Aw....You Shouldn't Have!

Have you ever scheduled training for yourself that looked good on paper, but once you actually get it done you think maybe you shouldn't have done it? Sometimes the realization doesn't happen for days or weeks when you feel a twinge of pain where you shouldn't or are extra tired or become sick, but sometimes it's a same day thing.

I'm not sure about today's festival yet. Here's the deal: I signed up for this sprint that's on Sunday, but right now, being ready for IMLP is way more important than how I do at the sprint. Although while riding today, I was thinking that one of the unique things about hard-core triathletes is that we expect to be able to perform well no matter what. So what I was sick for 2 weeks, so what I didn't taper, I'd still expect a decent performance at a 1/2 Ironman or anything less. Isn't that funny?

Anyway, what I was supposed to do yesterday was a 2:15 run with about :40 of it at half mary pace, the rest being "steady" which is just above easy pace. But noooooo...what I actually did was decide I wanted to bang out 16+ miles all around half mary pace because, what the hell, why not? I was feeling suitably recovered from Horribly Hilly, and it wasn't oppressively hot while I was running, and well, it just happened.

Last night I was pretty hungry and pretty tired. I knew I better load up on calories for today's festival. Since I have that sprint on Sunday, I decided today I would need to take the day off from work and get some quality training in, so that Saturday could be a light day and then race on Sunday, expecting to do well.

So what I scheduled for today was a 3,000 yard swim (straight), 4:30 ride (I had written a workout for it but decided to just wing it) and :40 brick run. Now, if I had executed yesterday's run according to plan, this might not be such a problem, but even still, it's like I scheduled nearly a 1/2 Ironman for today. But with a day off from work, no problem, right?

I woke up this morning right with the alarm, because I wanted to get in the pool by 6AM. As it turns out, I missed that by about 10 minutes, but didn't stress about it, because the temperatures were supposed to drop a little from the upper 90's of the past few days.

I downed the customary Ultrafuel, which made my nose run like a faucet (I still don't have that figured out), and was in the pool swimming at 6:10. I didn't try and swim too hard, but I felt just fine other than wanting to puke a few times because of all the calories in my gut, but no way I was getting up at 4AM so I would have finished eating 2 hours before I started! I can suffer with the desire to puke while swimming, though.

I was home by 7:30 and wanted to hit the road for Fermilab to ride and run by 8:00AM. Again, I missed the mark by about :10 (see I'm running 10 minutes behind), and was OK with that until I got to my customary entrance at the East Gate which was blocked for some reason, so I had to take a little detour to get in at the West Gate off Pine Road. No worries, I got what started out to be a nice, shady place to park my car.

As I started rolling, I noticed the winds were from an odd direction. Usually we have SSW or WSW winds this time of year, but today they were from the NE. I guess that is what held the temps to the upper 80's instead of 90's today!

Anyway, I was a good girl and made sure I drank a full bottle of water each hour and was on top of my Infinit. The Ergomo appears dead on the Griffen now, so I just rode by feel and sort of by speed. I wore a sleeveless white jersey for the first 3 laps, which kept me comfortable as my back wasn't burning up--although I totally lubed up with sunscreen before I left. I switched to a tank for the last lap and I don't know if it's because it is more skimpy than the jersey or the heat picked up, but I was hotter. I think the heat did pick up significantly more by that point, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I rode fairly well considering the wind, all the turns I was making, a few moments of slackitude, my legs being toasty from yesterday's run, and the heat. I covered 82 miles in 4:30, not too bad. Here are some pics after I finished riding. I definitely browned up today!

Bitchie all by her lonesome. She is looking forward to racing on Sunday!

Me and Bitchie

I decided I was pretty happy about my ride!

