summer, but this is as good as it's going to get right now. I can't plan any away time just yet, but I can still get my fix and feel the pain.
After I showered and got some Endurox R4 in me, I headed to the Chicken Basket for my post-race meal. On the way there, man, I wanted every form of food--candy, burgers, fish, you name it. Every restaurant was calling my name. I always figure that I need the 4 basic food groups after a race--salt, fat, beer and meat. Chicken Basket serves it up in spades! I ate 2 biscuits with butter and tons of honey, a cup of chicken dumpling soup, a giant Warsteiner Weiss beer, half of the coleslaw, half of the fries, a leg and a wing. The rest of my meal is waiting for my next hunger attack, which will be any time now.
Oh and when I got home, guess what had been delivered? My custom Splish Crackhead suit, which I'll wear at my next "race." Any of you ladies out there are welcome to order my design to show a little solidarity. The design is here.
Time to put my legs up and wait for my stomach to command me to eat again, but for now, it's time for another beer!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Happy Hump Day!
The pics are of my "torture chamber" at home. I've had the machine for over 15 years; one of my best investments ever. I think it needs a HTFU sticker!
Shelley asked about glute exercises. There's a link in my sidebar that is an awesome directory of all things muscular and strength and stretching exercises, but here it is as well.
So for starters, click on it and then look under Gluteus, and pick your poison: maximus (the biggest part of the booty and generates the most power for things like kicking as in kick-boxing, not kicking as in flutter kick--flutter kick relies more on ankle flexibility and hip flexor strength), medius and minimus (abduction/internal rotation), to see what exercises are recommended there. I do most of them, but I don't do the "good mornings," which are shown in the Hip Extension area. I have low pulleys on my weight machine, and I do abduction (working leg away from machine; kick to outside), adduction (working leg next to machine; kick across and in front of other leg) and also kick backs (face the machine; kick working leg behind you straight-legged).
I think everyone knows squats work your glutes, too, and I do them with dumbbells. I feel that using dumbbells you work your glutes more than if you use the bar.
The last exercise that I do for glutes is with ankle weights (3-5 lbs. each ankle). Lay on your stomach. Keeping your pelvis flat and stabilized, lift one leg up slowly--you only need to go to about 45 degrees--and lower. Repeat 15 times and do 2 sets for each leg twice a week.
So the butt-specific portion of my strength routine is:
- Cable abduction
- Cable adduction
- Cable kick backs
- Lying leg raises
- Dumbbell squats
FYI, sitting on your ass is not at all good for your glutes. In fact, it's sitting a lot that causes a lot of hip and back issues. Even though there's no proof that strength training reduces injury or contributes to successful swimming, biking, and running, I do it to have strength for everyday activities like lifting stuff, shoveling snow, etc., and hey, having a decent backside can't hurt!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Great workout, Opera, Day Off, More great workouts
I'm always surprised to see how fit I can get in a relatively short amount of time. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm there (OK swimming not so much but biking and running for sure).
After Sunday's little brick festival, I wondered if I could pull off a decent ride on Monday afternoon. I sure did--TSS of 107 in 1:15, so my FT is definitely on the rise.
Last night I went to see The Barber of Seville with one of my best friends, and we had a blast, mostly before and after, getting some quality time to spend talking and (gasp!) drinking. We had wine with dinner and then champagne before and at intermission of the opera, which was pretty good the first half and a bit slow the second half. But I got a kick out of the set design which was Rene Magritte-esque, featuring sky blue with puffy clouds, sometimes suspended red chairs. Since the performance went well beyond my normal bedtime, I drank a cup of coffee right after dinner, knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep later. I'm not exactly sure how much "sleep" I got last night, but I didn't care because I took today off.
