Someone I know only through Facebook mentioned she and her husband were in Whiting, Indiana for a Pierogi festival. It reminded me of all my relatives who lived in Whiting and Hammond. My Mom and Dad were raised in Whiting. My grandma and grandpa (maternal) lived on Schrage Ave., and 2 of my Mom's sisters and their families lived within walking distance of grandma. I never knew my paternal grandparents, as they both passed before I turned 4.
Up until when I was in junior high, Dad would pile all 5 of us kids into the car (fighting and kicking the whole way) on Sundays in the summer months to drive to grandma's for the day. Sometimes we would go on Saturday and stay overnight in grandma's cavernous, 2-story brick house. Sometimes I would be left there for 1 or 2 weeks in the summer to hang out with my cousin LouAnn, and sometimes 3 or 4 carloads of various cousins (I have over 30 first cousins) would go to the Indiana Dunes to play on the beach for a day.
I haven't been to Whiting in years, since when grandma passed (and grandpa shortly thereafter at the age of 95 I think), the families fell out of connection, and since then all but 1 of my Mom's siblings has passed, and my Dad's siblings are all gone, too.
I loved those summer weeks I spent at grandma's house. Every morning I would wake up excited to do pretty much nothing! LouAnn and I would go for really long walks, we would go to the nearby schoolyard and play on the teeter-totters and swings, walk to my Aunt Ann's house (which seemed like miles away at the time but now I think it was maybe 1.5 miles), play silly word games, scrounge around in grandma's attic or LouAnn's basement, walk to visit the 5 cousins who lived a few blocks away, and share jokes only WE got.
Meanwhile, grandma was busy cooking (she was a great cook), doing laundry and tending to her beautiful flower garden. I loved her flowers, and would ask her what is this, what is that, how did she grow these things. It is from her that I developed a love for gardening. My younger sister, Lisa, is into it as well. Grandma was a pretty good seamstress and could crochet like a banshee, too, and I inherited her talent and surpassed her. I still remember when I was in I think 3rd or 4th grade having my Mom insist that I show grandma how I crochet, because I have a somewhat unique way that I hold the needle and thread, and I can do it pretty fast. I can still see grandma's face and her unique chuckle at watching me. One of her sayings was "Yoy Many." At least that's how we pronounced it. Don't know what the hell that means or if it's a Croatian word. Well, she said that, waved her arms, and proclaimed that I was some sort of mutant.
I have very dexterous hands--I began playing the piano at the age of 4, took up crocheting when I was maybe 10, took typing in summer school in 7th grade and quickly achieved over 100wpm. I began sewing in junior high, too, and the hand sewing part (hems, buttons, facings) requires good dexterity. Gardening doesn't require dexterity, but a good eye for things out of place or noticing insects and such. I don't play piano much anymore, but occasionally whip out some Bach and remember that I really should practice! I haven't crocheted much since I took up triathlon. For one thing, I don't need any more doilies! They are all over my house, which I guess makes me look like some weird combo of modern and grandma-style! I only sew pajamas, robes, throw pillow covers and of course I can mend. I have a few boxes of fabric and patterns complete with notions that I am afraid to get rid of, but that will happen one of these days. Should I be invited to a wedding or other formal event, I would make a brand new dress, though. Gardening has stuck with me, and will continue to the day I die, most likely.
Grandma sometimes gave me these secret talks and smiles at how happy she was that I sewed and crocheted. She never heard me play the piano--she didn't have one--but my Aunt Ann did, and whenever I was there Dad would make me play. Grandma didn't live long enough to know me when I first lived in my own home and began to garden, but I'm sure wherever she is now she knows. I wonder what she would think of all this Ironman stuff that I do. I know that she was an example to me of hard work for the sake of hard work, but also enjoying the more sublime things in life like flowers. In her time, being Ironman meant raising 8 kids and feeding them and their spouses and children on Sundays for many years and hoping that some of them would (many did) inherit her work ethic and zest for life.
