Moving Towards Something

This post is going to be a mish-mash of a few ideas swirling around in my head.

First off, don't anyone be misled into thinking that the way *I* recover from an Ironman is normal. I train a lot, I don't taper as much as many people, I may have less stress than some people, and I know my body and what I can do. I need to continue to exercise caution lest I end up with some injury.

Why do we make such a big deal about an Ironman? Because we spend so much of our free time preparing for it. But this much I know is true--fairly soon once the race is over, nobody cares much about what time you did it in or how gargantuan of a task it seemed to be. It's now in the past, and finishing an Ironman is just nowhere near the big deal of other life events like getting married or divorced, having a baby, or experiencing the death of a loved one (I've never done the baby thing, but trust me, I observe what a big deal it is!).

Many big life events, whether you want them to or not, move you towards something. Towards a new stage in life, towards the realization you have to deal with profound emotions. Finishing a race, even an Ironman, in and of itself, moves you away from the process you were just immersed in, when considered on its own. Yet many people report that the experience of completing the race is life-changing.

I disagree. What is life-changing is what you did leading up to it. Maybe you changed your lifestyle. Maybe you took stock and simplified where you could to make room for this. Maybe in the process of your self-absorption, you fucked up one or more relationships, or maybe they were headed in that direction regardless. Maybe you made new friends that were able to accompany you along in your journey.

Soon after the race is over, we think about our finishing time, the day spent doing the race, all that good stuff I've already written about. Then our thoughts turn to what now, what did that all mean, where am I going now? As it should. And we begin the longing to move towards something again. It doesn't need to be another race, though. It can be moving back towards people and activities that were neglected during training. It can mean remembering that there is, in fact, more to life than triathlon, or perhaps in my case, it can mean I want to do more and bigger.

I fully realize that I do not fit the "normal" mold. Why I want to see how far I can take myself physically is at times a mystery to me. And that is fine. Why there are people who look at me and tell me I'm inspirational is funny to me. I am just doing something I enjoy doing for some perverse reason. Then there are people who look on me with disdain (I was actually dissed on the Slowtwitch.com forum last week for having a "LOOK AT ME" blog about my training and such), again for just being who I am. And there are those who seem to enjoy the energy of me, but fail to see or try to connect with, the actual person underneath all that. I can't control what other people think of me, and while I appreciate objective and constructive feedback on my actions, many people find it too difficult to set aside their emotional reactions to do it. I do appreciate it, though, when a close friend is able to tell me I'm acting like an ass or I'm being too hard on myself (emotionally). We can all use governors, but most of mine are inside my own head.

I knew several years ago when I began reading first person accounts by extreme endurance athletes (I don't consider myself extreme) that there were a number of personality traits that we share. It's hard for me to describe except to say that you know it when you see it. Aside from that, I have to work at "normal" things like being social, even to the extent I write this blog. While some people would rather I didn't, because it exposes a lot of the essence of me which can be scary, I keep doing it because writing helps me figure myself out, and that is effectively what I am trying to do through endurance sports. It's just my thing.

So what am I moving towards? Understanding myself and defining how the next few years of my life are going to go. I may have gotten better at this Ironman thing, but I have a ways to go in my personal life, as there I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. Although I do learn something new each time, and at some point in your life you just accept yourself with all your faults and realize in the end we are all going to die anyway, so you may as well do things you enjoy doing just for their own sake!

I am full of all sorts of faults and there are so many things I could do better, and at heart, I am a perfectionist, and thankfully, I've learned to let go of a lot of that, otherwise I'd be a basket case! So I guess for now I will just continue to fumble along, thinking that my next big thing will help me figure out more about myself, make me feel less frightened by the world and all the hurt it can cause, and begin and end each day in a peaceful state of mind.

