Today's Workout: A Few of My Favorite Things

I slept well enough last night, but after being awake for awhile, I just didn't feel like doing anything. All I wanted was to stay in bed in my pajamas. It's pretty cold here in Chicago, so that sort of makes sense, and it's close to Christmas, and gosh it would be nice to have an entire weekend to just be lazy. About 8:00 I did get back in bed and lay there relaxing and doing a little thinking. I just let my mind go wherever it wanted to. I really couldn't latch onto anything particularly bad or wrong; it just seemed like I was experiencing a sort of malaise. Eventually, though, I did get out of bed, suit up, stretch and get to working out.

11:17AM Brick as 2:02 bike, :30 run. This is the same workout as last week, but I had a little more oomph in terms of watts on the bike, yet at a lower heart rate! I must be getting fitter. I watched the last 2 hours of Stage 15 of the TDF (the one where George Hincapie won), and for once, I was actually watching it. That helped pass a lot of time. It was funny, though, when I first started riding, I had a shirt and sweatshirt on, since it's so cold in my basement; but after 10' I removed them and proceeded to sweat like a pig. My SRM was acting a little goofy--I think the Power Meter needs a charge, and I have to let it discharge before it will take it--but mostly I had good readings throughout the session.

When I got on the treadmill to begin my run, whoa, it did not feel good. My legs were fine, my HR was nice and low, but as for many bricks, it just didn't feel right. But it only took about 10' before I started to feel "normal" again. Laying off any fluid intake was very useful. About 15' in, I thought to myself, "has it only been 4 weeks since I did that 1/2 Ironman here?" I counted backwards, and yep, it was only 4 weeks ago, and in 3 weeks I'm doing the Goofy Challenge! For some reason it struck me as a little bit hardcore, but then again, I've done 1/2 Ironman races 8 weeks or less before a full Ironman. Just never at the beginning of a training season!

I already knew from an ad that The Wizard of Oz is on TV tomorrow night. That's one of my favorite movies. I don't have cable TV and don't want it. I watch plenty of TV as it is; if I had cable I would be plastered to Animal Planet and Discovery Channel (years ago when I did have cable that's basically what happened). I don't really make a point to go to the movies (maybe once or twice a year)--I would rather read. But there are certain movies that I will watch that I've already seen, and The Wizard of Oz is one of them. After I got back from the gym, I was looking at what's on tonight, and I am so happy--The Sound of Music!

I was 9 years old when the movie first came out, and my mom and one of her sisters took me and my cousin, Lou Ann, who's the same age as me, into downtown Chicago to see the movie. It was a big deal and we all really enjoyed the movie. I liked it so much that the following weekend, my dad drove me back downtown to a special sheet music store and he bought me the entire score for piano! I learned to play most of the songs, and kept doing so for years. I also remember that I wanted to be a nun right after the movie came out--I would put a towel on my head like the nun's habit, and twirl around in my bedroom in front of the mirror like Julie Andrews while singing songs from the movie, or songs from The Singing Nun record album. I'm sure my mom was pleased, as I really had no interest whatsoever in boys until I was 15.

I need to go tiara shopping (for Disney) and then make my tutu, after which I will settle in for a little musical happiness with the Von Trapp Family Singers!

Today's Workouts

A pretty routine day, nothing special happening. Got 8 hours of sleep.

7:21AM Swim 2950 yards 1:05. The pool was cool again, and it felt great. I had a lane all to myself during my warmup, and the pool was pretty empty, so for once I was swimming down the middle of the lane. Then, just as I was going to start my main set, a man showed up and I saw him standing at the head of my lane. I looked left--empty lane. I looked right--empty lane. Huh. For some reason he wants to swim in my lane. Whatever. I know this guy--he's ULTRA slow, so I knew he wouldn't bother me, but it was still curious why he chose to swim in my lane. After I finished my main set of 8x150, I moved into one of the adjacent empty lanes to finish up with 3x200 pull and 10x25.

3:33PM Run 60'. This was supposed to be 10' easy, remainder steady to upper steady. I took things rather easy, and it was nice.

All in all, I don't feel very tired from this at all, but I have a big weekend of workouts--tomorrow is the usual 2 hour ride/30' run brick, and Sunday is my 2 hour run/30' recovery swim. So I'm making sure to eat well tonight.