I only talk of grandma like this because SHE ruled her home, not grandpa! Grandpa was a stern disciplinarian, but grandma had the power to overrule him at any time. I never thought of it until now, but I turned out a lot like grandma, just a more modern version. To me, she epitomized excelling at the domestic arts as an honorable profession, having some artistic talent (she also did needlework, and I've dabbled in that from time to time), and understanding the value of play and good, home-cooked food. It still makes me laugh (and seems ironic to some people who know me) that I inherited all her domestic skills, although I hate cleaning (she did, too, from what I remember).
Grandma is probably up in heaven (she was a devout Catholic) looking down at me going, "YOY MANY!" I think I need to plan a visit to her grave (Mom's grave is close to hers; I have some of Dad's ashes) and thank her for showing me a way to live that I can always be proud of.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
The Return of...Crackhead?
After much consternation, I have decided to make my blog public again and start writing. Why? Because I finally "recovered" from the last 3 years of trying to do too much after an Ultraman and succumbing to an amount of stress that I just couldn't handle and continue training.
News flash: I've registered for Ironman Cozumel on 12/1! About 4 weeks ago, I woke up one morning and thought, "I feel normal." Normal for me, that is. It's been 7 months since I found out I'm hypothyroid (and actually have been for at least 15 years) and been on meds, but I am not sure whether the reason I feel good is that the meds are at the proper dosage or I just mentally and physically recovered. I'm going to go with all of those being implicated in feeling better.
As soon as I had a few consecutive days of continuing to feel normal, I decided I wanted to set some goals for myself:
Meanwhile, a friend observed that I might be back in the swing of things and invited me to do Leadman next year, which is right up my alley. I was thrilled to be asked, but also scared, since I hadn't completed my evil plan to see if I even want to do the long stuff again.
Meanwhile, another friend let me know he was doing IMCOZ and that it was still open, and he told me I should do it. So now the wheels in my head are spinning. Honestly, I ran through a bunch of emotions right about this time (just 2 weeks ago) in terms of should I return to long course, is my body prepared for the training again, do I want to get back to hyper organization and early rising to swim? Will I turn back into that machine that I thought I was a few years ago? Will I train smarter? I was so shook up in thinking about all of this, but tried not to let onto anyone. I even cried a few times and wasn't sure if I was crying tears of joy at feeling well enough to go long again or whether I was lacking confidence in myself. What if I AM just too old to do this stuff? What if I have slowed down so much that I wouldn't be happy with my own race results? My brother Mike regularly tells me, "You're no spring chicken," and as much as I don't want to buy into it, there is this part of me that believes it. Trust me, the whole menopause thing is no friend to an athletic woman. It just messes the fuck with your body. But I digress.
So I accept the offer of Leadman for next year (pending whether my friend can do it himself), and now I'm seriously thinking about IMCOZ for this year. I mean, I am training enough (except for swimming) to get across the line in one piece, I am having a gas biking again, and my run speed is picking up again despite having run like a slow turtle all winter long because I was so scared I was going to dig myself a deeper recovery hole.
Well this past Monday I called my friend Brad and talked through the IMCOZ idea. I took Monday off from work, and it seemed all I could think about was hitting that damn SUBMIT button. Brad and I left it that we'd talk again the next day. But then about an hour later, I thought fuck it, I'm signing up. I can do this. And I was actually shaking when I got to the active.com registration page! Isn't that a hoot? How many times have I done this? I don't even try and remember anymore (besides, that's what Excel is for). I texted Brad: I'M IN. And got back: I knew you wouldn't wait!!! Yeah! So excited el cheatoman mexicana 2013.
See (this is to catch up new readers) Brad and I have called IMFL Cheaterman for many years because of its reputation for drafting on the bike. He did it in 2010 and I ran the marathon during the race that year, and I saw cheating on the run, too--people who clearly had pacers and such. Whatever. Anyway, IMCOZ is pancake flat, so no doubt it is another Cheaterman, but in Spanish this becomes El Hombre Tramposo!!!! Or maybe we'll just call it TramposoMan.
