On Being Executor, or I AM

I know this is a deviation from my normal triathlon content, but I knew at some point I would need to say it here. Some of this might not make sense to you depending on what spiritual texts you have read, but I think you will still see a point to it.

Throughout the past 6 months, I have come to discover many people who have been in this position, and we have shared tips and stories and emotions, you name it. In fact, I just got off the phone with a nice gentleman who works at an insurance company, and he had been Executor for a relative as well. He used to be a boxer.

There is a reason we are chosen to fulfill this role. We are strong, determined and steadfast. We are able to compartmentalize the crap that is thrown in our faces by so many people who have their own issues but no good tools to resolve them other than to become agitated and highly emotional, taking out their ill will on whoever happens to be in their paths--much like a tornado.

I have had the pleasure to speak with and work with so many people who are, I think, angels walking about waiting to be called into service by someone like me who needs the help. Some of them read this blog and some of them don't. Those who do know that who I am on this blog is I AM. It is just my personal expression of I AM that is put on display here, colored with that sometimes troublesome but usually fun and creative ego that I have.

If there is one thing that will show you I AM it is being an Executor, as it requires you to process your own grief as well as the evil spirits that are emanating from those around you who do not yet know that THEY ARE TOO but would rather persist in creating separation instead of oneness and wholeness. And you discover all the angels who know I AM and it's in the finding of these people that you not only know you are doing the right earthly things that are required in the processing of someone's death, but that you have been given the opportunity to perhaps be one small step closer to enlightenment.

Now I know this is going to sound ultra-corny, but the other day I was thinking about the I AM and then the M-dot which is I superimposed on M, and it all made sense to me. I'm not saying that Ironman is the I AM, but for me the IM has helped me to know the I AM. Ironman has simply been my vehicle for developing and nurturing my inner strength, peacefulness, and I hope, the ability to be someone else's angel. And that's why I was put into this role, and that's why I'm extremely proud to say that I AM and I am an Ironman. All this training and racing I do, well, it's easy. Ironman is easy. I AM not so much, but it's getting easier.

As difficult as the past 6 months have been for me, I am grateful for the experience, knowing that it was given to me to move deeper into the I AM. Thank you, universe!

The 2007 Spending Binge

It all started with the simple statement, "I'd like to put a better gruppo on my road bike." It escalated to this:

1. New road bike plus accessories
2. New tri bike shoes and cleats (I did need these anyway)
3. 3 new helmets (1 for Bitchie; 1 for LGL; 1 that is just cool for either)
4. Finally, a digital camera, which you may question as being triathlon related, but if I didn't have this fuckin' triathlon blog, I wouldn't need to take so many fuckin' pictures, now would I?
5. ...and a subscription to Flickr to go with it.
6. Deposit for 2008 Tour of California
7. Entry for 2008 Ironman Lake Placid. Yeah you are all laughing when weeks ago I said I probably wouldn't do an Ironman in 2008, ha ha, I'm thinking about doing Wisconsin, too. THERE YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! And this time, I got my occupation correct on the IMLP registration form--Crackhead.
8. Conversion to customized Infinit mix
9. Deposit for 2008 Triple T accommodations
10. Carbon compact crank/Ergomo for Bitchie
11. Park bike stand (still unassembled)
12. I don't even want to talk about the running shoes...
13. 3 cycling kits, all featuring my Pimp's gang colors
14. Oh and all the Iroman Lake Placid crap I just had to have
15. Too much crap to list from Target--some necessary; some not
16. Bunch o' Crackhead stuff
17. Even smaller bike and run shorts since I seem to be shrinking
18. Waaaaaaaay too many Splish swimsuits

I still need to spend money on:

1. New wetsuit. My Orca has a large gash from IMLP--not sure if it's from the swim itself or the stripper or what. My Desoto T1 is now my backup suit. No, I'm not going to use the Slowtwitch thread to make my decision...I'm sure I know "someone" who can get me a "discount" on a wetsuit.
2. New Barbie. It's been awhile... Triathlon related? Sure...see the Tiki Hut...
3. More running shoes...grrrrrrr......
4. A tripod. You do want better nekked pics, don't you???

