Today is Ironman Hawaii, aka Kona, aka The Big Dance. I know at least 20 racers there. I was there myself in 2004 on a lottery slot, but I did my lottery slot proud in a year with howling winds. Here's my medal and the misspelled mug (it says TriathNlon and ChampionSNip):
Boy do these bring back the memories! I hadn't pulled out my medal in years. The mug is reserved for special occasions, like the morning of a really long ride (4+ hours), or race where I think I need to HTFU. I barely used it in 2012 because I was so miserable and not doing much of anything. Today I drank out of the mug in celebration of those who are racing Kona today, and I will be on the trainer for 4 hours.
This past Monday, I went to my doctor to discuss my recent medical observations and happenings, and they drew blood for a thyroid panel, which I expected to show that I was hyPERthyroid. Meanwhile, I'd dropped my levothyroxine dosage by 12.5 mcg in anticipation of dropping it even further once I got the test results back.
On Wednesday, Dr. Ambrose called me personally. This has never happened, and she started out with, "I've got bad news." I didn't flinch or panic, I just waited. She told me I'm actually hyPOthyroid, even worse than I've ever measured at. We had a little chat about have I ever experienced slight mania? I guess I have, it typically happens at some point in an Ironman training cycle, but I observe the same thing with other people. She knows I am naturally a little "hyperactive" (for lack of a better word unless you call it Crackheaded), and wanted to know if I'd ever gone to a very high level. Well other than feeling "extra happy" the day I ended up in the ER, I'd have to say NO. But I do seem to have fairly high highs at times, and I've never sweated them. But then I also have had lows, but the only bad one was last year, and that may correspond to my thyroid crapping out or inordinate amounts of stress and who knows which caused which or whether they were just coincidentally simultaneous? How about that turn of phrase? "Coincidentally simultaneous."
This will bear further investigation, and I am going to put together a bunch of data for Dr. Ambrose for the last 12 years or so with my sleeping patterns, major life events and races, and we'll see what we see. Since I know I've been hypothryoid since before I started endurance training, I will try and go back further at a macro level, since I never tracked sleep or anything else before I began doing triathlons. Or should I say triatNlons ;)
Additionally, Dr. Ambrose said that if I wanted to she'd write an order for me to wear a special heart monitor for 24 hours to see if there is anything odd going on there. I'm going to strap it on next Tuesday. Even though my BP has settled back down, and for the most part I'm not experiencing palpitations, I think it will be worthwhile to do this exercise in case it catches something.
Finally, I get to increase my levothyroxine dose somewhat since I'm hypo again. I have a theory about this that the training stress impacts my thryoid function (to a hyPO state), but that it simultaneously induces a somewhat hyper, manic state. There is precedence for this, but it is rare to be both manic and hypothyroid at the same time. But then again, who has studied ultra athletes in detail? I'm thinking my doctor could write a research paper on me. One thing I want to do is test my thyroid function every 6-8 weeks for a few months just to see what it does in relation to my training volume. I think that could show what's going on, but we won't know until we do it. I am 100% certain my doctor has never worked with someone just like me, so I hope at least she finds the experience interesting!
Meanwhile, I fell with 3.5 miles to go in my long run on Thursday. Luckily, I fell on the pads of my hands. I slightly bruised my right knee and my left forearm, and I also hit on my left boob, not sure how, but I can't see a bruise there. However, I strained my external obliques, so I'm applying Flector (NSAID) patches to them until they settle down. Funny thing is the crash didn't make me panic or anything, since I was having such a good run (ended up at 14.4 miles in 2:08) and enjoying myself, and I was able to run back home after getting a few ice packs from the grade school nurse! I was also able to swim yesterday, so all systems are still go.
So to summarize, I am quite unique, and while I had become tired of all the doctor visits and tests and such, I am actually glad that we may finally figure out what's going on with my physiology. It would be really nice to have my thyroid function 100% for IMCOZ. If the current step in dosage is correct, I should be there. Funny I haven't achieved my optimal TSH of 2 so far this year. I really wonder what it will feel like to be there and race that way? I really wish I could test myself much like diabetics do--that's what makes all this thyroid crap annoying, but I just have to deal.