I'm anticipating next week as beginning of a taper for Goofy Challenge, and I am not really looking forward to it. I can feel myself getting antsy while realizing I can use some serious rest, and throw in a Christmas holiday in there (yeah!). I am sure I will post about the craziness of taper--although this is nothing like an Ironman taper, it's going to be pretty close, as I've been doing some fairly serious volume for the past few months. Oh well, time to start a weekend!

Tag, I'm Boring

There has been a game of tag going on amongst the blogs, and at first I didn't think I wanted to play. But then I thought, what the heck.

When I first started writing this, I thought, gosh I'm boring, or else I have a crappy memory. I'm sure I could go on and on, but I need to go run now, so herein is my short list:

1. I am deeply geeky. Read on and you will see evidence.
2. I was a Valedictorian in High School. There were 7 of us in a class of 350. But I was the only one with straight A’s for every QUARTER (they only counted the semester grades).
3. I started college in pre-med. I ended up a lowly math major. Dating a guy in medical school changed my mind, I guess.
4. I had a 4-year academic scholarship to Northwestern University in Evanston, IL, but I worked in a genetics laboratory cleaning and changing bottles containing fruit flies to pay for my room and board and other expenses.
5. I was Social Chairman of my college sorority, Delta Zeta, for 2 years. I was good at it! For one of our fundraising efforts I suggested we sell massages, $1/minute, and we had way more business than you can imagine. I dressed up as Cat Woman to deliver mine.
6. As much as I appreciate nature’s way of food chain, my eyes still well up when watching nature documentaries where large cats fall victim to other animals or humans. OTOH, watching a raptor kill a rodent is exciting to me.
7. Only my back 4 molars ever got cavities.
8. If you whistle around me while I’m packing my Ironman bags, I may need to beat you up.
9. I began playing the piano without lessons at age 4. The music I wanted to play most was the classical stuff used as background in Bugs Bunny cartoons. So I ended up studying classical music through the 8th grade. I still play occasionally. Bach is my favorite, followed by Mozart.
10. My IQ was measured at 147 in 2nd grade. I’m not sure that means anything, but it’s a nice number.
11. I like to crochet. I taught myself how when I was 8 and my dad refused to repair our one TV (he had been a TV repairman before then). My only living Grandma at the time, marveled at the unique way I held the thread and needle which made me able to crochet quite fast. There are doilies all over my house, like an old lady. Oh wait, I AM an old lady!
12. When I was in 2nd grade, my dad tried to get the school to skip me 2 or 3 grades. They refused on the grounds that I wasn’t “emotionally ready.” They may have been right!
13. Until I was in 7th grade, my dad made me and my 2 brothers and sisters read 1 book every week during summer vacation and deliver him a book report. I actually read the books! I hated the duty, but looking back realize how I have come to love reading. I stopped for many years; now it’s something I enjoy as one of my winter hobbies.
14. A teacher in the 6th grade tried to give me a “B” in English. My dad stormed into the school and practically killed the teacher, much to my dismay. As it turned out, I didn’t deserve the “B” and it was changed to an “A.”
15. Nobody intimidates me anymore. When I was in my 20’s I wanted to be a CEO, and I thought all these higher ups were something else. As I moved up in my own career, I realized nobody was really smarter or better than me.
16. I am a social klutz. I suck at parties. Unless someone wants to talk gardening, triathlon, quantum physics, birds or large cats, I will be very quiet and keep to myself. It’s getting worse by the year. One on one, though, I function much better!
17. I have 20 rose bushes amongst my flower beds. I’m a pretty good gardener, and have removed about 30% of my lawn through the years and replaced it with flower beds. When a neighbor asked if she could cut some of my flowers, I told her, “No—I like them right where they are.” I rarely cut any and bring them into my house. I would much rather go outside and just gaze at them and the birds, bees and bugs that live amongst them. Also smell them!
18. In my 20’s my form of exercise was rollerskating. I would skate about 40 miles a week. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Now running 40 miles a week…
19. My favorite champagne is Veuve Cliquot Brut. Doesn’t need to be vintage. Ideally served with French cornichons (I think that means "little sour pickle") and caviar on baby Stoned Wheat Thins.
20. The one person I would like to meet is the Dalai Lama.
21. I am very sensitive to people making promises to me and not keeping them. It’s something I am working on dealing with better. I try and not promise something unless I know I can deliver.
22. When I was married, you would have called me Martha Stewart—perfect house, gourmet meals, always well dressed, always hosting parties and such. Now I could care less about how my house looks, and I dress like a freaking bag lady some days because I work at home and train so much. Although come summertime, I do tend to flaunt whatever I think I have that I can flaunt. And I can clean up pretty well. I have a lot of really nice dresses that I sewed over the years. I taught myself to sew in 7th grade when my mom no longer had the time.
23. I love men; if you know any good single ones, send them my way!
24. I was once raped and held at gun and knifepoint for 3 hours. Convincing those people to not kill me was one of the biggest tests of mental toughness I’ve ever faced. Which is one of the reasons why, in the big scheme of things, I don’t think training for an Ironman is that big of a deal. I hope I can always keep that perspective. Hey, I'm just happy to be alive!
25. I am not all sweetness and kindness. I am sometimes catty, bitchy, rude, and possibly just plain mean. But I’m working on it. I like bitchy, though :)
26. I only stopped smoking cigarettes in 1999. If they weren’t bad for you, I would still smoke them. Oh yeah, they stink, too.
27. If I had unlimited money, I would eat sushi for dinner every night.
28. I have a little suede bag hanging in my home office that contains a bunch of marbles. They are MY marbles. I hope to never lose them.
29. I am wearing a ruby stud in one of my ears right now that I plan on wearing every day throughout this triathlon season. It is something I had planned to give to another person, but I decided against it. It has since become an amulet; a symbol of my own personal progress to achieve greater serenity and peace in my life and also peak athletic performance.
30. I really believe life is beautiful and keeps getting better.