This is all in addition to my regular triathlon expenditures of:

1. Tons o' food. I eat a lot.
2. Endurox R4. Until I find something that works better or is more conveniently integrated into my schedule, I'm sticking with it.
3. Stuff for friends. They are good to me; I try and be good in return.
4. Hotels.
5. Race fees
6. Gasoline!!!! I've been noticing the extra dent this has been putting in my checking account.

What do I get for all that money? See below. There is way too much fun that you can't see in the numbers! But I think I need another job...

Season Totals 09/18/2006-08/12/2007
Swim: 410289 yards (232.85 miles) in 143.6 hours
Bike: Approx. 4921.98 miles in 283.42 hours--HOLY CRAP WILL TOP 5,000 MILES THIS WEEK!
Run: Approx. 1272.12 miles in 197.95 hours
Strength: 61.05 hours
All Sports: Approx. 6426.95 miles in 686.02 hours; approx. 292234 calories burned
Stretching: 107.86 hours. Massage: 64.67 hours

Season WeeklyAverages 09/18/2006-08/12/2007
Swim: 8730 yards (4.95 miles) in 3.06 hours
Bike: Approx. 104.72 miles in 6.03 hours
Run: Approx. 27.07 miles in 4.21 hours
Strength: 1.3 hours
All Sports: Approx. 136.74 miles in 14.6 hours
Sleep: 8.12 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.29 hours avg./week. Massage: 1.38 hours avg./week

Weekly Workout Totals 05/28/2007-06/03/2007 and Neighbor Episode (*FREE* Scenes from my yard)

Check out this guy's blog: http://projectbreathe.net/ Please leave him encouraging comments. He's riding from Seattle to Fort Worth, TX, for cystic fibrosis, trying to average 100 miles per day! I have already snagged a quote from it that fits me perfectly:

"i don’t train to race, i train to get up the next day and train harder. "

--Matt Young

Sounds a lot like my Crackhead motto:

"Harder, longer, faster, tougher--REPEAT "
--Crackhead

I still haven't finished my Triple T race report...this week, I swear!

Saturday morning, I woke up about 1AM to go to the bathroom, and I noticed some extra light coming into my bedroom. I looked outside, and my stoner neighbor was out in his back yard with friends and a campfire. They weren't making too much noise at this point, and I was very tired, so I went back to sleep. I've had concerns over the legality of their fire, and I had spoken to the kid's dad, Gary, stating that I wasn't too happy about them.

I finally woke around 4:30AM for the day, and guess what? The boys were still going hard next door. All I could think was that they are really hard core. I think of myself as hard core, but not in that way. I overheard them discussing politics and war. Yeah, right, like drinking all night and talking about it is making a contribution to society!

I wanted to begin riding by 7 or 7:30, and I did some stuff in the house. At about 7:30 I went outside to get my bike ready and I smelled smoke, and I wondered if the boys were still going at it. So I went to my back yard, and I can see smoke from the fire pit, but no bodies. Now I'm pissed. And there's a beer can in my yard. Apparently, they have gone to sleep and left a fire burning! I could feel myself approaching postal at this point. I've already had 3 very adult discussions with these people, and this was it.

But, I thought, OK, one more chance (why I am this nice???). So I walk over and ring the doorbell. Nobody answers. I know one car had left, so I thought maybe they all went to breakfast after their binge. I decided I was not going to put out THEIR fire with MY water, and now I picked up the phone and called the police.

While I was waiting for the officer to arrive, I saw my neighbors across the street outside, so I decided to let them in on what has been going on. Turns out, one woman, Vicky, had someone drag a magic marker on her car during the night! Luckily, I told her I know how to get it off (the things we learn in triathlon, huh?) by using suntan lotion or other lotion, but that the cops were on the way, so it could be a twofer for them.

