Desire is the root of our suffering. We want things. We want relationships. We want experiences. We want to be thought of in a certain way (i.e., we're self-conscious). We want to know ourselves! The desire drives us to do, and we forget how to be, or worse yet, our doing generates even more desire. Even as we want this deeply intimate relationship with ourselves and with others, our desire gets in the way!
But we are human beings, so we must do some things. How then do we do them in a way that enhances our being without getting caught up in an ever larger cycle of desire?
What does it mean to be competitive yet be unconcerned with a result? How is it possible to let an entire day unfold before you, seemingly without control or purpose, and yet be physically capable of performing at your best?
How can I be silly and dangerous and lustful and competitive and eager and striving yet quiet in thought and grateful in purpose?
There is a new quality that I hope to be able to bring to my own training, once I start back at it next week, that I hope I can share with others. As much as I believe in structure and measurement and precision, there is another level I would like to move towards. I'm not sure just yet what it is; but it will be different than the past few years.
Training should be like meditation. In meditation we seek to let our thoughts and feelings unfold and be unjudged by ourselves so that we may come to know ourselves better and become more empathic. In training, shouldn't we be able to let our basic structure (training plan) and results unfold so that we become physically stronger so that when we are asking our bodies to perform in a racing situation, that we are able to fully let go and just let it happen?
Most training plans have you start with defining your goals. I want to do "X" time in "Y" race. That's nice, but that just sets you up for evaluating everything you do in terms of "X." And then when you do "Y" race, if "X" didn't happen, you are disappointed. I am going to try and focus on NOW, or at least just this next week, and see where I get. For awhile there, on this blog, I was setting weekly goals (albeit not that focused), and that was a good thing. I need to get back on that train, because instead of focusing on "X," I can focus on just the next week, and maybe I can even bring that to the next workout.
So I'm going to become a bit short-sighted now, even if I lay out a yearly plan. And then maybe I can become less judgmental about myself and enjoy more of the moments that I get to enjoy while I'm training.
For NothingMan, all I cared about was having the right clothing and enough nutrition to get through the day. Isn't that liberating? Isn't that how I should live my entire life? And then, you know what? I did just fine. Actually I didn't even evaluate myself. I just felt good. And that's how it needs to be.
Maybe this is all just a grand excuse to not work hard. But I doubt it. I think I am ready to work hard, but only because I want to WORK HARD RIGHT NOW. I refuse to have some big "X" hanging over my head.
4 comments:
Good post. I think Mark Allen said that if you could train, the go out and race with no thoughts, and just let your body do what is trained to do, you will be amazed at the result. That is what I'm shooting for. Sounds like what you're talking about here.
I love the Grip. Anybody who sees visions of Shamans while neck and neck with Dave Scott, then pulls away to win Kona is all right by me. :)
Maybe more "doing" without so much "thought" as to why-especially thinking about what others think about what we are doing. (That's as clear as mud!) Just do it for the love and feel of it. Whatever that may be.
I (think) I'm with you, and it's hard as hell. I so want to commit to some sort of race, to get on structured training, to have a schedule of X and Y ... yet I'm trying to resist. I'm trying to believe and execute the idea that the journey is the reward. I think you embodied that with NothingMan.
Regardless of where you end up, you're moving in new directions and experiencing new thoughts and new feelings.
Remember, a rut is just a grave with the ends knocked off. Good job getting up and out.
I made that switch two years ago and as a result, I'm much more relaxed and faster.
Banish the X!
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