Here We Go Again

I just got home from an exhausting day in a hospital. This time it's my Dad. Admitted early this morning with excruciating pain. I guess he had lied over the past few days when telling me and other siblings that he was feeling better, from what he thought was a bladder infection.

"Free air" was detected in his abdomen, and a CT scan showed lesions on his liver, so surgery was called for right away. After he came to, the surgeon came to talk to me, my brother Tom, and Tom's wife Robin (who is a nurse), so thankfully I had some company. They found and repaired a duodenal ulcer, which was the primary cause of all the pain Dad was in, but then they discovered metastatic cancer on the liver. A biopsy has been done to determine the origin of the cancer, but the net net is that things are not good.

I have power of attorney (medical and financial) as soon as I have the physician declare the need, and I want to be prepared for whatever may come to pass from here on out--whether it's quickly or slow and painfully. Tom and I went to Dad's house to see if we could find the financial records and passwords. I have a pile of paper to go through. I don't think Dad's going back home. He is going to need daily care from here on out regardless, upon learning he hasn't been taking too good care of himself, and I'm sure plenty of this is due to the stress of losing his wife just over a year ago. Oh yeah--yesterday was my birthday. Happy birthday to me! And Friday is Dad's 81st birthday. Happy birthday to him!

Even before we knew surgery was imminent and then a preliminary diagnosis, today I decided that this weekend, which was to be a casual get together with a "birthday theme," was going to turn into a family meeting of the siblings. I have already declared to my 2 brothers and 2 sisters that I cannot handle this all by myself. Don't get me wrong--I will handle as much as I can possibly handle, but this time I'm asking for--no--DEMANDING--help. Making the calls today was very painful. I have learned how to know how broken up my siblings are over the phone by the different speech mannerisms they portray. I lose it myself, but I want them to feel like they can unload on me. This is not fun. It wasn't fun a year and a half ago with my Mom, and it isn't fun now.

Driving home tonight, I had the thought that my role in all of this crap is to somehow be the pillar of strength. As much as I "feel" this right now, I think I shoulder a lot of it for my brothers and sisters, and I want them to be able to feel like I'm at least sort of holding things together.

I find it interesting that I knew there had to be more reason for me to take a break/kick things down a few notches in my triathlon endeavors than me just needing a physical break. Perhaps the universe was asking me to get some rest to steel myself for this current challenge. I have just been starting to feel strong again and able to run without feeling like I've got no power. Go figure!

So in writing this, I am once again asking all you out there to be strong for ME.

Peace. Love the ones you love. We aren't here very long at all!