Today's Workouts: Giving Myself a Slight Break

After spending most of yesterday traveling home from Minneapolis, I found myself to be quite tired. I slept 10 big ones, knowing that today I had to do another customer presentation; but at least this one was remote over the PC/phone.

7:15AM Abs/core 31'. These workouts are starting to feel easy again, which means I guess it's time to change things up. But I will wait until after the Goofy Challenge, as I'm starting a taper officially next week, and it is time to give my body the rest it so deserves.

12:41PM Bike 1:30. I was supposed to do the same workout as Tuesday. I knew I'd be doing this on a gym bike (a Life Fitness bike, to be specific), and didn't know how that would go until I started out. I knew I wouldn't have time to complete the workout before I went to the office, so I reconciled myself to using the substandard equipment.

I did a 10' and (2) 12' FT intervals, and even though I don't believe the watts readout on these bikes (it said 150 for each, and it doesn't vary depending on your cadence, so that right there makes it inaccurate), my HR was where I would expect it to be.

After I finished 1 hour, I had just had it with this bike. I am not in an optimal position on it, I'm not attached to the pedals, and it's not geared anywhere near any actual bike. So I made a spot decision to spend the last 30' of the workout doing something different that I knew would be a little fun for a change. I put the thing on hill workout and really cranked up the resistance so that when I was "not on a hill," I was still putting out a decent effort. Mentally, this made the time pass faster, and as I was in a HOT gym with no fan blowing on me, my God, you should have seen the sweat pouring off of me! I could feel it coming out of every single pore on my body, including my eyes! Since the hill workout was 1' hill, 1' easy, it was easy enough for me to manage the 30' bout mentally, and at one point the watts readout was like 276, something I should not see, but I was barely turning the pedals.

All in all, I was only about 60 calories off (less) from what I burned during the Tuesday workout, so I considered this a successful workout, even though I didn't do exactly what I was supposed to do. No worries, I was still working harder on this particular bike than I ever have, and I could tell how much stronger I've become. My workout clothes were literally soaked (and yes, smelly) when I finished--it was if I had been swimming in them. Disgusting! One guy who showed up while I was on the bike commented that I was working up "a little sweat." Uh-huh.

So you see, I do occasionally deviate from the planned workout, and today was one of those days where the combination of the heat of the gym, lack of fan and crappy bike conspired to convince me to ease up just a little bit. All for the better, though, I'm sure! I feel FANTASTIC right now, not at all tired--oops, I guess a 1.5 hour massage helped out with that, too--but now I'm looking forward to my morning swim tomorrow and an easy 1 hour run. Since I only did one workout yesterday I feel like I haven't done much at all, and I think I will hit the big weekend workouts in great shape.

Fatigue and Muscle Soreness

Part of the game of being a good athlete (that is, if you choose to truly live the life of an athlete) is getting in touch with the many physical and mental states that you experience--not only during training and racing, but as part of your daily life, because the life of the athlete is the ENTIRE DAY. EVERYTHING affects your ability to train and recover; it is the wise, aware athlete that utilizes this knowledge to guide them to making good decisions that will impact their training and racing.