Next, I suited up to run. I put on running shorts, visor, shoes, and ditched the tank top as it was pretty hot. I started out and was like Oh My Fucking God I am going to die! Now I really noticed how hot it was, and I also observed that I must have rode a little hard and/or my legs weren't ready to run today. Whatever. I briefly thought about cutting the run short, but nixed that idea and just HTFU'd (you can see my black HTFU bracelet on my right wrist in all the pics--it really does help me somehow). I ran mostly in the blazing sun, and it was a pretty day, but hot, and I had all these Infinit crustaceans (the leftover electrolytes that seem to crystallize in my nose much like another substance that I wouldn't know anything about) in my nose and my skin was disgusting from all the sweat, sunscreen, salt, bugs and whatever else had blown onto me while I was riding. Such is life. I got it done, and was pretty happy with myself, as you can see below:

And after all that I'm thinking, damn I'm a fucking Crackhead not sure if I should have done that, but I did it, and I stopped at McDonald's just outside the East Gate (I was able to drive straight through the middle of Fermilab to get there) and got a couple of cheeseburgers to tide me over until I got home, and also had some of my Endurox R4.

I had the best shower ever, and I am on Beer #2, and even though I discovered some minor adjustments I need to make to Bitchie before I ride her tomorrow (yes, I schedule 2:30 of riding, but it is going to be E-A-S-Y), and I'm going to try and swim for 1/2 hour, too.

I have to be OK with sucking on Sunday now, but you never know, I might not. While I was showering today, I had a flash thought--whenever you say or think something negative about yourself, pause, and then say, "or not." Like, "Maybe I shouldn't have worked out so much today. Or NOT." Or, "I will probably suck on Sunday. Or NOT." Kind of allows you to express the negative thoughts, but at the same time question them, which I think is a fine way to proceed for now.

Sometimes I think I have everything figured out. OR NOT!

Horribly Hilly Hundreds Pics

In looking through the event photos, it's apparent there were very few women who finished the 200K ride (or who started for that matter--they indicated 18% of registrants were women, and I'm guessing most of them rode the 100K) and also that I was faster than a lot of guys. Not that I'm competitive or anything ;)

This picture is coming up to Cty J on Garfoot Road, which is part of the Ironman Wisconsin course, only we are going backwards. While on Garfoot, I saw a number of athletes obviously training for IMWI or perhaps some other IM, since it's a popular spot to ride and a tough course. This climb was not very difficult at all, as it was pretty short, and I did try and stay seated on all the climbs that day so I wouldn't burn up my legs too quickly. You can see my HTFU bracelet on my right wrist!

Here I am coming up to the park to finish. Sucks this one has PROOF on it, but oh well, you can see that at this point I am not really smiling anymore--I'm all focus, get it done and get off the bike!



I'm about to start in on my 7-hour training day, so I better get going! Enjoy your Friday!

Harden the Fuck Up Run

So I ran pretty hard yesterday, much of it in sweltering heat. I was plenty tired last night, as I did 3 workouts on the day (swim, lift, run), and just from the run I knew I needed to stretch well, and so I did. I got to sleep just after 8:30, since I had the alarm set for 4:45 because I needed to run 2:15 today.

I slept really well and deeply, but when that damn alarm went off, I thought I do not want to get up and could feel some soreness in my legs. HTFU. I turned off the snooze alarm, thinking that I'd let myself sleep a little longer (I'd wake up with the light anyway), and that I would just run on the treadmill, since it was most likely pretty hot already, and it doesn't take very long to get to the Y.

I'm laying there thinking HTFU you sorry excuse for an athlete, the clock is ticking, so I got out of bed and walked downstairs to the kitchen where I saw that it was only 5:05, so even though I felt like I had given myself a little gift of extra time, I still had plenty and could have made it to Waterfall Glen.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and grabbed a Power Bar Triple Threat (which I now only eat on mornings when I do a long run, race or big ride--on other days I have been eating a hardboiled egg on an English muffin with jam), started eating and drinking and got on the computer just to see what's going on. Of course, I had to pee like 4 times and also do that other thing a few times. One of the entertaining parts of training so much is that you are pumping a lot of calories through your body and are pretty much fired up most of the day, so you are processing at a high rate.

