Working Through It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley arrived yesterday, and we relaxed in my living room that was now complete with the zebra carpet. We shot off some fireworks in the snow in my back yard, which was beautiful. Today, we rode for 2:40 and then I went and ran for :30, we each took the most awesome shower in my new bathroom, then we watched Ironman Hawaii (while eating nachos that I made and I'm drinking a bunch o' beers), then we are going to a tri store, then we are eating sushi and having sake, and then we are going to look at the gonzo Christmas lights in a nearby area, and then who knows? Below are a bunch of pics from our time together so far:

Remodeling Just About Done!

Go here. Check out the new bathroom. It's as awesome as I knew it would be!

Crying is Healthy

I realize that I'm going to be doing some crying this weekend with my girl. I think I've become pretty good at re-experiencing grief, and so I won't mind this one bit. I haven't really been able to cry on someone's shoulder these past few months--I've either been held captive in my own house or tried to be with someone else to get some moments of happiness (which is coming around).

So I'm looking forward to a little crying this weekend--I'm going to cry for myself, for Shelley, and we will both cry for lost loves.



I never had to say goodbye
You must have known I wouldn't stay
While you were talking about our life
You killed the beauty of today

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never comes around
(People love and let go)
Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

{2X}
You'll never gonna see me again
So now who's gonna cry for you
You'll never gonna see me again
No matter what you do

You never heard me break your heart
You didn't wake up when we died
Since I was lonely from the start
I think the end is mine to write

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never comes around
(People love and let go)
Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

{2X}
You'll never gonna see me again
So now who's gonna cry for you
You'll never gonna see me again
No matter what you do

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never comes around
(People love and let go)
Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

{2X}
You'll never gonna see me again
So now who's gonna cry for you
You'll never gonna see me again
No matter what you do

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never comes around

FUCKIN A'

My upstairs bathroom will be finished today, and then I'll take some pics. The black granite is in as well as new tile downstairs! I have a lot of cleaning up to do today. Contractors just are not tidy! But I should have everything mostly spiffy by the time Shelley arrives, including the laying down of the zebra carpet!

After adding up my running between last Friday and yesterday, I ended up putting in a 50-mile week! That is a nice, unexpected surprise. I guess that means my back is really healing up! It does feel much better, and I find it interesting that this is happening in the midst of all this running! It's still not 100%, but it's much, much better and I am now confident that everything will return to normal very soon.

I'm really happy that I get to spend time with Shelley this weekend. We are going to train our brains out, watch some Ironman Hawaii, do some quality eating, laughing and general commiserating!

As much as I love spending time with my mens (and you know who you are), it will be good to have a girlie weekend. There may or may not be pics...don't you wish we were running a webcam in my house?

Here's a sneak preview of the new bathroom. The black granite rocks, the waterfall faucet rocks, all the black and chrome just makes me happy! I'll take the official pics later today once the bathroom is complete and the living room and family rooms are put back together!

Toilet installation will be completed today. Check out the knobs on the cabinet!

I can't wait to go for a swim this morning! I haven't swum since last Sunday. I didn't sleep too well last night because I'm all anxious about getting the house put back together, but so what, all I have to do rest of the day is a little work, a trainer ride and lift weights!

Make your own Bike!!!

I did this. Go here:

Here's what I made:



Notice that mine has lubricant right on the saddle!!!

Orlando Pics (yes, there's one of my ass)

Mark performing valuable geek services while wearing compression tights

My favorite place to buy swimsuits and assorted beachy stuff

Mark after our 2 hour run in the orange groves in Clermont (nice pecs, dude!)

Mark stretching (he can also pee while doing this, trust me I know!)

Me...um...flashing the moon...not sure you can tell but the actual moon is up!

Me feeling pretty happy I was able to run 2 hours

Me with the rising moon in the background

After swimming at the NTC (formerly owned by USAT)

Mark enjoying a brew after our 3-hour workout

Mark enjoying a burger

Do the Right Thing

I'm packed up here and about to go for my last run in Orlando. I've got meetings this AM and then I fly back home. Once I get there, I have to unpack and gaze upon my new bathroom and then just try and get some sleep.