So now that I've written myself a training schedule, I see I'm supposed to do this track workout, which I've done before, but as has been commonplace the last few months, it scared me a bit:
WU: 10' Easy, 8 x Strides, 3 x 1' (30") @ 5k pace
MS: 3 x (6' @ 10k pace, 2' @ 5k pace, 2' walking recovery)
CD: 10' Easy
I've been doing some respectable tempo work for about 3 weeks now, but I had no clue whether I could pull this off, especially with a hangover. But hey, I ran the main set repeats faster than I ever did them a year ago, how about that? In trying to understand why this might be, I think it's a number of things--this is the first winter in 3 years that I haven't beaten myself up with fall and winter racing, and so I think my body has been able to really, REALLY absorb all the work I've been putting in. Oh, I guess that means I'm doing a "normal" training season? Perhaps...but my work ethic hasn't disappeared, and I kinda enjoyed the track workout--even when some dude who works at the Y was clearly watching me run around the track. I just didn't care. Afterwards, since I was in no rush, I spent some quality time stretching in the cardio studio (or whatever it's called) that is a big, fully mirrored room. I messed around with some of the Body Bars and checked out the spin bikes (you won't see me on them), and enjoyed the solitude of having such a big room (with mirrors!) all to myself.
When I got up this morning, I noticed my left glutes were sore. WTF??? Maybe, MAYBE at long last my left side is waking up. Lots of triathletes have difficulty getting all parts of their glutes to fire, and I'm no exception, especially with the biomechanical issues that I have. Anyway, it felt good for once to have a sore ass, and maybe all the biking I'm doing has contributed, too, and maybe because I've been literally hanging off a high bar a couple of times a week to let my spine stretch out, some former slacker muscles are activating.
So it was interesting to start the track workout with sore glutes, but the workout didn't make anything worse, and now I just finished my strength workout, yip-fucking-ee, because why? Because I'm done with my maximum strength phase, and I think that's been helping me be strong for my biking and running (and swimming--some of my "speed" is returning).
Everything could come crashing down on me at any moment, but for right now, things are pretty good. I enjoyed my day off and avoided loading it up with lots of crap. Now I just need a good night's sleep so I can hit it hard tomorrow.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Weekly Workout Totals 2/25/2008-3/2/2008 and BEST WATER EVER!
Swam this AM, and the water was ALMOST COLD! Last Wednesday when I swam it was pretty nice, but this morning it was even better. I'd say the temperature was maybe 81--it could have been 80. All I know is that below 80 I am freezing (sans wetsuit), and this morning I didn't rest very much because I'd get chilled. Also, I had goosebumps when I got out. NICE! I almost stuck around just so I could hear the water aerobics ladies complain about how cold it is. I hope the water is just as cold on Wednesday.
I guess that counting last week, I've now had 4 good training weeks in a row. There was a time not too long ago that I couldn't see that happening, but it is happening, and I'm happy for it. Yesterday I hit TSS 207 in a 2:30 trainer ride. Yes, that probably means my FT is on the rise, and I am pushing the watts whenever I can right now. By way of example, in the Miami Man 1/2 IM in 2006, my TSS was 173 for a 2:41 ride, so no matter how you cut it, that was a pretty hard ride I did yesterday. And then I ran :30--I was all ready to run outdoors, but it was raining, so I just hurried up and drove to the Y and ran on the treadmill, wearing running tights and a bra top. When I was about done, some woman gets on the TFM next to me and asks me if I know how to use it. Well, not really, I just hit start and manipulate the speed according to what I think I need to do, so I know how to do that, but these new TFM's are all touch screen and pretty easy to figure out. At first I told her to go get a trainer to show her (I guess she figured I looked like one of them?), but then I was almost done, and I figured out what she wanted to do. And then she starts walking, but she's holding on to the TFM, so I figured that since I had helped her and since she probably figured me for some sort of "exercise buff" (!), I told her that it didn't count if you held on, that you weren't getting a good workout, and I told her to slow down the speed to the point where she could just walk without holding on. I have no idea whether she took my advice or not, but I could tell other "walkers" heard me say those heinous words. Actually, I couldn't believe that woman was brave enough to get on the TFM next to me because after already having spend 2:30 on the trainer, I did not smell very nice at all.
Here's to another good week for me and for everyone reading!
