Weekend Report and Weekly Workout Totals 06/12/2006-06/18/2006

I left for Mount Horeb (I keep forgetting you can't abbreviate it as "Mt." Horeb; mapquest reminded me of that), Wisconsin around 1:30PM on Friday, after tidying up my house. I also managed a short swim in the morning, and I actually cut it short! On Thursday I ended up doing a split-up duathlon--I dropped off my car for a brake job and ran home (3 miles), a few hours later I biked 1:30, including some FT intervals (yeah, baby, and they felt GOOD), and then later I ran back to pick up my car (another 3 miles). I also squeezed in a :30 abs/core workout. So I felt a little sluggish in the water on Friday morning, and just said fuck it, I don't need to swim 8,000 yards this week!

I was flying on up north/west on I90 until Belvedere, Illinois (just south/east of Rockford), where I hit a traffic snarl due to tollway improvements and bridge construction that added about :40 to my trip.

When I was just past Madison, Wisconsin, headed west to Mount Horeb, my phone rings and it's my friend, Cindy. I instantly sensed she was nearby and instead of "Hi" I said, "Where are you?" She, her husband and son had just arrived in Madison. She was going to ride Horribly Hilly. I was so happy to hear from her and to know that we could ride together. I actually don't remember driving while I was talking to her. I'm not usually a phone/drive person, but it worked.

Aside: Cindy used to live about 1.5 miles from me. She and I did our first Ironman together. It was so awesome to be able to show up at one another's house to run or ride or swim or whatever. She now lives in Michigan, and I am such a slug I haven't been to her house since she's moved. I need to fix that transgression.

The forecast for Saturday was hot and humid, AND WINDY! Yeah, baby. It seems that many of the times I've been up that way in the summer that those are the conditions. Cindy and I have ridden the Ironman Wisconsin course in those very conditions in training and racing. So you sort of expect it.

Anyway, Cindy and I chatted awhile and we wondered if another set of mutual friends who live in Madison were riding. I thought they were supposed to, and I thought we should all ride at least the first leg together (since I had planned on continuing on the 200K course whereas everyone else was going to do 100K). Later that evening, Cindy confirmed that Lisa and Vicky were riding 100K, and we were all going to meet at the start at 7:30. Rumor had it that another friend, Michiko, would be riding as well. There was one training ride that all 4 of us had done a few years ago, where when other riders would come by us (and there was a 5th woman, Ruth, who we have lost track of), they'd ask if we were an "all women's cycling team." As opposed to what? Like groups of women don't ride together? It became a joke the entire day. We'd ask one another, "Hey, are we an all women's cycling team?" It just struck us all as funny. You see plenty of packs of guys, yet nobody assumes they are a team or anything. Just guys who all happen to like to ride.

Anyway, I didn't get much sleep Friday night. One, because my hotel neighbors were a little noisy, and two, I woke up around 1:15 and just lay there awake for about an hour and a half. Funny, I wasn't nervous or anything, HHH isn't a race or anything, but I guess the 200K jitters were setting in.

Saturday dawned warm and humid. I lubed up my entire naked body with SPF 30, had some mediocre coffee from the nearby Kwik Trip, Glycoload, and off I went. I parked and Cindy called to say she was at the chip pickup. I rode down there and found her easily, and then Lisa and Vicky rolled into line (we sort of cut in, sorry folks, but the line moved quickly). The plan was we would all more or less ride together the first 25 miles. Vicky admonished me several times that "this isn't a race." Hell, I had no idea what I could do on the day. I wasn't crystal clear that I wanted to do 200K with the heat and all, but that was my intention as we started. Someone else I know up in Madison, Rob, managed to spot me at the chip pickup, and we had a one-armed hug while on our bikes.

We had lots of chatter and laughs and it was good to be riding with friends, with no time or speed goals, but just to have fun, even though the ride is somewhat of a sufferfest. During the first climb, my legs didn't feel weak, but they didn't really enjoy the climbing (there's a 2 mile climb in the first 8 miles of the ride back almost to where you start in Mounds Park--before we started up it, I ceremoniously flipped it the bird), and the humidity was oppressive, and the winds were blowing steady 15-20MPH with gusts to maybe 40. I got asked a few times how I was faring having done an Ironman 3 weeks ago, and for the most part I felt just fine. Sluggish, but fine.

Somewhere during the first 20 miles I thought it would be more fun to just do the 100K and then I'd get to hang out with Cindy and possibly Lisa and Vicky as well for the afternoon. That seemed like a good plan to me, and I had nothing to prove, having done the 200K twice already. Also, in my "slacking and not training" mode that I'm trying to be in, I figured doing just the 100K would put me around 15 hours of "not training" for the week, which was plenty. And then, if I felt like it, I could get in a run or swim on Sunday once I got home. This seemed like a grand idea to me!

When we got to the first "stage" station, lo and behold, I spotted Michiko, and someone else I know, Mary. It was like the ladies reunion! The day was getting better and better. We spent far too long at the first station, but none of us cared. We were more or less ambling. Now, I pulled into this first station last, because, as I said, I was feeling sluggish. So I guess there was still a little quad fatigue from Brazil left over. I think I was helped somewhat by riding my road bike, too. That granny gear saved my ass!

I had forgotten that the reason I know Mary is through Michiko. Mary is the only one amongst us who hasn't done an Ironman. She actually doesn't do multisport races anymore, but she's one helluva cyclist.

We rolled out of that station to embark on the next leg of the day's journey. It was not bad at all--there were many miles of basically flat sections, and even though it was windy, I didn't mind at all. I can ride all day on flats into a headwind (that's basically what Brazil was). I started feeling stronger as the ride wore on. There was one nasty climb in Stage 2 called Barlow Road--I remembered it from the last 2 years. It's one of those stair-step climbs. It has 3 steps, and people were walking their bikes! I never know if I am going to make it up these things, but I know how to force my muscles to relax into the effort, relax my breathing, and then when necessary, I channel people to get me up and over. Saturday it was my mom, sometimes Gilberto Simoni (I have no clue why I picked him), and once it was Chuck Norris. Barlow Road really pissed me off, it sucked so bad. So for several miles I tried to come up with a description of how badly it sucked, and then it came to me. I had to share my revelation with my friends, much to their groaning chagrin: Barlow Road sucks like a crack whore who's run out of money and needs a fix. How's that for analogy?

Cindy and I pulled out in front of the ladies and pulled into the next and last station first. Cindy got a cable adjustment to her bike (they were new and stretched), we talked and laughed, and then prepared for the assault on Pinnacle Road, which is right out of the aid station. I think Vicky and Lisa left first and seemed to get well ahead. Cindy and I were climbing about the same pace. Pinnacle Road didn't seem nearly as bad as I remembered it. Of course, I remembered it having 100 miles of nastiness under my belt from the last 2 years, whereas today it was maybe only 45 miles (I had no computer on my road bike, which was fine by me). Don't get me wrong--it still sucked, but it didn't suck as badly as Barlow Road had sucked earlier, yet I knew there were more nasty climbs up ahead.

Shortly after Pinnacle, I left Cindy behind, but knew she'd be OK. She was cramping, probably (sorry if you're reading this, Cindy) from being out of shape, even though I knew she could tough it out. She had talked of calling her husband to come get her, but I really hoped she wouldn't resort to that. She is one tough cookie (ironically, on an all-pink bike, including her matching Hello Kitty water bottles), and I knew she'd figure it out.

I caught up to Vicky and Lisa, and I was just feeling better and better, and stronger and stronger. So I said a few words and then passed them up and kept going. There were some sweet stretches where you could really open it up. I actually used my biggest chainring (my road bike has a triple) a lot during the day, as long as I wasn't climbing or directly into a headwind. I passed a lot of people on this last leg. Some were just stopping to rest in shade. Some were stopping to get plain water to cool off. As I saw this, I thought to myself, "It's not getting any cooler out, it's not getting any less hilly, and the wind isn't dying down, so I might as well keep up the effort and finish this bitch."

There was another fairly nasty climb going into the town of Barneveld. I remembered that I didn't like the town from the past 2 years because of the way we entered it. And then once you're there, you can see the top of the f'ing Mounds Park (which is, by the way, the highest point in the state of Wisconsin), and you just keep seeing it and know that at any time, you will be climbing up that sucker one more time, only you get to do the final 900-ft. (which seems like an eternity) climb that is very steep to the finish line.

So you are being taunted by some flat to rolling roads, all the while looking up at the looming finish. The ride takes you slightly away from the park, of course, so you have plenty of time to think about what you are doing and what you are about to do, because you had better be ready, because it's a lot harder the second time up. It was more interesting to me this year because I didn't know the mileage or where I was or how fast I was going, so I literally had to stay more in the present moment. I think training with a power meter has taught me to sense my effort level and to know when I'm slacking and to pick it up. I also looked at the calories I was burning (by my HRM), and it seemed I was putting out about the right amount of effort for a ride like this. But in thinking about the 200K (which I was quite happy to not be doing), all I could think was that the 100K is not that bad at all. And/or I am pretty strong. Let's go with strong, OK?

I ride up to this woman (who it also happens knows some of the women I've already mentioned) who has been trading positions with me all day. She looked to be around my age and really strong, so there. I did let her go, though, as we approached Mounds Park.

When I saw the sign that it was Mounds Park Road, I had temporary amnesia. Because I couldn't remember how far you go before it really starts to suck. In starting the climb, it didn't feel that bad, but that lasts maybe 3/4 mile, and then it's hell, and you know you have 1.75 miles to go! I always tell myself that if I really need to bail and walk, that there's no shame in it. You see some fit looking men who are walking. That's the thing about this ride--it's all about managing your effort, and all my training rides (and runs, for that matter) generally increase in effort over the duration of the session. So I'm very familiar with needing to push myself late in the game, and this day was no exception. I kept feeling stronger, and even though Mounds Park Road was a grinder, about 1 mile up I just decided, fuck it, I'm not getting off my bike, I can do this, I feel GREAT! In fact, when I'd go by another rider, and they would ask me how I was doing, I would say, "Actually, pretty good!" And I truly meant it. Hell, I could think back to 3 weeks ago when I felt rotten, so by comparison, this was a picnic!

