Thursday, November 20, 2008

I am so hurt

Nothing like getting a massage and getting the full report on your injuries. My right leg is bruised over my quads and my shin. The gash in my shin is definitely going to scar--a little chunk of my leg was taken out. My left glute now has a nice bruise around the cut (which I'm told is also fairly deep), and the lower part of my left glutes is also bruised. All the muscles up and down my spine are spasming intermittently.

I cried for myself during this massage. I don't think I've ever felt so hurt. At one point I asked Shawna to please find something on me that isn't injured. I just hope that my underlying strength helps me to heal. I am lucky that I have a few people who will take care of me or are at least trying to. Now I have a nice huge mirror in front of my bed so I can look at myself and see just how bad everything is. I'm almost scared to do that, but I know it needs to be done. On the bright side, my eyes turn bright green when I'm crying. They never look so pretty as when I'm sad and crying. Isn't that ironic?

Fuck.

Whole Lotta Stuff

Yesterday was a very full day for me. I managed to swim (pool was hot, I was slow; but back and glutes felt great) and run (glutes hurt like hell--back seemed to do OK; running on concrete didn't help!), cleaned up Bitchie, stretched a little bit, did some lawyer-y stuff, chatted with the guys building the new bathroom, accepted 3 separate deliveries (!), and worked (work work) my ass off. See how much one can accomplish with very little sleep?

I didn't sleep much again last night--partly because I'm sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs with strange blankets, partly because my back is pretty gnarly (but that hard sofa bed actually seems to be good for it), partly because I'm still so jazzed about the remodeling, partly because there's a whole lot of estate activity, partly because I'm paranoid about Thanksgiving coming and do not want to get sick or more injured, and partly because there's other shit I'm dealing with personally right now.

But I am letting the sleep thing be, because I know that if I stress out about not sleeping it will get worse. So instead, I've been using the "extra" time to my advantage, knocking out all sorts of things, so that once the remodeling is done next week (although big surprise--I may have some flooring work done!), I will only need to rake up leaves over the Thanksgiving weekend!

I really enjoyed cleaning up Bitchie--I always do! There is something about cleaning up a beautiful bike that just puts a smile on my face. I especially enjoyed getting into her crotchal areas and lubing her up. I ended up putting new rubber on her, too, as the old stuff was pretty worn. Below are shots of her from various angles, ending with the finished product in front of one of the new doors in my family/rec room. Sadly, I have no plans to ride her until almost June, since I leave LGL on the trainer for the winter. But who knows? There might be a surprise winter trip to someplace warm, and I just might decide to take her along!

Front fork, stem and bars. I love her front crotchal area!

Bottom bracket and crank, baby!

More bottom bracket and chainrings


Here she is flipped over prior to the final lubrication

Here she is with her new rubber!

One of the items that was delivered to my house yesterday is this chinup bar. One of the benefits of remodeling where one of the guys is really into fitness is that we talk about this and that, and one day I was talking about the prison workouts (which sadly I've needed to abandon until maybe December), and how I'd been doing chins at the Y, and Jared mentioned they now make bars that mount over the door frame. So I found this online and got it and it's DA BOMB! It's not attached to the frame at all--it has a piece over the backside of the top of the door frame and then the large bar that holds it in place. So now everytime I go by or into the laundry room, I'm going to see what I can do. I can also do hanging leg raises on it. This will be a great addition to my fitness routine to strengthen my upper body, eh?



Here's my little area on the sofa bed downstairs where I've been sleeping and also working. This morning, I moved the computers back into my office, since the dust level is way down in the upstairs bathroom.

Here is the bathroom at the end of the day yesterday. Electrical and plumbing were completed, and walls, floor and ceiling put in. I now will have tons of light in there, and the entire ceiling is high up since the stupid lowered ceiling over the tub was knocked down. Today's work will include taping and possibly some tiling. The guys say it will be finished tomorrow, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed! That will mean vanity, cabinets, faucets and toilet installation and painting. I'm so excited!


Another item that arrived yesterday is the towel sets I ordered online. They are not what I expected--I thought they were mostly zebra with red or black accents, but when I opened the box, I really liked that it's exactly the opposite, and these are going to look so nice in the new bathroom:



The custom shades for the office and spare bedroom also arrived, but they are just in a really long box right now and so there's no need for a picture of that! In other remodeling news, I received a call that my new garage door has arrive, and we set an installation date for Tuesday, 12/2.

In addition to remodeling and working, today's activities for me include biking on LGL, putting custom stickers on LGL (I've had them for months now--she's now ready to be christened with her given name, La Gazza Ladra!), fantasizing how the new bathroom is going to look and how the living room will look once the zebra carpet is unfurled, miscellaneous chinups, a core workout, a massage, some legal paper signing and a trip to the post office.