First, let's assume you have a training plan. It might be good, it might not be. The RIGHT training plan will be matched to help you achieve your reasonable goals, maintaining your strengths while significantly addressing your limiters. If you know yourself really well and/or you work with a coach who knows you really well, the training plan can also be a vehicle for really pushing your limits, which is a not always conventional way of increasing fitness and building mental toughness and confidence.

For example, 2 years ago, I registered for a 200k ride that has 10,000 feet of climbing in it. Did I know I could do it? Part of me did. But more importantly, my coach recognized this as a stretch goal, and he made damn sure my training was going to support the successful completion of the event. I already had enough fitness to push my training a little further. Would that event be appropriate for someone who averages 50 miles per week? No, not unless that person had several months to build their weekly mileage or they just wanted to do something stupid. No self-respecting coach would support an athlete doing that 200K ride without having an appropriate amount of time to build up to it.

Enough on coaching. Coaching and a plan only takes you so far, though, right? From time to time, we like to spontaneously push ourselves farther in a workout than we were supposed to. That's not always a bad thing; PROVIDED you adjust recovery time on the back end. One of the tenets of properly executing a training plan is consistency; the other is GO EASY WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SO YOU CAN GO HARD WHEN YOU NEED TO. A big mistake many athletes make is they do their "easy" days too hard or in that "twilight zone" where you are not really physiologically causing any metabolic or muscular improvement; yet it may feel good for you to go at that pace or intensity. If you do this too often, you are creating a bad situation: 1) you are not developing the proper metabolic systems (fat burning ability is enhanced by spending time in the lower, "easier" intensities) and 2) you are compromising your recovery.

The way to control intensity is different for the 3 sports: for running it is best tied to heart rate, or a combination of heart rate and pace (to compensate for environmental factors and also your current fatigue state--more on that later); for cycling it is best tied to power output, but in absence of that measurement being available to the athlete it will be heart rate and pace, just like for running; and for swimming it will generally be pace combined with rest intervals.

If you do your workouts at the appropriate intensity, and your training plan is periodized, and you allow at least 48 hours between your breakthrough workouts (see Joe Friel for a definition), then it's possible to predict how you will feel, based on your total training volume and the amount of intensity called for, all other things being equal. All other things being equal means you have solid training nutrition, and get adequate sleep and minimize stress.

Should you feel fatigue? Some, if you've taken a break away from training or you just did an intense workout or a very long workout (don't we all want a nap after a 5+ hour ride?). Should you feel constant fatigue? If you're training for Ironman at let's say 16+ hours per week, then yes, you should expect an underlying level of fatigue, all other things being equal.

When is it not appropriate to feel overwhelming fatigue? If you are training at a level above your capabilities. Period. If your training plan is overly aggressive for your base fitness, your hours available to train, your ability to exercise proper nutrition and recovery, it's possible you will be much more tired than normal. OR you have dug yourself a hole by regularly overreaching in workouts; i.e., pushing harder than you should be. OR you did something stupid, like you tried to run 2 marathons 4 weeks apart. The body is very smart; it will find a way for you to recover one way or the other. This is why it sends out signals!

Now, we are talking about endurance sport here. When should endurance sport actually hurt? That is, when might you expect a workout or a training block to cause you actual muscle soreness? In my experience, only lifting should cause me to experience muscle soreness for up to 48 hours after the workout. Races may leave you with muscle soreness for perhaps 24 hours; after that you are more likely to fall into general fatigue.

Endurance training workouts, though, in general might leave you just plain tired for a few hours to perhaps 24. But your training plan should allow for either an easy, recovery day, or day off after a really tough one. Trust me, not that many full time age groups train every single day like I do--I've made a few sacrifices :) If you find yourself deeply fatigued or muscularly sore, it's time to have a little chit-chat with your coach. If you don't have a coach, perhaps it's time to get one. Some of us, unfortunately, are so good at pushing our own limits that we will literally work ourselves to the point of overtraining before making the necessary adjustments. That, my friends, is why I, Crackhead, Mind of Iron, have a coach. I am perfectly capable of shelling myself, and that is not effective training. My coach keeps me in line!