I have a friend in need right now. She is in the same position I found myself 3 weeks ago, and we need one another. She's going to come and stay with me for the weekend. We will do the things that sustain us--we will do some training, we will laugh together, and I am sure we will cry together. We are so much alike in so many ways, and it's almost like we've led parallel lives for the last 8 years. We've had successes, failures, joy, love, death, tragedy. But through all of that, we have become closer and discovered that the reason we met one another in the first place and the reason we have kept our connection is because we are both very special, unique women--the kind you don't run across every day. How many women do you know besides us who are so intelligent, energetic, talented, funny, beautiful (nah, HOT), generous, introspective and loving who have done as many Iroman races as we have? At times, putting all of that together can feel like a curse to us--on the surface, there is so much to look at and go, "Wow" but our intensity is what drives us and what can ultimately drive a wedge between us and others (men, especially) because once we know what we want, we are not going to settle for less. And why would we? Why wouldn't we expect those we hold closest to us to have our same energy level? Or the ability to keep changing and progressing and challenging ourselves, not just in our triathlon pursuits, but in our totality. Yet we are subject to the same emotional turmoil as the next person, and perhaps because of our usual intensity, we are not the sorts to let things just sit. The way we work through things is by blasting a hole in the premise. We never operate from a position of "Can I?" We operate from the position of "This is what needs to be done and even though it's a ton of work there is no other way." If it can be done, we will do it. Hell--even if someone thinks it can't be done, it can.

Even though my friend is no doubt feeling like her world is closing in on her, I want her to know that I am here to help her open it back up so all that wonderfulness that is her can bubble back up to the surface and she (and I) can relearn the lesson that we are the fucking shit, you know? Maybe that sounds asshole-ish, but I don't fucking care. I'm the shit, and so is she.

GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!

Getting a little erratic here
And I don't know who to trust
I guess they got a way of reading my mind
I guess I gotta adjust
Got my arms they flip flop flip flop flip
Got my head on a spring
Well I thought I got you on my side
I haven't got fucking anything

I'm just a face in the crowd
Nothing to worry about
Not even tryin' to stand out
I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller
And I have nothing to say
It's all been taken away
I just behave and obey
I'm afraid I am starting to fade away

Uh-huh

I cannot see through the cracks
When I'm pressed up on the wall
I'm not looking to stand up real high
I'd be happy to crawl
I think I'm losing my grip
But I can still make a fist
You know I still got my one good arm
That I can beat...
nnn, I can beat myself up with!

I'm just a face in the crowd
Nothing to worry about
Not even tryin' to stand out
I'm getting smaller
And smaller and smaller
And I have nothing to say
Its all been taken away
I just behave and obey
I'm afraid I am starting to fade away

And for what it is worth
I really used to believe
That maybe there's some great thing
That we could achieve
And now I cant tell the difference
Don't know what to feel
Between what I've been trying so hard to see
And what appears to be real

Fading away
Fading away
Fading away
Fading away

My world is getting smaller everyday-yay-yay-yay-yay
My world is getting smaller everyday-yay-yay-yay-yay
(and thats ok)

My world is getting smaller everyday-yay-yay-yay-yay
My world is getting smaller everyday-yay-yay-yay-yay
(and thats ok)

Run Forrest Run!

As it turns out, there's not a decent stationary bike for me to use here in Orlando. And the pool at this hotel is, well, not a pool, so that leaves running. I hadn't originally intended this to be a huge running week, but that's what I gots. I'll get in biking on Friday and Saturday when I'm home. Maybe I'll switch up next week to do more biking. Whatever, it's all good!

All of my bathroom furniture is actually ready to be picked up, meaning my upstairs bathroom will be FINISHED by the time I'm home! Everything else on the list (I've kept a list of every last little thing that's needs to be just so) should also be complete, which means Friday is the big day of the end of remodeling for 2008!

One thing I noticed is that for the past 4+ weeks I've been dehydrated, because I've been off my routine of pee, refill water glass. Well, so I'm here in meetings now and since there's not much else to do at breaks, I'm getting water (or gasp, Diet Coke) and staying well hydrated, and it feels so much better despite not sleeping enough. When I get home, I will have no excuse for being close to water when I'm working and sleeping.

I'm really enjoying my most excellent hotel room (when I'm in it, that is!) and all the hotel amenities (they throw the food and drinks at you), but I'm also very much looking forward to returning home to my new house and settling in for a few weeks. And not spending much money for a bit!

Hope everyone is having a good week wherever you are! Life is good!

Weekly Workout Totals 12/01/2008-12/07/2008

It was an awesome training week! I did everything I needed to do and enjoyed doing it! This week my challenge is going to be to stay sane and make training my first priority in the morning before I head out for all day meetings followed by group dinners. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my house will be being beautified. I *HEART* multitasking!