Something that was funny yesterday was that the guys left around 6:30PM, and I actually had the TV on! Ken remarked that he wasn't sure the TV actually worked! I told him that I'm only watching it because I've been relegated to downstairs for working, sleeping and bathroom usage (plus trainer riding now, too), and since I'm getting so much done in the early hours of the day when I could be sleeping, I now have a little time to actually watch the fucking TV. But what's funny is that Monday evening, when I normally get a massage, I didn't go (they were doing something funky in the school that Mike said I wouldn't benefit from), so I was home and free to watch my very favorite TV program, Chuck (what can I say I identify with nerds). So I actually watched that, and whatever was on afterwards, I just fell asleep watching, which was around 7:30, but I woke up around 9, putzed around a bit, fell back asleep and was back up around 2:30AM. I'm glad to have developed a habit of doing without TV, because I just ordered a bunch of vampire fiction to read over the winter, and I like reading in bed, and I'll like it even more now because I just decided this morning that the former bathroom mirror is going to go on the wall in front of my bed instead of behind the headboard vertically. I don't know why that makes me smile or has anything to do with reading, I guess I was just talking about my bedroom!

Time to get to work. Hope everyone has a great day!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Random Thoughts on Love and Marriage

Today I went for a run outside. I was in a good deal of physical and psychic pain. I am definitely hurt! I feel like I’ve been in an accident, and I suppose I have. Anyway, I was thinking about love and then marriage and some thoughts came to me.

I am friends with a married couple that I believe to be very much in love. This wasn’t always the case—they almost let their love die at one time, but they worked very hard and got it back. I am friends with another couple that isn’t married and never will be that I know to be very much in love. They have a commitment to one another that if the love dies, they will set one another free.

I am friends with several married couples that I know to be not in love. They are staying together for one or more of the following: convenience (economic or otherwise), kids, laziness. Personally, I couldn’t stay with someone I wasn’t in love with no matter what, but I have my own perspective and I suppose the means to do pretty much whatever I want, and for that I’m truly grateful.

My own parents spent many of their years definitely not in love. It caused me a lot of pain and I wonder who I would be now if they had instead gone after their own happiness. In their later years when Mom was very ill and fragile, Dad stepped up and it seemed to me he recognized the value of pure love and went after it, but it was never a complete love. I wonder who my parents would have been if they had set one another free and gone after their own happiness. You know we didn’t have much economic means as a family, but I still would have lived with less to see them happy and know that I wasn’t being used as some sort of excuse for them to not do what they needed to do.

My own marriage ended because we weren’t in love. I thought I might have been in love, and some of the statements below about love rang true with me, but they weren’t mutual, and it has to be mutual.

I have not had much romantic love in my life. I’ve become a doer, because doing gets you through life. Being and love give happiness. I’ve tried to learn to do more being, I suppose, as a substitute for the romantic love. We all have to do something if we don’t have it, right?

Anyway, here are the thoughts that occurred to me today:

  • Love cannot be left alone or it dies. I’ve seen many marriages left alone, and they continue. Especially since the institution was basically created as a means to ensure that children have an economic chance at growing up.
  • Love is a commitment. Marriage is an obligation.
  • Love is the desire to be with the other person as much as possible. Marriage is well, just knowing that person is there with or without desire.
  • Love is always wanting to be in the other person’s heart and thoughts. Marriage is expecting it, whether or not it’s true.
  • Love is never feeling alone when you’re with its object. Marriage doesn’t care one way or the other.
  • Love is like a risky investment that demands you watch it carefully—by what you say, what you do, how you renew one another. Marriage is safe—like investing in bonds.
  • Love is wanting the fireworks to be there as much as possible, requiring you to look for or manufacture the sparks. Marriage is being satisfied with a slow burn…
  • Love is the joy the other person infuses in you. Marriage is being happy for the other person but it has nothing to do with you.
  • Love demands physical and spiritual intimacy. Marriage demands only cooperation.
I was not very joyful running today. I was in pain.

Bathroom Progress

Yesterday was a productive day in the (old) new bathroom. After the old tub was removed, Ken got to work on preparing for the installation of the new one:



Below is most of the debris from the bathroom, patiently waiting outside for the dumpster, which will be here on Monday, at which time I will be adding a bunch more stuff to it from my garage:

The new, black tub is in place, and before Ken left, I noted that he got it all dirty! But I was able to tell that water looks real pretty against the black.