Even though my road bike weighs a few pounds more than my tri bike, I am still a featherweight rider, and that pays off in spades on all the climbing. I could literally feel how light I was and know that my legs had only to haul my 112-pound body up that stinking hill!

There are 2 or 3 places during the climb where it flattens just enough to give you a little reprieve, and if you are pacing yourself correctly and staying fully in the moment, you can really feel like you are getting a huge rest, and so I did. I passed people in these sections, too, because they had gone too hard in trying to climb, and when you do that, you will have trouble recovering when you get the chance (the secret to triathlon racing, if you ask me).

During the last .25 mile, I know I wasn't smiling, even though there were people lining the hill to cheer us on up. It felt like I was barely turning the cranks, but #1 I wasn't stopping and #2 I was not going to stand up. I saw Rob again, coming down the hill (I wondered if he was just going to ride home), and he encouraged me as well. I think I managed to smile at him, at least I hope I did! It really was a day of appreciating many wonderful people that I know.

That last 900 feet sucked, but again, not as bad as it sucks if you ride the 200K. Up and over, and I was finished! My riding time was 5:03:48. That was fine. I figured if I had done the 200K it would have taken me about 10 hours, but this way, I could wait for friends to finish, get some eats and drinks, and have a nice evening.

Even though it wasn't a race, I was first across the line of the "all women's cycling team." I am also the oldest of the group. I wasn't racing everyone else, but just doing it how I do it. I felt great, my legs felt just fine, and if I had brought my running shoes, I could have run right off that ride. But this turned out to be a week to hold back. The 100K ride just isn't that hard, if you have decent cycling fitness. The 200K ride, though, I would want to not be coming off an Ironman race, and I can do it just fine. So maybe next year I'll do that. Oops--I'm registered for a silly 300K ride that is much the same course in August. I still don't know if I can finish it, we shall see. My plans are subject to change!

Not too long after I finished, put my bike in my car and walked back to the finish line, the "winner" of the 200K ride came in. What an animal! His wife was photographing people at the finish line. I think he did the 200K in maybe 7 hours? I talked to him once he got off the bike. Nice man. STRONG man!

After all members of the "all women's cycling team" were in, we relaxed in the park and ate and drank. I think I had 4 beers--this time they were from a brewery in Madison, as opposed to the last 2 years where it was from the Grumpy Troll brewery in Mount Horeb. Whatever it was, it was good! I also ate a hamburger with onions, salt and cheese. And an ice cream cone. I can't remember the last time I had an ice cream cone. I guess the hamburger was my token McDonald's replacement (which I traditionally eat after an Ironman but wasn't close enough to one in Brazil), and it wasn't even greasy.

Since I had a hotel close to the park, I offered that all the girls could shower up there before going home or wherever. Lisa and Vicky left to go to a cookout. The others came back to my hotel and showered. Michiko and Mary drove back home, and then I went to dinner with Cindy and her family. We had a great time--we ate at Heiney's in Black Earth. Cindy's son, Matthew, has quite the adult palate, as he ate the sashimi grade tuna steak rare. He let me taste it, and it was awesome. I had Steak Wisconsin, which is a big hunk of sirloin with a big wedge (not silly little crumbles) of bleu cheese on top. More beer, and I was one stuffed girl!

So the weekend turned out to be an impromptu reunion of the All Women's Cycling Team, a time for me to dial back on my effort yet reconfirm my strength, a stroke of good fortune for my friend, Matt, and as it turns out, I did just enough training on the week.

Bonus, it turns out Cindy will be in my area next weekend and is doing the same sprint race that me and Lora are doing! We will have some fun! And I'm pretty sure my friend Matt is coming to watch--another thing--Matt also called me on the way up to Wisconsin, and he is NOT going to Kuwait. I am SO happy for him!

I passed out around 8:30PM, but then my neighbors (from Canada, it turns out) were making some racket, so that kept me awake for maybe 1/2 hour. I awoke at 5:30, wanted to sleep in, but figured it would be better to drive home early and avoid traffic.

I left Mount Horeb at 6:30AM and hit zero traffic back to home and made it in 2.5 hours. When I got home, I suddenly realized that I am very tired. So I made a good choice yesterday. But life presented me with such good options, I don't think I could have gone wrong! So I just laid around today, and will recoup for a good, solid "slacker training" week.

And how, for the first time in 4 weeks, I think, here are some training totals, like I care:

Weekly Totals 06/12/2006-06/18/2006
Swim: 8150 yards in 2.92 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 1020 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 142.63 miles in 8.15 hours; 53% of weekly workout time; approx. 3702 calories burned
Run: Approx. 20.6 miles in 3 hours; 19% of weekly workout time; approx. 1820 calories burned
Strength: 1.37 hours; 9% of weekly workout time; approx. 343 calories burned
All Sports: 15.44 hours; approx. 6885 calories burned
Sleep: 8.04 hours avg./night
Stretching: 1.15 hours

Season Totals 09/12/2005-06/18/2006
Swim: 328028 yards in 115.65 hours
Bike: Approx. 3516.34 miles in 202.73 hours
Run: Approx. 1109.78 miles in 175.22 hours
Strength: 57.32 hours
All Sports: 550.92 hours; approx. 244838 calories burned
Stretching: 59.86 hours

Season Weekly Averages 09/12/2005-06/18/2006
Swim: 8201 yards in 2.89 hours
Bike: Approx. 87.91 miles in 5.07 hours
Run: Approx. 27.74 miles in 4.38 hours
Strength: 1.43 hours
All Sports: 13.77 hours
Sleep: 8.48 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2 hours avg./week

Goals from Last Week:

• Um...I didn't really have any

Accomplishments This Week:

• Made some wise decisions about holding back on training
• Returned to full-strength strength training

Goals for Next Week:

• I gotta sleep more. 8 hours is not enough!
• I need to get my stretching back to 2 hours weekly.
• I want to do really well in the sprint triathlon. OK, so I have an ego. Fine, I'm over it. I want to do REALLY WELL. And I'll have fun at it! I am ready to go really hard. My perspective on effort has changed again, post-Brazil.

Anniversary, Wonderful People, Rambling

When I registered for the Naperville Women's Sprint Triathlon (on 6/25), the registration form asked how many triathlons I have done. I guessed 45, but this morning I added them up, and it's 50! Ironman Brazil was #50. That was some way to celebrate a milestone! And this year I turn 50 in October!

Yesterday while swimming, someone I know at the Y (because we tend to swim at the same time of day) told me she thinks someone should throw me a huge party because I am so inspirational. Did I get choked up or what? I am just doing things that I like to do and seeing where they take me. This same woman told me a week ago after I told her all the things I faced in Ironman Brazil that I am like Michael Jordan--I guess a reference to a few games he played while really under the weather. I don't go around bragging to people about what I do, but there are a few at my Y who I chat with regularly and let them know what's up. I've decided I need to ask this woman if she'd like to have lunch or something together. She's the sweetest thing, and I can remember maybe 2-3 years ago that I had a slight "to do" with her at the pool, but truly we have mutual respect for one another. She is not that great of a swimmer (well, neither am I), but she's there doing it, and so I give her credit. Once or twice I've given her small bits of advice on her swimming, and she has really improved.

I literally ran into the director of the Y on my way home from a short run on Monday. She asked about my race and I told her about it and I began to cry when I mentioned that my mom had passed away just a month before the race. I was absolutely un-self-conscious crying on the sidewalk. She then told me the Y was going to put up a board with stories about athletes who belong there, and told me I should write something. I think it was my idea to do this--I spent about :30 one day chatting with someone at the front desk about how there are some really good athletes (truly, I wasn't asking for my own name in lights) that work out at the Y, and there should be a board where people can post stuff about their training and racing or whatever. There are a lot of college students who run track, swim, etc., and also a fair number of adults who do various things. It's always fun to know who's in your back yard!

Today, I received an email from someone I can't really say that I know that I'm not sure how she found my blog, but the purpose of the email was to give me a hug! Man, I needed that! I am still grieving for my mom and experiencing a bit of an internal struggle in seeking to gain more self-awareness, but there's never a bad time for a virtual hug!

This morning I dropped my car off for a brake job and ran home. It was a short, :25 run, and I totally enjoyed it. Running as transportation. Later I will probably ride my bike to pick up my car. It's high summer, and while I loathe swimming in an indoor pool, running and biking outdoors are truly joyous occasions. It is feeling less like "work" and more like "fun" every day that it's nice outside. What a contrast from all the time I spent this winter and spring riding on the trainer or riding outdoors in crappy weather, and running on the treadmill. I really believe I experience Seasonal Affective Disorder. My mood is much better the more time I spend outdoors.

Oh well, I'll be outdoors for a LONG time on Saturday, and it's going to be HOT, HOT, HOT! 125 miles worth of heat! But you know what? It will be FUN!

Which Way You Going?

That is the question. For now, I am going to lay low, not really train (at least I won't have some grandiose plan), see how I feel, do some stuff or not do some stuff, and along the way figure out whether I want to do Ironman Florida.

My body needs a break from heavy, focused training. 6 years straight of this stuff is a long time to keep at it without a significant break. Coincidentally, this approach comes highly recommended here.

I can tell you that it's a heady sensation to see yourself improve over the years, to see the caliber of training that you can manage and hopefully absorb and reap some rewards in races. On the other hand, at what cost? I may or may not have paid a huge price for following this passion. I know that it has taught me incredible things about my mind and body--how to care for them, how to just observe them. At times, I refer to myself as a "machine." Is that what I have become? Not really. A machine doesn't question what it does. It just keeps doing. But sometimes I think I am doing too much "doing." And not enough "being."

It is going to be difficult for me initially to fly without a plan. And that's precisely why I need to do it. Because it WILL be hard. It WILL be different from my usual modus operandi. For example, on Sunday I had wanted to get in a 4-hour ride to feel better prepared for this weekend's Horribly Hilly ride. But when I woke up, my body was telling me I needed to rest. And rest I did. I did pretty much nothing all day but read the Sunday paper, some light household organization and laying around. But I did come to a decision, which is that I am not going to Ironman CDA to spectate. It would have been nice--I really wanted to cheer Shelley in person; but I am going away this weekend, and 2 weekends in a row is too much stress for me right now. Not to mention I have no burning desire to get on an airplane so soon after suffering with travel-induced illness from Brazil.