I guess that counting last week, I've now had 4 good training weeks in a row. There was a time not too long ago that I couldn't see that happening, but it is happening, and I'm happy for it. Yesterday I hit TSS 207 in a 2:30 trainer ride. Yes, that probably means my FT is on the rise, and I am pushing the watts whenever I can right now. By way of example, in the Miami Man 1/2 IM in 2006, my TSS was 173 for a 2:41 ride, so no matter how you cut it, that was a pretty hard ride I did yesterday. And then I ran :30--I was all ready to run outdoors, but it was raining, so I just hurried up and drove to the Y and ran on the treadmill, wearing running tights and a bra top. When I was about done, some woman gets on the TFM next to me and asks me if I know how to use it. Well, not really, I just hit start and manipulate the speed according to what I think I need to do, so I know how to do that, but these new TFM's are all touch screen and pretty easy to figure out. At first I told her to go get a trainer to show her (I guess she figured I looked like one of them?), but then I was almost done, and I figured out what she wanted to do. And then she starts walking, but she's holding on to the TFM, so I figured that since I had helped her and since she probably figured me for some sort of "exercise buff" (!), I told her that it didn't count if you held on, that you weren't getting a good workout, and I told her to slow down the speed to the point where she could just walk without holding on. I have no idea whether she took my advice or not, but I could tell other "walkers" heard me say those heinous words. Actually, I couldn't believe that woman was brave enough to get on the TFM next to me because after already having spend 2:30 on the trainer, I did not smell very nice at all.
Here's to another good week for me and for everyone reading!
| Weekly Workout Totals | 02/25/2008-03/02/2008 |
| Swim: | 8400 yards (4.77 miles) in 2.93 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 1027 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 109.39 miles in 6.25 hours; 40% of weekly workout time; approx. 2814 calories burned; Total TSS=516 |
| Run: | Approx. 32.61 miles in 5.01 hours; 32% of weekly workout time; approx. 2276 calories burned |
| Strength: | 1.62 hours; 10% of weekly workout time; approx. 405 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 146.77 miles in 15.81 hours; approx. 6522 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.39 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 2.38 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
Saturday, March 01, 2008
A Saturday Post for the Hell of It
Fe-Lady asked what is TSS. TSS=Training Stress Score, which is a measurement of how hard you worked during a bike workout. You need to have a power meter in order to calculate this, and the Ergomo shows you "realtime" TSS while you work out. Which is kind of cool, because if you are a person motivated by numbers (as I am), seeing the number can give you motivation to work hard(er). Just even 2 months ago, I wasn't looking at or caring about my TSS, because I was too emotionally trashed to work hard enough to want to look at the number, because it would just contribute to how poorly I felt. But once I started feeling better (late January), I started caring about the numbers again, and truth be told, during the last 15 minutes of every trainer ride I work harder than I probably should just because I want to see at least 100 TSS for the ride. That's on my weekday rides--for my longer weekend ride, I'm looking for at least 150--200 would be better--but I can save that up for once I start riding outdoors. Jay reminded me that a total TSS of 500 for a week is a good amount for IM build riding. Since I've been riding 4 days per week this winter, now I'm staying around 500 each week, but I may drop back in a few weeks in preparation for outdoor riding--I haven't quite decided yet.
My bike FT watts may be back to my all-time high already--I haven't done a formal test, but I know from what I'm putting out in my workouts about where that number is, and I'm only about 10 watts off from where it was at a high point, and those 10 watts may just be due to riding indoors, but I'm working on pushing the number up anyway. Why? Because I love riding my bike, I love being fast on the bike and I guess I like working hard on the bike. WORK=SPEED ENTERING THE BODY.
There is a way to measure TSS for running, too, if you use a GPS, but I am not into running gadgets at this time. Just a watch. No more HRM. I still don't have an iPod, but that will happen soon enough. You will not see me with the damn thing strapped to my arm, either. That would spoil a perfectly good tan. I have plenty of shorts that should hold the stupid thing just fine, or I may get one of those running hats that has the pocket for the iPod. Anyway, I have been doing tempo work in each of my weekly runs, and I feel like I'm just about as fast as I've ever been, and I might even be a bit faster, but I will need to prove that in a race, right? Some of that may be due to the loss of 2 pounds or not.