I'm going to try and get a little more tans today, since my meetings don't start until tomorrow. But I'll be sure to try and get outdoors during the breaks once the meetings begin.

It's been awhile since I've looked forward to training hard. With a little bit of easing off of the stress, a bit more sleep and my body healing up, it's great to feel like I'm almost 100% back. Literally!

Here's to a solid week of training, working and enjoying life!



Weekly Workout Totals 12/01/2008-12/07/2008
This week's totals are sponsored by the State of Florida. Florida--it's a state, all right!

Swim: 12950 yards (7.35 miles) in 4.52 hours;
29% of weekly workout time;
approx. 1581 calories burned
Canadian: 11841.48 meters
most swimming in 16 weeks!
Bike: Approx. 92.17 miles in 5.27 hours;
33% of weekly workout time;
approx. 2566 calories burned;
Total TSS=320
Canadian: 148.33 kilometers
Run: Approx. 30.59 miles in 4.92 hours;
31% of weekly workout time;
approx. 2237 calories burned
Canadian: 49.23 kilometers
all of this was pure running--no more elliptical! most running since NothingMan!
Strength: 1.08 hours; 7% of weekly workout time;
approx. 270 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 130.11 miles in 15.79 hours;
approx. 6654 calories burned
Canadian: 1.25 kilometers
Sleep: 7.21 hours avg./night most sleep I've had in 10 weeks!
Stretching: 1.97 hours. most stretching in 12 weeks!
Massage: 1.25 hours

Can You Say My Fucking Fitness Has Returned???

So, yesterday I nailed a 2:15 hard ride and :25 brick run. Today, I had the total fucking pleasure of running 2 hours with Mark in the orange groves of Clermont, Florida. The trail we ran on was mostly sand with plenty of hills! We had both agreed to run it slow (for us), since Mark's been having knee tracking issues (I spent plenty o' time esplainin' to him various reasons for it), and my back is still touchy from my various injuries. But we ran at our planned 10mpm pace, and it was an absofuckinglutely gorgeous day! Upper 50's, clear sky, and light winds. We saw centipedes (or some wormy thing with millions of legs), spiders, grasshoppers, herons, various birds (my spotting), and I heard sandhill cranes. After that, we headed to the NTC (formerly the USAT training center) to swim for about :50. We both got our tans on, and then we headed to a watering hole close to my hotel for burgers and beers.

So I gots in almost 16 hours of quality training this week, had a fucking excellent time doing it all, and I've got 4 more days here in Orlando. While my back still isn't fully recovered, all signs are pointing to improvement, and hey, if I can run, bike, swim and lift (and there are other activities which are good signs he he), then I must be OK, right?

As I said, pics will follow once I am back home in my Den of Iniquity!

THREE WEEKS TO ZEBRAMAN!!!

This is not a Vacation!

I woke up yesterday morning to a couple of inches of new snow but relatively (for winter) mild temperatures. A little shoveling and blowing would be a good warmup before I hit the trainer. I had a brick run planned, and was thinking about running outside, but with the roads being dicey and most people don't clear their sidewalks, I decided I'd go to the Y for that.

It was nice being out in the snow, and while I wouldn't have minded shoveling, I was on a schedule, so I got out the Toro and cleaned the driveway pretty quick. Then I cleaned up from Friday night's dinner party and got on the bike.

Beginning this week, I'm working off of actual bike workouts, and when I looked at what I had planned, it looked pretty doable except for the FT stuff. My FT is probably down about 5 watts, but I'm acting as if it's not. I can't hold FT watts for more than like 3 minutes at a time just now, but I know how to tweak the workouts so I still get in the time I need to, and it's just a matter of weeks before I'm back to full strength.

I ended up doing this (total time 2:15)
WU: 30' @ 65-70%
MS: 2 x (20' @ 80-85%, 10' Easy)
10 x 2' (1') @ FT
10x30/30
5' Easy

I was spot on for the 80-85% (which is like Z3 heart rate stuff), and I did pretty well on the FT stuff and awesome on the 30/30's. My legs are ready for the pain now, and mentally I'm in a good place and really motivated to work!

When I finished, I headed to the Y to run, but only did :25 because I was just bored and hungover. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like puking for my first brick run since NothingMan, but then again, I've done this how many times?

I went home and showered in my new shower (it's fucking awesome!), then put on compression tights and got ready to head to the airport. Luckily, my flight was not delayed at all, and other than a few screaming kids (headed to Disneyland), the flight was uneventful, and I almost even napped a bit.

