DSB

I have read many books by or about endurance athletes. Sure I have read the technical stuff about how to train, but the stuff I really enjoy reading and pondering about is what is going through our heads when we are training and racing. In the past few years, I have added to this readings of spiritual texts, since I find a lot of commonality between the two endeavors.

I'm not talking about people who run 2-3 miles 3-4 times per week. I am talking about people who routinely train 10+ hours per week. You know who you are. The reason I chose the number 10 is that before I began running seriously and then branched out into triathlon, I would log about 7-9 hours a week between weights, aerobics classes, and recreational running, and I found that to be an easy schedule--one where most workouts were over and done with in an hour, and where apparently I still had plenty of time to party regularly.

What I find interesting when reading about other endurance athletes in this category is how we go through similar thought processes at one point or another. If you keep this stuff up for long enough, you find out that the doing of the very thing becomes your path, and that the rest of your life gets fit into that framework. Sure, you hear different people with different life circumstances claim they are more balanced towards this or that outside of their athletics, but fundamentally, living the life of an athlete first is a very conscious choice. This is what makes the first time training for an Ironman such a wake-up call to many people. You need to become an athlete, even if you weren't before. Some people become the athlete much more quickly than others, as it can be all-consuming. But eventually, assuming a person wants to truly master a sport (or anything else for that matter), you need to become that which you seek.

"Being" an athlete doesn't mean just showing up and doing workouts. It means thinking about them before, during and after they occur. It means thinking about how everything else in your life is going to affect those workouts before, during and after they occur. It doesn't mean just thinking about the mechanics of the workouts (how many repeats at what intensity with what amount of rest) ; it means anticipating how the workout will feel, watching mindfully during the workout, and contemplating and evaluating the workout afterwards. At least that's how it goes for me.

But sometimes we have mental leaks during the anticipation, mindful watching and contemplation/evaluation processes that prevent us from doing each activity in the way for it to be most beneficial to our minds and bodies.

When we anticipate, we should anticipate with JOY and WONDER. Looking forward to our workout or race as an opportunity for new experience, becoming stronger, or conquering. But sometimes we fall prey, instead, to FEAR. Fear that we won't be able to complete it, fear of the sensations of discomfort or weather or even our own silly lack of planning. I have found that respect for a new distance or intensity is a good thing, although sometimes I talk about it as being "afraid." I have learned to channel this into more of a sense of excitement, even if I'm about to do a workout I've done many times, since it is never the same experience!

When we are in the workout or race, our ability to be mindful and watch ourselves and our reactions is something we come to only with focused practice. To the extent we anticipate with joy and wonder rather than fear, we are able to free ourselves to be mindful. When we are afraid, we are a victim of our own negative thoughts; when we are joyful and focused, negative thoughts are able to come and go and we can just watch them and let them be. But oh, the range of thoughts that come and go! It is the same as meditation, so if you're not comfortable just letting your thoughts come and go without evaluation, you are not going to enjoy really pushing yourself in training or in a race. Most thoughts that you have will come and go in a flash as long as you keep your mind relaxed and free. And your body! In order to go fast, you need to be relaxed. Sounds like an paradox, right? It isn't. Muscles need to be able to contract AND relax effectively in order to maximize their potential. This is the paradox of speed. You gotta relax to go fast! Sometimes I find that just by making myself smile when the heat is on and I'm putting out a good effort, that it induces me to relax my muscles, freeing them to do their thing as best they can!

The mindfulness we cultivate while training and racing is, I think, the hardest part of being an athlete. Why? Because it's easy to plan (look forward) and evaluate (look backwards), but it can be difficult to just be in the moment. If we aren't used to doing it in our daily lives (and face it, most people aren't, otherwise we'd all be happy, healthy and free of mental suffering, right?) but then we try and become an athlete, we are forced into a position where either we pay attention and "get it" or else we fail. It is difficult to ignore the sensations coming from your muscles when you are pushing them to go long or hard or both. They are screaming at you PAY ATTENTION NOW! Which is why many of us are attracted to endurance sports to begin with. We enjoy having everything boiled down to such a simple concept as paying attention to our muscles and breathing and technique. We think it is allowing our minds to go on autopilot--to tune out, or "veg," if you will. But in reality our minds are being given a gift care of our muscles. MOVE OR DIE AND LEARN TO DISPENSE WITH ANY UNPRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS OR ELSE WE WILL SLOW DOWN OR QUIT.

Think about someone you know who you consider a "successful" athlete. I'm not talking about professional athletes. I'm talking about Jane and John Doe. People who live the life of an athlete. Maybe they talk about it, maybe they don't. Maybe it seems like they care too much about the sport, maybe not. Sure it's fun to ask them about their workouts or training regimen, how they eat or how they stretch or whatever. But what's really neat is getting them to talk about what's inside their head as they do this. Or why they are so excited about their workouts or races. Or maybe sometimes you are surprised to hear what comes out of their mouths (or goes onto paper--real or virtual). Are those people successful because they are physically gifted? That certainly helps (especially the right parents). Are they successful because they train hard? Sure. But none of them are successful if they haven't gotten the mind thing down.

