I suppose as it draws nearer to Christmas, that anyone who has lost their mother goes through this thought process. It's been almost 8 months now, and the pain comes in very real doses every so often. I cry less often than a few months ago, but it's hard.
When I finished Ironman Brazil, I couldn't call my mom and tell her that I was OK.
When I got sick, I couldn't count on her to tell me it would be all right.
When I turned 50 this fall, it was my first birthday without her, and I thought back to when she was only 50.
When I won my age division in Miami, I couldn't call her and share my joy with her.
On Thanksgiving Day, I thought about her before, during and after the 5K race I ran, and I couldn't call her to tell her I set a PR. I roasted a leg of lamb that day for my Dad and me instead of turkey--I didn't tell him, but maybe he figured out that it was because to me, the lamb honored Mom. While she was very sick over Easter, I gave her a Beanie Baby lamb, Meekins. Since she was very religious and also had a sense of humor, I told her it was the "Lamb of God." Which made my youngest sister bust out in tears, as she and I both knew how sick Mom was. Mom held that lamb close every day, and I buried it with her. I bought one for myself and it sits next to my work computer to remind me of her every day. So that's why I made lamb instead of turkey for Thanksgiving dinner.
I was the smallest child, and even into her 70's, Mom would let me sit on her knee and she would bounce me up and down--not with as much vigor in her 70's as in years past, but still, it was always a tender mother-daughter moment for me. Who else can make you feel like that?
Mom always thought that everything I did was because I was such an independent spirit. But behind it all, I always wanted to make her proud of me, and I knew she was. Was she hurt when I took up crocheting and became quite good (and fast) at it? No. She made me show my grandma how quickly and effortlessly I could do it. Was she jealous when I took up sewing and began turning out complicated dresses and even sewing for the rest of the family for a few years? No. She was happy that I enjoyed doing it, and I was happy to take a burden off of her. Did she compare herself to me when I took up cooking with a vengeance and spent my high school years cooking the family dinners? No. She told me how great everything was, and again I was glad to help her, following in the footsteps of my older sister who was off in college.
She sometimes told me she wished I wasn't so independent and stubborn. But she saw in it my drive for excellence, finishing things and setting a good example for others. Did she outwardly encourage the behavior in me or push me into things? Never. She was just always there to share the joy I took in learning new things, creating new things, and accomplishing things. She never really fawned over me, but she had this incredible memory for clothes I had made (she would request that I wear certain things for important family gatherings) and dishes that I had cooked. Sometimes I would get angry at her when she would ask me to make something for another person, but I know that she didn't ask me out of a sense of obligation but out of a sense of pride in that the other person would receive something very special.
I think Mom knew I was much stronger than I ever thought I was. As I write this, I don't feel so strong, yet I know that I am.
My brother, Tom, made a beautiful CD of some of Mom's favorite music, and it was played at her funeral. He gave all the kids a copy, and I just couldn't bring myself to play it until a few weeks ago. I put it on, had a good cry, and enjoyed the music and memories. Of course, now as I keep a classical music station on during the day softly while I work, I find myself hearing many of these melodies!
A few of my siblings and their family members are getting together this weekend. I know it is going to be hard for all of us to not have Mom physically with us this Christmas. But she's here in spirit with me every single day.
I love you, Mom, and Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
How to Shell Yourself, Part Two
The saga continues....
After a great run on Sunday, yesterday I thought I'd be fine since I took a day off from work. I felt tired, but not wasted, so around noon I decided to lift weights. Last week I did 2 sets of 12 reps, and this week I was scheduled to add another set, and so I did. The effort didn't feel bad, it just felt like a looooong workout, taking about 1:10. If you recall, I have all the weight equipment in my house, to I don't have to wait for someone to vacate machines or free weights or anything. In 1:07, I did 3 sets of 12 reps each of the following:
I think it would take me a lot longer to do all of that at a gym.
I felt tired after the workout, but I expected that. At 4:30 I headed to the Y to run. While I didn't really feel like running, I didn't want to not run until Wednesday, so I thought I'd see what I could do.
Clearly my legs were a bit toasted, so I dialed down the treadmill speed to what I would have done like 2 years ago! Easy, easy, easy. I had scheduled myself for :50, but decided to cut off :05, and I was still able to end the session with some strides. I followed up with some stretching, and didn't feel any worse for the wear, figuring a good night of sleep would fix me right up.
