An Eye for an Eye?

I don't believe in it. How is the deliberate killing of one human being justified, even if that human being tortured and killed others? What does that say about a person who condones such behavior? Only that killing is "sometimes OK." Sure maybe self-defense, but beyond that, I don't see it.

I was raped and robbed by 2 men, and while the emotional side of me hoped for capture and retribution, and I had many a fantasy about shooting them firing squad style, to me that makes me just as much a monster as they are (or more likely were--I seriously doubt they are alive today--they probably OD'ed on some drug or another). Do I support justice? Yes. Punishment via incarceration? Yes. Execution? No.

I do not think that all men and women who enlist in the armed services and end up killing the so-called "enemy" are monsters. Some probably are. It's just the law of statistics.

In the end, I believe that everyone gets their just due one way or the other.

I cannot see how the deaths of 3,000 plus US troops (at our own government's hands--WE sent them there) in Iraq has accomplished anything. If the Iraqis want to kill one another without our intervention, that's fine by me. But we have put our own men and women in harm's way. We are not fighting a war. We are merely providing targets.

Is the execution of Saddam Hussein going to stop the violence in Iraq? Stay tuned. But apparently it will make some people feel better. Not me.

Straight Talk Running Site

Here: http://mysite.verizon.net/jim2wr/

I added a link to my sidebar of Triathlon and Physical Fitness links. There's some good info in here, like confirming that you do NOT need to put a treadmill on incline in order to get a good workout (I never do), and the real reason why you should rotate shoes (something that I need to start doing).

Check it out; the articles are no nonsense.

EDIT: Regarding treadmill running, people should do what works for them. If you can go at a faster pace than you run outdoors with no incline, how can that be a bad thing? What you should be trying to equalize is effort level indoors vs. outdoors. When I compare my self-selected outdoor pace on a flat course to what feels equivalent on the treadmill, I tend to go slower on the treadmill. I am not entirely sure why, but that's how it is. Perhaps I use an unnatural stride on the treadmill. Perhaps I am more motivated outdoors, or perhaps outdoor terrain (there are a good bit of hills right ouside my house) motivates me to push myself harder. But my treadmill running is limited to late fall/winter (not so much with the recent spell of global warming), when I'm doing a bit more speed work, and it's all the same to me to do it without any incline. Right now I'm training for Disney, and it's very flat, so I am not disadvantaging myself by running with no incline.

New Year's Resolution

I came across a reference to the paper Livestock's Long Shadow. While I haven't read all of it (390 pages), I have read a summary and understand the key findings. Here is the opening statement:

"Livestock activities have significant impact on virtually all aspects of the environment, including air and climate change, land and soil, water and biodiversity. The impact may be direct, through grazing for example, or indirect, such as the expansion of soybean production for feed replacing forests in South America."

Livestock production is ahead of automobiles in its contribution to global warming!

What can we do about this? On a personal level, we can:

• Reduce or eliminate our consumption of eggs, meat and dairy. The less demand, the less supply needed.
• Support programs that seek to miminize environmental impact of livestock production. Unfortunately, such programs will require government intervention. Why? Because free market mechanics have not made it happen. Profitability above all pushes companies to hold little regard for the downstream effects of their actions. I enjoy eating eggs, meat and poultry (and to a lesser extent, dairy), and would rather feel good that they are produced in an environmentally safe method rather than give them up totally.
• Limit our procreation to replacement levels and support programs to provide birth control globally. This is a gross simplification, as there are many factors involved in controlling population growth, such as education, status of women in the society and employment opportunities.

I consider myself an OKsteward of the environment. I recycle, I drive my car very little, try not to consume too much energy, limit my intake of processed foods and have not replaced myself with any children. Side note: when I was 16 I had already made the decision not to have children, and at the time it was driven by the overpopulation of the Planet--look what's happened in 34 years!

In my mind, living a life of personal integrity includes limiting personal consumption at all levels. So my 2007 New Year's resolution is to do a better job of it. I have spent the last 2-3 years trying to simplify my life and possessions. I need to do better. I need to reduce my intake of eggs, meat and dairy, but I need to be careful not to replace the protein with fish species that are being decimated world-wide.

This article states that in 2002 (and I assume the numbers would be about the same today), the consumption of red meat, poultry and fish per capita in the US was 200 pounds. That's almost 9 oz. of those protein sources per day.

How much protein do I need per day? According to Monique Ryan in her book Complete Guide to Sports Nutrition, an endurance athlete in "heavy training" requires .5-.75 grams protein per pound of body weight. I'll use the high end of the range, since I am frequently closer to "very intense training." .75 x 112 = 84 grams, which is 2.96 ounces. It's time for me to get a bit better about monitoring my intake, since I'm pretty sure I am getting more protein than I need.

