Fashion Update

OK, so first off sometimes I call giving someone the general big picture, including any bits of gossip, a "fashion update" because it just sounds so much nicer than plain "news."

My mom is in a holding pattern. It's unclear now whether she definitely has cancer or not, but whatever it is, it's bad, and she needs copious amounts of pain medicine. In fact, yesterday, they had her so drugged up she didn't awaken, but that has been fixed today. She's once again alert and eating on her own. We thought the oncologist would have all the information assembled today; now that may or may not happen. I just want to know what the story is, you know? Until then, I am just taking things one day at a time.

In other news, I still have this damn cough. It's not bad, but it is annoying. But it is no longer preventing me from training. I pretty much hit it hard beginning last Thursday, and somehow managed to pull off 11.3 hours of training including almost 3 days of absolutely nothing. I shouldn't have run as much as I did in 5 days, but I did cut back my intensity somewhat. I was able to hit 98% of my FT watts for (2) 10' intervals on Saturday, so that was encouraging. I am going to go full-strength this week on training, and hope to bang out 15-16 hours. One day at a time.

Something that is very interesting about this time with my mom's health concerns is seeing my brothers and sisters assembled and it is just very painful for me to see how little regard for their own health they have. Youngest sister is probably 25 lbs. overweight and doesn't exercise enough. Thank goodness she gets an annual checkup, but at her rate she's headed for the typical lifestyle issues. And bonus she's very depressed. I help her whenever I can a little at a time. I gave her what she considered a "professional" quality upper back massage the last 2 days--I told her I picked up a lot from being a massage school guinea pig and being very observant during my own massages.

My older sister is probably 40 lbs. overweight, has knee problems (gee, I wonder why), yet she thinks she is in good health since she checks her blood sugar twice a week! Well, yes, at some point it will be out of whack from the excess weight and lack of exercise. She doesn't work, her husband makes tons of money, they own a spacious and beautiful home--I just don't get it. Her husband, on the other hand, is very paranoid about his own health after seeing his parents degenerate, and he is aware of genetic odds that he must face. He is quite thin and I believe he gets some degree of exercise.

The younger of my 2 brothers is maybe 20-25 lbs. overweight, has asthma, back problems, weakened lungs from pneumonia, but he maintains the best he can. He golfs a lot and tells me he does his back exercises, but still I think he could do better. Mike does take very good care of his family, though. His wife is obese, and they have a son who is autistic/bipolar that is also obese, which pisses me off since his mother didn't need to let him get that way, which just complicates any attempts for him to become integrated into society.

My remaining brother is 20-25 lbs. overweight, depressed, occasionally has a drinking problem, and I believe his blood pressure is high yet he won't seek treatment. He has a loving wife who is a nurse that I consider to be a saint!

Then there's me. My sisters agreed that my biggest problem (jokingly) is that I exercise too much. Thank you. I will take that problem any day. I suffer from occasional mild depression (don't we all), and hell yeah, I would enjoy the company of a male companion, but overall my life and health are quite good, despite a lack of cartilage in one knee and age-related disk degeneration in my back which for all I know is now gone. I don't have a spouse to lean on when I feel like slacking or getting all down on myself, and I certainly don't want the rest of my family to be concerned about my own health. Who knows what will eventually strike me down--but for the moment I intend to keep up what I'm doing and trying to be that good example to my siblings. If only one good thing rubs off on them, great!

The funny thing about all this is that my dad is in quite good health for his age. He tells me whenever he can about his workouts at the Y (I think he goes 4 times a week), especially on the stationary bike. And he lifts weights. And he's lost weight in the last year (all fat, from what I can tell), and he feels great, even though he's got 2 artificial knees. One of the things that seems to console him in this difficult time is talking with me about what he's up to at the gym. I didn't need to encourage him to keep going even as all this illness is circling around us. He knows that by being healthy that he has an edge on his mental health, and he knows from our conversations that I feel strongly the same way. Sure we will cry on one another's shoulders from time to time, but whatever happens, at the end of the day all we have is our health, and I am happy that my dad is making the effort to take care of his own.

My mom will be whatever will be. It's probably too late for her to have an impact on the rest of her life. It almost hurts me more to see my brothers and sisters doing so little for their own lives than perhaps the imminent end of our mom's.

I am being extra careful now with my own eating, since I am finding it hard to work up an appetite periodically. If I can't be strong for myself, how can I be strong for everyone else?

Every day, many times a day I get to make choices. I continue to choose health!