WRONG! I slept 10 hours last night, and I feel shelled today. I was going to swim in the morning, but wisely opted to sleep in, and even with all that sleep, I feel pretty fried. So probably no bike workout today either. Guess I didn't just need a day off from work--I needed a day off from workouts, too.
After a great run on Sunday, yesterday I thought I'd be fine since I took a day off from work. I felt tired, but not wasted, so around noon I decided to lift weights. Last week I did 2 sets of 12 reps, and this week I was scheduled to add another set, and so I did. The effort didn't feel bad, it just felt like a looooong workout, taking about 1:10. If you recall, I have all the weight equipment in my house, to I don't have to wait for someone to vacate machines or free weights or anything. In 1:07, I did 3 sets of 12 reps each of the following:
- 4 triceps exercises
- 4 pecs exercises
- 11 delts exercises
- 5 biceps exercises
- 4 lats exercises
- 10 leg exercises
- 16 abs/core/PT exercises (only 2 sets of 15 reps of these)
I think it would take me a lot longer to do all of that at a gym.
I felt tired after the workout, but I expected that. At 4:30 I headed to the Y to run. While I didn't really feel like running, I didn't want to not run until Wednesday, so I thought I'd see what I could do.
Clearly my legs were a bit toasted, so I dialed down the treadmill speed to what I would have done like 2 years ago! Easy, easy, easy. I had scheduled myself for :50, but decided to cut off :05, and I was still able to end the session with some strides. I followed up with some stretching, and didn't feel any worse for the wear, figuring a good night of sleep would fix me right up.
WRONG! I slept 10 hours last night, and I feel shelled today. I was going to swim in the morning, but wisely opted to sleep in, and even with all that sleep, I feel pretty fried. So probably no bike workout today either. Guess I didn't just need a day off from work--I needed a day off from workouts, too.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Weekly Workout Totals 12/04/2006-12/10/2006
Swim: 9000 yards (5.11 miles) in 3.15 hours; 20% of weekly workout time; approx. 1104 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 84.01 miles in 4.8 hours; 31% of weekly workout time; approx. 2529 calories burned
Run: Approx. 38.95 miles in 6 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2730 calories burned
Strength: 1.5 hours; 10% of weekly workout time; approx. 375 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 128.07 miles in 15.45 hours; approx. 6738 calories burned
Sleep: 9.21 hours avg./night
Stretching: 3.53 hours. Massage: 1 hours
It was a good week; it was a tough week. I tried to remember how I felt last year around this same time when I was training for Goofy Challenge. Tired! I have trouble understanding how ultrarunners can run so much every week. They must be built differently than me!
Yesterday I ran almost 15 miles in 2:15. That's the fastest I've ever covered that distance. I did 2 hours on the treadmill, and as I approached the 2 hour mark, considered whether I wanted to finish up on the indoor track or not. When I'm doing shorter workouts, I have a tendency to run faster than I need to when I run on the track. But having already covered 13 miles, I didn't think I was in danger of overdoing it today. The transition to the much cooler basketball court/indoor track area revealed that in fact, I stunk. Oh well, not much I could do about it.
As I started running, I noticed I felt almost weightless. At least I couldn't really feel my legs! I didn't feel like I was running that fast and I wasn't breathing too hard. There was a very tall, fairly large man on the track who was running much slower than me, and when we'd approach corners, he kept taking the inside lane. I think he probably didn't understand track etiquette--slower folks get outside lanes. Anyway, I enjoyed passing him, knowing how much ground I had already covered on the treadmill.
I ran a mile in 8:25. Not bad after 13 miles down! I finished out running 8:34, and then I took a nice, slow walk around the track, and then I went back into the cardio room and to lie down on a mat to stretch. I wanted to just curl up into a ball and go to sleep, but I decided to stretch about 10'. I couldn't spend more time, as I was out of Gatorade and needed to get some post-run nutrition in me quickly.
I showered, went home, slammed a bottle of Endurox R4, and then got to work on my pizza. I was tired, but knew that all I had to do was roll out the dough (which had been rising while I was running), bake the crust for 30', then cool slightly, fill and bake the final product. Good thing my appetite hadn't kicked in right away after running.