So in 2007, I am going to, on most days, limit my protein intake to only what I need. Which means I will need to replace calories with carbs, which is not a bad thing, as long as they come from whole foods, particularly fruits and vegetables. But even there, my objective is to reduce my intake of processed foods. I've done a fairly good job of that already, but I can do better.

Every little bit helps this Planet!

I Am Not Soft

I got a chuckle out of an Anonymous comment, telling me that his/her view of me was "softened" by reading my previous post.

Interesting...blogging is like a one way conversation. I'M TALKING TO YOU. So unlike an actual conversation where there is back and forth and questions being asked, on a blog, it's up to the writer to reveal whatever he/she likes, and then those readers who are into passing judgment can base their judgment on what the blogger chose to write.

So apparently Anonymous prefers "soft" people. I have no clue what Anonymous' definition of a "soft" person, but I can hazard a guess. If you are married with children, you get an automatic bye. If you have a lot of drama in your life and you write about it, you get an automatic bye. If you are struggling with your weight/station in life/career/personal relationships and you write about it, you get an automatic bye. If you are depressed, are or were addicted to controlled substances, you get an automatic bye. If you are good at small talk and you write it down in your blog, then you get an automatic bye.

So I guess I'm not soft. But I don't feel "hard" either, not that I would know how to define that. Maybe the word that Anonymous is looking for is unapproachable. Certainly my blog is open for anyone and everyone to comment on or even send me email. So I've left that option open. I've had a few good digs sent my way, and I am most happy to publish them.

What can I say about myself if I'm not soft?

• I am single
• I don't have children
• My life is, I'm afraid, bereft of drama
• I suck at small talk. I do try to be more of a people person, but small talk has eluded me my entire life.
• I don't struggle with my weight and to my knowledge have no major health issues (unless you consider trying to keep myself mechanically sound an issue)
• I'm OK with being part of the American middle class, living comfortably but by no means rich
• My career is thankfully stable
• My personal relationships are as good as they can be, considering the amount of effort I put into them and the fact that I am basically a loner
• I tend to immerse myself in whatever "project" is currently taking my fancy. In the past, I've immersed myself in academics, piano playing, crocheting, sewing, weight training and gardening. That is how I got good at them. That is how ANYONE gets good at something, isn't it? I should put a smiley face on that statement so I don't offend those of you who think I'm not "soft." My current project is triathlon and the (my) human body.

What I typically write about here is what I consider the most interesting and exciting part of my life. My job is, well, my job. My friends are my friends, and they know me and my quirks. My family is what it is--probably no more or no less dysfunctional than many. I've "conquered" many of my hobbies, and if they were front and center in my life right now, I would write about them, but they aren't, so I don't. In some ways, I'm an intensely private person, and when I first started writing this blog, I didn't want to share it with anyone. The only reason I did was at the urging of a friend. I am not blogging to be popular or liked. I am just writing, much like a diary. Many days I think I am very boring. But at least I'm boring WITH GOALS!

In 2005 and early this year, there were some things I experienced that were deeply personal to me, but I wrote about them here. I DNF'ed an Ironman race. I had a brief bout of mild depression. I euthanized my beloved cats. My Mom died. I broke off a relationship with a very close friend (I had hoped it was temporary, but alas, she wants no part of reconciliation). I guess in the big scheme of things these are not personal enough or infused with enough drama for some readers of this blog to feel that I am indeed a soft person with emotions? We all have problems of one sort or another, and we just do the best we can. Perhaps I don't make a big enough deal out of my own troubles. But then again, how would you, a reader of this blog, know that? Remember, this is not a conversation.

Here are some other things that might be of interest to those of you who've never had a chance to engage in actual conversation with me:

• I'm a bleeding heart liberal. Dubya is an idiot and sucks.
• I recycle everything I possibly can. If you don't, what's your excuse?
• I do not water my lawn or my flower beds in times of drought or just because I would like things to be a bit more green. Clean water is a precious commodity that we in the U.S. take for granted. If something can't live on whatever rainfall it receives, tough. I don't want to grow things that require extra water than what falls from the sky.
• I take very short showers. Considering that many days I am taking 2 of them, I am consuming plenty of water in the quest for cleanliness, so I may as well keep them as short as possible.
• I keep my hair cut short because I like it that way, but also it means I don't have to spend so much time in the shower washing it or use any electricity to dry it, and there are no aerosol products leaching CFC's or whatever they are now into the air.
• I am passionate about whatever currently holds my interest. Triathlon is like that for me, but more than that it's physical fitness and learning about my body. When in a M/F relationship, I am just as intense about that as I am about triathlon. Ah--there's that word--intense. To Anonymous, intense must be the opposite of soft. Soft is fine for some people. I like my intensity, though. I can be soft at times, but unless it's around someone who knows me VERY well, it might not appear to be very soft.
• I'm very analytical (gee, could you guess by the bullet points?).
• I like word puzzles--Jumble, crosswords and the like. I don't like Sudoku, though, because I was a mathematics major in college and was into theoretical stuff so pure numbers don't interest me much.
• Except for prime numbers. Those are cool. My Dad is obsessed (literally) with prime numbers and how they enter into all sorts of theorems. I suppose I inherited the prime number fancy gene from him.
• I love all the James Bond movies.
• My favorite movie is The Sound of Music, then The Wizard of Oz and then A Clockwork Orange.
• I was raised Catholic, and believe in a God of some sort (stuff has to originate somehow), but believe in evolution and that scientists are higher beings than politicians. I now consider myself Christian with some version of Buddhist thrown in there.
• Even though I sucked at it (one of the few things I sucked at in school), I still love physics. The stuff that nature pulls on us is way more fascinating than whatever we come up with most of the time.
• I am not afraid of bugs, and have no issue killing spiders in my house, but I tend to leave the white ones alone, and only destroy the dark colored varieties.
• I love eathworms, and will gladly carry those out in the open to dirt.
• The middle finger on my left hand has a broken tip from softball.
• My eyes are hazel.
• I am not a natural blond.
• I have never had stitches on my body.
• I had not broken a bone in my body until I was 38, and then I broke the radius in my right arm after I skidded on some gravel while rollerskating drunk (this was in the early stages of my divorce). I also suffered a concussion, and had some interesting blacking out episodes the next day.
• I was raped once and mugged once.
• I have had 2 abortions and vehemently support a woman's right to choose what to do with her body.
• I had some (for that decade) pretty wild sexual experiences in my 20's.
• I could not do a cartwheel until I was in the 7th grade.
• I did not go to prom in high school.
• I enjoy working hard at triathlon just to see how good I can get at it. But I also know I will move onto something else eventually.
• I have been fat--not obese, but still fat.
• I have been depressed. VERY depressed. I know what it's like, and exercise is a form of prevention for me. So is learning to live in the moment, as I believe it's impossible to be depressed if you are truly experiencing every moment (unless it's chemically based depression).
• I've done my share of recreational drugs. And yes, I DID inhale.
• I used to smoke cigarettes. For 10 years, then I quit for 10, then I took it up again for 2 and then I quit forever (in 1999).
• Love is a wonderful thing, but I have found that knowledge and acceptance of self transcends it.

If there's anything anyone wants to know about me, just ask.

And yes, I'm OK with not being judged soft.

Time to get on my bike.

Weekly Workout Totals 12/18/2006-12/24/2006, Dysfunctional Family Christmas and Feeling Good

First, accountability:

Swim: 7000 yards (3.97 miles) in 2.48 hours; 23% of weekly workout time; approx. 869 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 53.96 miles in 3.08 hours; 29% of weekly workout time; approx. 1662 calories burned Run: Approx. 23.8 miles in 3.54 hours; 33% of weekly workout time; approx. 1764 calories burned Strength: 1.68 hours; 16% of weekly workout time; approx. 420 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 81.73 miles in 10.78 hours; approx. 4715 calories burned
Sleep: 9.11 hours avg./night
Stretching: 3.23 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Good week, training wise. Completed all workouts (a little light on the swimming, though), except for my Friday run. Since my calves were still fried from the Wednesday treadmill festival, I decided it wouldn't hurt to rest them. Had a good 1:30 ride on Saturday, and ran :30 on the track afterwards. Clearly, my legs prefer running NOT on a treadmill right now.

It was interesting on Saturday after a 2-hour workout that I didn't feel like I had "done" anything. Ah, the beauty of tapering and a shortened long-ish ride.

Sunday was reserved for baking a cake, watching the Bears almost lose, er...win, and cutting out 2 pairs of pajamas. I am using one pair right now, store bought, and I am tired of them and I need a spare. They will hopefully get sewn next weekend.

The cake was for today. Last Sunday I had lunch with my brothers, their wives, my dad and one of my nephews. My sister in law invited me and my Dad over for Christmas Day, or so I thought. So I thought I'd bring a nice dessert. I made a 3-layer coconut pecan cake. Yesterday I called my brother to confirm, and he insisted he hadn't invited us. Oh well, I wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up. He's been depressed and angry for years--since he lost his last "real" job--and he has some issues relating to my Dad (that's been going on for years, too--I have no idea exactly what the issue is). Since Tom (my brother) picked up the phone instead of his wife, Robin (who is extremely sweet), I guess he figured he could back out of it. That gave me a good cry--not because of not being invited, but it was typical behavior for Tom, and I am saddened that he can't bust out of his problems. If I was interviewing him for a job, I wouldn't hire him either, as it's completely apparent that he is angry with the world and feels put upon.