My buddy, Mark, picked me up at the Orlando airport (their baggage handling sucks as I had to wait like 20 minutes for the bags to arrive), we dropped my crap at my hotel, and went and had dinner at a local watering hole. It's nice and warm here, and today we have a fun day planned--a 2-hour run in orange groves, and then a nice swim in a pool somewhere and then some lunch and then just hanging out--probably including a stop at Ron Jon, since I can always use more swimsuits! There will be pics, but I didn't load my camera software on my work laptop so no downloads until I get home :(

Tomorrow I'm going to work from my hotel so I can spend a little quality time in the sun in the middle of the day, and then Tuesday-Thursday is heavy duty working and socializing. The office is basically across the street from the hotel. I'm at Embassy Suites, and it's pretty damn nice. We'll see what the fitness center is like and whether the pool is actually swimmable, but no matter, since I'm swimming today, I can chill on that until Friday when I'm back home. I want to get in a ride on some sort of stationary bike, and I can run outside every day I'm here, too!

So even though this trip is about business, I'm turning it into a great time! Bonus is that when I get home, I'll have 5 more rooms in my house 100% complete! While I'm gone, the foyers are being tiled, the custom shades and ceiling lights mounted in my office and guest bedroom, and hopefully the counter tops for the laundry room go in. If I get even luckier, the furniture for the upstairs bathroom will get here from China and I'll have a completed bathroom! Regardless, Friday is when the zebra carpet gets laid down in my living room and I have some plans for it...

I know I've turned a corner because so many things are giving me so much pleasure now, and I'm appreciating small things...so here's a list of things that fit the bill:

1. I love my new garage door and opener.
2. I love my Toro snowblower
3. I love my new shower
4. I love my new laundry room
5. I love how I've finally organized all the crap in my house and things are put away.
6. I love my bikes and riding them hard!
7. I love knowing that I'm officially starting to race in 3 weeks!
8. I love that it's near Christmas and I'm excited to be giving gifts to people I love!
9. I love my friends, even the creepy Internet ones!
10. I love that I'm fortunate enough to be able to get the hell out of Dodge during the winter (and will most likely do so again in a few months)
11. I love that I'm so fit that even though I jacked up my back, everything is coming around and I'll be 100% in another week or so
12. I love shiny things. I just bought the collector Absolut Disco bottle. Maybe I need a disco ball, too ;)
13. I love music
14. I love massages

I think I'm back to loving life!

On a Roll

Thought I'd start off with this pic from September when I was visiting a friend in Vegas. Good times! I bought that swimsuit at Kohl's there for like $10. A few people at this pool told me I looked hot in it. I dunno. I think I mostly just look drunk and horny!

The tan is mostly gone, but I hope to get a bit of a refresh this Sunday in Orlando. I'm going to do a long run there, and hopefully my back will cooperate for 2 hours. I've run twice this week with no pain while running, so that's a good sign.

So far this week, I've hit pretty much everything I've had planned for training! That is such a good feeling, and now I know I'm good to go for ZebraMan the week of 12/22. I can't wait!

There have been a few more snags in the remodeling project, but for sure next week while I'm gone, both foyers will get spanking new tile (black granite upstairs and white ceramic downstairs), if Kohler actually ships the right parts I'll have a working toilet upstairs, the custom shades will be installed in my office and guest bedroom, and when I get home, we are going to lay down that zebra carpet! I'm getting custom Crackhead stickers made for Bitchie (sparkly pink, what else?), I have a solid training plan in place (subject to whimsical change, of course!), normal sleeping is coming around, I'm actually looking forward to Christmas, and I could give a crap that it's winter, cold, snowy and did I say it's fucking cold (7 degrees as I write this!)?

I've got a nice evening and Saturday morning planned before I head to Orlando (hopefully without flight delays but you never know it's supposed to snow tonight and tomorrow), and it will be nice to get away from home for a week even though it's on business. If I get there at a decent time, a friend of mine down there is going to whisk me away to some sort of triathlon gathering that should be loads of fun. I'm looking forward to meeting the crew down there as I plan on showing up regularly now that my BFF Cindy is moving down there. I'll be able to get in decent training on Monday since meetings don't begin until Tuesday. Tuesday-Thursday it will be an AM workout, most likely just running.

That's it for this week's updates until I'm in Whore-lando. I think this will be about the 12th time I've gone there?

I know it's been awhile since I've said this (what, 3 months?), but Life is Fucking Good!