Last night I thought, hmmm.....I'm not going to CDA, so let's see if there are other things I can do that weekend. There's a 2-mile open water swim race on Saturday, and OMG, there's a women's only sprint triathlon on Sunday that is still open for registration. I think I want to do both. I registered for the sprint. But then this morning, as soon as I woke up, I decided there is no need for me to do the 2-mile swim. For one thing, I'd need to be up at 4AM so I could drive 40 miles to this stinky little lake. For another thing, it would be better for me to get in a 3-4 hour ride that day, and I'll also need to register for the sprint. So less is more. A sprint will be fun, short, and hey, my registration fee goes towards a good cause--ovarian cancer research. I've never done an all women's race, so that should be fun, too. I've raced this course before 2 years ago and easily won my age group, but I am not going to worry about that. I am going to go have fun with my disk wheel. Bonus, the race is like 10 miles from home.

Then, in another 2 weeks I'm doing another sprint. It was my first ever sprint triathlon, and it features a pool swim (no chance of jellyfish or face kicks as it's a seeded start, and I don't swim that fast anyway), a flat-as-a-pancake bike, and a flat run. Again, the objective is to have fun. This race is less than 20 miles from home.

2 weeks after that I have a 1/2 Ironman. It will be fun to see how I can do with very little training!

I know it sounds like I have a lot of stuff planned, but the point is that how I get from A to B is unknown. And then if the urge for hard, focused training strikes, I know that I can fire that up in August if I feel like it. If not, well, I already have an Ironman under my belt, and it's not like I need to prove I know how to do them.

This is going to be an interesting adventure. Stay tuned if you like!

Ego

I had a very nice massage and dinner last night with my spiritual advisor/masseusse. He had just returned from a 2-week retreat to a place run by the Self-Realization Institute (not sure I got that exactly right, but close enough), where he basically meditated for 3-6 hours a day, sometimes alone, sometimes in a group setting. He performed housekeeping tasks which supplemented the meager $75/week he paid to stay there for room and board.

As my current struggle is with the ego and the trouble it seems to get me in, my friend said at his retreat they spent lots and lots of time talking about ego. Turns out current thought says there is the immature ego and the mature ego. Only the truly enlightened have no ego at all! So our objective in being less than enlightened is to develop and cope with a mature ego.

I believe my ego is mature. It certainly seems to know when it's active, what it wants, what it's doing, and when it is not happy with outcomes. So once again I have learned a new lesson in that my sense of my ego getting in my own way at times is quite normal given my level of self-realization, and further that recognizing that I can improve on ways to remove my ego from things is a wise thing to do. It was truly refreshing to hear someone that I consider much farther along the spectrum of enlightenment myself admit that we are basically at the same place.

I am adamant that my Ironman training and racing quest is not merely about achieving some sort of time goal in a race. One of the thoughts I had about Ironman Brazil is that I feel gypped that I didn't get to have quite the ethereal experience I look forward to because of all the physical items my body was demanding I pay attention to. Yet at the same time, I think I was quite successful at letting those things be as much in the background as possible, enough so that I was able to keep on moving along.

I know that I personally experience many different layers of consciousness. Those of us who choose to live in a society and abide by certain norms (even those of us who think we are nonconformists are playing by a number of societal rules) need to shift our focus of attention many times during a day--sometimes it's work, sometimes it's relationships, sometimes it's maintenance of things (like homes and cars), sometimes it's our physical maintenance (eating, sleeping, stretching, exercising), sometimes our emotional maintenance, sometimes our intellectual maintenance (reading, engaging in spirited discourse), and then there's our spiritual/self-realization maintenance. If we didn't do this focus shifting, then we could all be contented monks living in caves!

When we call a person "balanced," it is based on some inner judgment that we are making about that person's ability to juggle all these things, but it's a foolish judgment, because after all, at the time we are making it, our own focus is on only one of those things, so how can we possibly be seeing the entire picture of another person's "being" and call it balanced or not? So a quest for balance really is, I think, counter to a quest for total enlightenment, as the enlightened one has no struggles with layers of consiousness--they all become one and the same, and there is no wrestling with focus of attention. So I am very happy to say that I am not balanced!

To me an Ironman race is about being able to put everything but the spiritual maintenance into the background. I train hard physically so that I can forget about (or go on autopilot for) my nutrition and pacing. I train mentally so that when physical things are presented in the course of the race that I can quickly evaluate and react appropriately, and then push that item back into the background. I enjoy the act of encouraging others during the race because I hope it helps them stay in their spiritual foreground, even if they are in physical suffering at the time. So the Ironman race to me is a very selfish, unbalanced mental pursuit. I want to be in it doing it all by myself inside my head, save for my altruistic actions to encourage others. I didn't enjoy Ironman Brazil the way I wanted to because other layers of consciousness kept poking through--physical and emotional. I thought I had worked and trained so hard to not let those things surface, and at one level I feel I failed. But at another level, I guess I was able to manage the circumstances and still get things done, but it wasn't "fun" the way I wanted it to be.

Enter Ms. Ego. She got pissed off that the time goals had to be thrown out the window before the starting gun was even fired. She got mildly pissed off each time some new diversion was presented, and SHE got pissed off that she couldn't relax and hang out in the background while Ms. Self-Realization did her thing.

But Ms. Ego is pretty smart. She knows when she's not getting what she wants and why. And then she proceeds to make me feel badly about it! What a wonderful system. Yet that is how I know my ego is mature--if it weren't, I wouldn't question it.

Maybe I am searching for a level of mind/consciousness control that is out of reach. Yet I still think it's worthwhile to pursue it. Better to know and to know my own suffering than to not know.

It is odd that since my infections have cleared up, that I am still left with the usual Ironman fatigue, which doesn't seem right. I was supposed to get better and then just feel great! But I do feel significantly better, just tired. It is forcing me to think every day about how much exercise do I think I can tolerate? I'm flying without a training plan, and plan to keep that up for the next 2 weeks, as there is no pressure on me except for what I put on myself. I will be at about 9 hours for the week at the end of today. I think, gosh, my perception is pretty warped! 9 hours of anything is plenty for most people, but see I've got this bike ride I think I want to do next week, and I'm trying to figure out if I can do it. Each day I am a little less tired. I actually totally enjoyed running this morning, and even managed to pick it up when I saw someone else running the same direction. I'm going to try my second swim of the week shortly. My intention is to be on my bike this weekend as much as I can tolerate.

Am I still a Crackhead? Sure I am. I long for my body to crave and delight in hard, focused training efforts. I long for the annoyed feeling I get because it is difficult for me to match my eating to my calorie expenditure. I long for the complete and utter exhaustion that comes from a 2-hour run or a 4-6 hour ride. I long for the solace I get during those long and hard training sessions because I am so confident in my body's physical abilities that I don't really need to worry about it and I can be on autopilot save for a few glances at the power meter or clock. And yes, in a sick way, I'm looking forward to my next FTP test on the bike, which as always, I will enter with the appropriate degree of fear and respect, and then marvel at what a wondrous machine I have built. But now I can bring something new to the Crackhead table which is that, after all, I do have limitations, and while they may sometimes keep me from satisfying my Ego, they create the environment for greater self-realization and spiritual growth.

This Ain't no Party...This Ain't no Disco

This is going to be a very disjointed post. If you are uncomfortable with nonlinear stories, then please stop reading.

Below is an excerpt from an email response I sent to a friend (a wise friend, at that) who wanted to know how I was doing in the wake of Ironman Brazil. While I was writing it, I realized that I had been paraphrasing some thoughts I had shared earlier in the day with a truly dear friend of mine who happens to be a life coach, and is extremely wise herself. So my first “point” (if, in fact, I am making points here) is that seemingly serendipitously throughout my life I have cultivated friends and acquaintances who are on similar spiritual (I use the word “spiritual” not to mean religion; but rather the cultivation of oneness with the self and the universe, which I believe to be one and the same) paths.

Some of you may know that I trained in mathematics in college, to the extent that if I had known that would be my major when I started, I would have had a Masters degree in 4 years, but regardless, I had the opportunity to study all kinds of neat math stuff at the same time, and I crammed in as much as I could in 4 years. It was during my sophomore year that I sensed that all the different branches of math I was studying appeared to be the same to me—that they were just variations on a theme. The same way that I intrinsically understood the mathematical underpinnings of J. S. Bach’s Inventions, with their twists and turns on an essentially simple theme. This led to me reading the book, “Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid.” If you are ever feeling like you know everything, read this book.

Anyway, here is the email from yesterday:

I can't even process all that happened, both in the lead up to, and during the race. My enlightened mind knows that there are all kinds of things I will learn from this; my physical mind is in pain reliving the experience; and of course, try as I do to let go of it, my ego is having a rough time of it. Sometimes I think it would be better to not know that this is all part of the great lessons of life--spiritual growth and all that. As I said to a dear friend today, I know that I am pointed in the right direction, and I know that I'm closer to the destination than I was a year ago, but I don't yet know how far I have to go to get there, and I don't yet understand all the signs along the way.

This really can be a tough sport to do while trying to have no ego!

Part of me wants to beat myself up over having expectations of outcomes and then the inevitable disappointment that results when they do not occur. But I can't listen too hard to that voice just yet. I thought I had the expectation thing licked, but I found myself getting wrapped up in measurements and hopes and all that. I haven't yet discovered the magical way to be both improvement oriented and excellence seeking yet without the interference of the ego.

In fact, I can't even believe I wrote the above. Why can't I just say, "IT SUCKED" and let it be at that? Because that is not who I now am. Makes me wonder what's happened in the last year. I am SO different.

But I have had some great stuff, too, so eventually this will all come around and I will know what it all means.

You can’t really hide from a tornado. Weather forecasters tell you to go to a safe, reinforced corner of your basement, but tornados don’t know reinforced from unreinforced, and they don’t care whether you are prepared, they just show up. And they clear everything in their paths! Just like lessons in life are presented to us, and while we may try to hide from them or dismiss or discount them, they’re there all the same, and they can force you to clear things out of your life or at least look for such things. When I was very small and somewhat continuing to this day, tornado warnings would scare the life out of me, and I was the first one down in the basement cowering in a corner until the all clear (ironic how tornados clear everything out, and the “OK” sign is called “all clear”) was sounded. I wanted to face the tornado on my own terms, and if that involved fear and respect, so be it.

