Fuck fuck fuck

I don't have a glamorous medical condition--it's not cancer, diabetes, heart disease or anything that requires invasive treatment.  You can't tell by looking at me that I even have a problem.  But it's there.  Today I got test results from yet another thyroid blood test, and I'm worse than I've ever been since we started measuring.  Based on the ups and downs and further downs I've had in the last 12 months, this confirms that my thyroid is crapping out, and I don't know how much longer before it just gives out and I can get off this rollercoaster.

In a way, it confirms that despite a decent training cycle, I just didn't feel right at IMCOZ.  Someone asked me if the thyroid gyrations are due to training--my doctor claims no.  I am seeing an endocrinologist in 2 weeks, and we will see what he thinks. 

Meanwhile, I am going to press on with my training and racing plans.  It may be that I just need to go into every race with no expectations other than to finish.  I can live with that.  Some of the things I'm doing would be considered a stretch for people younger than me, so I feel fortunate that I've built a relatively strong engine that can get through this shit in one piece!

I do know that I need to be as good as possible with my diet, try and get enough sleep (and I'm sleeping 8+ hours again, so that seems to be back on track or maybe it's because I'm even more hypo?), stretch, get massage, do more strength training and manage stress where I can.  And stay connected with friends and family.  Despite what my body is doing to me right now, at least I am not depressed like I was most of last year!

While I am tired of this rollercoaster ride, I'm going to press on because this is what I do. But you have to know that sometimes it sucks to be me, and to have a metabolic problem sometimes feels like the biggest slap in the face, and it makes me cry because it's taking so long to get me regulated.  But it could be worse, and unless and until this or something else takes me down, I intend to keep at it and see what I can make this old body do.

Fuck it, I'm still Crackhead.