Officer Dave arrives, and I tell him everything--how the father, Gary, bought the house for the kids, it's in disrepair, they are partying hard over there regularly, that I've had 3 civil discussions with them, but that this is the last straw. When I told Dave that I had seen the fire at 1AM, he said I should have called them right then.

Dave asks if I want to file a criminal suit against them. I said not this time. He asks me if I want him to go over and knock on the door. I said go ahead, but I had rung the bell and nobody answered.

Well Dave goes over and after a few minutes, he disappears into the house! I can only imagine how he knocked. I would guess it was pretty hard, accompanied by, "It's the POLICE!" I was secretly wishing Dave saw drugs laying around, but I honestly think they had to move some stuff around before answering the door.

So Dave comes out and tells me I am living next door to a frathouse. DUH! He said the kid seemed like a reasonable person and that he (Matt) said he was going to come and talk to me. Dave says to be adult and civil, and I told him that I work in customer service, so I am very familiar with these sorts of situations. But Dave also said I should tell the kid straight out that the next time I call the police there WILL be a drug bust. See Dave figured out that part all on his own.

So asshole boy has seen me come and go and has had ample opportunities to come and "talk" to me. I hope that boy is scared shitless. He knows I'm strong, and he should also know by now that the surrounding neighbors all know and like me and NOT HIM. I truly don't think he or his drunkard father are malicious, but I have no trust in these people any longer. I am not fearing for my own safety, either. I have a sneaking suspicion the local police will begin keeping an eye on these people.

And now back to our regularly scheduled topic--training! I had a great week, even though it was a little dicey recovering from Triple T. However, I am happy to report that based on my recovery, it is NOT at all as bad as an Ironman, because I knocked out some good stuff this week and I'm back on my build for Ironman Lake Placid. Now, recovering wasn't easy, and on Saturday when I finally got to riding, I rode easy for 2:45, and then I ran :40, came home, ate, and I passed out for an hour. Usually it's hard for me to nap, but I went down HARD. I got up and spent 4 hours trimming the shrubs in my foundation landscaping--photos above.

Yesterday I rode 104 miles at a pretty good clip--18MPH average--which was amazing considering how fucked up my legs felt from the prior weekend. But I brought along plenty of caffeine, which at least made the somewhat boring ride tolerable. I even got rained on for the first time. I rode Bitchie, and boy was I happy to be laying in the aerobars all day. The route was flat to rolling, and in the last 5 miles there was a 3-mile climb! WTF!!! I was laughing since it really wasn't that bad. At the rest stop while we waited out the worst of the rain, some chic who was only doing 62 commented on how hilly one section was. I just looked at her and laughed and said, "These are NOT hills." I told her about my adventure last weekend which included one climb called "Godzilla." Anyway, hills and wind are just a matter of perspective. I am so used to riding hard all the time that I just had to yesterday. Of course, I rode steady, and in the last 20 miles of the ride, I smoked past hordes of triathletes who don't know how to ride. Why? Because they really don't know how much effort they are putting out. Power meters RULE!!! Now I'm to the point where I just can tell how much effort I'm putting out and so I don't need to stare at the thing. During that last 3-mile climb, I had an interesting discussion with a roadie (I get respect from them since I'm a good cyclist) about my "usual" training rides: Warm up a little bit, do some hard crap, do some harder crap, do some EXTREMELY HARD crap, rest a little bit and repeat. When you are regularly used to riding at 80% or more of FTP, an easy-peasy 75% ride (which is what yesterday was) feels like cake. Although it didn't feel totally like cake because of my fatigue, but if I was able to ride like that being THAT tired, I think it means I am getting some major bike fitness going, which is precisely where I need to be right now. We get to test the old bike legs seriously next weekend with a 4 hour ride and another 100-miler back to back. Yee-haw!