I think it was only 5:30 and I decided I should put the running clothes on and put my contacts in, and I immediately reached for my HTFU bracelet because I figured I'd need it today. And then I had a flash of FUCK IT and I decided I'd just run from home and get this motherfucker done.

I had poured myself a second cup of coffee, but didn't really want it, so I chugged like 1/2 can of Coke that was open from some other day in the fridge, suited up and was out the door running at 5:50. FUCK! I think that is the fastest I have gotten out the door for a long run. I was like not even entirely awake when I started running, and that was good, I suppose.

It didn't feel too hot yet, and the sun wasn't fully up, so I was probably not going to suffer too badly for the heat, but I could tell my legs were a little toasted, but too bad HTFU. Initially I was going to do 7.5 miles total out and back and then repeat, because I guess I decided I should run 15 miles however long it would take, which would normally be around 2:15 but today I'm running on asphalt and sidewalk and it's rolling hills so who knows? There is a water fountain 1.5 miles in and then again 2.5 miles in, so that plus the 12 oz. of flat Coke I was carrying was certainly enough for 7.5 miles or maybe even more.

Somewhere along the way I remembered there's a water fountain at the outdoor pool, and I thought, perfect, I will run there (it's about 5.3 miles), suck down water and some Coke, fill my bottle and get on my way. I didn't drink anything until I got there, and felt fine with the one cup of coffee, 1/2 can of Coke and maybe 16 oz. of water that I drank before I left. I ran into MJ at the pool, took a piss, and turned around to head home.

It was still not too hot out, and I had plenty of shade to run in which was great. But man, my legs were feeling the pounding on the pavement. Too bad, HTFU. I would look at my right hand with the HTFU bracelet and tell myself no walking, none of that today. It always feels good to be running by people on their way to work while I am thinking smugly to myself, "I'm an idiot because I'm running 15 miles this morning." I don't know why logically that makes sense, but it does!

When I was about a mile from home, I had to think about how I was going to do the remaining miles. My first thought was to run up and down the .3 mile hill from my house 9 times. Now, I know that sounds OCD-ish, but I have no problem doing all kinds of repeats of things (as you may know) in order to get distance and/or time in. Back at the ranch, I opened a fresh, fizzy can of Coke and took a few sips, went back outside with it, and left it by my front door.

I started up the hill, and thought what the fuck, I am so stupid, I should just do block repeats. If I run around what I call the "big block," it's 1.15 miles and rolling hills (of course), and so I decided I'd do that 4 or 5 times. This seemed like a better idea than running up and down the hill 9 times.

So I did the first repeat, and I was running a good pace, and I stopped briefly to swig some Coke, and it was still cold, and that was great. When I was on the 4th lap, I thought about stopping at that point, because it would be just over 15 miles, but I thought fuck it, HTFU I did that much last week let's add another mile. So I headed out for lap #5, and even though it hurt like a motherfucker, I got it done, and it was my second fastest lap out of the 5.

All in all, I did 16.37 miles in 2:27.46 for a pace of 9:02, which is faster than I thought I'd be able to go.

I'm eating a bowl of fruit even though I really REALLY want some fucking pizza right now. Even though I talk about how I eat all this crap, I really eat pretty cleanly for the most part. Although last night I had a Twinkie with my last beer of the evening ;) And I had a snack before dinner of some Pringles with sour cream. Oh well, I guess all those carbs helped me out today, eh?

Tomorrow is going to be an early morning repeat, since I am going to swim, bike and run and it's going to be hot, hot, hot, so I want to be in the pool swimming at 5:30AM. OMG, I am fucked, I think. Why am I doing this tomorrow? Because I want to do a stinking sprint race on Sunday.

Oh, geez, I am fucking out of my mind. But you know what? This is my idea of FUN! Going out there when your legs hurt and pounding out some miles and sort of half grimacing, half smiling while you are doing it and then just getting it done because a lot of life really is all about HTFU'ing when the chips are down.

Here I am post-run, suitable sweaty, but still standing!