I can write training plans, and now I think I can write better ones that allow for adequate recovery. The problems many self-coached athletes have with building their own training plans are:

• overestimation of time available to train
• underestimation of time needed to recover from breakthrough workouts
• suboptimal daily scheduling of workouts that promotes poor recovery
• trying to combine high volume with high intensity
• lack of understanding of training principles which leads to training the wrong metabolic systems
• underestimation of the importance of proper nutrition
• trying to burn the candle at both ends
• inattention to limiters

There are more, but any one of these things can lead to poor recovery, poor performance or both. So when you are experiencing poor recovery (as manifested by "too much" fatigue or lingering muscle soreness), it's time to take a look at your training log (you keep one, don't you? This is part of your self-diagnosis toolkit when things go badly) objectively to understand how you got where you are. Are you overreaching? Are you underrecovering? Are you missing workouts so that when you get to a key workout it trashes you? Are you coming down with an illness?

Part of the game is being able to ask yourself these questions when you're feeling out of sorts. If you have a coach, you need to be honest with him/her that you are having difficulty and work together to sort it out. If you don't have a coach, it might help to have a trusted advisor or mentor that you can bounce things off of.

If you read my Tunnel Vision post the other day, you saw that I expected a certain level of fatigue, so it wasn't any surprise when I experienced it. This is a skill just as much as performing the sports is a skill! This is why it is important to find a way for you to have some quiet time with yourself every day. Some people meditate--I am able to meditate while I am exercising--others just lay quietly in bed either just before sleeping or just before arising. My point is, you need to find a few minutes every day to really stop and listen to what your mind and your body are telling you. Not just when things are going badly, but also when they are going well! Athletes also easily fall into the trap of "I'M INVINCIBLE" particularly during peaking periods or heavy training periods. If you ever study the I Ching, you will know that every action eventually converts to its opposite, so if you're feeling invincible, watch out--something is about to bring you down off your self-imposed pedestal.

There will be more on this. This is just a start. I need to relax, as I am very tired from hours of traveling and yapping at customers!

Today's Single Workout

6:00AM Run 60' as WU: 15' easy, 15' steady. MS: 20' mod-hard. CD: 10' steady.

I did this workout in lovely downtown Minneapolis (from where I just returned, thankfully, safe and sound!), in a hotel "spa/workout center." I got stiffed $10 to use this facility, and frankly, I was not impressed. The treadmills were at least 10 years old, there were no fans in the cardio room, and it was just plain ugly! I feel fortunate that I have a Y so close to home that at least keeps the equipment up to date and in good repair.

I don't normally run first thing in the morning, so of course I had to deal with a few minor stomach issues, but nothing major. The effort didn't feel too hard at all during the tempo work; in fact, I could probably up my speed for this now. See what 2 tempo sessions a week can do for you! This is the first time I've ever done that, and with smart training and recovery, it's paying off big time.

Need to close this post and start a new one at the request of a friend on behalf of a friend. Let's hope I can keep the fingers moving!

Today’s Workouts: Mental Toughness

Since I was smart enough to shell myself yesterday by doing 3 workouts, followed by 9.5 hours of sleep (I had a travel day today), all I had to do today was finish up my strength workout and do my bike workout.

When I woke up this morning (first at 3:30AM, then at 4:00AM, again at 5:30AM and finally at 6:00AM), I didn’t feel particularly bad; I just thought this might be a good day to take a rest day. So I gathered my things for my overnight (hopefully!) business trip, making sure to pack 2 days of running clothes in case I get stranded, did some work, and decided I should at least try and finish my strength workout.

8:25AM Lift 3x12, legs and finish up abs and core, 18’. No problems doing this, no particular fatigue from yesterday or anything.

I knew I needed to get my bike workout started no later than 10:15 since I was being picked up to go to the airport at 12:30. Again, I was trying to decide whether or not to do the workout—I felt fine physically, but I thought maybe mentally I need a break from this, but then I rationalized that on Thursday I will have to do my bike workout on a cheesy gym bike, so today would be my highest quality day. So I suited up and got ready to ride.

10:10AM Bike 1:30. WU: 10’ easy, 3’ spinups, 3x(2’ Z3, 1’ cd). MS: 10’, 12’, 15’, 20’ (2’) FT intervals. CD: 5’. Interval watts were 160, 160, 159 and 159 respectively. Not bad!