I called my younger sister, Lisa, and nobody answered the phone. She and her husband tend to screen calls (without call waiting--just wait to see who's voice leaves a message and decide whether to pick up or not), and I wasn't sure she was "talking" to me, so I chalked it up to she probably still didn't want to talk to me. She also is unemployed for several years and if you ask me, depressed as all get out, but just like Tom, not seeking professional help. God forbid it would help to talk to someone about your distorted feelings about yourself and the rest of the world! Hey--I've been there, done that, and while I still have my issues, I've learned that being angry doesn't accomplish anything.

The good news is that Lisa called me back later in the day, telling me she was "resting" from all the cooking (just for herself and her husband). Yes, she has such a hard life I guess that she needs a lot of rest from it! Anyway, we had a pleasant enough conversation, and it made me feel good that she was at least willing to communicate with me. Although she did let on that she couldn't come up here (she lives in Indianapolis) because she was still so distraught over my Mom's death that she can't bear to go into our childhood home. What the hell! How does she think my Dad feels? How does she think he feels to not see her for many, many months at a time, even though she doesn't work and is not suffering for creature comforts? Sure, she has issues--her husband's Mom is in a nursing facility suffering from Alzheimer's, and that puts a strain on her son and as a result, on Lisa.

We all have problems, don't we? Me--what do I have to show for myself? Spending another Christmas holiday alone for the most part. It is what it is. I wouldn't even notice it except for the fact that I am tapering for a race. But it does give me pause to consider how I got where I am today. I have plenty of acquaintances and even a few people I consider close friends. But alas, they are all married with children, and I am not the sort of person they would think about this time of year, which is fine. I tend to feel like a third or fifth wheel (depending on the family size). And it's not like I'm in the dating game.

Let me tell you it is no picnic being 50 and single. I am noticing the aging changes each year, and frankly, they SUCK. While I have very good muscle tone, my skin not so much. It's especially noticeable in the winter when my tan fades and all I'm left with is pasty-white, saggy skin. Gravity is good for some areas of the body--like the abs--in terms of the extra skin falling someplace else--but not so good for others like in my face. It's one thing if you've been with someone for years, so I suppose they wouldn't notice or care about such changes, but it's another thing if you're single. Oh well, another thing that there isn't much to do about it. And no, I am NOT considering Botox. I will look like what I will look like based on how I care for myself, and I think I'm doing the best that I can.

At one time I thought that maybe I'd meet someone (i.e., a GUY) doing something I loved, aka triathlon. Well, I have met and made plenty of friends, both men and women, but no single men that would be attracted to me. Perhaps it's true what someone said to me a year ago--that I am just too dedicated to training stuff and too competitive for most men's tastes. And then there's my age. Oh well, I should have been smart enough to know that taking up another hobby surely wasn't going to cure my social ills, and it hasn't. Some people who know me think I'm quite the extrovert, but what do they know? Sure, around my "game" and knowledge I am. But really, I'm the biggest social klutz. Don't take me to a party and leave me alone! I will fold up in a corner and drink myself to death!

But the way I look at it, at least I know this about myself. And I also know that feeling sorry for myself is not productive and that in the end, we all are alone. And I realize totally that there are so many people much, much worse off than me. I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I am not starving and I'm in good health. Things could definitely be worse!

So to those of you who think I never discuss anything personal here, there you have it. I am just not that "personal." If nothing else, I've learned that I am not my thoughts or feelings, and I just try to live in every moment as much as possible--whether that means doing the things that we must do to exist in this society or sometimes to ponder on my feelings.

After being shut out of my brother's today, I decided to go and see Casino Royale today with my Dad. It got him out of his house and me out of mine. I really enjoyed it, and Daniel Craig is H-O-T! Geez, what a physique on that man. I am asking Santa belatedly for one of those.

On the Goofy front, I'm feeling pretty good. The thought occurred to me today that if I can lollygag to 2:30 in the 1/2 and go 4:05 (Boston Qualifying time) or less in the full, then the sum is about the same as the sum of both race times last year. So it makes sense to me that if I go longer and easier in the half that I should have the gas left for the full. At least it is making sense to me today! My left calf is better in the sense that the outside part is no longer feeling like a problem, but the medial side is now tight, but that's OK, I'm working on things.

Today I lifted weights is all, and it felt good, since I did ZERO yesterday. I thought it would be prudent to have a protein shake afterwards since I had upped the weights (and besides, extra protein is good during a taper), so I put a scoop of egg protein powder into a glass and some glutamine and added water. Then I remembered I had bought a bottle of Bailey's Irish Creme to take to my ill-fated brother's house today, so I thought what the hell, put some of that in there. Turns out it was quite the tasty recovery drink! I can see having some Bailey's in my coffee this week, which is a bad thing to do, but I'm tapering and besides, I need to practice up in case I decide to have that beer if I locate the beer mile during the Disney marathon!

Life sucks AND it's great.