I can think of 6 significant events in my life where the tornado came through, and yet I survived. While I didn’t appreciate lessons from each of these things right away, the pattern I am seeing is that the time it takes for me to hear my “all clear” has compressed. Reread that email I sent yesterday. Now, every life experience is different, and we should never berate ourselves for failing to learn lessons immediately; nor should we expect to be so enlightened that we can learn the lesson precisely while it’s being delivered! But it is something to ascribe to. The thing I have learned is that I have been presented with opportunities for spiritual growth and mental toughness all throughout my life, and that if I had known it earlier, I would have pointed myself in the right direction many years ago. Or perhaps I WAS pointed in that direction but didn’t know it.

What are my 6 big life events? Here they are in chronological order:

1. Being accused of plagiarism in college.
2. Being raped for 3 hours while held at gun and knife point, and then for added emphasis, being robbed.
3. Experiencing the destruction of my marriage and the subsequent divorce.
4. Experiencing sexual harassment and subsequently being put on performance probation at work.
5. Dealing with the death of my mother (a work in progress).
6. Ironman Brazil (also a work in progress).
   

What do I think are/were the questions generated by each that I would need to answer?

1. Why was I being singled out for something that I knew in my heart that I hadn’t done (false accusation)?
2. How strong is my self-esteem, and how true am I to my ethics and morals, even in the face of death?
3. Is this a sign that I have failed to make another person happy, or is it a sign that I failed to make myself happy in the context of a relationship? Or am I just bad at relationships?
4. How sure am I of my own integrity and how will I survive the glances of others who may buy into the attempted false attack on my work ethics and accomplishments?
5. Why was I chosen to be the strong child, the one who would help lead my mother into the next world, and then ensure that those left in this world would be OK?
6. Did I let my ego get too much in the way during training? Did I become so full of myself that the goal grew larger than just to finish? Did I deserve to be tested, yet again, to see what my limits are in the face of true pain? Am I really a poser, who claims to be talented at this game, yet when put to the test I fail miserably? Have I neglected other aspects of my life so much and was this all worthwhile? Also see the email above; I think that pretty much covers it.
   

Did I know what these questions were (and feel free to think of others) right away after the events occurred? Hell no. That is the beauty of tornados, fires, earthquakes and other forms of destruction. The positive effects or lessons are not revealed right away.

I have a history of mild to moderate depressive episodes. I have a theory that a big cause of depression is the failure of our minds to integrate the lessons from events such as the above (but also the much smaller ones; I do not wish suffering on anyone, and one of the cosmic questions I have is why do some of us get “bigger” tests than others? The universe seems to single out some people to be tested severely, and sometimes, unfortunately, finally. It also recognizes whether we are pointed in that right direction or not and adjusts the “strength” of the lessons accordingly.). I came to this realization in the fall of 2005, when I was struggling with a series of smaller events: choosing to DNF at Ironman Wisconsin; euthanizing my cats; concern for a dear friend who had a triple bypass; confusion over the ongoing value of a close friendship; and berating myself over making a bad decision to engage in some level of reasonable expectation with a man that was incapable of providing it.

These things occurred more or less within the space of 30 days. I was reeling from the stress, yet I couldn’t see the additive effects of all these things being thrown at me seemingly at once, until a friend (the one who had the triple bypass) pointed out to me that, “That’s a lot of shit all at once.” I am typically slow on the uptake to recognize my own signs of stress. The only thing I know for sure is that if I develop a stomach ache, then I am in deep shit. I found myself wanting to slip into the typical depression; in fact, I knew I was already there. Yet, curiously enough, I found myself somehow able to look at myself, observe myself somewhat objectively, and knew there was something different about this “depression.”

So I effectively went into some seclusion (I am a natural recluse and need to work very hard to cultivate friendships, so this was not very difficult) to try and find my way through this. I picked up a book that I had bought months earlier and couldn’t really understand, and started reading it again. Suddenly, it made sense. I reread another book that I had bought and read soon after my divorce. When I first read it, the message I received was one to comfort me in my depression. When I reread it last fall, the message was completely different! This is why you need to read Gödel, Escher, Bach—one of its messages is that the messages are different depending on how you look at them, which is the crux of what I was struggling with! If all I could get out of this latest depression was that shit happens and you feel bad, what good would that be to me in the future? Thus would continue the cycle of depressive episodes.

Back to that second book I reread—the message I received this time was that I needed to be able to look at myself and my reactions to things, and while that could be a forced activity during a time of self questioning or depression, it was a very healthy thing to do on a regular basis. This prompted me to draw up a list (I am a big fan of lists, saying that my pea brain can’t possibly store all the minute details that I need to remember on a daily basis) of beliefs and actions I have/do. On one side were the things that I thought were working well for me in my life—emotionally, spiritually, physically and intellectually (sure you see Stephen Covey in this), and on the other side were things that I didn’t think were working. How was I able to draw up such a list by myself, you ask? It had to be the cumulative effect of lessons learned over the years and a realization that at some level I needed to be able to intellectualize my own depression.

The next logical step, of course, was to look at the list of things that don’t work, and ask myself why the fuck would I keep up these things? I realized that immediate changes weren’t possible. So I looked to an advisor on how to conquer some of these things, did some more reading, and slowly awakened to the possibilities.

Where all this has left me now is with something that you might call “mental toughness” or “self-awareness” or whatever. As I said earlier, I don’t claim to “be there.” All I know is that I am pointed in the right direction now. Has all my personal suffering been eliminated? No. In some ways, as each of the major events I talked about earlier unfolded, I would think that the current one was worse than anything else I had ever experienced. My sense of “worse” is now something that requires a higher level of self-awareness, presence in the moment and letting go of the ego to move forward. I can’t even begin to fathom what the next test might be!

What more difficult test could I have had then for my physical health to be in such a deleterious state during Ironman Brazil—the body that I have so carefully trained, nourished, and for the most part treated like a temple—and yet ask it to do something where my ego had such a tremendous investment to achieve a certain time, to finish, to keep going, to ignore obstacle upon obstacle? As I said to a friend yesterday, Ironman training and racing is a very strange way to open you up to such challenges and lessons.

Am I trying to teach you something by writing this down? Perhaps. More so, though, I am writing this to help me work out what will be the lessons I take from this most recent experience. My ego, self-esteem and sense of direction all are under attack right now. Even my sense that I love training and racing. I have tremendous respect for my physical body; yet I know that I am not my physical body. I have tremendous respect for my accomplishments; yet I am not those things. A few days ago I felt that I’ve been shortchanged in the love department; yet I can feel the love of so many friends and family around me.

All we can do is look at ourselves and ask whether we are here right now and acting mindfully in a way that removes as much suffering from our daily lives so that we can help others do the same. All with a lack of ego! I suppose at some level we choose our own life tests, which is an act of ego, right? So one of the things I am looking to achieve is the simultaneous presence of, recognition of, and acceptance of, ego, while at the same time limiting its power over me. That is one of the lessons from Ironman Brazil. I think that is why it is so emotionally painful for me to think about it. It really was not what I wanted; but it was what I needed.

I said earlier that I feel I am pointed in the right direction, but that I don’t always recognize or understand the signs along the way. Life isn’t like Driver’s Ed, where you are given a manual with pictures of every sign you might encounter and what they mean, and then you just obey the instructions. But I have found that it is important to be able to recognize when a sign has YOUR name on it. Perhaps because as a small child I learned to be self-sufficient and independent and curious and question things, and I learned how to comfort myself while I was cowering in the corner during tornado warnings, gave me a head start on seeing some signs that say “ATTENTION SHEILA.” It can be very scary to see those signs and not understand what you are being asked to do. Ironman Brazil was like that. It was like seeing a series of signs saying:

• You have a virus
• You have a headache
• You are allergic to strange bugs biting you
• You are dizzy
• You are being stung by jellyfish
• You have lost your usual energy
• You are being kicked in the face
• You want to quit
• You feel sadness over your mother’s death
• Your entire face hurts
• You can’t depend on your physical body to get you through things
• You need to let go of your expectations
• You need to encourage others to move on even as you want to stop

Each of those signs seemed to prompt a “CHECK” from my control center, yet none of them said, “STOP RIGHT NOW.” I’m waiting for the punch line—you know, like sometimes out in the country you see a series of signs that comprise a joke or a message, that you have to keep reading to find out what it is? Stay tuned.

Namaste!

It's Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Here's some shots of some clothing I got in Brazil. The jeans are lower than anything I have ever owned or seen here in the States.

I still feel like crap, but the antibiotics are starting to work.

I can't wait to be well enough to do a workout!

I hope it's legal to wear this stuff to an Ironman race. I'm going to IMCDA in a few weeks to cheer for Shelley and others I know...

Ironman Brazil 2006 Race Report, or You Can’t Always Get What You Want (but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need)

I was trained up to the max for this race. My hope was for a sub-13, maybe even 12:30. Things had gone as well as I could have hoped for all along, save for the death of my mom. In a way, I was bemused that my body hadn’t broken down very much along the way, which, in retrospect, may have been a foreshadowing.

It’s a long way to Florianapolis, Brazil (south of Sao Paulo) from Chicago. I tried getting the distance from Google Maps, but it can’t give me driving directions. I didn’t plan on driving, anyway. I know it’s at least 5,000 miles.

I left on Tuesday, 5/23, at 11:00AM from my house, and 3 flights later, arrived in Florianopolis on Wednesday, 5/24 around 4:00PM (Brazil is 2 hours ahead of Chicago). Sans bike. But I wasn’t worried—at least I had my clothes. Several athletes did not receive their clothes for 3 more days. One girl had been in town since Monday and didn’t get her stuff until Friday. When I picked up my bike in Sao Paulo to clear customs, I saw that one of the airlines had mangled the case. Nice. I just hoped my aerobars were OK, because it was the corner where they were seated.

