Tiki Torch Gaming Machines Launch Relief Effort!

Tiki Torch Gaming Machines Launch Relief Effort!
Pahrump, NV – updated 2 min. ago

Tiki Torch Gaming Machines across the State of Nevada have
joined forces to launch a massive relief effort for the
residents and guests of the Barbie Tiki-Hut.

“We stand in solidarity with the Tiki-Hut Barbies,” said
Tiki Torch Big Kahuna earlier today.  “We have machines in
Las Vegas, so we know topless!  We admire and appreciate
the perkiness of the Barbies, and will not rest until
their home is restored.”

Details of the relief effort are sketchy, but seem to
involve some highly risky skimming of pennies from
‘big bonus’ payouts.  If the Tiki Torch machines are
successful, they hope to send a shipment of poles,
tropical grasses, and hemp rope to the Barbies by
week’s end.

Tiki Hut Update

Well, I called this number thinking this is where Mattel might have the Tiki Hut in for refurbishing, but they had no record of a "Barbie" Tiki Hut.

Damn. Next, I'm going to try this place. Maybe I need to go ahead and get a full size Tiki Hut for myself. Wait a minute--Target carries Tiki Huts??? Check it out.

Where I live, stupid backyard gazebos are all the rage as status symbols. I think a Tiki Hut would liven up my yard a bit. And then when I'm going to ride with other people (see I inserted triathlon content), I could just say, "Let's meet up at the Tiki Hut." Or, "After we're finished riding, let's chill by the Tiki Hut."

Stay tuned...

In other actual triathlon news, I had a great run yesterday. This morning I'm swimming 8 billion yards or something like that at the outdoor pool, which hopefully has cooled off a bit. I am now in "pool whore" mode, because next week the YMCA pool is closed for a week of cleaning, and the outdoor pool goes to only afternoon hours beginning next Wednesday. Meaning I only get today and Monday (maybe Tuesday) to swim outdoors. Fuck... Then I will need to whore myself out to yet ANOTHER pool next week while the YMCA pool is closed. Luckily, there's another one about 3 miles from home. However, it's the home of the infamous 2005 pool rage incident, although I doubt they remember me. I will just show up in my pink sparkly swimsuit and all will be forgotten!

Did I mention I've been swimming so much (I still suck at it, though) that my lats have gotten bigger? I've been noticing some close-fitting tops feeling extra snug, so out comes the tape measure and voila, bigger lats. Alas, I will never have Barbie tits. So I'll just have to settle for a nice V-taper and great abs.

SHOCK AND AWE!!!! ACTUAL TRIATHLON CONTENT (Ironman Pre-Race Talks and Bike Course Run-Throughs)

If any of you readers is or knows someone doing Ironman Kentucky (lube up now with some KY), Ironman Canada (eh?) or Ironman Wisconsin (warning: I WILL BE THERE!!!), send them here.

Free shit, people!!!

Left Defenseless, Tiki Hut Residents and Sympathizers Attacked by Giant Poultry

On the bright side, if someone can figure out how to kill the poultry, there will be more food on the table...

Mattel Tiki Hut Recall Update: We're Mad as Hell and We're Not Gonna Take it Anymore!

Wow, they're getting pretty organized now...

Mattel Tiki Hut Recall Update: Barbie Protest Gathers Momentum

Cali Girl (my Mom gave her to me as "Call Girl") Barbie (seated) has joined in on the protest, topless, although she appears to be more interested in tanning at the moment.

Brazilian Whore Barbie (green skirt, topless--you can't see her FMP's--trust me, they are HOT) has joined in, and she just got back from getting a fresh, full Brazilian wax, which should shock Mattel into negotiations, at a minimum, should she remove her skirt.

Palm Beach (I call her Palm Beeyotch) Barbie is unable to remove her painted-on top in support of the other Barbies. She's trying to flash a beaver, but alas, her bottoms are also painted on. This didn't stop Mattel representatives from looking up her see-through coverup.