Speaking of IMCOZ, they have posted the start list and there is at least one gal much faster than me, so I don't know about a Kona slot. But that's OK, I am just glad I feel good despite my body doing weird things, I'm going, I'm racing with a huge smile on my face being grateful for the opportunity, and my day will be whatever it will be.
Life is still good, I'm still happy, and now I get on my bike and then I get to watch KONA!!!
So, after the ER visit last week, I had discharge instructions to go see my regular physician in "2-3 days" to follow up on the blood pressure thing. I contacted my doctor and told her I would wait until this virus clears my system, since my BP won't be completely normal until that happens. She agreed with me.
On Friday, I felt basically fine, but could tell my BP was still up there--not super high, but elevated. I swam 4100 in the AM and that felt great, then I finished my strength workout for the week (:30), and finally I ran enough to get in what I was supposed to have done on Thursday, about :40. All of this felt just fine, and I wasn't concerned about anything in particular. I fixed bottles for the weekend's biking. I needed to get in 8 hours total. I had wanted to do a century ride called the Pumpkin Pie Ride out of Ottawa on Sunday, but it looked like it was going to be pretty cold (for me) for riding that day, and then I decided with all the health nonsense going on with me and being 8 weeks out from IMCOZ that driving a bunch to ride was just not the stress I needed. It looked like it would still be warm on Saturday, so I decided I'd ride 4:30 in Fermilab on Saturday, and then do 3:30 on Death Machine, maybe with my brother Mike, on Sunday. I don't mind riding the MTB when it's cold outside since I'm not going that fast anyway and it's comfortable on there being all bundled up.
Saturday morning I felt basically fine, but still with slightly elevated BP. How do I know it's elevated even though I did not own a BP cuff at the time? Because I can feel it. My doctor told me yesterday that since I'm bradycardic, I will notice irregular heart beats and pumping patterns more than normal people. Yes, I know, I am SO special! I was so happy to see the weather was going to be nice and warm (for October) in the low to mid-70's, but that it was supposed to rain in the afternoon, so I got my shit together to go ride and do a transition run in Fermilab. I'd fucked up in that I thought I was supposed to do a brick run, but it turns out the training plan said to run FIRST, but oh well, stupid coach!
I took 5 hours of Infinit with me in case I decided to ride longer than 4:30, which turned out to be a great idea. I parked on Continental Drive, which is technically considered in Warrenville, just outside the East Gate of Fermilab. I started riding at 7:05AM. It was warm and very humid and overcast, so perfect riding conditions. Here is Skull Kingdom just before I started riding:
As you can see, I only loaded 1 bottle of Infinit (in a Pirate.biz bottle!), which would hold me for about 1:15 of riding or perhaps a bit more. I already had in my tank: about 350 calories from my usual breakfast, 300 calories of Ultrafuel, a banana and about 100 calories of Gatorade, so I felt well fueled for 4-5 hours of riding.
When I started out, my legs felt a bit crunchy. It's always entertaining to me that during a rest week (I'd only run about 12 miles so far that week) how I sometimes notice the accumulated fatigue in my body. I've learned that's normal for a rest week, and it's normal for a taper, so I don't worry about it.
I did not need to pay attention to wattage for this ride--it was just go however I felt. It wasn't particularly windy, and the humidity didn't bother me, I mean what a bonus to be wearing shorts and a tank top on an October day! It was cool, though, maybe upper 60's, when I started, and this made me need to stop and pee rather frequently, maybe every 20 minutes, but I understood that to be related solely to the temperature and nothing else.