I didn’t get much sleep on the overnight flight from Miami to Sao Paulo (I flew Chicago to Miami; Miami to Sao Paulo; Sao Paulo to Florianapolis through Curitiba). Breakfast and dinner were provided for us at the hotel, so after a late dinner, I fell peacefully asleep. Around 11:30PM, I received a phone call that my bike had arrived, and did I want to come down and get it? Hell no. I’ll get it in the morning. I got 9.5 hours of sleep that night, the most I would get the entire trip.

Thursday, 5/25 morning, I went into the Atlantic for a little swim. The water was beautiful—flat and cool. About 68°. Not murky or anything, but I could feel something in my hands when I was pulling. When I was almost finished and near shore, I tried to see what it was. I couldn’t see anything! So I decided to pull and close one of my hands and capture whatever it was. When I stood up, it looked like I had 2 glass spheres. I figured on them for jellyfish, and I was right. Thousands, or perhaps millions, of them were washing up on shore. But they didn’t seem to sting (another foreshadowing), so I just laughed and got out.

I unpacked my bike and nothing was broken, and put it together. My little Bitch would be ready to go.

I went for a 30 minute run later in the day, and felt really good. REALLY good. I was running at a good clip with a really low heart rate.

Finally, I went and rode with a couple of guys I met from Lafayette, Louisiana (Charles and Axel). It was a fun ride, albeit not part of the bike course. Lots of giant speed bumps and some cobbles.

On Friday, the ocean had kicked up quite a bit. It was very windy, and I decided against swimming, but still got in a short run in the morning. Once again, I felt great running, and I ran further and faster in 30 minutes than I had the day before on the same route. I thought this was a good sign.

Saturday I woke up and my throat was quite scratchy. I thought it could be anything—minor exposure to the local water (which I never intentionally drank, but there was some on fruits and vegetables), sea water, whatever. But it was noticeable, yet I thought it would pass overnight.

Nope. Saturday night (night before the race), I woke up at some point and my left arm was itching like crazy. After scratching it all over for a few minutes, I figured I’d better get up and see what was going on. I had huge welts in 4 places on my left arm, a new one forming on the right, and a few on my forehead. I didn’t freak out, but I was very concerned. A little over 10 years ago when I was still married, we were in St. Thomas, USVI, and I got bit by some local mosquitoes, and one bite was near one of my eyes, which promptly swelled to the size of a racquetball ball, nearly closed. So given I had been bitten by some Brazilian insect, I was concerned about my face and my allergic reactions. So I then pulled the sheet over my head to keep whatever it was away from my face. At one point I heard the thing right by an ear, and I think I managed to kill that one. This little episode just set the stage for a series of problems. At the same time, I noticed that my throat was beginning to close up, and swallowing was not easy. Oh well, carry on, just try and sleep a little bit.

I think I slept 7 hours or maybe not—it was hard to tell how long the scratching went on. I looked at my arms, and the welts had dissipated somewhat and didn’t itch too much, but I had 3 nice bumps across my forehead that looked like giant pimples to me. At least my eyes seemed OK. If I had gotten bit around them, making my goggles fit would have been difficult.

As I got up and did my race morning stuff, I noticed I was a little dizzy. My throat still felt like crap, and there was a trace of a cough beginning to take hold. Great. I could tell just from this that I was probably not going to have the day I was trained for. Oh well, just take things one step at a time and see what happens.

I went downstairs for breakfast and asked for some advice from an Ironman veteran—Danny, from New Mexico. He’s a really fast guy, but also extremely nice, and I figured he had to have done at least 1 Ironman while sick. He told me to just start out even slower than I had anticipated, to not get consumed by thoughts of being sick, and to be optimistic that things would clear up during the race. All very good advice. Better than saying, “You’re basically screwed.” I took the “start out even slower” advice to heart—knowing my body was already fighting off something, trying to go at my anticipated race paces from the get-go probably wasn’t a good idea.

I also noticed that despite getting sufficient sleep, that I just didn’t feel as awake as I usually do. It didn’t dawn on me until the next day that it was because my sinuses were very clogged up. I have NEVER had a sinus infection, so this was a first for me. It felt like someone had screwed a vise to my head. Oh yeah—complete with a nice headache, for which I hemmed and hawed, and then finally took 2 Extra-Strength Tylenol, because I just couldn’t stand it any longer. I didn’t want to take any NSAID’s or anything else. I figured my body would just have to deal with some minor pain control and a commitment by me to kick it down a notch or two.

When I got to the beach start area, I tried my best not to give away to any other athletes how poorly I felt. I have this thing that it doesn’t do me or anyone else good to know that I feel like shit on a race day, although, this was by far, the shittiest I have ever felt. And not just on a race day. I am going to the doctor today, this is nasty stuff! At any rate, I’m standing on the beach feeling dizzy. Not falling over dizzy, but like I had been drugged or something. So when the gun went off, well, here we go, let’s see what happened.

I started way to the back knowing I was going to have a crappy swim, got in, and the water wasn’t glassy the way it had been the day I did a practice swim. That combined with me being dizzy to start with was not a good combination, plus the headache really hadn’t abated too much. Whatever. I needed to try and get somewhere now, and I wasn’t good with quitting just yet.

The course was shaped like an “M”, and we started on its right. The right side or first half of it was longer than the second half. The first out part had 3 buoys marking 900 meters. Not really a lot when you think about it, but at least you could tell where you were going. When you turned to make the diagonal back to shore, there were ZERO marker buoys, which made it interesting, but there was a hot-air balloon on the beach which was the only thing you could use to sight. I could tell the current was pushing us back towards the start area, but oh well, what are you going to do.

I couldn’t believe I was “swimming” in the condition I was in, yet something kept me going. As I exited the water to run around, part of me said just stop right there, but then I found myself back in the water. I could also tell I had been stung by the jellies on both hands, but the stings didn’t really hurt—they just felt like blisters that were slightly annoying.

There was only the end marker buoy for the second half of the “M,” and it was hard to find. So now there were kayakers blowing whistles trying to get people on course. I waited a few seconds to verify where I was going, and then got back to swimming and immediately got kicked soundly in the nose. My goggles went up my head (but not totally off), and man that hurt like a sonofabitch. I had to stop and feel my nose to see whether it was broken or not. It didn’t appear to be, so I put my goggles back on and kept going. The way back was a huge cluster fuck, as the current continued to push those heading for shore into those going out, but somehow we were making it back to shore. I noticed during the second half of the swim that I had absolutely no power in my arms. It was an odd feeling, since I usually feel quite strong in the water, no matter how fast or slow I am swimming.

When I stood up, I noticed that my vision was fucked up, and played “one eye at a time” to figure out that I had no contact lens in my left eye. I looked in my goggles, and it was in there. Amazing! Even though I had packed a spare set in my T1 bag, I didn’t want to lose this one (they aren’t exactly cheap), and I was having a shit day anyway, so I figured I’d get it out in transition. I had to make hand signals at the wetsuit strippers to not futz with my goggles since there was something in there. Amazingly, I was able to jog towards the changing tent, and my body let me know that 1) my throat was just about closed up; 2) I was going to be coughing all day; and 3) the dizziness was going to continue. Oh well, just keep going. You can’t always get what you want. I didn’t come 5,000+ miles to give up this early.

I don’t know how long it took me to get that contact lens out of my goggles, and frankly, I didn’t care. But when I finally did, I rinsed it with water, popped it in my eye and it felt fine. Beautiful! After that, it took all of about 2 minutes to get my helmet, shoes and sunglasses on and head for my bike.

Of course, it was disheartening to see so few bikes left in transition, but I had plenty of time to finish this bitch in under 17 hours, so I’m going to keep going. As badly as my throat felt, I was still going to obey my rule of no drinking or eating for 15 minutes, to give my body time to settle. Well, I had spent at least that much time in T1, so I guess I could have drank something right away, but you know how anal retentive I can be.

The weather, at least, was beautiful. 60’s when we started, and it felt like maybe 70 as I started the ride. And no wind! Could this possibly be? A gift from the gods to make up for, in part, the awful way I felt? One thing at a time. Just ride the bike. At least I knew this was something I knew very well how to manage.

I settled into my first 2 hours of very easy power. Looking down at my meter, I was going over 20MPH at very low watts. That gave me something positive to focus on. Once we got away from town, the winds began to pick up, little by little. I was drinking on schedule, and all things considered, didn’t feel too poorly (although my throat hurt whenever I swallowed Gatorade). The race had the best flavors of Gatorade on the course—mango, citrus, tangerine. That was a nice thing to have considering how my day was going.

It wasn’t too long before the winds picked up quite a bit—about 2.5 hours into my ride. Post-race, athletes estimated them at 10-20MPH steady. I knew what to do, and I just kept pedaling. At one point, a film crew was filming my feet pedaling. That gave me something to focus on for a bit. I continued to feel dizzy while on the bike, and kept telling myself to not fall off the bike. My heart rate was unusually elevated, and not because it was a race. That told me that my body was working hard to fight off the infection. I ended up peeing 7 times during the ride (my actual ride time was 6:43, I guess not too bad for sick girl and headwinds), which was a new thing for me (not peeing on the bike—I’d done that before, but never to this degree). I think I was drinking the right amount of fluid, but oh well, ya gotta go, you go. I noticed that people had trouble with the wind—I did, too, but I forced myself to stay in the aerobars, as sitting up is counterproductive into a headwind. I also had 2 roadies with me most of the way—I heard there were many who thought how nice to have parts of roads closed—yet I worried several times they might cause me a penalty. Speaking of which—there were race officials all over the place—because of the course layout, they could keep circling in maybe a 10-mile area, so they really didn’t need that many draft marshals, yet there was more than adequate coverage.

There were several times during the bike when I wanted to give up and quit, but all I could think was I have no fucking clue where I am in relation to my hotel, let alone that I’m in Brazil! So that kept me going. My neck muscles were very tight, predictably, from all the aero position and very few climbs, but my leg muscles felt like they were on autopilot. I guess all that training paid off somehow, even though I couldn’t perform up to my expectations.

When I got to T2 and took off my bike shoes, my feet felt pretty abused. But I’ve learned from doing this a few times that that’s normal, and slipping into the running shoes would actually feel good, and it did. I told the volunteer to throw away my bike socks (I had fresh ones in my T2 bag). She made me confirm it, and I said, “YES, PLEASE GET RID OF THEM!” They were disgusting. I also changed into running shorts, decided to make an actual pit stop in the porta-potty before I exited for the run course, and in the short while I was in there all I could think was how the hell did I get this far today? Since I had such a crappy swim and was out in the back of the bikers, I didn’t get to see many people I had met, but I was looking forward to seeing them on the run.