Fuckin' A I FINALLY HAVE A PLAN!!!

I have finally put together a training plan for my season. Even though it officially began the week after NothingMan (9/15/2008), I've been pretty much running on whatever I can get done since then, with a sketchy plan in place in my head for the past 8 weeks or so.

After knocking out so many things on my general to do list, and registering for (hopefully) the last race I will be doing this season, I felt ready to sit down and make a plan. I have a little more checking to do, but below shows the progression of hours by sport. If you are interested in the actual workouts that I have scheduled (i.e., you want the actual plan), let me know and maybe we can work something out! Although, YOU are not ME and probably shouldn't train like me, even if you were doing the exact same races as me! But if you're a triathlon perv and want to see them anyway, let me know.

It looks good on paper, and here are some things you might notice:

• Lots of swimming in the summer. Is this because I think it will make me faster? Nope. It's because I absolutely adore swimming at the outdoor 50-meter pool. Plus, swimming is a good recovery activity for me. Plus I enjoy being tan! Plus I enjoy the scenery at the outdoor pool! But there is one good training reason--that Escape from the Rock race in September is in the San Francisco Bay, so I want to be plenty strong, in a muscular endurance sense, to conquer that beast, especially since I'll be just 2 weeks off from my second Ironman of the season!
• My actual biking numbers will be higher to the tune of 1.5-2 hours per week, since I'll once again ride Clipless Fuck to the outdoor pool whenever I go there.
  
• I'm a Crackhead!

Training through Triple T












Training after Triple T through end of 2008-2009 season

What Have I Done???

A pusher friend of mine just got me to sign up for this. It's 2 weeks after Ironman Canada.

Anyone else in???

Weekly Workout Totals 11/24/2008-11/30/2008 and Reconstruction

Lots of good things happening now...my back is getting better day by day, I got my yard all put away for the winter (just in time--we've got several inches of snow on the ground), I still have a bathroom in progress but am living with it, had a great Thanksgiving, I'm getting my training plan put together, I'm starting to sleep better, I'm headed to Orlando later this week and will have a full day in (hopefully) the sun, the remodeling has an end in sight and I'm actually looking forward to Christmas now, even though that means I need to do some gift buying.

Wow--what a change from just a week ago. Goes to show you how life can swing rapidly between the yin and yang. And as cliche as it sounds, when one door closes, another one opens. Lots of doors are opening for me now. For awhile there, I felt like they were slamming closed all around me. I was losing my ability to shake off all the small stuff--but there was just so much of it that it became difficult to do.

The grief counselor that I have worked with over the past year told me that when you lose someone, it's like when they were alive, you were like intersecting circles:


The blue piece is the combination of your lives. When you lose someone, that intersection piece becomes a void for awhile, and you have to reinvent yourself to make up for it. In the past 3 years, I have lost my Mom, my Dad, and recently (although not due to death) someone I loved. So my feelings that I have lost myself and am reconstructing myself have been right on target. At the same time, though, those big, white pieces of my circles are still present, although they have been somewhat warped.

I am not finished filling in those voids. It's interesting to me that I am adding all this black stuff into my house. I've always known that I have this deep, black core that is something I must honor and respect. But then there's the diametric opposite of it which is the person that loves all things shiny and very colorful! What I've come around to is that the black is a nice background against which to superimpose the shiny and colorful. There. That's me in a nutshell. I am OK with the blackness, and I am OK with the shiny and colorful.

This past week's totals look huge because I felt obligated to count all the hours I spent raking and bagging leaves and cutting down roses and assorted dead perennials as strength work. The actual amount of time I spent doing all that was about 7 hours; I recorded it in my training log as 3. I think that's a fair compromise! I'm very excited about getting ready for a 1/2 NothingMan in 4 weeks--I've even designed a Splish suit for it:


I think this 1/2 NothingMan will be symbolic of the process I've been going through, and so I'm planning on celebrating!

I also note that today makes 3 consecutive days that I've gotten 8 hours of sleep! Last week was also the most stretching I've done in 12 weeks. I'm coming back!