On my first "pass," I rode for 1:30 on 1 hour of Infinit, but that was OK because I felt like I had enough calories in the tank and I was really only missing :15 of calories (I typically drink every :15; it just makes things easier). I skipped Secret Mad Scientist Road the first loop around Eola, Wilson, B, Pine and A-1 (I usually ride counterclockwise). But on the second pass of that loop, I DID go up Secret Mad Scientist Road, and on my way out of there a mad scientist was driving to her house! She didn't honk or look at me like I was breaking the law (technically I was, although I don't think she owns the road). The road was littered with black walnuts and leaves, as were sections of Pine. It's funny to me that the black walnut trees are pretty camouflaged most of the year until they drop their leaves and then you see the tree nearly naked with what look like neon tennis balls all over them!
The nuts are pretty big, so you don't want to try riding over them! Anyway, on that first pass with Bottle #1, I did Secret Mad Scientist Road twice.
I felt good after pass 1, rode back to my car and swapped bottles, but first I took :15 worth of Infinit from one of the other bottles so that I could go for 1:45 on my second pass. All I needed to do on my second pass to get to 1:45 was to add one complete loop of A-1 road, which is where lots of us do intervals since it is straight, flat, and sometimes there is a nice tailwind from the south. It was awesome, and I rode Secret Mad Scientist Road 3 times on this pass.
I figured since the weather was cooperating that I'd ride for 5 hours instead of just 4:30 and skip running off the bike (I'd have time to do it on Sunday). So when I got back to my car, I picked up 2 more bottles so I'd have enough for the remaining 1:45. I still wasn't looking at my speed or watts--I was just riding. On the way in for pass #3, there was a freight train just outside the gate, but it finished up just as I was getting there, and I was happy for that!
So pass #3 was the same as pass #2, with the one extra loop of A-1 road. By this time, I was feeling pretty good, and I rode in the big chainring except when ascending Secret Mad Scientist Road and the small climb up B. Sometimes I'm lazy about using the small chainring, so I was patting myself on the back for using it! It was on this pass when I was heading south on A-1 that one cloud decided to begin raining on me. This was a sign to hammer so I could get to Wilson Hall and wait it out, since I could tell it was a very isolated shower. I went into Wilson Hall and waited less than 5 minutes for the downpour to finish, and then I headed back out to finish up.
I decided when I got onto Batavia Road after my last interior loop headed back to my car for the last time that I would check my mileage. I was at 85, fuckin' A! So I was going to make 90 or better in 5 hours, which would be awesome for the day. When I got to Eola Road, I decided to head north for a bit just to ensure I got at least to 90 miles. When all was said and done, I covered 91.06 miles in 5 hours! I was pretty happy with my effort, and here I am all done:
I look pretty fucking happy, don't I? It was 1PM (yes there was an extra hour in there for all the stops I had to make to pee, whatever I don't sweat that), and since it had rained, I took some time to wipe down Skull Kingdom so she'd be all pretty before I put her back in the car. Since I rode 5 hours, I didn't have time to run, because I needed to get home, eat lunch, go get waxed, stretch, and run to the grocery store before getting ready to go to a party.
I was pretty excited to get home for lunch because I knew I was going to have this awesome sandwich, comprised of my homemade muffuletta and various Italian deli meats (soppressata, capicollo, Volpi salami and pistachio mortadella) plus Provolone cheese on a tomato focaccia bread. Look at this!
I ate half the sandwich, and it truly was the best sandwich I've ever had in my life! I went and got waxed, and then I was going to go to Binny's, but as soon as I left, the sky opened up and I was driving through a true deluge, including hail! I figured I'd just head home to wait out the storm, as I was hydroplaning in the car and making a wake as if I were a boat. The storm didn't last long, and I think we had about 1.5" of rain in less than 1/2 hour. I used that wait time to stretch (while still wearing my compression tights) and decided that instead of Binny's, I'd just head to my nearby grocery store and get my own shopping done and pick up a bottle of wine for the party I was going to.
The party was great (thanks, Kevin!), but it was mostly about drinking wine. While I like wine, I don't drink much of it while I'm in heavy training as it will just put me to sleep in a hurry, which is not a good scenario for being social at a party! While there, I did feel edgy, and tried my best to not come off as completely batshit crazy. I left around 9:15, because I knew that already I was past my bedtime and would probably still wake up at 2 or 3AM no matter what time I went to sleep. I'd eaten a lot of protein and veggies at the party, so when I got home I ate 3 cookies because I knew otherwise I'd be low on carbs for the next day.