What Do I Call It?

OK, so previous post you see what I am attempting to do. Top contender for a name so far is UltraNothingMan. Maybe I should leave "man" out of it entirely--after all, it is just going to be me (unless somebody surprises me and fills out the imaginary race application). So maybe just UltraNothing? Or maybe I'll go with a Prince-like thing and just have a symbol that can't be pronounced...here I found the Chinese character for Nothing. I like how the pronunciation is kongkong. While I'm doing it, if anyone asks me what I'm doing, I'll say that!

I can't even believe I'm already looking forward to this even though I haven't even done IMLP yet! But now it gives IMLP that much more "meaning," if there is, in fact, meaning to be found in an Ironman.

And yet I need to get through some more training, and it's a LOT of training, and so I'm taking things one day at a time. Before I know it, I'll be packing for IMLP and getting excited about that, but first, I need to just get through the rest of this week.

Today was a tempo-ish run in the 90's and it sucked and I ended up doing the last few miles indoors on the track at the Y because I couldn't keep my HR down. Tomorrow is a 2:15 run and I am not sure right at this minute whether I will do it outside early or on the treadmill. Friday I am taking a day off from work and swimming 3,000 yds., riding 4:30 and doing a brick run. Maybe I should call it a triathlon, huh? Saturday will be a short easy ride and then Sunday is a sprint race. It looks like the temps will drop somewhat but it will still be hot. Oh well. It is what it is.

After all, I have kongkong coming up...

A Very Special Crackheaded Announcement

Those of you who are friends on Facebook have seen me alluding to something today that I promised I would unveil here on the blog first.

I almost don't even know how to talk about it. It came to me in the middle of last night. I had been struggling with do I or do I not do IM Canada? It's not the "doing" of it that's an issue--it's the travel and I hadn't made any plans, and as much as I know I could go back there and kick the course's ass, I just haven't felt the need to end this season with another WTC/NAS (or whatever the fuck it is now) Ironman (I am already doing IMLP). It would have, indeed, been fun to meet some people face to face that I've never met before, fun to do the race, all that stuff.

But my heart, while still broken, has needed something else to revive me, to make me feel alive and challenged and maybe lead me to that next step. I'm signed up for a 50-mile trail race in October, I'm going back to Goofy Challenge (which is no big deal to me) in January, and I had thought about doing a "double Ironman" training week in 2010. I had also talked about a sequence of triathlons with an impressive total distance sometime earlier this year with someone, but it was expressed in terms of "next year." Well, you know what? I'm training pretty well, I'll have IMLP as a warmup race (and I do intend to race that) and being undecided about IM Canada, last night I thought what the fuck let's do this thing THIS YEAR.

So initially the thought was 4 days (and these are all "do it on my own" fuck actual races I don't need no stinkin' medals or T-shirts):

• Day 1: Sprint
• Day 2: Olympic distance
• Day 3: Half Ironman distance
• Day 4: Ironman distance

But then I add up some numbers and think, huh, that's close to double Ironman but not quite. So while stuck in traffic this afternoon (only to return to a house with no power, but obviously it's back on, thank GOD because it's still 91 here), I figure out how it's going to go. This will begin on August 24, 2009:

• Monday, August 24: Run 3.8 miles or so. This is just to get the total run miles for the week up to 52.4, which is double Ironman.
• Tuesday, August 25: Rest day
• Wednesday, August 26: Sprint (sort of) of 1500m swim/20-mile bike/5K run
• Thursday, August 27: Olympic (sort of) of 2000m swim/30-mile bike/10K run
• Friday, August 28: Half Ironman (sort of) of 2500m swim/60-mile bike/13.1 mile run
• Saturday, August 29: Ironman (sort of) of 4000m swim/115-mile bike/26.2 mile run

And the total is 10,000m swimming, 225 miles biking and 52.4 miles running.