Weekly Workout Totals	11/24/2008-11/30/2008 This week's totals are sponsored by Crackhead's Den of Iniquity that is under construction
Swim:	9300 yards (5.28 miles) in 3.2 hours; 20% of weekly workout time; approx. 1120 calories burned Canadian: 8503.92 meters
Bike:	Approx. 94.33 miles in 5.25 hours; 33% of weekly workout time; approx. 2580 calories burned; Total TSS=285 Canadian: 151.81 kilometers
Run:	Approx. 28.86 miles in 4.49 hours; 28% of weekly workout time; approx. 2040 calories burned Canadian: 46.45 kilometers
Strength:	3 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 750 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 128.47 miles in 15.94 hours; approx. 6490 calories burned Canadian: 1.25 kilometers
Sleep:	6.86 hours avg./night
Stretching:	1.5 hours. Massage: 1.25 hours

Bike Fucking Porn!!!!

I finally put the custom stickers on LGL and my Catlike helmet!!! The front fork got black on black; the back fork got red on black and the birds (magpies) are on the top tube and the helmet. Lookie here:




Oh, and I'm back on the techno. Still rockin' NIN, but got a coupla techno CD's this weekend (yeah, I'm still not browsing and downloading mindlessly--I know what I like). The training goes well--no report until tomorrow, after I finish stretching--it's snowing and I don't fucking care!!!

Bitch, Slut and Whore on Granite

That's the granite that's going in my foyer. I can't say for sure yet, but it may be nicer than the vanity top that will be in the new bathroom upstairs.

Aaaaaaaanyway...the girls are enjoying it...I hope to eventually, too!

Awesome Thanksgiving

Despite waking up really early (again), I motivated to the Y to kick off the day with a swim. When I got there, there were about 5 triathlon peeps that I know, we all said hi to one another, and asked them what they were doing. They said they were doing a tri, and I asked how much--:45 swim, 5K (a local race that I did 2 years ago) and a 1-hour spin class. I told them I was doing one, too--1 hour swim, 1 hour run and 2 hour ride. It was nice to see so many people going at it on a holiday!

I really enjoyed my swim, and since I'm trying to be on some sort of training plan, and at this point I've only got my swim workouts in there, I just did what I had scheduled for Friday. The water had been cooled down from the hot, boiling soup of Wednesday, and so it felt really nice, and I swam pretty well, all things considered.

I had worn my running clothes to the Y so I could just drive from there to Waterfall Glen to run. It was still around 32, so I made sure I dried off completely before dressing. I had hoped the trail would be very sunny, but since there are a lot of oak and pine trees in there, it wasn't full-out brilliant sun.

My back was still funky from my Wednesday road run, so I took things really easy, running just under 10:00MPM pace, which killed me mentally, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I want my back to heal up right, and I don't want to fuck it up in the name of going too hard too soon. I would have done that 5K race, but that would have been too risky. Anyway, I enjoyed the run, and it was funny that on the way back in there were hordes of people in there just walking! I guess it's been a few years since we've had good weather on Thanksgiving, so it was nice to see so many people out enjoying at least sun, no snow, no rain, no sleet!

I drove back home and waited for a friend to come over so we could ride on the trainer (I have two of them--well, actually 3, but #3 is a last-resort backup), and we got started a little later than we planned, so we only got in 1:45 of riding, but that was fine. The objective was to do a decent amount of exercise in order to be able to eat somewhat with abandon!

However, Thanksgiving dinner wouldn't be on until at least 3PM, so we had some Endurox and a slice of pizza that I had left over from Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon I got a pizza for Kenny (the contractor) and I, and it was perfect recovery food!

Next, off to the parents of my niece's fiance for dinner. It was an easy drive to get there, but on roads that I don't normally drive on, so it was good I had a navigator with me. Dinner was great, and the attendees were an interesting mix of many ages and perspectives. When it was time to actually sit down to dinner, being that there were 2 tables set up taking up a lot of room in the living and dining rooms, someone called out, "Who is the skinniest person that can fit over here?" And like immediately there were all these fingers pointing at me! I laugh at this because I never think of myself as skinny, but I know I am small compared to a lot of people!

There was so much food, and I ate a decent amount, but I can't eat a lot at a time, and when you are not hosting the meal, it's not like you can then go and pick at the leftovers in the kitchen, which I would normally be doing. But it was OK.

My back loosened up pretty well as a result of well, just being relaxed and being with family and friends. I let my family in on all the remodeling I was having done and looked forward to its completion and then it was just odd that we started talking about Christmas, and all I could think was, shit, it's almost that time! But at the same time, I thought, you know what? My house is going to be all great looking and stuff and that means I can have everyone over--not for Christmas, but sometime in January before I start racing and stuff. That would be a great way to sort of sign off on all the remodeling and move on with things, right?