I DID wake up at 3AM so I got 5 hours of sleep, but I seemed to feel just fine. Don't ask what the hell I did from 3AM until 8AM which is when I took off on Death Machine for a ride. It was cold outside, so I donned all my good cold weather riding gear. I'd originally thought about wearing my neon helmet, but decided I'd rather look all serious in all black. Oh yeah--one of the things I did between 3 and 8 was to mount a new saddle on Death Machine. The one it came with did some serious chafing to my lady parts, so I bought the same kind that's on Skull Kingdom, Bitch and La Gazza Ladra--a Terry Butterfly, and got that in place for my ride. Here I am ready to go:
I'd been hoping to ride part of my time with my brother Mike, but he never returned my phone call from Saturday. Still, I was going to maybe ride right past his house, so I could stop there and get on his case for not calling me back.
Instead, I headed straight west on Hobson (giving a thumbs up at Naper Blvd. since my friend Mark lives just off of Hobson on that road) and kept going until I hooked up to the Dupage River Trail, and then I headed south on that and back to Whalen Park. When I got to Whalen, I was 1:03 in, so I decided to do about :27 worth of loops around the lake (4 times around), and then head back where I'd come from, and when I got back to Hobson, I'd ride north for :15 and back, and that should get me to 3 hours or so. I never did go past my brother's house. I had a great time listening to Coldplay the entire time to keep me calm, as I was still feeling jittery, although it seems my heart settles down once I'm exercising. There were a number of road cyclists who saw me on Death Machine, and even though it's an MTB, I know that I LOOK LIKE I'm a serious rider, which I am, and besides it was cold out, so we were thumbs-upping one another in salute to our tenacity. There were a few times when I felt a bit warm, but I was never hot. I saw some people on bikes with shorts and barely anything else and figured they had to be freezing their asses off! I didn't have to pee nearly as much on Sunday as I did on Saturday.
When I got to Whalen Park, I remember thinking to myself THANK GOD I DIDN'T WEAR THE NEON HELMET BECAUSE I WOULD LOOK LIKE A DINGLEBERRY!!! Where the fuck that word came from out of the depths of my brain, I have no idea, but it made me laugh for at least 10 minutes.
While my legs were predictably a bit tired when I started out, by the time I was nearly finished, I felt great, and was looking forward to seeing how well I could run off the bike. When I got home, I stripped off ALL my biking clothes, since they were now sweaty and cold, and changed into tights, a bra top and long sleeved technical top to run, and grabbed a 12-oz. bottle of Gatorade to fuel me for 3-4 miles. :30 would be enough, but if I felt like it I could go :40. I also drank about 16 oz. of water just before I left, which is something I always do when I run off longer rides. Oh yeah, I covered 45 miles on Death Machine in 3 hours, so a solid ride there.
I headed out and felt like I was running in concrete, but when I hit the .3 mile mark, I saw that I was actually running at a decent clip all things considered. I rolled the sleeves of my shirt up to my elbows, as the warm sun made me realize I should have gone with short sleeves, but I'd be fine. The tights I was wearing were great, though, as they have a good degree of compression in them, and that was great for my legs.
When I got about 1.75 miles out, I felt like I was bonking, so I decided not to run any further than that. OH HELLZ YEAH I WAS BONKING! It made me laugh, as I thought I'd had enough calories on the bike, but in retrospect (keep reading for the exciting conclusion) I didn't. I chugged down all the Gatorade, stripped off my shirt because I was very warm, and rested for about 2 minutes, then told my brain to FUCK OFF and began running again. I was a bit light headed for maybe 1/4 mile, but then I felt fine as the sugar kicked in and did it's job, and I began FLYING home. I negative split the run big time, and really didn't feel all that hungry once I got home. Here I am ecstatic with what I'd just completed:
And here's my reward:
I took the remainder of that sandwich out of the fridge and took a bite, took a shower, slammed Endurox R4, then cracked a beer and felt pretty happy with myself. Since it was early afternoon, I figured I could take a nap, so I got in bed after lunch and watched the lame Bears for a few minutes, turned out the lights and tried to sleep.