Can I do it? Well, I've done the whole sprint/Oly/Half Ironman before. No big deal. Part of Triple T. It's that pesky Ironman thing at the end that will be tough. So I will be leaning on some friends for advice--I think I know how to pace this, and I have to find places to get it done. I'm OK swimming in the outdoor 50m pool, and riding from there. I think I will need to do the half and full IM runs on trail, though, which will necessitate some transportation or something.

I have time to figure out the logistics!

Am I going to ask if anyone wants to come along with me? FUCK NO! I am assuming I will be doing this all by myself. If once I post where the hell I will be while rolling someone wants to show up and swim/ride/run along with me or just clap or look at me like I'm fucking insane, that's perfectly fine by me.

Even though I won't be doing sanctioned races, I am hoping that if I decide to submit an application for Ultraman Kona, that they will consider me appropriately loony but qualified to race there. That has been one of my goals for several years now, and it's time to start making good on it, eh?

Now this all begs the question WHY??? Why is because I think I can do it, but it's also somewhat scary, because this is how I feed my soul, because this is how I exorcise demons that seem to plague me only leaving me when I push myself to another place, and because once I lock in on something that I think I should do, I'm already doing it.

I've had enough of doing it for the prize, the glory, frankly I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me anymore.

I might fail at this; but I might not. All I can do is tri, right?

More on Horribly Hilly

The more I read elsewhere about this ride and specifically this year, the better I feel about how I did.

Here's an article about the last rest stop, which is about 100 miles and 7800 feet of climbing in.

Here's a blog post by a guy who had to walk many of the hills. Interesting to note it says the temperature reached 88. Look at the graph at the end that shows that last climb into the park. It's brutal!

Also, checking my archives, this was my 5th and fastest attempt at the sonofabitch (although in 2006 I only did 100K since it was just 2 weeks after Ironman Brazil and I knew better).

There is another ride in the area on July 11 called Insane Terrain. The 200K course has a road on it called Roller Coaster Road. I think I need to go there...

Horribly Hilly Hundreds Ride Report

This was my 4th or 5th time doing this ride. The first time I did it, I found out about it from some email that magically came to me, and I remember thinking, hey, this looks pretty hard, I should try it! It was back then, I think, that I began getting on email lists for challenging events.

The first time I did it, I did it on Bitchie and went by myself. I am perfectly fine doing things totally on my own, and cool with a group, too. I did OK that time, but had to walk part way up the final climb and vowed I would never walk it again, and I haven't.

This year, I signed up with and was originally supposed to stay with, Jostein (OMG I said his name!). But you may know how that turned out. About 5 or 6 weeks ago, a guy living in my area found me on the IamTri networking site, we exchanged emails and friended on Facebook. I didn't know too much about him until he saw my (now deleted) blog post about what had recently happened between me and Jostein, and sometimes, common misery brings people together, so long story short, Brad and I started talking about doing some stuff together (this is just friends kids, I am old enough to be his Mom). He ended up doing the Rockman sprint the day I did the half, but I didn't know it until the next day. I convinced him to come and ride Horribly Hilly, even though I knew he'd be far, far ahead of me, but I thought he'd enjoy it, having recently spent time in the Rockies, plus he races bikes and just started doing triathlons and is kicking serious ass.

So we drive up there Friday night, talking the entire time, and just as we got to Mount Horeb for packet pickup, it began raining, and our bikes were on top of his Jeep, so they got a nice bath. Oh well, no worries, it was forecast to be sunny and hot for Saturday. I ran into a few people I know at registration, and we spent some time looking over the large-scale map of the ride route and talking to one of the volunteers (who looked, physique-wise to be an experienced rider), and I recounted many of the roads whose names I remembered fondly as sporting climbs that SUCK BAD.

Next we checked into the Super 8 in Verona, where I've stayed I don't know how many times (I'll be there again in 2 weeks for a race rehearsal weekend). Now, while I don't travel with a lot of girly body care products, I do have certain things that I need with me like one of my own bed pillows, a small selection of clothes, a small cooler with bike bottles and other fluids, and extra bike shit in case something breaks down. Whereas Brad had a bag of wheels, a backpack and a pump. It was kind of funny, but he didn't make fun of me or anything.