As you can see from the photos above, my roses are beginning to bloom. Ah, June! Did I say I love June? I think my favorite month is May, and then June, closely followed by September and April. As much as I became enchanted with Colorado Springs, I absolutely love my current home and yard. Believe it or not, I sort of look forward to winter because it means I get to train less and have more time for my indoor hobbies, like sewing, reading and cooking. But I'm nearly done getting my yard all fixed up and it's a work of art that I take great pleasure in as do the passersby. A man was passing by Saturday while I was working on the shrubs in the front yard and commented how, "Your landscaping is looking really good." And then he shook his head and said, "But it's a lot of work." Like that's a bad thing? I just smiled. I could have said, "Dude, if you only KNEW what I do that is REALLY a lot of work." And after all, anything in life that's really worth it or that you want to be good at is a lot of work, right? I got nothing against work, unlike my neighbors, although I'm thinking beginning next year I will start paying for some level of yard maintenance--that is, if I intend to not retire from Ironman and assorted crazy stuff. Stay tuned...

Happy totals:


Weekly Totals 05/28/2007-06/03/2007
Swim: 8100 yards (4.6 miles) in 2.98 hours; 18% of weekly workout time; approx. 1045 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 177.79 miles in 9.97 hours; 60% of weekly workout time; approx. 4454 calories burned
Run: Approx. 14.75 miles in 2.39 hours; 14% of weekly workout time; approx. 1085 calories burned
Strength: 1.2 hours; 7% of weekly workout time; approx. 300 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 197.14 miles in 16.54 hours; approx. 6884 calories burned
Sleep: 7.32 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.55 hours. Massage: 1.75 hours

Random Thoughts

It's asphalt driveway sealing season here in Chicagoland, and I've seen a company called "Paveman." You think my first thought was to assume it had something to do with driveways? No. I thought, "Where is that race and I bet the T-shirt is awesome!"

The very first flower picture in previous post played host to a ruby-throated hummingbird today! In case you don't know what the flower is, it's a Louisiana iris that was transplanted from my front yard to the back when the sidewalk was put in 2 summers ago. The thing is blooming like the dickens now and spreading faster than you can say JAM!

I am still working on my TTT race report. I'm up to 5 pages, through Race 1! I am going to publish it on trifuel.com so that I can include boatloads of photos and not clog up Blogger.

Yesterday I swam 2900 yards in the morning, then did a 1:30 super easy bike ride on my MTB in the afternoon followed by a :20 run (really slow). It wasn't until later in the day I realized I had essentially done ANOTHER triathlon. I suppose that after Triple T, a lot of my training just won't feel like that big of a deal.

My legs and feet are still a little puffy, but going down. I had dinner with a friend yesterday and she and the waiters kept laughing because I just kept eating and eating, and I had to unscrew the salt shaker so I could SEE the salt come out. It had miniscule holes that just didn't do the job on a big plate of boiled potatoes!

Finally, I'm having one of my "suppliers" locate one of the Catlike helmets. I saw one at Triple T and I think they are just MEAN looking, and I want one (silver, medium, please!).

Later.

Big Training Weeks and Miscellaneous Stuff

I'm IN IT--my term for training a lot, hard, and barely finding time to do other things besides work, train, eat, sleep, stretch, fix bottles, wash bottles, acquire food.

This week I'm doing FOUR brick workouts because next week I'll be in Colorado Springs on business, and I'm not taking a bike so I'll be running pretty much every day, pretty much A LOT. I am fortunate, though, in that there are a lot of people out there who run, so I have 3 running dates (out of 4 days) lined up. One of them is for this: http://www.inclineclub.com/ I'll be doing the Thursday workout, which is essentially running partway up Pike's Peak (and also down, I assume!). What the hell! I may die doing it, but it will be fun. My hotel is only 2 miles from the YMCA, so I'll be swimming in the morning and running either at lunch or after work. What's awesome is that I don't have to goad anyone into running--there are many volunteers! I just hope I don't hold any of these folks back. I get to meet a host of people that I've worked with but never met in person, so that will be fun, and I've got some nice lunch and dinner dates, too, including my favorite, SUSHI! It will be a nice change of scenery, and I guess that this will qualify as my "high altitude camp" for the year! I should finish out next week with over 40 miles of running, and I'll be home Friday night so I can get back on my horses Saturday and Sunday and still get in 7 hours of biking for the week (and knowing me like I do, probably more than that).