NOT HAPPENING. Still, I laid in bed for maybe 1.5 hours just to relax and give my legs a break, then I got up and felt like I could go work out another 6 hours. I went outside and decided to rake/sweep the leaves that had come tumbling down and washed into my yard from Saturday's deluge. My neighbor, Paul, who lives 2 doors from me, was doing the same thing, only using a leaf blower. At one point, I yelled to him, "YOU'RE WINNING," but that was impetus for me to pick up the pace, and I ended up beating him with about the same amount of leaves AND I did it all manually! I was feeling pretty good, but noticed that my heart still felt jumpy.
OK, so now we get to the interesting part. Yesterday morning, I woke up after maybe 6 hours of sleep, but felt fine and rested on it. WHAT THE FUCK??? I should be tired as shit, considering I'd trained 18 hours on the week (a REST WEEK, to boot, with very little running), had biked 8 hours on the weekend, and was getting very little sleep. Nope. I noticed my heart was still squirrelly and felt worse than it had the prior 3 days, so I was getting a bit worried. I decided to do 3 things:
Take my BP at the Y before I swam, and if it was too high, I'd skip the swim altogether
Purchase a BP cuff, at the urging of my brother Mike. Initially, I'd not wanted to do this post-ER recommendation, but he made me realize it was a good idea in general.
Depending on my BP reading, I might try and get in to see my doctor right away.
I headed to the Y with a good deal of trepidation. What if my heart is totally fucked up and now I would need to go on BP meds? FUCK. The prospect of this, I am certain, made my BP go even higher. I tried to calm myself down, and hooked myself into the machine and took the first reading. Pretty fucking high (176 over something). That is BAD. But I figured some of it was anxiety induced, so I waited a few minutes, tried to calm myself again, and fired up the machine again. It dropped 20 points, so that was good, but I thought it was still high enough for concern, so I waited another few minutes and went one more time. It dropped another 15 points, and based on that, I felt like I was at least good to go swim, but decided that I would call my doctor right when I was done and get in to see her ASAP.
I'd driven to the CVS before I went to the Y to buy the BP cuff, but they weren't open, which I am sure increased my BP as well! While I was swimming, I had time to think about what was going on in my body, and my first thought was that maybe I was just the QUEEN OF ANXIETY with all the crap that kept happening to me, training really hard, and worried that I was going to be shut out of yet another race. So I decided that I would ask my doctor for some anti-anxiety stuff that would maybe get me over the hump and allow me to relax and maybe my BP would settle down and everything would be fine.
When I finished swimming and got in my car, I called my doctor's office to make an appointment. The scheduler said she had no openings today, and she was not in on Tuesday, and so I couldn't see her until Wednesday. She asked me if I would like to see another doctor in the practice, and I said NO (or maybe I said FUCK NO I don't remember) I need to see HER AND ONLY HER BECAUSE THIS WILL BE TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE ELSE. I asked again nicely could they fit me in today with her because my BP was still pretty high and I'd been in the ER on Thursday for a bunch of shit. The scheduler said NO, so I asked to be transferred to the nurse's desk. Luckily, I got straight through to the nurse on duty, explained what was going on, and that I needed to get in NOW. While swimming, it occurred to me that as well as high anxiety, that perhaps I'd changed my body chemistry with all the recent super hard training and that maybe I'd gone hyPERthyroid again. I rationalized this was possible, and relayed this to the nurse, as it finally made sense to me, as heavy training has lots of different impacts. The nurse asked if I could make it at 12:50, and I practically shouted YES!!!