We ate dinner at Avanti and ran into several more people that I know (all men), and we thought we'd all start riding together the next day, but that never happened. Some random barfly chatted us up because he wanted to know why my shirt said "Crackhead" on it and then we talked about what we were doing, and how Brad ended up in Chicago and what he's doing here, which is Assistant Pro (sorry if I get the title wrong) at Medinah Country Club. Golf and triathlon--seems like a good mix to me!

We split an extra large pizza, and I think Brad was impressed that I could eat so much, but when I know what's coming the next day, my brain just tells me to eat.

The stupid hotel room didn't get cold enough, so I slept fitfully, but still slept, and then 4:45AM, and it's wake the fuck up time. I looked out the window and the sky was perfectly clear, and it was already 65, so it was going to be a hot day. Perfect!

In getting to the ride start, there were so many cars lined up to get into Mounds State Park, that it appeared we wouldn't make a 6:30AM start time, but no worries, I think we got started just before 7AM, which was the official start. We didn't want to get into that whole fray, so we took off just a bit ahead. Right away we were riding with 3 other guys, but I knew that pace was too fast for me, so after a few miles, I just let them go. I really don't mind riding by myself.

I had thought I was well-prepared for a decent ride on the day, what with Rockman having been hilly, and having done several other rides with decent amounts of climbing. But you never know, right? To fuck with my head, the Ergomo decided not to show me speed or distance, but I still had cadence (who cares?) and watts. Even still, in doing a ride like this, it's basically about get your ass up each hill and then hammer down as hard as you can and take advantage of the few flatish stretches.

On one of the climbs in the first stage (5 stages--see course map), I remember feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I didn't think I was pushing it that hard, but I guess I must have--typically I will feel a little like this on the first bad climb, but I honestly thought, "Huh, maybe I'm going to die right now." But I didn't really care, and had no choice but to continue climbing.

I got the first stage, which was 24 miles, done in like 1:26, and I remember thinking, huh, that's like 16MPH, I'll take it. Actually it's 16.7 MPH. There was 2041 feet of climbing in that 24 miles. The worst part of this stage is the 3.5 mile climb back up into Mounds State Park.

The second stage is 20.3 miles, and I got it done in 1:15, so 16.2 MPH. Again, I was pretty pleased with myself. There was only 1673 feet of climbing in that 20 miles. During Stage 2, you go by or on parts of the Ironman Wisconsin course, like Garfoot Road, so you see plenty of people just riding the course as well as HHH riders. I think the Mineral Point climb on this stretch was the hardest. I had been on Vermont Church Road with Jostein in April, I think, so when we got there I was like I've done this a bunch of times already.

Stage 3 is 20.9 miles, and it's the flattest stage (only 1509 feet of gain), and I thought I might have been pushing it a bit, so I decided to take it easy. I got it done in 1:14, which is 16.9MPH. The worst climb, to me, on this stage was the Turkey Road/Blackberry Road combination. When I saw the sign for Turkey Road, I was like, "Oh FUCK" in my head or maybe out loud--I don't know. I guess it was out loud because 2 guys rode just ahead of me and went, "Gobble Gobble." Turkey Road (as many of the climbs on this ride) starts out innocently enough, but then you get fucked in the ass at least 3 times, and then you think you are done with a short downhill, you make a left and you start climbing Blackberry Road! Ugh...that was just unnecessary (as the entire ride but that's why we do it, right?).

Stage 4 is long--33 miles, and mentally tough, plus, this is where they really start throwing the nastiest hills at you that they could find. There is 2543 feet of climbing in this section. I did it in 2:07, so my speed noticeably dropped--all of 15.6MPH. I suck. And man, this stretch has some of the worst fucking shit you can imagine. Reeves Road had like 5 separate fuck you in the ass climbs, and you could never see up ahead to the end of the road. It was funny driving back home that Brad commented we'd be in a flat stretch, and he'd see some hill and think, "Of COURSE they are going to send us up there." He also, as I did a number of times, would notice these houses at the tops of these hills with really long driveways, and sometimes the driveways would look like roads, and he said he thought that if they weren't gravel they would have made us ride right up to their front door!