Ken left a shop light in there hanging from the rafters, showing me how to turn it on in case I wanted to "gaze upon my new tub." Of course, I did that this morning, and here's a shot of the area, including the new window, which also went in yesterday:

This morning (it's still morning!), I got out my industrial strength black magic marker from one of my tri bags to use to scratch out mailing labels on a box that I'm sending off to someone today. As soon as I put that marker in my hand, I thought, "Hey, why not inscribe something on the studs before the walls are put in?" And so I did:


I don't know whether another person will ever see my writing in the future, but if they do, and they wonder who Crackhead was and what was going on in her (if they can figure that out) life at the time the bathroom was completed, well let's just say there would be too much for me to write all over the studs. There has been a lot of destruction going on my life, and I am attempting to reassemble myself and I'm not sure how that's going to turn out just yet, but I know that this last bit of remodeling (for 2008, anyway) is going to carry a lot of meaning to me. I suppose I wrote that I'm a stud because I'm going through a bit of a physical/emotional/spiritual crisis right now, and I am counting the days to when I am physically healed, emotionally stabilized and spiritually reconnected to myself and the universe. Who knew you could put all that into the simple message I left for myself? I am trying to remind myself of what I know I am and have become and will return to hopefully sooner rather than later. What better way than to leave my message in a place that will be beautified not just for me but for whoever owns this house next?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Remodeling is a Dangerous Sport

So the injuries I sustained on Saturday are focused on my right side--my left knee and quads took a hit from the shelf that fell on top of me as I fell backwards, but it's mainly the right side of my lower back/glutes that is messed up, and also my right knee and shin. You'd think that'd be enough, right?

FUCK NO!!!

Today, the guys are demolishing the bathroom--some pics below of the wide open space all the way up to the roof!

This is the wall where the mirror and vanity used to be

This is looking all the way up to the roof! The new ceiling will be raised about 1.5 feet. I suppose I could have asked for a skylight, but too late now.

Here's Ken dismantling the plumbing in the old tub (ick) with a hole where the window used to be

Looking up towards the roof beams


So they are banging away with a sledge hammer to get the tub out of there. I'm working and sleeping downstairs now, and I needed to pee, so I go in the new downstairs bathroom, sit down and I'm attacked by this lobster, which fell off a shelf over my head. Thank goodness it didn't hit my head--it's made of cast iron, about 12" long, and you can see that the claws and one leg are now missing:


I don't know which piece made a direct hit on my ass, but it hurt, and the result was this nice cut on my left ass cheek, so now I have injuries on both sides of my ass!


I iced the cut right after it happened, stuffing a small ice pack into my compression tights, which held it in really nice.

Well, they have the tub out of there so I assume that no more objects will be falling on top of me! At least the cut (about 2" long) is up above my sit bones, so I didn't feel any pain while riding the trainer today. When I showered though, and the hot water hit the cut, it did sting for a bit.

I am going to actually pray, I think, for no more injuries. Or gas leaks (the gas line to the dryer has a slight leak). What's funny is my physical injuries are making my lack of sleep seem like a non-issue, but since I've put in over 2 hours of training today, I'm hoping I'll pass out like a baby tonight.

Testing out the System

...while wearing my Zoot compression tights...

My back has not been real happy today, but that's because I spent a lot of time sitting yesterday. It occurred to me that I have these tights, and as soon as I put them on, I realized that the big (literally) muscle that I've pulled is my glutes--all 3 of them, I think--medius, minimus and maximus. Since they act in concert with the low back, it's no wonder it feels more like my back. In going through my strength routine, I'm able to do rows, and after I finish the dumbbells, I'll get started on the core stuff. If I'm able to do hyperextensions without pain, well, then I'm pretty sure that what I've got is a pain in the ass!

Oh yeah--my office/strength room is still ghetto until I get the new shades, which are en route as we speak!!! Upstairs bathroom didn't get started yesterday, but I'm hoping it gets rolling this morning!

Man--I still love lifting. Especially this time of year. Makes me feel good and strong, although I've got a ways to go, but I am looking forward to some major league DOMS and suffering!







Monday, November 17, 2008

LGL's Clean and Ready to Go



Bitch is next...she's been waiting a long time to get all the NothingMan crap off her. Oddly, I'm excited about riding LGL on the trainer tomorrow. Allegedly I'm adding 2 more Ironman's to my total next year, although I guess there's arguments over whether I can count the 2 NothingMan's or not. I count them. I've worked my ass off over the past 8 years for this and it's one of the things that nobody can take away from me.

I may be bruised, cut up and spiritually broken, but nobody can take that away from me.

And so my training begins for 2009.