I had a conversation with a friend about talking to God or your spiritual higher power--whatever you want to call it. And the subject came up about asking the higher power for help or favors. During the conversation, I didn't really think so much about it, but since that time I did, and I tend not to ask for help or favors very often. It usually takes the form of "help me find the strength that I have inside myself to deal with this situation." I tend to think I draw all my energy from within myself. Yet I realize that there are a few friends that I have that act as catalysts to help me find it, and I am grateful for it.

Enough for now--I need to go and swim!

Recovery Seems to be Going Well

I got in 11,500 yards of swimming and 180 miles of biking (I went over 5,000 miles for the season) this past week. No running. Sadly, no strength, although that's OK.

Today I did an 84-mile ride at a decent pace considering the wind and all, and it felt pretty good. I sort of wanted to get to 200 miles for the week, but there was really no need for it, so I didn't extend the ride.

I feel ready to start running again. I will ease back in, though, so I don't do any damage.

While out riding today, I decided I had better modify my taper for Revenge of the PirateMan, and the training for the next several weeks, because it is going to be bigger and badder than just an Ironman, and so although I will still taper for 2 weeks, it will be less than I typically would do for an Ironman taper.

By the way, if anyone wants my training program (built by moi) for the last year, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to send it to you. While riding today, I was thinking about the things that contributed to a pretty good Ironman race this time around:

• I cut my TV watching way back, eventually to nothing, resulting in sleeping more.
• I quit wearing underwear in May. Good luck? I don't know, but it must be relevant!
• I did all that extra stuff February through April--pushups, pullups, crunches and jump rope. It seems as if it gave me more overall stamina than ever before. I plan to start that back up after ROTPM, because I will need boatloads of stamina for all the crap that I am planning to do!
• I got my weight (and probably bodyfat) as far down as I think I can go, slowly, without losing power on the bike or speed on the run. Yes, it probably affected my swimming somewhat (I sink like a rock, literally), but oh well, I can deal with that. I think it also made me even more aerodynamic on Bitch. I swear I can cut through wind even better now just because I present so little for it to mess with.
• I started riding hills earlier in the season. Early May, to be specific.
• The power meter quit working on Bitch. So I had to go old school and just push myself on speed and cadence only. I can pretty much tell how much power I am putting out, as it worked out pretty well at IMLP.
• I had 2 unplanned "rest" periods--last November after I fucked up my back during remodeling, and end of May when I was sick for 2 weeks with sinus infection, virus, you name it.
• The worst 3 years of my life were over finally--Mom died, Dad died, and I got most of the Estate crap finished.
• I ended up running "a little extra" whenever I felt like I could. More is more!
• I swam a lot of yards with the paddles on. Which strengthens the traps and romulins (as I like to call the rhomboids), which helps with aero position and maintaining good form while running.
• I spent a lot of time biking with an iPod given to me last year for a birthday present by my friend, Susan. I am very much into "keeping up with the music," and since I tend to listen to fairly fast dance/house music, this helped me just always pedal faster.
• Once I was in the 12-week Ironman build period, I was sleeping like a champion and also eating properly, including lots of green salads and veggies, which are supposed to provide all sorts of antioxidants, and while I don't take vitamins (I rely on the huge does in Endurox R4 that I use for recovery drink), I think the natural foods are key.
• I kept up my stretching, trigger point work and weekly massage.

I went to a craft store yesterday and I think I cleaned them out of pirates!

I am starting to plan my training from ROTPM through Ultraman Canada (and even CheaterMan 2010!!!), and boy oh boy is this going to be a trip. Just writing down that I need to swim 8,000 meters all at once is kind of daunting. Double long runs and double long rides (at least I've been doing the double long rides for years). How am I going to fit this all in? I have no idea except that I will be up very early on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays for a very long time.

I am looking forward to ROTPM and then my first 50-mile run ever and then Goofy Challenge. Alas, it's not like I am going to have any off season this fall/winter to speak of. I am moving from one thing to the next. Oh well, this is all going to be a helluva ride, right?