Mattel has provided every assurance that the Tiki Hut will be returned, lead-free, and without any dangerous magnetic parts that might be eaten by reticulated crabs.

Mattel Recalls Tiki Hut; Barbies Go Topless in Protest

Mattel, the world’s largest toy company, today announced its second major recall in a month of Chinese-made toys contaminated with Tiki Hut paraphernalia. At the same time, it recalled millions of other toys whose small, powerful magnets could come loose and be swallowed by reticulated crabs, causing potential choking hazards.

The resident Tiki Hut Barbies removed their tops in protest, as they now find themselves temporarily homeless, hoping that their perkiness will attract compassion for the entire Tiki Hut community. When asked for comments, the Barbies were uncharacteristically mute, and their joints were pretty stiff, too.

Thankfully, Tiki Hut residents have one rotisserie chicken left to eat, as their fruit, burgers and cake were confiscated.

Mind of Iron is standing by awaiting the new, improved Tiki Hut with the blessings of the Consumer Product Safety Commission.

News of my Legs Demise has been Greatly Exaggerated

I did a brick workout today with Marty, and it was great. I rode Bitchie, and my watts have returned (maybe even gone up a teensy bit), and then we ran, and it was hard and fun. I told Marty that my legs felt pretty fresh because I only did 17 hours last week which was a bit of a mini-taper. I ran over 5 miles yesterday, and will go for about an hour tomorrow and 1:30 or so on Thursday and a brick on Saturday, so my running volume will be back where it needs to be.

In other news, a woman I'm riding with this Sunday took 4th overall in the Naperville Sprint Triathlon. I see her at the outdoor pool, so I looked at her and said maybe I'm not good enough to ride 100 miles with her. She then said her longest ride has been 3 hours, and I said, "Great, this should work out well." I had a devilish grin on my face, because I think I'll be riding pretty strongly, or at least I hope I will.

In other news, I played a little "bottle roulette" today. When I don't finish the contents of selected bottles during rides or runs, I either just put the entire bottle in the fridge or sometimes I combine contents into a single Franken bottle and then put into the fridge.

I had some UFB's (Unidentified Fucking Bottles) in the fridge, and thought there must be something good in there somewhere, so I pulled 2 of them out and started tasting. One I couldn't identify, as it was in a black bottle, so I poured the contents into a clear glass and it looked pretty much like, well, let's just say a bit milky, and I tasted it and I guessed it was Infinit (sidebar: wouldn't it be disgusting if it was something else?), so I decided to add that to a new bike bottle for today's workout and embellish it a bit more. I also had a can of flat Coke in the fridge, and hey, can't have too much caffeine, so I downed that, and then finally one more bottle that I guess had Voodoo mix in it, but I just tasted it and combined it into another bottle for swimming.

Random Thoughts

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again.
Julia Cameron

My I Ching for today:
#12, Pi / Hindrance
Hindrance.
No one can alter.
Unfavorable to superior persons.
The divination;
The great is departing;
The little is arriving.

And asking the Magic 8 Ball: "Do I even know what the question is?" I get this: Cannot predict now.

They are all correct!

Weekly Workout Totals 08/06/2007-08/12/2007 and The Lie that is PIDS

I bagged any workouts yesterday. I was too tired. However, today I did THREE workouts, so I'm happy!

I am still struggling with some degree of depression, but at least now I'm to the point of writing down my disordered thoughts and beginning to evaluate which are actually true and which are not, and in the process, discovering what's really at the heart of all this.

I think that Post Ironman Depression Syndrome is a just a name allowing us to have an escape tactic for a normal transitional period in our lives which requires us to take stock. It's generally handy that we reduce our training load, giving us all this wonderful extra time in which to think about our who/what/why/when stuff. I think it's healthy to do this once a year, which curiously enough, corresponds to the amount of time between IM races for most people.