I am 2 pounds lighter than my usual "fighting weight" of 112, so now I weigh 110. I laugh at how people say they struggle losing weight--try signing up for Dominatrix duties and let me know how much time you have to stuff your face. Now, 2 pounds over 3 months means a caloric deficit of a measly 78 calories a day. Was I eating less? Perhaps, but I bet it's just the extra busy work I've needed to do which has cut into my "slacking" time. Those 2 pounds will probably come back or maybe not--I don't think I've seen 110 on the scale since I went through a divorce 14 years ago! Back then I actually was down to 107, and yes, even *I* thought I was skinny, and I was. But I didn't have nearly the amount of lean mass that I have today. As to where those 2 pounds came off of my body, well when I take my measurements, I guess it's the "upper" part of my ass. I keep checking to see if my ass has just decided to head south, but if I try and pick it up it doesn't feel like it--it is just a little smaller. Which is hard for me to grasp considering I've been hitting the workouts pretty hard lately. Perhaps once I'm running outdoors on my usual fairly hilly routes my ass will show back up. That and riding on actual hills and standing up more on the bike usually does it.
Speaking of which, aging sucks. I mean, thank you anyone who tells me "you look good for your age." Some of this is just a reflection of the stress I've been under the last few months, and some of it is, well, I'm just fucking old. And it does suck. But it would suck a whole lot more if I wasn't in shape, and I can imagine I could look a whole lot worse. I still have fantastic abs, except my fucking skin isn't as elastic as it used to be. Oh well--all photos of me will now be taken in the upright and locked position! I still think I look OK in a swimsuit and skimpy running clothes, but I am holding off on the thong evaluation for a few months. That train may have just left the station! I assume that someone will tell me I shouldn't wear such revealing workout clothes because I look hideous, and then I will modify my wardrobe.
Odd that I'm sitting here writing a post--for some reason I was motivated to get up at 5:45AM today so I could swim before my long run, and well, I don't have any Dominatrix duties to do this weekend (yet, anyway), and so I'm going to go buy some books. I did catch some USA gymnastics on TV, and it reminded me of the Summer Olympics, and that will be awesome, because I love watching the male gymnasts and swimmers. OK, so I'll watch the female swimmers, too, but tough to beat the guys. What can I say, I love muscle and I love cut physiques.
Why am I training so much so early? Because I slacked for over a month during the fall and early winter and I felt like shit and now I don't and the reason is because I made myself work out. And I needed to see if I could still do it so I would know that I could still manage an Ironman this year and the answer is YES. This is the stuff that makes me strong, and I am so grateful for all the stuff I got to do in 2007--in retrospect, that was a crazy year--2 IM's, an open marathon and almost another IM (Triple T), and the most biking I've ever done. Something about that prepared me for what came after, and something about what I'm doing now is preparing me for whatever the next thing is, and that's good enough for me.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
2 Good Weeks in a Row
| Weekly Workout Totals | 02/18/2008-02/24/2008 |
| Swim: | 8300 yards (4.71 miles) in 3.07 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 1074 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 115.02 miles in 6.28 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2828 calories burned |
| Run: | Approx. 31.7 miles in 4.86 hours; 30% of weekly workout time; approx. 2207 calories burned |
| Strength: | 1.83 hours; 11% of weekly workout time; approx. 458 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 151.43 miles in 16.04 hours; approx. 6567 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.93 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 2.13 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
Hard to believe, but I had another good week. Don't get me wrong--there was one Dominatrix-related (I call myself Dominatrix, although technically the term is Executrix for a female Executor. No I don't have a whip (yet), and I'm not saying what I do have) event, but I weathered it quite well. Here's a bunch of good stuff that happened this week:
- I saw the B-man at the pool on Wednesday. Sadly, did not get to swim in the same lane with him. And I was wearing my pink flame suit!
- I did 3 swim workouts. Did you read that? WORKOUTS. No more of that slow drill crap. Crackhead needs to get back on the speed (whatever little I have, that is) wagon. Every now and then, I would see a sign that it's coming back.
- I did my first 2-hour run of 2008 on Saturday. On the tread-fucking-mill (TFM). I did a progressive (increasing pace) run including the fun tempo part at the end.
- I did my first brick run of 2008 (and first one since, um...NothingMan) today, and IT WAS GOOD. And OUTDOORS! It didn't even feel that bad.