See, many people, I believe, waste their mental powers on the whole post-training/racing evaluation, or they spend far too much time at it. Sure it's good to do a little reflection and just state the facts: "I swam x:xx/100 yds., I biked xMPH and I ran x:xx per mile." It's also fun to correlate your speed to particulars of the day--weather, nutrition, etc. That stuff is pretty much determined for you ahead of time, right? You practice your pacing, you practice your nutrition, you learn how to make adjustments for the weather or other things that spin out of control in a race. But what about your ability to relax, focus and be in the moment? How did that go for you? What are you bringing back from that experience that will enhance your future training sessions and life in general? For if you are doing it in your "life," then so it will be easy to do it in your training/racing. But if you figured it out first in your training/racing, then hopefully you are trying to expand that to the rest of your life.

When you say you had fun, what is it that you were describing? For me, I don't think of fun so much as of being right there every moment and doing what I'm there to do. So I don't much think about training or racing as "fun things to do." They are challenges and opportunities for me to practice mindfulness. At one point yesterday, I thought, "I am here to put in a good effort and continue my streak of lots of biking." It was as simple as that. I wasn't there to pick off other riders or blab about how much riding I am doing. This is not to say I couldn't appreciate the beauty of nature or the gift of my health. But those things are best enjoyed in the moment, too :) Sure I had plenty of time to chat with people and thank all the volunteers and such, but it was simple to just be focused on the one thing, the thing that in unison with my heart, lungs and legs, kept driving me to keep going.

Now, I am like any other endurance athlete in that sometimes I have negative or catty thoughts about myself or others. Like people who wear Ironman stuff that haven't done an Ironman. Maybe the wearing gives them special feelings that help motivate them. Who cares? Or people who have and/or wear ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that says Ironman on it. Got an inferiority complex? Tattoos! I need to shout to the world that I do this! (OK, I am shouting I guess since I have a blog.) How about people who will spend thousands on gear that is not going to make them faster or that they don't know how to use effectively, but then "can't afford" a coach? What about people who race to a sexy bike split but then can't pull off a decent run afterwards? How about people who are constantly injured because they won't rest their body? Or who waggle their fingers at moi for my lack of rest days? Or who claim they are working on their body composition but just can't seem to make progress? Or who can't let go of whatever their past was (it's done, no?) and move forward? Or who live in the past (back when I did my one triathlon) and are experts to this day? Or who keep raising the stakes on the events they do (oops, that's me!)? Or who say "I am just having fun?" (maybe that is the definition of true Nirvana)? Or who post racy pics of their bodyparts as if to say, "Look at me I'm awesome!" (also me)? Or people with coaches who don't pay attention to them or think the coach will magically "fix" them? Or the people who think they can self-coach by reading blogs? Come on, I am interested to hear what rant categories I fall into. Throw it at me! Vent! Tell me all the negative thoughts you've had about me and other people. We deserve to know! Sometimes I think I'd rather read blogs where everyone openly talked about everyone else. The good with the bad. I was actually happy when Spandex-King told me to get a life. I thought, "Gee, this guy is brave and honest." Then he has to go and apologize. Dude, it wasn't necessary.

If I were perfectly free of judgment and 100% mindful then I would have achieved Nirvana, but that ain't happening anytime soon. I am merely using my time as an athlete to train myself for the larger objective which is to be a vibrant, energetic, compassionate body and mind of energy. I cannot control nor do I wish to what others think of me. I can only try to be present during what is happening right now. Most days it works beautifully, but occasionally I fall victim (remember, victim behavior is a direct result of fear) to judging others or thinking I suck or that the world is a terrible place. Sometimes I ask myself why do I do all of this? But then I realize it is just my way to seek excellence at whatever I attempt, and also that I happen to like moving around (and the subsequent tiredness afterwards!). Does it really need to be more than that? I don't think so.

We are all way more alike than we think, and it is our desire to think we are different and separate from others that gets us into trouble (can you say war?). Maybe we think we are DSB (different than, separate from and better than) because we are endurance athletes. Or that we are ultrarunners. Or that we are triathletes. Or that we are Ironman triathletes. Or that we have done X Ironman races. Or that our best Ironman time is whatever. Or that we are juggling more non-athletic stuff in our lives and yet we still do this. Or we are trying to prove that we aren't just (insert one): mothers, wives, husbands, fathers, providers, students. Or popular on podcasts. Or have Y number of people reading our blogs. Or have read literature or studied on a topic. When we try to quantify or qualify others' behaviors or actions, it is also an act of DSB.

I fall into DSB mode every so often, and I know I need to make some changes when that is happening. The first thing I do is refocus--I am not an athlete to be DSB--I just enjoy training. I enjoy the anticipation, the mindful watching and the necessary evaluation of my efforts. Doesn't make any difference to me whether it's a race or not. How do I reconcile that with a competitive nature? Being/getting faster is just that. FASTER. Fast is not a judgment. It just IS. At least that's my explanation today :)

DSB is the antithesis to humility. Sometimes we are even trying to DSB ourselves. Isn't that sad?