I headed back to CVS to get the BP cuff, knowing it would come in handy at some point, and felt better that I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor. I ended up having a nice chat with the pharmacist about drug interactions with levothyroxine, and she was very smart and confirmed a number of things for me--that dextromethorphan can be nearly lethal to a person on levothyroxine, and that it's entirely possible that I was altering my thyroid function with all the heavy training. So I would get to my doctor armed with more knowledge about myself. The best quote from this young woman was: YOUR THYROID AFFECTS MANY THINGS, AND MANY THINGS AFFECT YOUR THYROID. SO fucking true!
So after that chat, I was pretty sure that what was happening was that I'd gone hyPERthyroid again, which explains the heart palpitations and high BP. That's what happened to me back in July when they over medicated me, only this time it came on a bit differently. However, when I got back home and chatted with my colleague, Liz, and began talking at the speed of light (which I asked her to confirm), I realized it was definitely hyPERthyroidism, because back in July I talked to my best friend, Susan, while I was hyperthyroid, and she got to witness how I get when that way.
Lest you think it's fun to be hyperthyroid, let me tell you it's NOT. It's dangerous for your heart if it goes on too long, but there are some fun aspects to it.
On the plus side you get:
Laser sharp focus. I can knock out an EVIL Sudoku in like 5 minutes.
A feeling of "extra" happiness
A need for very little sleep, in my case, 5 hours, and you feel just fine on it. So more time to get more things done.
A feeling of invincibility
Talking at the speed of light. HEAR ME NOW AND LISTEN TO ME LATER!!!
The desire to write really, REALLY long blog posts because of the extra time due to lack of sleep
An extreme feeling of I WILL TAKE NO SHIT FROM ANYONE, DON'T FUCK WITH ME
Colors are brighter and things that are funny are extra funny. The color thing correlates to my sudden re-fascination with all things neon.
I want my music either really loud and all Nine Inch Nails or calm and nearly depressing, hard to decide which is better.
My libido goes into overdrive, which sounds fun, except I don't have a boyfriend, and this one man I fancy is not interested, and I know I'm a whole lot of scary to some people right now. I could easily be taken advantage of by someone in the libido area right about now.
I feel entirely over-stimulated--food tastes better, things look better (and also uglier if they are leaning that way), I'm either too warm or too cold (and shivering when cold) despite rooms/pools/outdoors being appropriately temperature-ized (I just made up that word!) and me wearing temperature-appropriate clothing, music touches me more deeply, my normal really good sense of smell is enhanced (good stuff smells better and bad stuff worse), and my tactile sense is amped up
It's like being super high without any nasty side effects like a hangover
On the minus side you get:
Heart palpitations, which are very disturbing when you are bradycardic to start with, and worrisome while you are working out.
The need to poop a lot more than normal, as the body increases its throughput of nutrients.
The potential to be overly aggressive with anyone who gives you shit, including at work. It's not as controllable as you would like it to be.
Extra hours in the day to ponder how fucked up your body is
Wishing all this extra zip would make you able to work out harder/faster, but really it doesn't have that effect at all. You are just jittery.
Your body wants to wake up at the same time in the morning (2-3AM) no matter when you went to sleep
People who may not know you well most likely will think you are high, crazy, aggressive, or all of that. I'm used to a baseline amount of that when "normal" (whatever the fuck that is maybe I've NEVER been normal), so being Crackhead on extra Crack is bound to be unintentionally intimidating.
For me, my sense of hunger gets all fucked up, like I don't know if I'm really hungry or I don't need anything to eat or what. Not good when you are in Ironman training.
So I make it to the doctor, and when she sees me prior to me getting into the room, she smiles at me and I yell, "I'm BAAAAAACK." That was yet another indicator that I am probably hyperthyroid.
Before I went, I made a list of questions and observations for Dr. Ambrose with 16 items on it so I wouldn't forget everything I wanted her to know, and of course, I brought one copy for her. I got in the room and a nurse took my BP, and I knew it would be high. It was 150-something over 82, so not dangerously high, but still high, and that was what I expected. I waited just a little bit, and then Dr. Ambrose came in and we began talking, and I started out with that I think I'm hyperthyroid maybe due to all the training. I also said I was puzzled why they didn't check my thyroid function in the ER since they knew I was on levothyroxine, and she had no idea.