Anyway, Reeves Road sucked bad, Fesenfeld, Sutcliffe, Zwettler (really fucking bad) and Ray Hollow. All major suckage.

I don't know about anyone else, but my legs are starting to feel pretty fried by now, and the brain starts playing games with me. I started thinking how the hell am I going to finish this thing, I suck, I suck and I want to stop. But you get to that last aid station and this is where you need to have a serious talk with yourself. Why? Because the last stage is the hardest of all. First, you are going to head right out of that aid station and climb Pinnacle Road, which is just a leg burner, then you get Lake View Road, which sounds pleasant enough, but anything with View, Ridge, Hollow, Valley or Otto (!) in the name is going to be horrendous.

So at this point, my brain is going a little haywire on me--it's hot, I'm overheated, sweaty as hell, covered in bugs, sticky, disgusting and just plain tired. And yet, for some unknown reason, I get back on my bike and head out.

You get maybe 1/2 mile and you are already on Pinnacle Road (pinnacle not being a nice word this day), and I'm thinking no way am I going to be able to climb it without walking, but somehow, I make it up 1, 2 and then 3 sectors of the climb, but wait, that's not enough, there's a short downhill and they fuck you in the ass one more time up to a stop sign at a T intersection.

But I made it, I made it! How the hell did that happen? But I can tell my legs are really, really fried, and I'm also suffering because I decided to eat 1/2 of a ham sandwich back at the aid station and my body is trying to send blood to my stomach while my legs are being tortured to death. But I figured I should be able to recover from this shit, right?

Fuck no. It's not very long before we get to Lake View Road, and I remembered this one as being pretty and at the same time fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. There are some shorter climbs on this road, but the last 2 you can see (which was rare for all the hills we'd been on) the road going straight up, and I guess it was just demoralizing and I was hot and I wanted to quit so bad, and I'd see SAG going the other way yet somehow my hand did not go up COME AND GET ME.

So I stopped briefly (it was may 15 seconds) at the bottom of the first big climb and had a little chat with myself. I said that if I could make it up here I was going to be fine to finish the whole fucking thing so let's go get it done. And just as I had been up until now as I was climbing, I looked at my HARDEN THE FUCK UP bracelet and was chanting to myself "Harden the Fuck Up, Sheila" over and over and over again, and somehow I made it up that bitch and the switch went back on in my brain that I was doing OK and everyone else was probably suffering, too, but there was one more of these fuckers to get up, and that one was just fine and I felt good to go.

After Lake View, there was a nice flatish section and then we start climbing again and I'm thinking, "Where the fuck are we?" And then I remember, we are going into the town of Barneveld and there's a nasty climb right into town, but before I had time to think too much about it, I'm on it, and somehow I am even passing a few people, but now I am remembering that this is the last bad climb before we head back into the park.

And you get out of Barneveld and there's a whole lot of pretty countryside (as there was all day--I should note that the scenery is beautiful if you can manage to look around you instead of at the fucking road all day), and it's mainly rolling, and now you can see the Mound and you sort of start getting this sense of dread. Because you climbed that bitch once already today, only it was maybe 7 miles into the ride and didn't feel too bad, but the second time, you do the whole climb and then there's the last 800 feet up into the park itself that you didn't do before but that is really, really bad.

So I'm riding and just figuring, oh well, time to get this done, and another friend of mine, Joel, comes by. We run into each other a lot at races and rides, and he says this is the last time he will get ahead of me because I will pass him going into the park. I didn't really think so, as he was looking pretty strong, but still I tried to stay sort of with him.