- I made (gasp) a tentative training schedule through IMLP. I'm going to do it, dammit, come hell or high water, Dominatrix shit or not. Also Triple T in May.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Just the facts
| Weekly Workout Totals | 02/11/2008-02/17/2008 |
| Swim: | 7400 yards (4.2 miles) in 2.68 hours; 17% of weekly workout time; approx. 939 calories burned |
| Bike: | Approx. 108.21 miles in 6.18 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2784 calories burned |
| Run: | Approx. 28.4 miles in 4.42 hours; 28% of weekly workout time; approx. 2010 calories burned |
| Strength: | 2.73 hours; 17% of weekly workout time; approx. 683 calories burned |
| All Sports: | Approx. 140.81 miles in 16.01 hours; approx. 6416 calories burned |
| Sleep: | 8.86 hours avg./night |
| Stretching: | 2.38 hours. Massage: 0 hours |
I forget--is a TSS of 500 good for a week?
Friday, February 08, 2008
Rough around the edges
Someone pinged me to find out what's going on with me.
Well, it's only 3 months since my Dad died, and I am doing a lot better than a month ago. But I guess not as well as I thought. It's really a rollercoaster ride. I can say that I have never gone through something so challenging before in my life. Losing someone you love is bad enough, but this whole Executor thing is a time drain--not just the actual time I spend doing the stuff, but it's the psychic aftermath, i.e., the stress, that is not too good. Add to that the fact that I truly believe I suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and that we've been getting quite a bit of snow regularly, and moving it around takes time and energy, too, and there are just a lot of things putting stress on me. I know there are folks who have far worse life circumstances, but right now that doesn't comfort me one iota. It's MY life, dammit, and I get to feel how I want about it.
I am the eternal optimist, however, as I know that things have gotten and will continue to get better. I spoke with a grief counselor, and she asked me whether I felt I'm depressed. Hell yeah! Severely so? No. I think it's probably a "normal" amount given my situation right now. A month ago there were days when I just didn't know how I was going to get through them. That is mostly gone. I am mostly able to sleep well. But I still hate winter, I still feel like I'm drowning in fucking paper, I still feel like I have to check whatever other people say they are going to do because there are a lot of fuck ups going on, and hey, I'm a control freak and perfectionist, so that kind of shit drives me nuts.
Whew, that felt good to say!
I am getting in some training--the one thing I've been consistent about is lifting weights. Isn't that funny? And then I've been getting a lot of extra strength work with the snow moving. I know that March is just around the corner, which means less cold, less snow, and yes, more running outdoors. I can't tell you how many times I would have swum except that I needed to clear snow which meant swimming had to go, or else I would have needed to get up at like 4AM to shovel, which I am not about to do--I need all the sleep I can get right now.
Once the weather settles and I get through "tax season" (oh the joy of dealing with someone else's taxes in addition to my own), I will hopefully plan a trip somewhere warm and paper-free. It will be a start, and that's what I feel like I need right now--a fresh start.
Well, it's only 3 months since my Dad died, and I am doing a lot better than a month ago. But I guess not as well as I thought. It's really a rollercoaster ride. I can say that I have never gone through something so challenging before in my life. Losing someone you love is bad enough, but this whole Executor thing is a time drain--not just the actual time I spend doing the stuff, but it's the psychic aftermath, i.e., the stress, that is not too good. Add to that the fact that I truly believe I suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and that we've been getting quite a bit of snow regularly, and moving it around takes time and energy, too, and there are just a lot of things putting stress on me. I know there are folks who have far worse life circumstances, but right now that doesn't comfort me one iota. It's MY life, dammit, and I get to feel how I want about it.
I am the eternal optimist, however, as I know that things have gotten and will continue to get better. I spoke with a grief counselor, and she asked me whether I felt I'm depressed. Hell yeah! Severely so? No. I think it's probably a "normal" amount given my situation right now. A month ago there were days when I just didn't know how I was going to get through them. That is mostly gone. I am mostly able to sleep well. But I still hate winter, I still feel like I'm drowning in fucking paper, I still feel like I have to check whatever other people say they are going to do because there are a lot of fuck ups going on, and hey, I'm a control freak and perfectionist, so that kind of shit drives me nuts.
Whew, that felt good to say!
I am getting in some training--the one thing I've been consistent about is lifting weights. Isn't that funny? And then I've been getting a lot of extra strength work with the snow moving. I know that March is just around the corner, which means less cold, less snow, and yes, more running outdoors. I can't tell you how many times I would have swum except that I needed to clear snow which meant swimming had to go, or else I would have needed to get up at like 4AM to shovel, which I am not about to do--I need all the sleep I can get right now.