Then I had a great evening talking and hanging out with a friend, and so it was a very full day, and it felt, in a way, like I am integrating all this stuff into my self now, and it's still a bit uncomfortable and difficult at times, but I do have all these wonderful people around me, my body is healing, my spirit is healing and you know what? This morning when I woke up, I felt like things were bright. I mean you know sometimes you open your eyes and it's your eyes that are the window to your soul and they both control how you "see" what's outside yourself and that, in turn, controls what you let inside yourself, and if you see darkness, then that's what comes inside. And I didn't feel at all dark when I woke up. Maybe a bit swirly still with everything that has happened and is happening now, but I know everything is going to be OK, and it's actually OK now.

So I guess I did a NothingMan yesterday, we'll call it Olympic distance since I only ran a little over 10K. Assuming my back keeps progressing well, I'm thinking I can get in a 1/2 NothingMan in 4 weeks, which is Christmas week! That would be absolutely perfect, because then I'm 4 weeks out from my first indoor triathlon, and a 1/2 will show me that I'm in good shape and ready to add intensity to everything. I like intensity!

I don't know whether I'll get into the Black Friday madness today or not--at this point, all I need to buy is some light bulbs, a few lights and a new toaster! Yes, even though my little old toaster still worked, I decided to pitch it into the dumpster and spring for a new shiny one! So I'll be going toaster shopping, picking up my beautiful granite tile, doing some raking and getting a massage! Sounds like a pretty low-key day to me.

And I have 2 more days after today off. This is turning into a great weekend!

A Mix of Good and Bad; Happy and Sad

I had a good swim this morning despite the water being pretty warm. Next, I headed to Century Tile to pick out (what I thought I'd get) marble for the front foyer. Well, my eyes lasered on black granite, and that's what I bought! It's beautiful (pic in a few days), and has flecks of gold and blue in it. I thought pure black would look better next to the zebra carpet than mostly white, and besides, it won't show dirt as much.

Home Depot called about the bathroom furniture. It's being made in China! It won't start shipping until 12/8, but I've got assurance I'll get fashion updates as it makes its way to me. Hopefully that's 2--at most 3--weeks to installation.

Kenny bought what he thought might work on the black toilet, but it doesn't, so this weekend I'm going to see if I can hunt down the exact Kohler parts so we have them Monday when he returns to do some miscellaneous stuff.

I ran today outside, and it was much better than last week. My glutes didn't hurt at all, my knees felt fine, and my right shin only pinged for a few minutes. My back didn't really bother me much at all until about 4 miles into 6 miles, so things are headed in the right direction.

My shower is installed, but I can't use it until next week when the window is sealed, and then if I can get the remaining toilet parts this weekend, I'll have a semi-working bathroom so I can begin sleeping upstairs in my bed fulltime! Fuck, that will be nice!

I would have had the custom shades installed today, except the mounting hardware was missing! Luckily, Bali customer service is great, and I called and explained the missing parts, and they should be here next week. I can live without them.

Kenny will be here just Monday next week to put a new faucet in my kitchen sink and a few other miscellaneous things like the window trim in the new bathroom, and hopefully finish up the toilet, and then he's outta here for the rest of the week, returning the following Monday when I'm in Orlando to tile my foyer and family room. This stuff will get done!

I've updated the remodeling Flicker folder, if you want to see pics.

I also created a folder of the pics from NothingMan 2008, since I never really aggregated everything together. Yeah, it's bittersweet to look at some of them, but it happened, it was real, and I cannot erase it from my life or memory.

I got my last call from the grief counselor, and she listened to all the things that have happend to me in the last 2 weeks--I hurt my back, a lobster attacked me, I ended a relationship that I am still very sad over, and now it's Thanksgiving--another holiday that will remind me that my Dad is gone, but I will be spending it with the family I have left, and for that I am truly grateful. Before I eat, though, I plan on working out for 4 hours so that I have a good appetite going.

So I guess things are getting better.

Pretend It's OK

As I've needed to do for the past 3 years now, today is one of those days I am going to try and pretend everything is OK. That everything isn't getting to me, that everything isn't crashing around me, that I am living some sort of normal life.

Deep breaths...

To the positive, I am starting to see some power returning on the bike! Or rather, maybe I should say I care about the power. It's only when I care about it that I can make the numbers go higher, even though it hurts to do so. Huh. That was an interesting statement. I could have just said, "I care so much that I want it to hurt." I could go on and on about that...and have done so here before, but I'll leave it like that.

In other remodeling news (the entire saga is documented in pictures here)...