As I began the run, my legs didn’t feel all that bad. They shouldn’t have—I hadn’t given the effort on the bike that I was capable of (although amazingly, it wasn’t that much less when I look at the wattage numbers). But I could tell this was going to be a big struggle. I still wasn’t convinced I had it in me to finish, but I just kept going. I didn’t come 5,000+ miles to not finish the race, did I? I noticed right away that the bridge of my nose hurt, and it seemed to be caused by my sunglasses. When I removed them, I could feel caked up blood on my nose. What the hell? I guess that kick in the face was pretty hard. When I touched the bridge of my nose, it hurt, and I just hoped I didn’t look too badly. Oh well, you can’t always get what you want.

Now that I was upright, the dizziness was much more apparent. Clearly, my balance was messed up no doubt by the infection being in my sinuses and probably the Eustachian tubes. Side note—when I was very young, I had recurring ear infections, so I am all too familiar with the structures inside my head. I still had a good headache going, my nose hurt, my throat felt like shit, so at least I had all that going for me.

I saw so many people I had met on the trip during the run, and most of them looked really good—Lisa, Danny, Peter, Dino, Axel, Charles, Peggy, Cathy. When they would ask me how I felt I’d say I was sick, but I’m sure they thought it was normal racing GI distress. I fucking WISH that’s all it was! My stomach was actually fine all day, and I was extra careful to make sure I was hydrating, taking in salt, etc. I think I peed 4 times during the run, so at one point I said a special “thank you” to my kidneys for continuing to function.

After about 15K, I could tell my legs were not going to do what I commanded them to. My entire body felt like it was shutting down. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined that I would continue going in an Ironman feeling this way. I have read reports of other athletes continuing under poor conditions, and never imagined how they could keep going. It was around this time that I decided I had promised my mom that I would finish, and so I was going to do it, no matter what it took. Throughout all of this, I remembered to thank the volunteers, and try and crack a smile when I saw someone I knew.

When I had about 15K to go, I saw Peter coming towards me. It was his first Ironman, and he looked absolutely great, and was having a great race, from what I could tell. As he came next to me, I heard him say, “OH MY GOD.” At the time, I wasn’t sure if he was commenting on his own effort or if he was making a comment about me. The next morning when I asked him about it, he told me I looked like shit. It was nice to have some confirmation of how poorly I really was doing. It’s tough to put it into words, and it’s even difficult for me to write this down. I’m sure there are others, who have felt worse in an Ironman, and maybe I’m a wimp, but I wouldn’t wish even half of how bad I felt on someone else.

With 10K to go, I knew I was going in. Believe it or not, when I got off the bike, I had a glimmer of hope I could still come in at 13 hours, but when I saw that pass, I knew it was going to be a long day. So my next objective was to beat my second best Ironman time of 14:20. Well, I just barely squeaked by in 14:15. How about that?

When I have read about other athletes doing “a death march” in an Ironman, and they are coming in maybe 1-2 hours below their abilities, in the past I would laugh and think, “Oh sure, that was a death march, huh?” But now I know what it’s like. So I am trying to feel good about a 14:15 being a death march for me, and it’s going to take a few weeks for it to sink in, but I’m sure it will come. So you can’t always get what you want, but if you try (and try REALLY HARD) sometimes, you get what you need. I needed that stinking medal, and knowing I could tough it out.

Shortly after I finished, I walked my crap over to this hospitality house that was set up for those of us who had traveled with Endurance Sports Travel (Ken Glah’s company). Thankfully, they had good food for us there, and we could get our bikes and ourselves transported to our hotels by van. I went into the bathroom to clean up a bit, and when I saw my face in the mirror, I now knew why people were looking at me funny once they could see me in the light. My nose was half black and blue, there was blood where my sunglasses had sat, and my eyes looked like I was stoned. I should have gotten a picture of myself at that point, although if you look at my finisher photo, you can sort of see it in my eyes.

A lot of people had great days—there were some amazing first-time finishers—Peter, Theron and James—some good PR’s and some others who didn’t get what they wanted, but they still got what they needed. Like me.

I will be seeing a doctor today, as I seem to be getting progressively worse (yet I can tell this will go away), I will rest up, and at some point I will begin moving around again. I pretty much decided the day after the race that I would go to Ironman Florida, hope that I would be healthy on race day, and see how I can do. It makes for one really, really long training and racing season, but I know that I am extremely fit, and that I will be fine lying low for a few months. I have a lot of riding planned (I still LOVE riding my bike), a few shorter races (in which I hope to kick some major ass), and then I just want to enjoy my summer.

I feel very fortunate that I was able to go to Brazil and do this race. I met some of the finest people you can imagine, and I hope to stay in touch with many of them. Great athletes who are great people. In the end, that is what this is all about. Showing us who we are and what we can become and accomplish no matter what is thrown in our paths. I still have 2 functioning (not 100%, but still working) lungs, 2 powerful legs, and 2 arms that I believe really DO know how to swim. I still have loving family members and friends, a coach who believes in me, and my own sense that I am doing the right things for myself. Life is still very beautiful, even in the face of adversity, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else!

I think the following verse from the Rolling Stones song is very appropriate. Those of you who know me well will see the connection:

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore

To get your prescription filled

I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy

And man, did he look pretty ill

We decided that we would have a soda

My favorite flavor, cherry redI

sung my song to Mr. Jimmy

Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"

I said to him
You can't always get what you want, no!

You can't always get what you want (tell ya baby)

You can't always get what you want (no)

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need

Oh yes! Woo!

BADA BING, indeed!

Ironman Brazil 2006 Short Story

Folks, I was sick. Not race sick--"sick" sick. I caught some virus on Thursday before the race, was miserable when I started, dizzy all day (which is a lot of fun on the bike), sore throat, congested sinuses, headache, blah, blah, blah. But you are probably thinking, "Hey, she should be able to deal." My energy was sapped, and although I made it through the bike, my run ended up being a death march. But, that was still my 2nd fastest Ironman overall, so what that tells me is that I do have a sub-13 in me, and I will be going to Ironman Florida to prove it.

Oh yeah--I also have a very black and blue nose (luckily not broken) from being kicked smack in the bridge of my nose during the swim (after which a contact lens popped into the goggles, and that was the start of my first long transition time), I was stung by numerous jellyfish, and drank way too much on Monday evening, and I'm working on no sleep for 2 days. So at least I've got that going for me!

The 2 things that kept me moving towards the finish line were that I had promised my mom that I would finish, and then at some point I remembered you get a medal, and I wanted one!

Full report to follow, but in the meantime:

BADA BING! (Actually, para bens, which means "congratulations" in Portuguese)

Weekly Workout Totals 05/15/2006-05/21/2006: All Bank Deposits Have Been Made!

My good buddy, Mr. Tapir, is back again, and starting to feel good. I spoke to my coach on Thursday, and at that point I wasn't feeling particularly rested. We had the "talk," which by now I am all too familiar with, about race execution. My objective for Ironman Brazil is to pull off a good run. PERIOD. No matter what my finish time is, if it ends with a good run, then I did what I needed to. Of course, a decent swim and bike would be icing on the cake.

Friday, I did another 3-mile swim. My 2.4-mile time was the same as 2 weeks ago. I wasn't able to reschedule my massage, so I had it Thursday evening again, and my upper body felt sore in the morning. No matter. I swam strongly the entire time.

I went into the office nearby (I can go either to the Sears Tower or to my former office in Westchester) to do a few admin type things. I stopped in my former work health club to visit with the manager, who has given me most excellent strength training in the past. We measured my body fat, and it is about 10% (depends on what age you punch in for me and how hydrated I was). I'm calling it 10%. The last official measurement I had was in 2004. At that time I was 114 lbs. and 13.4% body fat. So I had a lean mass of 98.7 lbs. At my current 112 lbs. and 10% body fat, my lean mass is 100.8 lbs. So I've added 2 lbs. of lean mass and lost about 4 lbs. of fat. And I have become stronger on the bike, and faster on the run. This is good stuff! I have upped the weights and time that I spend doing strength training, and it has paid off. Too bad I miss those 4 lbs. of floatation in the pool!

Friday evening I felt pretty wiped out from my swim. Something about 3-mile swims just makes me very tired. But I looked forward to my last "long" ride on Saturday.

Saturday dawned cool and windy, completely opposite of the forecasted weather. Oh well, at least it wasn't raining! So with day-glo green jacket on, out I headed. I felt a little sluggish (normal for a taper), but in the end, I generated the required watts on the day for about a 2:30 ride. My :30 transition run was at a peppy pace, and I envisioned myself beginning the Ironman run as I did it. Of course, I hadn't ridden 112 miles, so of course my legs didn't feel bad at all. I didn't feel tired at all the rest of the day, and that was when I knew the taper was really taking effect

Yesterday was a full rest day, and I used it to do some yardwork and get my bike packed. How could that take all day? Oh yeah--I also made myself a race week schedule, did a pile of dishes (I won't say how many days' worth were waiting to be washed), did laundry, read the Sunday newspaper, washed my bike and relubed it before I packed it away, and had a few emotional moments (more of those to come, I'm sure!).

Today I work a little, pack my clothes and other stuff, do 3 short workouts (swim, abs/core and bike), and then I'm ready to go on my big adventure to Brazil.

Thanks to everyone who reads my blog; whether or not you actually comment--I know you're there! I will not be blogging while I am away; but I'll keep notes on things and will surely have a lot to report when I'm back.

God bless all of you, great training, peace and serenity!