Once the weather settles and I get through "tax season" (oh the joy of dealing with someone else's taxes in addition to my own), I will hopefully plan a trip somewhere warm and paper-free. It will be a start, and that's what I feel like I need right now--a fresh start.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I Don't Want to Jinx Myself
I guess I was getting used to feeling so badly and then there's all the usual expected (from what I read) feelings during grief of feeling guilty about feeling good that I've been reluctant to say that I'm getting on with my life and doing a lot better.
Yet I know something must be happening because so far (knock wood) I've been able to sleep well this week, I've started having good dreams (last night's included Peter Reid, of all people), I wanted to do an actual swim workout today instead of just lazy-ass drills, I want to look at the power meter on the bike and hit specific numbers, and (gasp!) I want to order new running shoes.
I know people have different ways of dealing with difficulties in their lives, but for me, exercise is salvation. I no longer look for some ultra-special meaning that I think should be there, or how the dots all get connected--that's just how it is for me. I suppose I could go to a shrink and have a conversation like this:
Shrink: So why are you here?
Me: I want to find out if there is a deeper meaning to this need I seem to have for large amounts of exercise.
Shrink: Does exercise make you feel good?
Me: Yes, very much so.
Shrink: Why do you think that is?
Me: Because I feel relaxed afterwards and problems don't seem to bother me as much and I can eat a little bit more or not be so worried about exactly what it is I eat and I think I look better and I think I meet really interesting people doing it and hell, riding my bike is just plain fun and sometimes so is running and swimming, well that's a skill I'm not that good at but I am always working on it because somehow I think it's good for my brain, but maybe sometimes I do it to escape from thinking about my own problems.
Shrink: Wow--that's a lot of things about exercise that seems to make you feel good. I hear there are claims that it's good for your overall health, too. Now let's talk about that escape thing.
Me: Is it wrong to want to escape from the trap that is our brain and thinking all the time and focusing on all that's wrong?
Shrink: Some people think meditation is a good way to calm down the mind.
Me: So what if exercise is meditation for me? Does that make it OK?
Shrink: Do you think it hurts you?
Me: I suppose there are times when I would rather go ride my bike instead of some social activity.
Shrink: Do you think you need more social activity?
Me: Probably. But I have no idea if I'm better or worse off than the average person. Sure, sometimes I wish I was in a committed relationship, but the ones I've had I messed up, and this current arrangement seems to work for me somehow. I think some people think that because I like the exercise so much that I wouldn't make room for a committed relationship, but that's simply not true. Apparently I had time to be an Executor for my Dad, which is something I just added to my life, yet I don't feel like I've subtracted anything. Plus, I know at some point that I will slow down and not want to do as much exercise, but maybe by then it will be too late? Sometimes I think I exercise so that I don't have to think about that!
So...I go through this thought process every 2-5 years (more frequently in the last 10, I'd say), and right now I can't come up with a better life model for myself. Can my life be better? Of course. Am I doing everything I can to make it better? Maybe not, but I'm doing what I can. And that's really all I can do.
I'm not sure how this came out...it seemed to be just my fingers typing!
Yet I know something must be happening because so far (knock wood) I've been able to sleep well this week, I've started having good dreams (last night's included Peter Reid, of all people), I wanted to do an actual swim workout today instead of just lazy-ass drills, I want to look at the power meter on the bike and hit specific numbers, and (gasp!) I want to order new running shoes.
I know people have different ways of dealing with difficulties in their lives, but for me, exercise is salvation. I no longer look for some ultra-special meaning that I think should be there, or how the dots all get connected--that's just how it is for me. I suppose I could go to a shrink and have a conversation like this:
Shrink: So why are you here?
Me: I want to find out if there is a deeper meaning to this need I seem to have for large amounts of exercise.
Shrink: Does exercise make you feel good?
Me: Yes, very much so.
Shrink: Why do you think that is?
Me: Because I feel relaxed afterwards and problems don't seem to bother me as much and I can eat a little bit more or not be so worried about exactly what it is I eat and I think I look better and I think I meet really interesting people doing it and hell, riding my bike is just plain fun and sometimes so is running and swimming, well that's a skill I'm not that good at but I am always working on it because somehow I think it's good for my brain, but maybe sometimes I do it to escape from thinking about my own problems.
