The Return of...Crackhead?

After much consternation, I have decided to make my blog public again and start writing.  Why?  Because I finally "recovered" from the last 3 years of trying to do too much after an Ultraman and succumbing to an amount of stress that I just couldn't handle and continue training.

News flash: I've registered for Ironman Cozumel on 12/1!  About 4 weeks ago, I woke up one morning and thought, "I feel normal."  Normal for me, that is. It's been 7 months since I found out I'm hypothyroid (and actually have been for at least 15 years) and been on meds, but I am not sure whether the reason I feel good is that the meds are at the proper dosage or I just mentally and physically recovered.  I'm going to go with all of those being implicated in feeling better.

As soon as I had a few consecutive days of continuing to feel normal, I decided I wanted to set some goals for myself:

1. Do a century ride.  Just to see if I still like riding that far.
2. Do a 1/2 NothingMan.  Just to see if I still like doing that.
3. Ride the Bike Psychos 200K ride (pending outcome of enjoying a century).

So I made myself a back-of-the-napkin training plan that began on July 1, and to accomplish the above, it meant ramping up my running and biking, but not swimming.  When I made the plan, I didn't add up how many training hours each week would be, because I didn't want to focus on that and think, "OH FUCK CAN I DO THAT?"  So I just started doing it, and the first 2 weeks went great.  I did a century on 7/14, and it went great considering I hadn't ridden that far in over a year!

Meanwhile, a friend observed that I might be back in the swing of things and invited me to do Leadman next year, which is right up my alley.  I was thrilled to be asked, but also scared, since I hadn't completed my evil plan to see if I even want to do the long stuff again.

Meanwhile, another friend let me know he was doing IMCOZ and that it was still open, and he told me I should do it.  So now the wheels in my head are spinning.  Honestly, I ran through a bunch of emotions right about this time (just 2 weeks ago) in terms of should I return to long course, is my body prepared for the training again, do I want to get back to hyper organization and early rising to swim?  Will I turn back into that machine that I thought I was a few years ago? Will I train smarter?  I was so shook up in thinking about all of this, but tried not to let onto anyone.  I even cried a few times and wasn't sure if I was crying tears of joy at feeling well enough to go long again or whether I was lacking confidence in myself.  What if I AM just too old to do this stuff?  What if I have slowed down so much that I wouldn't be happy with my own race results?  My brother Mike regularly tells me, "You're no spring chicken," and as much as I don't want to buy into it, there is this part of me that believes it.  Trust me, the whole menopause thing is no friend to an athletic woman.  It just messes the fuck with your body.  But I digress.

So I accept the offer of Leadman for next year (pending whether my friend can do it himself), and now I'm seriously thinking about IMCOZ for this year.  I mean, I am training enough (except for swimming) to get across the line in one piece, I am having a gas biking again, and my run speed is picking up again despite having run like a slow turtle all winter long because I was so scared I was going to dig myself a deeper recovery hole.

Well this past Monday I called my friend Brad and talked through the IMCOZ idea.  I took Monday off from work, and it seemed all I could think about was hitting that damn SUBMIT button.  Brad and I left it that we'd talk again the next day.  But then about an hour later, I thought fuck it, I'm signing up.  I can do this.  And I was actually shaking when I got to the active.com registration page!  Isn't that a hoot?  How many times have I done this?  I don't even try and remember anymore (besides, that's what Excel is for).  I texted Brad: I'M IN.  And got back: I knew you wouldn't wait!!! Yeah! So excited el cheatoman mexicana 2013.

See (this is to catch up new readers) Brad and I have called IMFL Cheaterman for many years because of its reputation for drafting on the bike.  He did it in 2010 and I ran the marathon during the race that year, and I saw cheating on the run, too--people who clearly had pacers and such.  Whatever.  Anyway, IMCOZ is pancake flat, so no doubt it is another Cheaterman, but in Spanish this becomes El Hombre Tramposo!!!!   Or maybe we'll just call it TramposoMan.

So now, I've expanded my plan and put it into Excel and all that and I've scheduled more frequent massages (a requirement for me to train well), got Skull Kingdom all fixed up and I'm riding with power (not that much yet but that will change) again, I'm excited I'll get to use my never-been-worn aerohelmet (after I apply the custom skull stickers) on 8/3 in a 1/2 NothingMan, and now I just have to hope that I remain healthy and can absorb my planned training load.

Is what I am about to do Cracktacular?  Well it's not that crazy shit I thought I could do for Ultraman.  It's "normal" IM training for me.  I will be really happy if I can execute it, and then if I get REALLY crazy, I still kinda want to do Ultraman Hawaii.  But I am not going to rush into that--I need to have another long course under my belt.  Besides, the Ultraman folks might require me to have done another recent IM, so I'm killing 2 birds with one stone.  It may just be that I want to go to Kona, so either way, I will probably go next year.

I have learned a ton in the last 3 years about balance and rediscovering my love for things besides triathlon.  I know some people won't be at all surprised when they learn I'm back at it, and I am sure some of them will roll their eyes the same as they have in the past.  Whatever.  If the universe or my body takes me down in the process, then it's just the luck of the draw.  It feels really good to have a big goal again.  I had turned into quite the procrastinator there for awhile, and it seems I have mobilized and am excited to get going again.

Regarding this blog, yes, the past is still here in all its crazy, Crackheaded glory.  I have gone back and read some older stuff, and if you look past the silly/disturbing photos and training documentation, there is some great stuff in here about how to do this thing called life, and I hope I can keep learning and writing about it.  I don't know how often I will post, because honestly I need to go into DEFCON CRACKHEAD for the next 18 weeks, but I am sure I will find time.

To anyone out there who is injured or suffering from life setbacks, I'm here to tell you that you do get through it.  I've just completed nearly 3 years of injuries, health issues, life issues, and it sucked donkey balls, but I was able to keep up a modicum of slow "training" to keep what little mental sanity I had. THREE FUCKING YEARS!  In that time, I've been injured 3x I think, found out I have osteoporosis, found out I'm hypothyroid, had my house nearly burn down, (temporarily) gave up my dream of doing Ultraman Hawaii, had a cancer scare or two, and yet here I am.  As I've said in the past, sometimes it seems that life is just a huge pile of shit with a few bright spots thrown in to keep you from offing yourself.  I am grateful for the people who stuck by me when I hung up my tri shoes.  I was in such a bad place for a long time, and it saddens me when I see friends going through shit.  Life IS hard.  But we are here to help one another, and I know how people like to watch me train myself into the ground, so HERE GOES!!!