So now, I've expanded my plan and put it into Excel and all that and I've scheduled more frequent massages (a requirement for me to train well), got Skull Kingdom all fixed up and I'm riding with power (not that much yet but that will change) again, I'm excited I'll get to use my never-been-worn aerohelmet (after I apply the custom skull stickers) on 8/3 in a 1/2 NothingMan, and now I just have to hope that I remain healthy and can absorb my planned training load.
Is what I am about to do Cracktacular? Well it's not that crazy shit I thought I could do for Ultraman. It's "normal" IM training for me. I will be really happy if I can execute it, and then if I get REALLY crazy, I still kinda want to do Ultraman Hawaii. But I am not going to rush into that--I need to have another long course under my belt. Besides, the Ultraman folks might require me to have done another recent IM, so I'm killing 2 birds with one stone. It may just be that I want to go to Kona, so either way, I will probably go next year.
I have learned a ton in the last 3 years about balance and rediscovering my love for things besides triathlon. I know some people won't be at all surprised when they learn I'm back at it, and I am sure some of them will roll their eyes the same as they have in the past. Whatever. If the universe or my body takes me down in the process, then it's just the luck of the draw. It feels really good to have a big goal again. I had turned into quite the procrastinator there for awhile, and it seems I have mobilized and am excited to get going again.
Regarding this blog, yes, the past is still here in all its crazy, Crackheaded glory. I have gone back and read some older stuff, and if you look past the silly/disturbing photos and training documentation, there is some great stuff in here about how to do this thing called life, and I hope I can keep learning and writing about it. I don't know how often I will post, because honestly I need to go into DEFCON CRACKHEAD for the next 18 weeks, but I am sure I will find time.
To anyone out there who is injured or suffering from life setbacks, I'm here to tell you that you do get through it. I've just completed nearly 3 years of injuries, health issues, life issues, and it sucked donkey balls, but I was able to keep up a modicum of slow "training" to keep what little mental sanity I had. THREE FUCKING YEARS! In that time, I've been injured 3x I think, found out I have osteoporosis, found out I'm hypothyroid, had my house nearly burn down, (temporarily) gave up my dream of doing Ultraman Hawaii, had a cancer scare or two, and yet here I am. As I've said in the past, sometimes it seems that life is just a huge pile of shit with a few bright spots thrown in to keep you from offing yourself. I am grateful for the people who stuck by me when I hung up my tri shoes. I was in such a bad place for a long time, and it saddens me when I see friends going through shit. Life IS hard. But we are here to help one another, and I know how people like to watch me train myself into the ground, so HERE GOES!!!
News flash: I've registered for Ironman Cozumel on 12/1! About 4 weeks ago, I woke up one morning and thought, "I feel normal." Normal for me, that is. It's been 7 months since I found out I'm hypothyroid (and actually have been for at least 15 years) and been on meds, but I am not sure whether the reason I feel good is that the meds are at the proper dosage or I just mentally and physically recovered. I'm going to go with all of those being implicated in feeling better.
As soon as I had a few consecutive days of continuing to feel normal, I decided I wanted to set some goals for myself:
- Do a century ride. Just to see if I still like riding that far.
- Do a 1/2 NothingMan. Just to see if I still like doing that.
- Ride the Bike Psychos 200K ride (pending outcome of enjoying a century).
Meanwhile, a friend observed that I might be back in the swing of things and invited me to do Leadman next year, which is right up my alley. I was thrilled to be asked, but also scared, since I hadn't completed my evil plan to see if I even want to do the long stuff again.
Meanwhile, another friend let me know he was doing IMCOZ and that it was still open, and he told me I should do it. So now the wheels in my head are spinning. Honestly, I ran through a bunch of emotions right about this time (just 2 weeks ago) in terms of should I return to long course, is my body prepared for the training again, do I want to get back to hyper organization and early rising to swim? Will I turn back into that machine that I thought I was a few years ago? Will I train smarter? I was so shook up in thinking about all of this, but tried not to let onto anyone. I even cried a few times and wasn't sure if I was crying tears of joy at feeling well enough to go long again or whether I was lacking confidence in myself. What if I AM just too old to do this stuff? What if I have slowed down so much that I wouldn't be happy with my own race results? My brother Mike regularly tells me, "You're no spring chicken," and as much as I don't want to buy into it, there is this part of me that believes it. Trust me, the whole menopause thing is no friend to an athletic woman. It just messes the fuck with your body. But I digress.