I am shocked at how quickly I transitioned from itty-bitty 12-hour training weeks to 17+ gonzo fucking shit! But I'm here, and it's going well. The only downside is that when I train this much, sleep tends to go down. Partly because the days are so long now and the sun comes up so early and that's pretty much my alarm clock (along with the birds singing, which I love). Partly because (put on your gross filter NOW) with all the training comes a revved up metabolism that wants to dispense with waste products EARLY and OFTEN. Aside from maybe the sun waking me up, I am waking up hungry and I have to crap NOW. Funny how I never see articles in the triathlon magazines about THAT part of Ironman training! I think I have just passed the point where my body actually doesn't have to shit every time I go for a run! Although it knows that it's OK if I have to, because the porta-potties have been placed at all the parks along my running routes, so I'm never that far from sweet relief! I swim M/W/F, and there have been a few times where I wake up, eat, go to the pool, I'm hungry while I swim and/or I have to get out to use the facilities, and we are not talking about #1 here. Thankfully, everything is pretty much "through the system" by mid-afternoon, and I can focus on just eating and working.

You KNOW the feeling when you are running--maybe you have to go, maybe not. But once you see that porta-potty, your brain is screaming LET'S GO RIGHT NOW and there is no stopping the urge at that point. During one run last week, I was on that program and there was someone in the porta-potty, and I was knocking on the door and admonishing him/her to hurry it up!

This spring it seems as if a switch has been flicked whenever I run off the bike. I mean I KNOW how to do it, and I'm running really well. Maybe because of doing back-to-back brick workouts for a few months late winter? Maybe because I've spent the last 2 years running just a whole lot? Whatever, it's nice when you experience breakthroughs. And wherever I go from my house, there are hills. I just have to decide whether I want to go out with or against the wind, and how steep I want to go. Plus I'm scared shitless that I am going to die next week in Colorado Springs, so I have been thinking about that when I want to slow down or walk during the brick runs. There's been a lot of "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" during these runs lately (and I do say it or yell it out loud, and sometimes even F bombs while climbing hills), which is a combination of the usual it being a brick run which sucks in and of itself, I'm training a ton and my body would be happier in the horizontal position, I'm starving, I'm asking myself why am I doing this, and yet I keep going. I know I'm incredibly lean--I feel like I'm leaner than ever right now based on how my face looks--you know--the drawn cheeks that are sculpted from all the miles. But don't worry--my thunder thighs are not going anywhere!

Anyone with a gun is welcome to come over to my house and shoot all the rabbits that are multiplying in my white trash neighbors' yards. I expect some rabbits, but when people leave huge brush piles, they are just inviting more rabbits and way too much rabbit sex. Oh well, one of my good neighbors said he had one of the local red-tailed hawks munching a bunny in his front yard! I LOVE food chain action! It's part of nature. He commented that the burgeoning rabbit population would attract foxes and coyotes, to which I said, "Bring it on!" And then maybe the coyotes would also kill off the little rat dogs that are yipping constantly.

I only have to swim today!!!! Well, and maybe lift weights, because I haven't done any of that this week. We shall see about that!

Have a great weekend, and if I don't post next week, it's because I'm passed out on some mountain in Colorado!

More Crap

Wow, I even just created a new label for the category CRAP.

So the woman who swam into my skull on Monday sent me $150 cash. Why do I feel bad about using it? I guess I am almost in shock that she owned up and was kind enough to compensate for my loss of contact lens, although really it's not so much the money but the thought that counts.