I can recount almost year by year how I felt after each IM I've done:

• 2001: first IM. The euphoria lasted a loooooong time. But instead of doing a little introspection, work took care of that. I won't go into what happened, but it didn't allow me to think about anything else BUT the situation at work.
• 2002: second IM, big improvement in time, mucho euphoria, not sure I ever came down from that one. I probably didn't rest much afterwards at all, thinking I was god-like and could train even harder the next year.
• 2003: third IM, first DNF. What the fuck! How did I erase any possibility of PIDS? I signed up for (and finished) another one 6 weeks later, and then went into my next season seamlessly, kicking it off with a couple of injuries.
  
• 2004: 5th and 6th IM's, 6 weeks apart. No chance to think about anything after #5, because I had to get ready for #6, which was Hawaii. Even better, #5 was another big PR, so I was on cloud nine, and rarin' for #6. #6 went well, too (2nd best time), and it WAS Hawaii and all, and I must have been so exhausted from 2 IM's so close together that thinking about myself and my life was just out of the question.
• 2005: I'm fucking superhuman. Oops--#7 and 2nd DNF. I spiraled into darkness this time, resulting in me starting THIS BLOG. How fucked up is that? But I guess it has been a good thing, huh? So now you can all read about how messed up I am. This spate of PIDS sent me reeling for a number of months, but it resulted in me taking a different approach to life. Still lots of training, but other changes that have all been to the good.
  
• 2006: My mom died, I was sick, IM #8 was a disappointment, and I was so mentally fucked up afterwards that I just rolled with it and didn't try and diagnose or use the time as a platform for much more introspection. I was just plain sad.
• 2007: IM #9, in retrospect I think I had a pretty solid race, yet why is there this part of me that is not sitting happily with it? I'm working on that, and have some ideas...not to be revealed yet because I don't believe in blogging as a "group diagnosis" tool (although if any of you believes you have insight, comment away, I don't mind)
  

I suppose that life is a rollercoaster ride for anyone who spends any amount of time looking inside themselves, wondering if they are good enough, kind enough, smart enough, athletic enough or just plain enough to erase any and every self-doubt. In my case, the answer is NO, I don't think I ever feel like I'm "enough" anything, and yet at times too much of it all, and wish I had the gift of being stupid and not caring. But then I couldn't even think that way if I was stupid, so I guess it's a conundrum and a curse all rolled into one.

For me, though, it's good that I have chosen IM as a platform for putting myself into challenging situations, full well knowing that once it's over, I'm going to have to deal with myself in my rawest form. It's funny how lots of people think the IM itself is where you are at your most raw, but not for me--when I'm there, and I'm executing it well, it's the best damn thing on Earth, and then I think how fucked up I must be to want that. Yes, I'm still trying to replicate that outside of the races, and I think I've succeeded to a certain degree, but still I have this weird relationship to things that shouldn't feel good but do. Either that or I am just a wuss and I really don't push myself to that edge. At some level, I'm looking to achieve the state where it all feels good and there is no thought involved. I guess I have just chosen an odd pathway.

So I'm not using IM as a platform for an excuse of why I feel messed up; it's natural to have annual events that have that effect--for some, it's the end of a school year (or beginning), or an anniversary or a birthday. I will feel better once I am back in a routine. I can't stand being out of my routine, it just is how it is. We all have them even if we think we don't.

Aaaaaaaanyway...I don't even know what I'm talking about right now, but it seems right to write it down.

Weekly Workout Totals	08/06/2007-08/12/2007
Swim:	12002 yards (6.81 miles) in 4.25 hours; 25% of weekly workout time; approx. 1488 calories burned
Bike:	Approx. 134.71 miles in 8.87 hours; 51% of weekly workout time; approx. 4453 calories burned
Run:	Approx. 22.55 miles in 3.45 hours; 20% of weekly workout time; approx. 1554 calories burned
Strength:	0.73 hours; 4% of weekly workout time; approx. 183 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 164.07 miles in 17.3 hours; approx. 7678 calories burned
Sleep:	7.21 hours avg./night
Stretching:	1.37 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Don't Forget to Watch the Perseid Meteor Shower Tonight!!!

Just watch it and realize how small we are compared to the rest of the universe.

I plan to set my alarm clock and get some perspective.