So I accept the offer of Leadman for next year (pending whether my friend can do it himself), and now I'm seriously thinking about IMCOZ for this year. I mean, I am training enough (except for swimming) to get across the line in one piece, I am having a gas biking again, and my run speed is picking up again despite having run like a slow turtle all winter long because I was so scared I was going to dig myself a deeper recovery hole.
Well this past Monday I called my friend Brad and talked through the IMCOZ idea. I took Monday off from work, and it seemed all I could think about was hitting that damn SUBMIT button. Brad and I left it that we'd talk again the next day. But then about an hour later, I thought fuck it, I'm signing up. I can do this. And I was actually shaking when I got to the active.com registration page! Isn't that a hoot? How many times have I done this? I don't even try and remember anymore (besides, that's what Excel is for). I texted Brad: I'M IN. And got back: I knew you wouldn't wait!!! Yeah! So excited el cheatoman mexicana 2013.
See (this is to catch up new readers) Brad and I have called IMFL Cheaterman for many years because of its reputation for drafting on the bike. He did it in 2010 and I ran the marathon during the race that year, and I saw cheating on the run, too--people who clearly had pacers and such. Whatever. Anyway, IMCOZ is pancake flat, so no doubt it is another Cheaterman, but in Spanish this becomes El Hombre Tramposo!!!! Or maybe we'll just call it TramposoMan.
So now, I've expanded my plan and put it into Excel and all that and I've scheduled more frequent massages (a requirement for me to train well), got Skull Kingdom all fixed up and I'm riding with power (not that much yet but that will change) again, I'm excited I'll get to use my never-been-worn aerohelmet (after I apply the custom skull stickers) on 8/3 in a 1/2 NothingMan, and now I just have to hope that I remain healthy and can absorb my planned training load.
Is what I am about to do Cracktacular? Well it's not that crazy shit I thought I could do for Ultraman. It's "normal" IM training for me. I will be really happy if I can execute it, and then if I get REALLY crazy, I still kinda want to do Ultraman Hawaii. But I am not going to rush into that--I need to have another long course under my belt. Besides, the Ultraman folks might require me to have done another recent IM, so I'm killing 2 birds with one stone. It may just be that I want to go to Kona, so either way, I will probably go next year.
I have learned a ton in the last 3 years about balance and rediscovering my love for things besides triathlon. I know some people won't be at all surprised when they learn I'm back at it, and I am sure some of them will roll their eyes the same as they have in the past. Whatever. If the universe or my body takes me down in the process, then it's just the luck of the draw. It feels really good to have a big goal again. I had turned into quite the procrastinator there for awhile, and it seems I have mobilized and am excited to get going again.
Regarding this blog, yes, the past is still here in all its crazy, Crackheaded glory. I have gone back and read some older stuff, and if you look past the silly/disturbing photos and training documentation, there is some great stuff in here about how to do this thing called life, and I hope I can keep learning and writing about it. I don't know how often I will post, because honestly I need to go into DEFCON CRACKHEAD for the next 18 weeks, but I am sure I will find time.
To anyone out there who is injured or suffering from life setbacks, I'm here to tell you that you do get through it. I've just completed nearly 3 years of injuries, health issues, life issues, and it sucked donkey balls, but I was able to keep up a modicum of slow "training" to keep what little mental sanity I had. THREE FUCKING YEARS! In that time, I've been injured 3x I think, found out I have osteoporosis, found out I'm hypothyroid, had my house nearly burn down, (temporarily) gave up my dream of doing Ultraman Hawaii, had a cancer scare or two, and yet here I am. As I've said in the past, sometimes it seems that life is just a huge pile of shit with a few bright spots thrown in to keep you from offing yourself. I am grateful for the people who stuck by me when I hung up my tri shoes. I was in such a bad place for a long time, and it saddens me when I see friends going through shit. Life IS hard. But we are here to help one another, and I know how people like to watch me train myself into the ground, so HERE GOES!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