Weekly Totals 05/15/2006-05/21/2006
Swim: 9500 yards in 3.18 hours; 28% of weekly workout time; approx. 1129 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 74.67 miles in 4.27 hours; 37% of weekly workout time; approx. 2004 calories burned
Run: Approx. 19.62 miles in 2.94 hours; 26% of weekly workout time; approx. 1515 calories burned
Strength: 1.12 hours; 10% of weekly workout time; approx. 280 calories burned
All Sports: 11.51 hours; approx. 4928 calories burned
Sleep: 8.75 hours avg./night
Stretching: 1.32 hours

Season Totals 09/12/2005-05/21/2006
Swim: 308100 yards in 108.43 hours
Bike: Approx. 3127.25 miles in 179.97 hours
Run: Approx. 1034.24 miles in 162.03 hours
Strength: 54.21 hours
All Sports: 504.64 hours; approx. 224599 calories burned
Stretching: 55.53 hours

Season Weekly Averages 09/12/2005-05/21/2006
Swim: 8558 yards in 3.01 hours
Bike: Approx. 86.87 miles in 5 hours
Run: Approx. 28.73 miles in 4.5 hours
Strength: 1.51 hours
All Sports: 14.02 hours
Sleep: 8.5 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.14 hours avg./week

Goals from Last Week:

• Average 8+ hours of sleep per night. DONE.
• Stretch over 2 hours for the week. OOPS! Didn't make it. Didn't feel like I needed it.
• Continue race visualization, and assemble race plan. DONE.
• Stay on top of nutrition. DONE. I am SICK OF CARBS!!!
• Be careful to hold back during workouts when I am supposed to. DONE.

Accomplishments This Week:

• Kept a positive focus.
• Made it through a taper week with no weird physical things at all!

Goals for Next Week:

• Race well, as defined by solid execution: Swim strongly with good form. Bike according to wattage guidelines just as for my race rehearsal. Run strong and tough, dig on the opportunity to be 100% in the moment, and enjoy the incredible gift of fitness that I have. See you all at the finish line!

Weekly Workout Totals 5/8/2006-5/14/2006, or Am I Really Tapering?

Here are the weekly totals:

Weekly Totals 05/08/2006-05/14/2006
Swim: 12250 yards in 4.12 hours; 24% of weekly workout time; approx. 1532 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 134.46 miles in 7.68 hours; 45% of weekly workout time; approx. 3647 calories burned
Run: Approx. 25.21 miles in 3.77 hours; 22% of weekly workout time; approx. 1969 calories burned
Strength: 1.45 hours; 9% of weekly workout time; approx. 363 calories burned
All Sports: 17.02 hours; approx. 7511 calories burned
Sleep: 8.57 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.4 hours

17 hours doesn't look like much of a taper, huh? Last week I hit 17.61 hours, so in aggregate, the weeks look similar. No worries, though. Last week I swam 2.75 hours, biked 9.6, ran 3.93 and did 1.53 strength. So my bike, run and strength (I also decreased my total strength reps) are tapering down. Swimming not so much, and same will be true next week, but my bike and run will go down to not much at all. I'm starting to feel rested. My legs have plenty of spring in them while running (despite 3 brick runs this week). My legs have plenty of power in them (see previous post). My swim is coming around, and I think this Friday's TT will be good. So yep, I'm tapering, and loving it.

Last night I totally treated myself for dinner--I had pizza (more in a few minutes!), fried calamari (I removed a lot of the breading but added a lot of salt), beer, and angel food cake for dessert (I had some of that cake before today's ride, too). After tonight's meal, it's time to watch the calories and fats a little more closely, but I will be sure to replenish my glycogen every day.

Below is the usual data that I post as part of these weekly total reports. Enjoy!

Season Totals 09/12/2005-05/14/2006
Swim: 298600 yards in 105.25 hours
Bike: Approx. 3052.58 miles in 175.7 hours
Run: Approx. 1014.72 miles in 159.09 hours
Strength: 53.09 hours
All Sports: 493.13 hours; approx. 219671 calories burned
Stretching: 54.21 hours

Season WeeklyAverages 09/12/2005-05/14/2006
Swim: 8531 yards in 3.01 hours
Bike: Approx. 87.22 miles in 5.02 hours
Run: Approx. 28.99 miles in 4.55 hours
Strength: 1.52 hours
All Sports: 14.09 hours
Sleep: 8.49 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.17 hours avg./week

Goals from Last Week:

• Average 8+ hours of sleep per night. DONE.
• Stretch over 2 hours for the week. DONE.
• Continue race visualization, and assemble race plan. ALMOST FINISHED!
• Stay on top of nutrition. DONE.
• Be careful to hold back during workouts when I am supposed to. DONE.

Accomplishments This Week:

• Nailed all my bike FT intervals at or above FTP.
• Got through 3 brick workouts quite well.
• Improved my 2.4-mile swim TT time from last week.

Goals for Next Week:

• Average 8+ hours of sleep per night.
• Stretch over 2 hours for the week.
• Finish race plan.
• Stay on top of nutrition.
• Remember all the wonderful people who've helped me get to this point.
• Pack!

Weekend Taper Workouts, or Why my Nickname is Crackhead

Click on the chart to see it full-size.

This is data from my SRM for yesterday and today's bike workouts. Both rides were done on the trainer, due to cold, wet weather in Chicago. Both rides were followed by :30 brick runs.

Last year when I was tapering for Ironman Wisconsin, I posted information about some of my taper workouts to the tri-drs LISTSERV. Not in as much detail as here--just the minutes at each level. This prompted a gentleman to give me the nickname "Crackhead," as I guess these workouts might be considered a little intense. Last year they seemed that way to me. Not so much this year! These follow the pattern I've been doing for months now. Although doing 3 brick workouts in a week is a little, well, unusual.

There is a ton of information that can be gleaned just from the above charts:

1. I'm feeling good. Look at the normalized watts for the HIM and FT intervals. I was especially happy to hit 193 on today's FT interval. So, it was only for 10', but it was an effort to hit that.
2. I must be very fit. The average HR for the HIM and FT intervals is the lowest it's been. THAT is way cool--to be able to churn out the watts EASILY (and don't worry, I zero offset the SRM every time I ride so I know these numbers are correct).
3. I have gotten stronger very quickly. The NP for the HIM intervals is the same as what my FTP was just about 4 months ago.
4. I can execute 2 fairly intense rides (with brick runs, no less) back-to-back.
5. My cadence stays within the "sweet spot" of 85-95 RPM.

Last year I didn't execute my biking near as well as I have this year, and it clearly shows. It will feel really good to take this fitness into an Ironman (soon, I know!). It will be an effort to hold myself back on the bike ride, but hold back I will. Ironman riding is not about going as fast as you can go. My target NP for the IM ride is about 138, which is lower than the overall NP for either of the rides above. It will still feel like I "rode the bike," but should leave me fresh as a daisy (well, except for my stinky clothes and body) for the run.

Regardless of how I do in the race, I know I am going in with solid bike fitness.

Now about those 3 brick runs--they all went well this week. Today's run was amazing. I ran outdoors since it was not raining, and, gosh, it felt easy. My HR just would not go above "steady" zone, or Z2, yet I was running about 8:30/mile. I guess the 3rd brick was the charm, huh? Not to mention my running is seriously tapered this week (not so much on the bike and swim--see next post).

This year I have come to the realization that one of the greatest challenges in the Ironman run is being able to run at a pace that your stomach can tolerate. What I mean is, my legs are pretty tough now, but the feeling of "I want to stop" comes more from my stomach than anything else. It feels pretty darn good to me to run with as little as possible in my stomach. Yet I need to take in nutrition during the marathon or else I will just fall over. I am not worried about my legs' ability to muscularly keep going.

I've dialed in my bike nutrition to about 230 calories/hour. I'm burning 450-500 calories/hour while biking, so the 230 is a good number. On the run, I burn about 500 calories/hour, but it seems I can only tolerate 200 calories/hour, sometimes more, only liquid. If those calories came all from Gatorade, it translates to 30 oz./hour. No way! I drink more like 20 oz., but let's say 24 oz. because it will be warm. That's 156 calories, but since I will be swigging Coke and Ultra Violence, I'll hit my target, and I'll carry a few gels "just in case."

My guess is that most people feel better running with as little in their stomachs as possible. Which is why the less calories you burn (due to your weight and efficiency), the easier I think it is to have a decent Ironman run. This is not rocket science to me, yet it makes me wonder why more people aren't in a hurry to seriously improve their body composition, even if they aren't triathletes, but just runners. Sheesh, 5 years ago I was fat and inefficient and taking in all sorts of calories. No wonder I couldn't run for shit! Ah--the benefits of experience.

Another 3-mile Swim (1/2 Ultraman)

Holy crap! This morning I realized that the total distance I swam last Friday, including the 2.4 mile time trial, was 3 miles. That's a hefty swim!

I got to do it again today. I beat last week's time for the 2.4 miles by a minute and change, and my time per 100 yds. went down by 2 seconds, so I'll take it. I figured something out--I get my deep-tissue massages on Thursday nights, and it makes me a little sore the next day, so next week I'll get it on Wednesday so I can see how my last 3-mile swim goes before Ironman Brazil.

I actually thought I was swimming SLOWER today than last week. I could feel some tiredness in my arms and core. I am supposed to be rested!!!! I'm TAPERING!!! Ha ha. I will still hit almost 17 hours this week. So I guess I really am not that rested yet. Next week, though, the volume will really drop, so I will really get to see how well I can swim the distance next Friday.

Although, when you think about it, swimming 3 miles in 1:35 isn't too shabby (that's my total time for the 3 miles). I wonder if this means I could do the Ultraman swim (6.2 miles) in 3:30 or less? Checking the Ultraman website, that looks to be a competitive time. Silly me, always thinking about the next challenge!

At any rate, I am good with what I did today, and think I can beat my time by at least 2 minutes next week (actually I'm positive I can). If nothing else, doing (3) 3-mile swims will make the 2.4 on race day seem not too bad at all. I feel like my endurance is pretty good at this point. I'd be happier if I could 1:10 in the pool, but it is what it is. I am swimming strongly the entire time, and I feel fine (OK, a little dizzy) afterwards.

This weekend I only have to do a 3:30/:30 brick tomorrow and a 2:30/:30 brick Sunday. If I have time, I will add :20 recovery swims each day, which I find get some of the kinks out after these workouts. The forecast calls for shitty tomorrow and a little less shitty on Sunday. One or both of those days I'll be riding on the trainer. Oh well, too fucking bad. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Today's Workout Goes up to ELEVEN

Oh, boys and girls, did I ever have fun today! Here's the bike workout:

WU: 15' warmup, 3 x SpinUps. Then 3 x 2' (1') Zone 3 MS: FT repeats: 3 x 10' (6') @ FT, then 4 x 90" (3') @ best effort. CD: 5' Easy

This to be followed by a :30 brick run, with instructions to "put my head into the first 3-4 miles of Ironman."