My upstairs bathroom, which should have been finished last week, won't be finished until next week. I hope it gets finished next week. There have been several snafus that have contributed to this:

1. Home Depot hasn't figured out where the hell the furniture is. They are supplying it from a vendor who is then going through another vendor, and when I spoke to them yesterday, I asked them to tell me just what they were going to do. No, make that I told them what they were going to do. They need to tell me that 1) the stuff exists, i.e., we are not waiting for the fucking trees to grow or some Amish people (apologies) to build it and 2) where the hell is it. And then I am going to make them get it here by Monday next week at their cost. I have paid for this stuff, they have my money and I have nothing.
2. Kohler forgot to put the tank bolts, tank gasket and caps in the shipment of my custom black toilet. I called Kohler yesterday and first this chic is insisting that the gasket is factory installed, but I can tell she's just reading from a customer service script, and Kenny and I are on the speaker phone with her (he knows his toilets), and she says they can send me the kit for free but it will take 7-10 business days! What a crock! Well, I'm having those Wisconsin hosers at Kohler (pronounced Koal-er) send me the kit so I can get the black caps, and Kenny is going to see if he can find the other parts (which will run me maybe $10) elsewhere this morning so at least he can finish installing the toilet.
   

So today's remodeling will include:

• grout bathroom walls
• finish toilet install
• install shower trim and door
• install custom pleated shades in office and spare bedroom
• dumpster gets hauled away
• install new faucet and sprayer in kitchen

If the furniture comes in next week, the upstairs bathroom will be finished!!! And I'll be able to use it except there will be no sink. I can deal with that, which means I'm back to sleeping in my own bed. Actually, I've been sleeping downstairs to start, and then I go upstairs, and I've been alternating up and down since I am still not sleeping normally. It's all just part of the fucked up mess of my life right now!

But wait--I'm not done yet! I'm going to sign up to have Kenny tile the family room walkway from the back door up to the stairs. It will be the same white tile that is now in the downstairs bathroom, closets and laundry room. That will pull everything together until I remodel the family room completely. Then, we are going to remove the crappy brown tile near the front door and replace it with marble (white with black streaks). I want to have this done before I lay down the zebra rug! So hopefully I can get this done while I'm out of town in 2 weeks, since you need to not walk on the floor while the tile is put down and then grouted.

So it is looking like (fingers crossed) I will be contractor free next week, and then the entry way floor tile gets installed while I'm out of town, and then I come home and we lay down the zebra carpet in the living room and I'm done until next year!!!

I just figured that if I was going to do the entryway tiling, may as well do it now to get all the dust stuff done with and then I can do one more big full cleaning (mainly dusting) and I can settle in for the winter.

Funny how all of this started out as install new windows and doors.

In other news, I am going to give out and out running another shot today. I've been hanging with the elliptical trainer to help my back heal, since there were major compression forces. I've added in some running on the indoor track, and that has felt OK (and I can run at a pretty good pace!). Today is supposed to be a nice day, so I'm going to head outdoors and see how it goes. Tomorrow is supposed to be even nicer, and I'm going to treat myself by driving to Waterfall Glen so I can run on dirt, which should be awesome. I'm lucky in that my Y is going to be open from 7-11 tomorrow, too, so I'm going to kick off the day with a 1-hour swim and then do my run and then some biking. I guess I might have to write it down as if I'd done a triathlon, huh? We'll see. I need to see how running feels today. Fingers crossed!

I'm writing this post sort of backwards and inside out. I woke up this morning about 3AM, and was just laying there thinking did I want to pull the trigger on the additional tile work or not, and how much more money will I be spending (I'm not finished paying for the upstairs bathroom yet and just paid a gigantic Visa bill), and I have it and one of my issues has been just spending the fucking money, but I'm spending it now, eh? And I was thinking about all of this shit in my life coming to closure and why do I keep extending things almost like I don't want to be done!

But, I am training. That is my rock right now. Several blog readers have sent me just the nicest emails about how they've hung with me through all this shit (and face it, some just enjoy the nearly naked pics), and while this started out as a triathlon blog, it hasn't been so much about triathlon lately, has it? But the training is there, it is coming back, and I am certain that I will turn back into a hardcore triathlete soon enough! I have a race in 8 weeks, and damn it, I want to do well! Even if it is just a stinky indoor triathlon! And I'm looking forward to my jam-packed 2009 triathlon schedule.

If you're in the US, Happy Thanksgiving, and if you're not, get out and train!