Damage Report, Progress and Life

It took me about 12 hours to clean and reassemble my family (rec) room and laundry room on Saturday. In the process, I tossed out more stuff, and even cleaned out my crawl space. I was laughing at the point at which I took the vacuum cleaner into the crawl space! I ditched a bunch of beer mugs and pilsner glasses (or at least they will not be going back up on the bar).

Yesterday morning, I woke up and really began assessing the damage from my Saturday morning stupidity. My right shin has a big (5" or so) bump that will turn all sorts of colors in the following days. I have a little 3/4" gash there, too, and from the looks of it, I'll have a nice scar. Something to remember this period of remodeling by, I suppose!

Both of my knees got banged right in the kneecaps, too. I didn't know until I motivated to the Y to try and do stationary bike and elliptical that also my ass is probably bruised. The fall sequence went something like this: low back muscles pull to try and protect me, butt hits floor (effectively concrete), shelves fall on top of my knees and then hit my shins. I wish I could have seen the video! It all felt like it was in slow motion, and my biggest fear was how jacked up my back would be.

The good news is that when I woke up yesterday, I didn't feel particularly gnarly. I slept OK (for how I've been sleeping the past 5 weeks--been averaging about 6 hours a night) and didn't awaken to any big restriction of movement. But when I got on the bike, that's when I could tell my butt took a good hit and also my knees.

Oh well! I managed an hour stationary bike and an hour elliptical. Extremely boring, but it had to be done. I ended up getting in about 9.5 hours of "training" last week, and at least I got back to something consistent. This morning I'm going to give swimming a go, although I'll be careful to abandon ship if my back objects to twisting.

After my workouts yesterday, I hit up Home Depot, Target and the grocery store, since I had no time or energy left after Saturday's cleaning festival. I scored a bunch of hooks for the laundry room, a number of storage bins, and another pair of silver shoes (damn you, Target!). I finished organizing the laundry room this morning, and here are some pics. The floor mounted cabinets don't have tops yet because I'm ordering a green custom laminate, and I've got ceiling hooks where I'll hang my race wheels and spare tires:

I made the little ruffle. It's inspired me to hunt down a Henri Rousseau print for the empty wall.

Yeah--the washer/dryer are almond. I may have my guys spray paint them white because I know that eventually it will annoy me.

One of my topless cabinets

Yes, I have many helmets (aero helmet not shown) and many swimsuits


I know it seems silly to get so excited about a laundry room, but I've finally got places to organize a lot of my triathlon crap so that's it's not spread all over the house. Who knew I could get so organized like this?

This morning begins the upstairs bathroom remodeling, which I am very excited about--it's going to be gorgeous. Anyway, last week, I took the liberty of taking anything off the walls, emptying the vanity and tossing the drawers and doors. Here's the ugliness that is being demolished today:



That mirror? It is being saved!!! I'm having it mounted (sans frame) over the head board of my bed. I do like mirrors ;) It's 52" wide and about 36" tall, and there are no scratches on it. The idea of saving it came to me on Saturday in the midst of cleaning.

I have all my chrome for the new bathroom, and I'm such a geek that I took pictures of the pieces. The pictures won't do them justice, but you can get the idea:

Hand towel bar, toilet paper holder and robe hook

Tub spigot. I wanted a waterfall, but they don't make them for the type of tub I have :(

Shower head, control and spigot

Waterfall lavatory faucet and handles as if looking down from above

Waterfall lavatory faucet and handles as if looking head on

The hardware is just so beautiful! I know that once the bathroom is finished, I'm going to go in there and just watch the water coming out of the faucet!

I've already purchased towels, waste basket, etc. I was trying to design a funky black/white pattern for the tile floor, but I'm going to just let my guy do it white with some random black tiles, since there is going to be a lot of black in there! The black Kohler tub should be going in today, and I'll take pictures in progress as everything comes together. Assuming the furniture arrives this week, the room should be completed Friday.

This morning I'm moving my computers and minimal bathroom accessories downstairs for the week. In some ways, I've felt like I've been staying in a hotel, only I'm getting weekly room upgrades! Once the upstairs bathroom is wallboarded, I'll unroll the zebra carpet in the living room, as the dust will be gone.

In other news, things are looking good for finalizing the last piece of my Dad's estate. How cool is it going to be for me to have effectively a new house, finish that and be able to just, well, live? Pretty fucking cool, I think. It's going to be odd for me to have so much free time on my hands, but it's not like I don't have other things to do--Thanksgiving weekend will be spent doing the final leaf raking and cutting down and covering my rose bushes. And then it will only be 2 months until my first race!!!!

Now, if I can just heal up all these bruises and muscle strains, I'll be good to go!