Well the first thing she says to me is that Evista is an estrogen uptake enhancer, and that by going off of it a little over a week ago, it's possible that my need for levothyroxine would DECREASE, and that could set off the chain reaction that I've been having resulting in hyperthyroidism. YEP. Or, this could just be a sudden onset of a BP issue. NOPE. FUCK I'M BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS IT'S HYPERTHYROIDISM. We reviewed most of the rest of the list, she told me the following:
My BP isn't that high and it won't be for too long since we will do SOMETHING about it shortly. If my BP were to remain elevated for weeks, though, it would be a problem requiring a fix of some sort.
It's OK for me to keep exercising (YAY!)
The reason I feel the BP so much is that I'm bradycardic, so any increase in heart activity is particularly noticeable to me.
She realizes that I have a VERY sensitive metabolic physiology
I shouldn't stop taking the levothyroxine, but OK to drop to 50 mcg today (which I've already done and am still jittery, but it will take a few days for it to pass).
Nurse would be in to take my blood and run the thyroid panel.
She confirmed that I should avoid decongestants at all costs, as they will seriously fuck with me (MY words not hers)
We will not consider me seeing a cardiologist until after we get the thyroid test results back, which should be today sometime.
The way they calibrate the levothyroxine dose is that for "normal" people, you will be OK within a range of 12.5 mcg, but I may not be "normal" enough for that to work for me.
It was good that I went to the ER last week because any number of things could have been happening
No anti-anxiety meds for me until we see what's going with my thyroid (sounds like a good plan to me)
My kidney function had checked out normal in the ER
She didn't get the CT scan pictures, but I can ask for the CD from the hospital, and I will, since I'd like pretty pictures of my brain.
The aura I had was probably not related to my thyroid, and could have just been coincidental in this cluster fuck of bodily happenings. While she confirmed it was indeed an ocular migraine, she said nobody really knows what causes them. I AM SO FUCKING SPECIAL, AREN'T I???
I later noted to my friend Susan what the signs of me becoming hyperthyroid are as outlined above. I should have clued in on the feeling of "EXTRA HAPPY" last Thursday when I landed in the ER, but that was not how I experienced the hyperthyroidism back in July, so how the fuck would I have known? But what a kick in the balls to know that feeling "EXTRA HAPPY" is a sign that my body is fucked up. Oh well, really I'm OK with "NORMAL HAPPY!" Which I've been for quite some time now, and oh by the way, did you know that one of the minimal side effects of levothyroxine is that it can make you more prone to crying? So I've gone from crying because I was so depressed and lethargic to crying because I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY! What a turn of events, indeed!
So I returned home from the doctor visit feeling vindicated that I'd at least noticed my body was fucked up, and while I would have liked to relax, relaxation isn't exactly the order of the day right now, so I suited up for a run, and ran pretty well, but you can see the frustration/weariness/mental exhaustion on my face:
So now I wait for test results, hopefully confirming that I'm hyperthyroid (boy can I feel it right now as I write this), then another adjustment in meds, and then maybe I can get on with my life without any doctor visits for a few months. I am SO tired of this routine--it's now been almost 1.5 years since I've felt any semblance of normalcy. I just want to race IM Cozumel--my bib number is 2056--which I think is a good omen since I was born in 1956, so that means I will live to be 100, right? I JUST WANT TO RACE IRONMAN COZUMEL! I already know there is at least one woman in my AG who on paper is much faster than me, and I'm relaxed about that notion, I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE GODDAMN FUCKING START LINE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR????
I will end this post with this song, which, unfortunately, describes me to a tee right now, although what needs to be fixed on me is not the loss of romantic love--it's the loss of my identity as I know it, the loss of my ability to have done Ultraman Hawaii last year, the loss of both parents in the last 7 years, the loss of feeling that I'm a healthy, vital person, the loss of control over what my body does, but at least I can keep training for now. I will be in Cozumel, come hell or high water, I will toe that start line, I will enjoy it!
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