There is no getting around this being an incredibly monstrously hard workout when done on a trainer, or maybe I am just a wussy old lady who is too girly to suck it up more? I would really like to hear from some young bike stud that doing this is HARD. Add it up—there is 57’ total of FT time—so why doesn’t everyone just go and ride AS HARD AS POSSIBLE FOR 60’ STRAIGHT!!! Well, it does help to have those 2’ rest periods between each interval, but still, it is just hard to describe what this is like to do. I have the TV on mute with the TDF on, I have good dance music cranked, but I can barely focus on the TV, because what I’m focusing on is the number on the freaking Power Meter. I don’t care what my HR is because that is not the number that concerns me. FYI, I get my HR much higher than I do during my tempo run intervals.

Many times during these intervals I will find myself looking basically at the top tube when not staring at the Power Meter. When I was on the third interval (15’), I had convinced myself that I only needed to do one more 15’ interval—that it wasn’t that important to bump it up to 20’. But then I thought about why am I thinking that? These workouts aren’t just physically tough—they are mentally brutal, and in fact, it may be the mental aspect that is really what’s so hard. My coach and others (including me) have confirmed that if you do this stuff outdoors (let’s say on a nice 75-degree day), that it’s much easier, your HR is lower, and you actually have to watch it so you don’t kick out TOO MANY watts. So if I’m feeling like wussing out, it’s a mental thing, and every time I don’t give in to that crap, I get a tiny bit stronger. Sure maybe I would have only cut 5’ from the workout, but then you know where that can lead…I don’t even want to think about that.

It is very easy to say you are going to do something; it’s entirely another thing to actually DO it. I really have a problem (OK, pet peeve—jump on me right now!) with talk-talk. You are better off not saying it, not claiming to commit, not getting your own hopes up than talking about it and failing to execute. I like to be known to others as a person who says what she does, and does what she says. I guess that makes me ISO 9000 compliant, huh? Seems like a good life policy to me. This is right in line with what I was spewing forth about yesterday—how that when life throws you curveballs, you have choices—either change the outcome expectations or hit the damn ball out of the park! (I can’t believe I am using all these other sports analogies, including sports that I typically find VERY boring to watch.)

I’m not saying I’ve never succumbed to the demon voices—I certainly have—but I try to limit their power as best I can by doing a few things:

• Understanding where they are coming from. Am I stressed? Am I bored? Am I overtrained? Am I having emotional issues that I’m not facing?
• Asking myself will I feel worse or better if I give in. Usually the answer is WORSE, and that stops the demons dead in their tracks.

That’s usually about all it takes to just move on and GET IT DONE. This is part of my self-observation practice. If you can behave like a third party to yourself and just look and not be judgmental, you stand a much better chance of making the right decisions. And I’m not just talking sports here. I decided a few months ago that it was high time I stopped going through life half-unconscious. It’s time for me to step up, see myself for who I am (and make adjustments where warranted) and be more in every single moment.

I have to tell you that the elapsed time from where I thought about shortening my workout today to where I made the decision NOT to was about 5”. Once you learn to step back just a little bit, you can make much better decisions. This is also my approach to food cravings. I let myself indulge in the fantasy of having the food for maybe 10”, and then it just passes. But if I decide to give in, then I GIVE IN fully committed! But giving in once doesn’t need to lead to always giving in. Whenever someone asks me how long did it take for me to have the physique that I have, my answer is usually, “49 years.” Or however old I am. Wherever we are today is the result of countless, seemingly small, decisions that we’ve made moment to moment. I am finding the more I can seek to process a decision IN THAT MOMENT, the more likely I am to make a “good” decision for myself. For example, I am getting better at catching myself getting annoyed by someone else’s behavior and being able to stop momentarily and ask myself, “Is it worth it for me to react this way?” And mostly the answer is NO. Sometimes, though, my mouth gets the better of me and I say something out loud that perhaps in retrospect I shouldn’t have, but I also recognize sometimes that emotions are stronger than any rational thought process, and they also need to be honored.

The only downside to today is that I didn’t officially stretch. I am giving myself a “bye” on that, and will definitely get some in tomorrow, or even now as I relax before retiring for the evening.

Today's Workouts: Tunnel Vision

You know that sensation you get when you're training really hard and getting close to the target event and you have difficulty focusing on anything else? Welcome to my world! Today is the second time in the last 2.5 weeks where I feel totally, thoroughly, exhausted. I knew it was coming--it wasn't like this was a surprise--I've had my training schedule through next week in front of me. To not expect to feel tired would have been delusional; to think that I could show up and perform well for Goofy Challenge without doing the level of run training I'm doing would also be delusional, given my goals to get through both days running. Given my triathlon goals with my big A race in May, to not expect my bike training to be tough would also be delusional. Add to that my desire to get stronger, muscularly, and the cards have been stacked!

Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining! I've known what I would be in for, and as difficult as this all is, I am enjoying it, especially knowing that in 2 weeks I get some sort of taper (that is still a surprise) and will get some sort of rest after the event.

It's interesting how all of these thoughts and feelings can be expected when approaching any major life event, yet I am continually amazed at how so many people get so overwhelmed by something they knew was coming, knew what sort of preparations were required, and yet they sabotage their own efforts by failing to execute proper preparations, set unreasonable goals, or succumb to stress that is of their own doing. Goals can be adjusted; events can sometimes be cancelled or postponed; stress management techniques can be cultivated to the point where they are a part of your everyday life. Right now I don't feel stressed; I am just tired--something I totally expect and almost welcome. But I also know that if I do truly feel stressed, that I have choices I can make--I can scale back my goals (especially if I know I need to scale back my preparations), I can postpone or cancel an event, or I can let go of something else in my life that is getting in my way.

If you are living truly aware, then your eyes are wide open. You know what you are doing, you control what you can and let go of what you can't, and you eliminate beliefs, actions, reactions and thoughts that restrict your view. It's so easy when you're in a car and it starts raining and you just turn on the wipers and presto, you can see well. EYES WIDE OPEN. Reminds me of the sign that you see at the end of some tunnels: ARE YOUR LIGHTS ON? So, are yours?

Oh yeah, was supposed to report today's workouts.

7:26AM Swim 3000 yards in 1:05. WU: 200 swim, 200 pull, 200 kick, 4 x 50 (10") Swim Golf MS: 12 x 100 (20"), Odds Mod-Hard, even's 5 sec slower. 100 easy swim. 4 x 200 (20"), Neg split. CD: 100 easy swim

The pool was COOL today! When I showed up on deck, I could feel the fatigue from last week's training, and I was not in the mood for warm water. So when I jumped in and it felt almost cold I was very happy! As I warmed up, though, boy were my arms and legs tired, and I wasn't swimming very fast at all. I remembered I had to do 12x100, but I hadn't looked closely at the workout. When I saw the odds/evens stuff, all I could think was, "This is such a GIFT." I was happy to know I didn't have to swim it all hard. And when I started on the main set, I was totally surprised at how fast I was able to swim the odds! I haven't seen those times in months--just goes to show you what cool water can do for you.

On one of the 100's, as I turned, it felt like I hit the lane rope, so no big deal, I kept swimming. But I was a little confused as to why my hand didn't hurt more. After I finished that one, I found out why. Apparently me and a woman in the adjacent lane had smacked hands, and she took the brunt of it. I apologized, although I'm sure my hand didn't go over the lane rope--I was actually trying to avoid her gangly side stroke earlier, and I'm very careful to stick within my space. Oh well, I knew she was hurt more than me, and I apologized as best I could.

As other swimmers entered the pool, it was nice to see all the faces light up as they got in and realized how nice and cool the water was. I ended up having a good workout, albeit with fatigued arms and legs.

9:30AM Strength, 3x12, 46'. I didn't do all of this at once--it was catch as catch can between meetings and calls and stuff, but I got in a good deal of work. Again, even while doing this I could feel the massive fatigue in my body. But I have to travel tomorrow, so I didn't want to leave the entire strength workout to tomorrow which would get stacked on top of a brutal bike workout.

2:47PM Run 55', including 15' strides. I was smart today, and kept it easy, as I was supposed to. Although the last 10' I ran on the track, and while I thought I was holding myself back, guess what, er, no, I was surprised I was holding that pace at such a low heart rate. But at least it was just 10' and not the entire workout!

I am going to sleep VERY well tonight.