When we got to the turn into the park, I thought that was fast, and then I thought, oh shit, here it is. I was right with Joel, but after the first flatish 1/2 mile, I stopped my bike briefly to catch my breath, and that's when I invoked my dead Dad to help me out for the first time all day. I had some of his ashes with me, and just like he pushed me up many hills on the run course at Rockman, I really hoped he'd be able to push my sorry ass up this final climb.

I forgot how many twists and turns and you think you're done but you're not, and my legs were just screaming, but I was telling myself to try and relax and breathe, and even though I had really, really thought I wasn't going to make it several times and would need to stop and walk my bike, I just kept going. I did see one girl walking with her bike and thought I wonder if walking would be faster, but somehow I rode up to her and past, and despite how pitifully slow I was going, I was going faster than if I had walked, so I just kept it up, and I did pass Joel somehow and we said a few soft words to one another, and then I got to the crest where you turn right for the worst part into the park and I thought I was going to need to stop, but I didn't, because if I stopped now it was all over, and I couldn't even believe I was turning the cranks at all, and I wanted to stand up but knew if I did I'd be committed and it would hurt even more, so I just kept turning the cranks over, and there were people lining the road now clapping and encouraging us, and I couldn't believe I was going to make it up, and finally I did and went through the makeshift finish line, and I saw Brad sitting on the grass waiting for me and I was so happy to be done!

And I looked down at the Ergomo, which although it hadn't shown me anything but watts all day long, I figured the time was correct because I knew about how long I had spent at the aid stations, and I had done the whole thing plus the aid stations in 9:30, which meant the 8:13 on the clock for riding time was good, and that was a PR for me by about :45! But it wasn't sinking in, and besides, I wanted to hear about Brad's experience, because after all, I had dragged him here telling him it would be challenging even though it's not the Rocky Mountains.

And he told me how he got to ride with Robbie Ventura, easily keeping pace with him, and I don't know Brad's actual time, but let's just say he's really fucking fast, and I have to say thanks that he waited for my sorry ass there, and I didn't want to keep him much longer, so I first grabbed and ice cream cone, then walked over and got a beer, then went to the car, toweled myself off, loaded up the Jeep and we got on our way, me driving.

And as in years past, you are just so wired from what you have done, and I mostly wanted to hear about it from Brad's perspective which was hilarious since he had no idea what to expect, but I knew he'd be right up there with the lead riders all day. It was funny that he had some of the same evil brain thoughts that I did like this really sucks I am sick of it and yet we would keep going, and we'd think about how "they" were making us go up these stupid hills all day, but "they" was really OURSELVES and we have nobody else to blame.

And I rode pretty much all day by myself and in a sick, sick sort of way, enjoyed it. I had thought to myself that if I rode a good time on the day that it might be an omen for Lake Placid, and I guess so, and I guess it's time for me to start ignoring the numbers on the power meter like I did yesterday and JFR (Just Fucking Ride) and get it done.

So now it's 5 weeks to IMLP and I've got 3 more big weekends of work (mostly riding) to get done, and I'm psyched for it, and honestly, I feel pretty good today, although I'm just going to go for a swim and a short run to work the crap out of my muscles.

Mostly I'm really glad to have made a new friend who is as crazy or maybe even worse than me, and we are driving to IMLP together which will be fun as hell, and I get to play Iron Mentor to Brad for his first Ironman, and that always gets me excited to see all the excitement and fear on a person doing their first one, but I'm sure he's going to do just fine, and I am looking forward to putting myself in a seriously painful place on the day--this year is the first time I've felt like I could go to that place, and I don't know what that means, but I am finally feeling strong this year despite some emotional and physical hurdles (and I know there will be more), so all I need to do at this point is stay physically healthy and I should be fine.

One thing I do know is that physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain, and while physical pain doesn't cancel out the emotional, it seems to provide some relief. So I will keep planning to hurt myself in a way that seems to be good. And on that note, I am going for a short run and then a swim to try and loosen up.

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are Dads, and to everyone who still has their Dad living, be grateful--it is never the same once he's gone!