OK, I was psyched for this one. Why? Because I felt so good yesterday after putting in a solid training week last week, and "all" I did yesterday was swim 2,950 yards (and pretty well, I might add) and lift for :50. No running! And today when I woke up, once again, I felt great. Sure I had wanted to sleep a little more (only 8.5 hours last night), but once I got moving around and had some coffee, I figured today was going to be a good day to workout.

I washed and relubed my bike yesterday, so my Bitch was all ready to rock and roll. The temps were high 60's, so very pleasant for a hard ride and run. I got out the door at about 12:15.

The usual warmup section of the workout is well, just boring, admin stuff. I was really looking forward to the FT work today because Sunday's ride was well, not really too exciting. Such is the nature of an Ironman ride--thankfully, on a race day it "feels" more exciting because you know what is going to happen next (a marathon), and you have all these other competitors around you and volunteers helping you--it's much more festive than heading out on your own to ride 112 miles in the aerobars with your head down. FYI, while I was riding on Sunday I kept thinking, "this is what the IMFL course is like." And the thought did not make me happy. I am still undecided about doing that race, even though I'm registered. I really am not thrilled by flat courses, except for a HIM or less. Too boring. I guess I'd rather suffer with hills and wind. I'm sure I'll get my wish on the wind in Brazil, though.

Since coach gave me so much rest between the FT intervals, I took this as an "excuse" for me to work harder that my current FT of 177. What the hell, it's only 10 minutes. Today was one of those rare and joyous days where I felt 150% ON, and figured my power could go up over FT. I certainly made good use of my ELEVEN cog. It was so happy to be used, and I just love the sound of the index shift into that cog. KER-CHUNK. It is the sound of big effort. I hit watts of 185, 187 and 181 (normalized power) for each of the 3 FT intervals. A solid effort, especially since there was wind, there was terrain, there was humidity, there were obstacles (glass on the road and the usual detritus). ELEVEN. I hated shifting out of that cog when I needed to climb a bit.

Those FT intervals were so much fun, but I was REALLY looking forward to the last 4 "best effort" intervals. I like to call them "balls out." Let it all hang out, just ride hard and see what you can do. Wheeeeeee!!!!! ELEVEN. I know that I was smiling for each of the 90" efforts. My Bitch was being ridden hard and enjoying every second. I hit watts of 236, 237, 206 and 215 for each of the 4 intervals. On the 3rd one I do recall cutting myself slack for about 5" (STUPID), but on that last one, I think the wind just picked up a little more. Whatever. TONS O' FUN!

I even looked forward to running. I was curious what that would feel like after all the fun I had just had on the bike. 5' after I pulled into my driveway and I had my running shoes and hat on, a small bottle of Gatorade in one hand and the radio in the other, and I was off and running. I get to run uphill for about 1/4 mile right out my door, not too steep, but enough to make you know you are working and would rather be on flats. My legs felt a little gangly, and I always play "guess my pace" so that when I get to Mile 1 I can see how accurate my "feel" for pace is. I was also laughing inside remembering that I had just done a brick workout (um...SUPER SIZE THAT BRICK) on Sunday, and here it's 2 days later and I'm at it again (FYI I get to do back-to-back bricks this weekend, those are a lot of fun as well). My legs really didn't feel any worse for the wear.

Mile 1: 8:40. That's fine. I should have held back a little more, but hey, I didn't ride very long, I should be able to go that fast. I decided to run up to this small intersection, knowing that I always negative split these short runs, so I'd give myself some extra time on the way out. 6:46, and I figured same pace as for first mile (I certainly wasn't running any slower). Turn around, same distance in 6:30, and last mile in 8:29. Giddy up! Not too shabby, and I wasn't running hard, really. In terms of my run zones, I would call this "upper steady."

It was so nice today to feel the total joy and fun of my workouts once again. It's been a few weeks, and I did think about my mom during today's workout, but it made me grin from ear to ear as I was about to start another FT interval. That's what it's about. Knowing you can push yourself hard again and again, enjoy it, and use that as a platform to show others how good you can feel doing this crazy shit.

ELEVEN, BABY!!!

Weekly Workout Totals: 05/01/2006-05/07/2006

It was another big training week for me. A Race Rehearsal week, to be specific. I also got to retest my bike FTP (Functional Threshold Power). There were good things and not so good things that happened during the week:

Good

• My FTP improved from 171 watts to 177 watts. You may look at that and think that’s just statistical variation, but not from where I sit. I did the test on Wednesday outside, and trust me, it was a trick to keep my watts where I wanted them (and more!) while managing shifting winds and terrain.
• I reestablished that I have plenty of swim endurance after Friday’s big swim of 5,150 yards, which included the 3800 meter time trial swim. When I was done, I felt like I could have kept swimming at the same pace for at least another 1,000 yards.
• I got plenty of TOA (time on ass) on the bike. I added a short (1:42), easy (SHOCK!!!) ride on Saturday just because I felt like it. It was odd to intentionally ride easy, but I figured this would be good practice for Sunday’s 112-mile ride at Ironman wattage guidance
• I ran 9:00mpm off the bike after Sunday’s 112-mile ride. For 5 miles. I have NEVER done that before!
• Based on measurements taken from my hips, butt and thighs, I am one lean machine. My hips and butt both lost 1/2", my thighs did not lose any size (killer bike workouts will do that), and my weight remained unchanged. I am fairly certain I have not lost any muscle; therefore I must have lost a little more fat. Unbelievable. My swimsuits are getting loose in my butt. Never in my wildest thoughts did I think this would happen. I just need to hold this body composition going into the race. Hell, I could even go up a notch in body fat, but I'm going to milk this phenomenon for what it's worth.
• Psychologically, I felt some of the stress and sadness of my mom’s death lifting.
• I slept a ton.
• I feel GREAT today, considering what I did last week. The past 3 Mondays I have felt like someone has been pummeling me with a meat tenderizer all over my body.
  
  

Not So Good

• My FTP improved from 171 watts to 177 watts. This makes both lists, because as I get stronger, it means I get to work harder each time I ride the bike! But it’s OK, because indicators from my rides were pointing to the number going up
• My swim time trial took 1:16. I honestly felt like I was swimming faster than that. On the other hand, I felt really strong, relaxed and held great form the entire time. I get another chance this Friday to see if, with a little less volume, I can go a little faster.
• My 112-mile ride took 6:15. I thought I could go faster, but it is what it is. I rode how I was supposed to ride, and believe me, it was hard to focus for so long on riding SO EASY. I did the ride with an organized ride, so the conditions weren’t ideal (lots of starting and stopping, even a period of lostness, which turned out to be a good thing, as I got in all the miles), and I had plenty of offers to hang with groups (STRONG groups) of riders. But I had to gingerly say, “Nope, I’m riding my Ironman pace today, so sorry, maybe some other time.” That’s self-control.

All in all, I will call last week a success. I feel ready for the damn race now; as usual, I feel like my coach has me peaking right on schedule, upcoming rest will do me a world of good, and I can start my travel preparations. Holy fuck, I’m going to Brazil!

I’m not generally a superstitious person, but a few things happened this week that seem to be omens:

• My black toenail from the Goofy Challenge finally came off today. The top part, that is. There is a perfectly good toenail left that is just waiting to be abused in another marathon in 3 weeks.
• The ruby stud earring I’ve been wearing as my “keep yourself together” amulet since last fall lost its back (the little thing that keeps a pierced stud in place). Thank goodness I didn’t lose the earring. But this tells me that I have been successful in keeping myself together, and that I can go forth and do what I need to do without wearing this anymore.
• I am (deep breath here) not going into Ironman Brazil looking for a Kona slot. I am going to do the best that I can do on the day. It will be what it will be, and as long as I am on my nutrition and pacing plan (which is nearly drawn up), I am really looking forward to having a good run, my favorite part of the race. Why is it my favorite part? Because if the stuff before it went well, odds are I will get to practice the fine art of being in the moment, being in a state of flow, and I will remember the answer to the question I asked myself yesterday while I was running: “Why the FUCK do I do this?”
  
  

On that note, here are the happy totals for the week that was:

Weekly Totals 05/01/2006-05/07/2006
Swim: 7800 yards in 2.55 hours; 14% of weekly workout time; approx. 949 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 168.2 miles in 9.6 hours; 55% of weekly workout time; approx. 4671 calories burned
Run: Approx. 26.03 miles in 3.93 hours; 22% of weekly workout time; approx. 2067 calories burned
Strength: 1.53 hours; 9% of weekly workout time; approx. 383 calories burned
All Sports: 17.61 hours; approx. 8070 calories burned
Sleep: 9 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.02 hours

Season Totals 09/12/2005-05/07/2006
Swim: 286350 yards in 101.13 hours
Bike: Approx. 2918.12 miles in 168.02 hours
Run: Approx. 989.51 miles in 155.32 hours
Strength: 51.64 hours
All Sports: 476.11 hours; approx. 212160 calories burned
Stretching: 51.81 hours

Season Weekly Averages 09/12/2005-05/07/2006
Swim: 8422 yards in 2.97 hours
Bike: Approx. 85.83 miles in 4.94 hours
Run: Approx. 29.1 miles in 4.57 hours
Strength: 1.52 hours
All Sports: 14 hours LOOK AT THIS, KIDS.
Sleep: 8.49 hours avg./night
Stretching: 2.16 hours avg./week

Goals from Last Week:

• Average 8+ hours of sleep per night. DONE (and I LOVED IT!)
• Stretch over 2 hours for the week. DONE. Came in under the buzzer.
• Begin race visualization. Race Rehearsal weekend this weekend! DONE.
• Watch nutrition, as my training hours begin to decrease. DONE.
  

Accomplishments This Week:
See above for the good.

Goals for Next Week:

• Average 8+ hours of sleep per night.
• Stretch over 2 hours for the week.
• Continue race visualization, and assemble race plan.
• Stay on top of nutrition.
• Be careful to hold back during workouts when I am supposed to.