Nothing

Bliss. Oneness. Wholeness. Enlightenment. Peace. Completeness. Transcendence.

Some of the things that I seek. And yet, the method appears completely contrary to the essence of the desired end state.

Nothingness. Emptiness. Solitude.

Enduring. Pain. Suffering. Terror.

Joy. Awe. Wonder. Beauty.

They all blend together. If you have never experienced suffering, how can you know joy? If you have never been empty, how will you know when you're full? If you've never gone too far, how can you know when you've gone far enough?

This is what it is to me. To push myself to a place in training that makes me appreciate the fleeting moments of bliss, of connection, of joy, of peace. And the hope that they will be extended, perhaps permanently. To know these moments is to know there are more of them out there. They are like rainbows--they are really always there--you just have to come in from the right angle!

Life can be challenging and sad, but there is so much of it that if you just grab onto it and live it that everyone can find a way to position themselves to experience the entire gamut of everything--the highs, the lows, and in between. Most of it is in between--and the lows can seem like bottomless abysses, but the highs are like fireworks illuminating the night sky making you go "oooooh" and the fact that you saw it is enough at the moment.

Why is celebration reserved for special occasions? Isn't today special? Yes, it is. And I know that tomorrow will be, too.

Everything and nothing.