My dad arrived while the unfilled crust was baking, and he noticed I was pretty tired. Once the thing was finished, we each had a "slice" (about 1/8 of an 18" diameter 3.5" high pie) and enjoyed it. After which I cleaned up the kitchen just a bit, and then we moved to the living room, where I laid down on the big couch and my dad sat on the love seat, and we listened to some nice music for several hours and chatted. At some point, I was able to move off the couch and do some more stretching.
Today I am taking the day off from work, but I have the phone company coming to check out intermittent problems I've been having with my DSL line. Of course right now as I sit here writing this, there have been no problems today. Oh well, I just hope they come and go quickly so I can get on with the rest of my day, which will hopefully include a nap. I don't feel too badly right now, but I know that after I lift, I will need some quality rest time, and I am going to try and get in a run today.
This week's training will be tough again--long run up to 2:30, rides increase a bit more in duration and intensity, and strength training adds another set (ouch). This is my biggest week, and then I begin a much needed taper!
Bike: Approx. 84.01 miles in 4.8 hours; 31% of weekly workout time; approx. 2529 calories burned
Run: Approx. 38.95 miles in 6 hours; 39% of weekly workout time; approx. 2730 calories burned
Strength: 1.5 hours; 10% of weekly workout time; approx. 375 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 128.07 miles in 15.45 hours; approx. 6738 calories burned
Sleep: 9.21 hours avg./night
Stretching: 3.53 hours. Massage: 1 hours
It was a good week; it was a tough week. I tried to remember how I felt last year around this same time when I was training for Goofy Challenge. Tired! I have trouble understanding how ultrarunners can run so much every week. They must be built differently than me!
Yesterday I ran almost 15 miles in 2:15. That's the fastest I've ever covered that distance. I did 2 hours on the treadmill, and as I approached the 2 hour mark, considered whether I wanted to finish up on the indoor track or not. When I'm doing shorter workouts, I have a tendency to run faster than I need to when I run on the track. But having already covered 13 miles, I didn't think I was in danger of overdoing it today. The transition to the much cooler basketball court/indoor track area revealed that in fact, I stunk. Oh well, not much I could do about it.
As I started running, I noticed I felt almost weightless. At least I couldn't really feel my legs! I didn't feel like I was running that fast and I wasn't breathing too hard. There was a very tall, fairly large man on the track who was running much slower than me, and when we'd approach corners, he kept taking the inside lane. I think he probably didn't understand track etiquette--slower folks get outside lanes. Anyway, I enjoyed passing him, knowing how much ground I had already covered on the treadmill.
I ran a mile in 8:25. Not bad after 13 miles down! I finished out running 8:34, and then I took a nice, slow walk around the track, and then I went back into the cardio room and to lie down on a mat to stretch. I wanted to just curl up into a ball and go to sleep, but I decided to stretch about 10'. I couldn't spend more time, as I was out of Gatorade and needed to get some post-run nutrition in me quickly.
I showered, went home, slammed a bottle of Endurox R4, and then got to work on my pizza. I was tired, but knew that all I had to do was roll out the dough (which had been rising while I was running), bake the crust for 30', then cool slightly, fill and bake the final product. Good thing my appetite hadn't kicked in right away after running.
My dad arrived while the unfilled crust was baking, and he noticed I was pretty tired. Once the thing was finished, we each had a "slice" (about 1/8 of an 18" diameter 3.5" high pie) and enjoyed it. After which I cleaned up the kitchen just a bit, and then we moved to the living room, where I laid down on the big couch and my dad sat on the love seat, and we listened to some nice music for several hours and chatted. At some point, I was able to move off the couch and do some more stretching.
Today I am taking the day off from work, but I have the phone company coming to check out intermittent problems I've been having with my DSL line. Of course right now as I sit here writing this, there have been no problems today. Oh well, I just hope they come and go quickly so I can get on with the rest of my day, which will hopefully include a nap. I don't feel too badly right now, but I know that after I lift, I will need some quality rest time, and I am going to try and get in a run today.
This week's training will be tough again--long run up to 2:30, rides increase a bit more in duration and intensity, and strength training adds another set (ouch). This is my biggest week, and then I begin a much needed taper!
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