Overtrained and What I'm Doing About It

But first, check out those bitches and their rides--a lobster, a trout and a chicken. Feel free to pilfer the photo and caption it here.

I was starting to feel a bit overtrained last week. Is it because I'd done effectively 2 HIM's in 3 weeks? That's part of it. But the training was feeling good and all. I am going to have to chalk this one up to an overload of life stress.

Even though things are winding down in Dominatrix land, every few weeks I've had the pleasure of being insulted, directly or indirectly, by one or more of my siblings. How nice! And even though I think I'm brushing it off, well, it does take its toll.

I have always had this thing about being yelled at by anyone--whether it's deserved or not--and I know where it comes from. When I was a kid, being second to youngest, I got to observe all the antics of my 2 older brothers and older sister, and I did not wish to be punished, so my MO became always be the good child. And I pretty much was, up until the age of about 17. Although from the age of I think 2-4 or 5 (I'm not quite sure), I did this thing where when I wanted attention I would hold my breath until I passed out and then sure enough, Mom would come find me and revive me. My parents thought I had epilepsy, but as it turned out, I didn't (although I'm sure there were permanent effects), and I stopped that behavior and moved on to more healthy ways of getting their attention--getting perfect grades, behaving well, watching after my little sister, learning to play the piano and trying to stay out of the line of fire with the older ones. Mom and Dad were quite the disciplinarians with them, and again, I did not want to get the belt from Dad (I don't think I ever did--YAY!) or the broom or whatever Mom had handy. Now, I'm not saying Mom and Dad were abusive--from what I recall, it was just good old tough love. Nevertheless, I didn't want any part of it.

And you can guess where this led--to a blossoming perfectionistic/control freak/OCD combination. Whatever I could control and perfect by doing it over and over again and get rewarded or recognized for it, I was on it. School work, piano, violin (not sure why I stopped this but I think it had to do with the cost of lessons or an instrument), sewing, cooking. In my haste to perfect doing things, I failed to acquire or see the need for good social skills. I earned the attention of all my teachers, but Mom and Dad seemed to just be pleased that I stayed out of trouble. The same rules were applied to my business life, rollerskating/rollerblading, gardening, and you guessed it, now triathlon.

I did spend some time in therapy going over this stuff, and while I still have the same tendencies to want to be doing stuff all the time, I recognize that it's just part of who I am, and that in many ways (as I said a few posts ago), my greatest weakness is often my greatest strength. I mean, hey, I'm happy I'm good at so many things. I don't try and fight my desire to do things anymore. But sometimes I do need to stop and turn down the intensity. And I do work hard at trying to make and keep friends, although I prefer just a few close ones.

Of course, my desire for perfection has been applied in my role as Dominatrix (Executor/Trustee) in spades. The professionals I am working with are always telling me what a great (and fast!) job I've been doing. That makes me feel good, and I think it honors my Dad, but isn't it funny that even in his death I am still trying to show him how good I am? But it's the right thing to do, and I just don't know how to slack at too many things.

Now contrast the professionals I've been working with to 3 out of 4 of my siblings. No contest there! See I can never understand that when I think I am doing my best and going out of my way to help someone (and I am trying to help them get money, what could be wrong with that?) why they would treat me like crap. Hell, in the past 5 months more complete strangers have treated me with kindness than them! Thank you, countless strangers and friends who have been so considerate. But so it goes.

I know I'm still processing a lot of emotions because whenever one of my friends is having difficulty lately, it's like I channel their bad feelings and add them to my own. My manager sent this really nice video clip about telling people how much they make a difference the other day and I watched it and it just sent me off bawling for an hour or so. I know the bad feelings will dissipate, and I'm still much, much better than I was a month ago. Yes, I need a vacation, but I am still finding plenty of ways to enjoy myself until that happens. It's just still a bit tumultuous being me right now, and it's not entirely unexpected.

Circling back, I know this has created stress for me, and I guess I thought I had it under control. I still mostly do, but I have had to realize that 14-15 hours of training a week plus this shit has been overloading me. So last week I started to wind things down a bit, but I had great workouts on Saturday and Sunday so I thought I had things licked.

Wrong.

But you know me, gotta keep doing things to see if something will change or get fixed. Monday I felt fantastic swimming. But running later on, not so much. Tuesday I totally dug on riding my bike outside, but afterwards, felt like crap. Yesterday, the extremely long warmup of my swim felt great, but the anaerobic 50's put me over the edge. So I skipped running yesterday and I just kept eating and trying to rest. Here's all what I took in yesterday (and yet I woke up hungry this morning) in no particular order:

• Power Bar Triple Threat
• Some sugary Coffeemate in my coffee
• 10 oz. glass of orange juice
• Large banana
• Lean Cuisine (beef, potatoes, corn)
• Endurox R4, one serving
• 20 oz. Gatorade
• 2 or 3 pieces string cheese
• 7.5 oz. can of sockeye salmon
• 1.5 cups of a shrimp/vegetable stir fry (homemade)
• 1/4 cup of coconut
• 2 eggs fried in butter
• 2 pieces of toast with butter (eggs and toast were a 10PM snack)
  
• About 3 oz. of Gummi Life Savers
• Tigermilk bar
• About 1 oz. of cheddar cheese
  
• 1 Beck's beer

I didn't add up the calories in all that, but my guess is well over 3,000? I also took an extra multivitamin, magnesium and B complex. I'll take them again today. It's not like I'm going to gain weight--I'm trying not to lose anymore, because stress is catabolic, and I don't need that.

Sorry for the long ramble. Sometimes this stuff just comes out. I feel pretty good right now, but unless I feel *perfect* later on, no workouts today. It is really hard for me to hold back, but sometimes holding back is the right thing to do (and sometimes not, but that's another story!). I just feel like I need a complete year of "mostly good." But you know what? I've kept going through the last 3 years with tons of crap happening in my life and I'll keep moving forward. One thing that is critical to me is laughter. I really, really like to laugh. Hence the Tiki Hut.

The Barbies are bitches. Can't change that!