The kid who's dog bit me lied about his phone number--but I will find that dog and its adult owner.

I don't have La Gazza Ladra--that happens on Friday. I had made an appointment for yesterday, but I called on Monday to check whether this was going to happen or not, and they weren't sure. So I call again Tuesday morning, and the bike was ready, but they don't have my shoes, cages or skewers. So I ask when they will be in, and they say Thursday. Great! Only Thursday I can't come in (massage day plus 2 hours of workout--sorry, no more time in the day for me!), so I'm going on Friday.

This morning I was awakened again by the same car/truck that has been waking me up at least once a week for the last 4 weeks or so. I really wanted to go back to sleep, but it was 4:15, and today that was not happening. So I put on my coat and go outside and guess what? There is my newspaper! So it's the newspaper delivery person's vehicle. Now it makes perfect sense, that that vehicle slows down in front of my house (the neighbor across the street gets the same newspaper) and then goes up the street slowly, makes a left, throws some more papers and then does a reverse back onto my street. I called the newspaper company today and had a nice chat with Customer Service. It was entertaining when the woman began saying, "Yes, ma'am, I will make sure that..." and then she sort of stuttered, and I knew she didn't know exactly what she was going to be able to guarantee me. I could tell (since I'm in Customer Service myself) that she was following some sort of script/process, and I wasn't going to be satisfied with some pat answer. So I chimed in and told her that I wanted to be sure she understood the issue, which is that this vehicle sounds as if it has no muffler (which is illegal, as far as I know), and that it is waking up myself and others on my street, and that the company will lose a number of subscribers if this persists. I also told her I don't want the driver fired--I am just requesting that he/she get the vehicle repaired so that it makes less noise and doesn't wake us up! She assured me she'd speak with the person's Supervisor. She had better!

It seems to me that the more crowded this world becomes the less many people consider the impact of their behavior on others. Couple that with a deep fear many people have of saying anything to these offenders out of concern for one's own safety, and one can infer that there's a lot of unnecessary stress going on. I'm sure not suggesting that if you are cut off while driving that you attempt to catch up with said driver to let them know or even flip them off (responding to poor drivers like that just compounds road rage incidents); but when an opportunity presents to have a rational discussion with another person about their behavior, do it!

Under duress, I can become quite vocal. When I was bit by the dog, it hurt like a sonofabitch, and it induced a screaming response from me. I know that must have frightened the young boy, but once he regained control of the dog, I calmed down, which is when I asked for a phone number (he gave me one but he lied). When I was slammed in the face on Monday and my goggles broke and flew off my face, my first response was to ask what the other person was doing. I always figure if there's some sort of rational explanation, I'd like to hear it, because sometimes there can be extenuating circumstances. Like let's say the dog's leash broke--OK, it wasn't the kid's fault entirely. Or I suddenly decided to swim in the middle or on the other side of the lane, even though I had been swimming on the one side for 2,000 yards. Hey, if it's my fault I owe an apology. If something truly couldn't be helped, then, well, that's life.

But nowadays people run into parked cars and don't leave notes, they clip their freaking toenails in public view in a locker room and think nothing of it even while being told it's disgusting, they get stoned and drunk and blare their stereo at 2:00AM, they blare their stereo while washing their car, they drop cigarette butts in your yard, they piss their dog in your flower bed, they walk their child in a stroller on an indoor running track, they let their young kids run around like wild monkeys in a gym, they believe turn signals are optional, they fail to look both ways when making turns and nearly run you down on your bike, they don't vote and then complain about elected officials.

Life is about 4 small words: DO THE RIGHT THING

To which I would add: AND WHEN YOU FUCK UP, BUCK UP.

Because we all fuck up every now and then. Lord knows I'm not perfect! And let's hope I never forget an "I'm sorry" or "Thank you." Because it's just as important to reinforce GOOD behavior as it is to own up to our own bad behavior.