Shrink: Wow--that's a lot of things about exercise that seems to make you feel good. I hear there are claims that it's good for your overall health, too. Now let's talk about that escape thing.
Me: Is it wrong to want to escape from the trap that is our brain and thinking all the time and focusing on all that's wrong?
Shrink: Some people think meditation is a good way to calm down the mind.
Me: So what if exercise is meditation for me? Does that make it OK?
Shrink: Do you think it hurts you?
Me: I suppose there are times when I would rather go ride my bike instead of some social activity.
Shrink: Do you think you need more social activity?
Me: Probably. But I have no idea if I'm better or worse off than the average person. Sure, sometimes I wish I was in a committed relationship, but the ones I've had I messed up, and this current arrangement seems to work for me somehow. I think some people think that because I like the exercise so much that I wouldn't make room for a committed relationship, but that's simply not true. Apparently I had time to be an Executor for my Dad, which is something I just added to my life, yet I don't feel like I've subtracted anything. Plus, I know at some point that I will slow down and not want to do as much exercise, but maybe by then it will be too late? Sometimes I think I exercise so that I don't have to think about that!
So...I go through this thought process every 2-5 years (more frequently in the last 10, I'd say), and right now I can't come up with a better life model for myself. Can my life be better? Of course. Am I doing everything I can to make it better? Maybe not, but I'm doing what I can. And that's really all I can do.
I'm not sure how this came out...it seemed to be just my fingers typing!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
I Must be Getting Better--I'm Posting Again
I'm still having bad days, no doubt, but the general direction is good.
I realize now that I really didn't grieve for my Mom back in 2006, so I'm experiencing at least a double-whammy (maybe triple if you add in being Executor now). I can now look back over the last 2 months and say that when I cried, I was crying for myself, in terms of feeling so overwhelmed by things. Now I'm able to cry and it is just crying because I'm sad, which feels better. I understand sadness--I need to just let it be.
I'm starting to feel like I'm getting some fitness back--biking and running that is. Swimming is still optional depending on whether I got enough sleep and feel like hauling my butt to the pool early in the morning. But the interesting thing is that when I do swim it is feeling different--almost like I'm starting over. Isn't that interesting? I think I've just become more acutely aware of my form, and since I've given myself a bye in terms of any semblance of speed, I am focusing more on form.
I've found some really good sites about grief, and it helps me feel better to know that almost every strange thing I'm experiencing is quite normal. So now when I catch myself being absent-minded or unable to focus or restless or sleepless, I just acknowledge it and forgive myself. In other words, I'm letting the process play out. I also have some perspective in that my parents both lived a decent length of time (78 and 81, respectively). While that doesn't diminish my sadness, reading about and listening to others talk about truly tragic deaths makes me feel fortunate to have had my parents for as long as I did (excellent site: http://thegriefblog.com) .
I also now see that I don't think I had developed a good sense of compassion for others, and I hope I become better at that. I still wince when others treat me with ill will, but I am committed to not dishing it back out whenever possible.
I was totally shocked today when someone at the Y accused me of working out really hard and being much younger than I am! I was on the treadmill, and thought I looked like total shit, having spent about 20 mins. on my way in crying and sharing with a friend. And I still feel out of shape and well, just old. So it was nice to receive an unsolicited compliment, which upon receipt I babbled rather quickly that I wasn't running as much as usual, and that I also biked and swam, and for a split second I thought, "Yeah--that's who I am in a nutshell." And I was OK with that. I'm sure I'll go through many periods in the future where I am searching for more and more meaning to my existence, but sometimes I think it can truly be as simple as for me as working out, because when I do, I feel good about myself and everything around me and feel like I can be open to other meaning and higher contributions to friends, family and society in general.
Another thing I've realized is that I've been slouching way more than usual (which for me is not much at all). I think this has been part of the overall feeling of being overwhelmed and having my eyes focused downward instead of up and forward. At least I am starting to catch myself at it and wonder why I would be slumped over? At least it's been over a week since I've experienced "jelly legs" which is an odd manifestation of the grief process where my legs go all weak on me just before or even during a workout. I've pushed through that and am hopefully done with that crap. Now, having jelly legs because I've totally exhausted myself in a race is a completely different matter!