Weekly Training Totals: Resistance is Futile

Freedom is irrelevant; self-determination is irrelevant; you must comply.
--The Borg

Swim: 10,050 yards in 3.58 hours
Bike: 4.75 hours
Run: 5.25 hours
Strength: 1.85 hours
Total Hours: 15.43
Average Daily Calorie Need: 3,467
Stretching: 2.25 hours <--met my goal of getting in at least 2 hours
Average Sleep per Night: 8.71 hours

Today's Workouts: Equipment Test Part 1

9:53AM Run 1:50 as 30' Easy, 40' Steady, 20' Upper Steady, 20' Mod Hard.
This run was 10' longer than last Sunday's run, and thankfully, the extra time went into the Steady block and not the ending tempo work. Today was the day to test out a new pair of running shorts that I plan to wear at the Disney marathon, complete with cell phone in a back pocket, and also I wore my Fuel Belt for the very first time. I told the guys at the desk in the cardio room at the Y to excuse me for looking like a dork with the Fuel Belt on, and that next week I'd have the Fuel Belt AND a tutu, because you know what they say--"nothing new on race day." They both said they had to be here to see THAT.

I had 2 of the bottles on the belt (I have a 4-bottle model; each bottle holds 8oz.) loaded with defizzed Ultra Violence, and the other 2 had Mango Gatorade. I brought the rest of the 32oz. bottle of Mango Gatorade. For Disney, all 4 Fuel Belt bottles will be loaded with Ultra Violence; my plan is to drink 1/2 bottle every 3 miles starting at mile 4.

The Fuel Belt felt fine, other than it making me sweat more. I was smart enough to Body Glide my waist. The only place I've ever chafed in a marathon is around my waist and under the HRM strap, and I've learned that lesson well. I am still not sure if the Fuel Belt bottle openings are to be twisted or popped up--I ended up popping out the center section whenever I took a drink. I guess I am a little too aggro with my teeth.

My legs felt pretty good throughout the entire run today, despite all the crazy ass training I'd done this week. I am now to the point where my warmup pace feels wrong to me--I am getting used to a higher leg turnover now. But I'm still not fast! That's OK--my goal for Disney is to finish both days RUNNING.

After I finished the run, I walked for 4' on the treadmill, and did some arm stretches while doing that, then I went to a mat and stretched about another 15'. I had done a little bit of stretching before I left just to loosen up, so my total stretching for today was 26'.

12:10PM Swim 1400 yards 28'. I just flopped around in the pool--I swam 1000 with my fins on real easy, did 200k, 50 back, and 150 pull. Just nice and easy to get the legs all cooled down.

All in all, a good day's workouts! One more hard week to go and then it's taper time!

Yin and Yang

I suppose it was natural for me to be drawn towards the whole self-awareness thing, sometimes as manifested by Buddhism, only because that's the only philosophy I've seen it enjoined to an entire way of life.

I was raised Catholic, and while I have some issues with it, I see it mostly as a way for people to feel they belong to a common belief system, which if that's what you need, go for it!

Mostly I'm just trying to know myself, be more aware of my self, and see what windows and doors that might open for me. I haven't taken up traditional meditation, and am not sure whether I want to. I do find that I achieve a meditation-like state during much of my training, and certainly I've experienced the "peaceful emptiness" during Ironman marathons. It's because of that that I decided I had better find a way to bring that out in the rest of my life.

Recently I began doing morning gentle warming up/stretching/yoga, and of course, it's beneficial if I practice with a clear, open receptive mind. I am now looking forward to this time (perhaps 20' at the most) as a way to begin my day more centered and calm. Again, I find myself one step away from meditation, as I've been having thoughts like, "What if I just sit quietly for 5 minutes?" Well, what if I do? For now, I seem to be able to achieve peace through quietly stretching and during my workouts, so my psyche favors a more active form of meditation. I think I'm able to do it this way only because I have sought to achieve an intense mind-body connection, and I no longer look at the effort of training or racing as "suffering."

When I describe part or all of a workout as having "sucked," it's just a term of endearment! If I didn't want to know where the intense, focused effort would take me, I wouldn't be able to execute the intensity, would I? If I was truly suffering, I wouldn't be making it through the last 3 weeks, this one included, and there's one more big build week next week, with such a feeling of calm.

On another level, I must admit that I've been more or less of a hermit for the past 2 months. I did let some of my friends know that this was a necessary process for me but that it is not an indication that my love for them is any less. It's just one of those times in my life where I need to get more deeply in touch with myself so that I can be that good friend, be that good athlete, be that good employee, be that good sister. I do not feel lonely at all. While I believe that my exterior can be difficult to understand at times, all I can say is trust that the interior is being slightly remodeled, but not with anything frivolous or "flashy." Isn't that funny? I have always been a person who likes to dress rather flashy, or at least attention-getting. But that is the yang part of my yin-yang. I'm just spending a little more time on my yin!