I still love and crave the feeling of exhaustion from having worked out hard. It is much, much better than the feeling of emotional and physical exhaustion from being overwhelmed by grief. I do have to say, though, that I'm glad I know the difference. I can't imagine feeling only the stress reaction and not knowing that you could return to a place of blissful exhaustion!
I am moving forward on my house purge...I've got a ways to go, but it's one thing that I feel like I can safely do now and feel good about such a small accomplishment and then be ready for bigger things later in the year. I can't have too many projects for myself right now--my hands are still full--but my capacity is slowly growing.
Please say a special prayer for my friend, Cindy. Her father in law was in a terrible car accident a week ago, and his condition is grave. I only hope that I can provide some comfort to Cindy and her family as she has done for me.
I realize now that I really didn't grieve for my Mom back in 2006, so I'm experiencing at least a double-whammy (maybe triple if you add in being Executor now). I can now look back over the last 2 months and say that when I cried, I was crying for myself, in terms of feeling so overwhelmed by things. Now I'm able to cry and it is just crying because I'm sad, which feels better. I understand sadness--I need to just let it be.
I'm starting to feel like I'm getting some fitness back--biking and running that is. Swimming is still optional depending on whether I got enough sleep and feel like hauling my butt to the pool early in the morning. But the interesting thing is that when I do swim it is feeling different--almost like I'm starting over. Isn't that interesting? I think I've just become more acutely aware of my form, and since I've given myself a bye in terms of any semblance of speed, I am focusing more on form.
I've found some really good sites about grief, and it helps me feel better to know that almost every strange thing I'm experiencing is quite normal. So now when I catch myself being absent-minded or unable to focus or restless or sleepless, I just acknowledge it and forgive myself. In other words, I'm letting the process play out. I also have some perspective in that my parents both lived a decent length of time (78 and 81, respectively). While that doesn't diminish my sadness, reading about and listening to others talk about truly tragic deaths makes me feel fortunate to have had my parents for as long as I did (excellent site: http://thegriefblog.com) .
I also now see that I don't think I had developed a good sense of compassion for others, and I hope I become better at that. I still wince when others treat me with ill will, but I am committed to not dishing it back out whenever possible.
I was totally shocked today when someone at the Y accused me of working out really hard and being much younger than I am! I was on the treadmill, and thought I looked like total shit, having spent about 20 mins. on my way in crying and sharing with a friend. And I still feel out of shape and well, just old. So it was nice to receive an unsolicited compliment, which upon receipt I babbled rather quickly that I wasn't running as much as usual, and that I also biked and swam, and for a split second I thought, "Yeah--that's who I am in a nutshell." And I was OK with that. I'm sure I'll go through many periods in the future where I am searching for more and more meaning to my existence, but sometimes I think it can truly be as simple as for me as working out, because when I do, I feel good about myself and everything around me and feel like I can be open to other meaning and higher contributions to friends, family and society in general.
Another thing I've realized is that I've been slouching way more than usual (which for me is not much at all). I think this has been part of the overall feeling of being overwhelmed and having my eyes focused downward instead of up and forward. At least I am starting to catch myself at it and wonder why I would be slumped over? At least it's been over a week since I've experienced "jelly legs" which is an odd manifestation of the grief process where my legs go all weak on me just before or even during a workout. I've pushed through that and am hopefully done with that crap. Now, having jelly legs because I've totally exhausted myself in a race is a completely different matter!
I still love and crave the feeling of exhaustion from having worked out hard. It is much, much better than the feeling of emotional and physical exhaustion from being overwhelmed by grief. I do have to say, though, that I'm glad I know the difference. I can't imagine feeling only the stress reaction and not knowing that you could return to a place of blissful exhaustion!
I am moving forward on my house purge...I've got a ways to go, but it's one thing that I feel like I can safely do now and feel good about such a small accomplishment and then be ready for bigger things later in the year. I can't have too many projects for myself right now--my hands are still full--but my capacity is slowly growing.
Please say a special prayer for my friend, Cindy. Her father in law was in a terrible car accident a week ago, and his condition is grave. I only hope that I can provide some comfort to Cindy and her family as she has done for me.
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