We All Have a Crew

I keep meaning to write up an actual race report for UMC, but I might just save it for a book I want to write. In the meantime, while I train (yes, I’m training again, just not so much), instead of needing to think of so many details about the race or things I need to get done immediately (I have a giant “to do” list going that I will begin to chip away at soon), I am relaxed enough to think about what’s going on inside my head.

Over the last 10 years, Ironman training and racing (and now Ultraman) has become my vehicle for self-discovery and self-improvement, not just in the athletic arena, but my entire life. I got a lot out of the Ironman years and pushed through many personal challenges where I felt alone in many ways, but learned to accept more and more help from others. I tend to try and do as much on my own as possible, and it has made me a strong, confident woman, but I also know that life is about helping others, so as I sought to also help others I found it easier to reach out and ask for help myself.

Aside from the distances involved, Ultraman is much different than Ironman because you are required to have a crew. One cannot complete Ultraman alone. This was very new to me, but a year ago, I thought, hey, I shouldn’t have any problems getting a crew from amongst my friends, should I? I turned out to be wrong. Asking someone to crew for you for Ultraman is a big deal. The crew is as busy, at times busier, than the athlete for several days pre-race and post-race. If I were wealthy, I would offer to pay all the crew’s travel expenses, but I’m not, so I couldn’t offer that. What could I offer them? The opportunity to be part of a team effort that I would be forever grateful for.

Initially I did have two people offer to crew for me, but they changed their minds. This was a disappointment, but I didn’t get too concerned, as the race will find you a crew if you can’t find your own, and now I know there are some very wonderful people out there who crew year after year, offering their help (kokua, in Hawaiian) to athletes they have never met. In March, out of seemingly nowhere, Lee tells me she has bought plane tickets to Penticton to crew for me. It made me feel so odd that someone who had just been reading my blog for about a year and lives in Japan would do that for me. I was just closing my Dad’s estate after just over 2 years of working my butt off to get things done and maintain my own composure while being helped by some wonderful people, but also struggling with some people whose mission seemed to be to try and bring me to my emotional and spiritual knees.

Just from talking to Lee via Facebook and email I could tell she was reliable and wouldn’t bug out on me no matter what. I was just beginning the phase of some inner doubts as to my ability to make it to the UMC start line, and Lee (and a few others) listened and gave me more reasons to not throw in the towel. I still needed two additional crew members, preferring people I knew at least over the Internet! Once again, my cries for help were answered by Richard and Mona.

So you know the rest of the story, right? Lee, Richard, Mona and Steve (Steve was my most excellent kayaker and swim navigator) crewed for me at Ultraman Canada and I cannot thank them enough for what they did. Having lived by myself the last 16 years, 10 of which have been spent in elite-level triathlon training and relying mostly on myself for so many things, it was such a delight to be taken care of by these people! I still miss Mom and Dad, and while they had a hands-off strategy with me which is part of what has made me the person that I am (“too independent” remarked my Mom many years ago, much to her chagrin), I was so happy to be cared for like a baby! When it comes down to it, the Ultraman athlete is moving, eating, peeing and pooping. We call out when we need something, we grimace when we don’t know what we want, we get paranoid if we don’t see our caretakers often enough. We need constant attention and a feeling that we are loved and special. We enjoy others entertaining us via music, funny hats and clothes and signage.

While I was out riding this weekend (I rode 2 hours on Saturday and meant to do 3 on Sunday, but I started too late and only got in 2 hours before the rain arrived, and I had other things to do), I looked back on my life and realized that I have always had a “crew” of sorts around me—I just didn’t acknowledge it. And I thought we all do, but we don’t always know it. After all, we are all here to help one another get the most out of life and endure what it throws at us. Funny how I am getting near the end of the book, “Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior,” and it notes the same thing, only “teacher” instead of “crew.” I will stick with crew, because that is how I think about it.

I had thought crew were only the ones who do good things for you and intentionally take care of you, but it is much more than that. Crew includes people who mistreat you so you can learn that that is not how you want to live your life, or they are in a constant state of anger, even AT you, and you develop compassion for them and others that way. Crew includes those who tell you you CAN when you think you CAN’T. Crew is someone who won’t congratulate you on your accomplishments even as you congratulate them on theirs, because they remind you that everyone deserves to be buoyed up while pursuing a dream and certainly given real or virtual hugs when they achieve the goal. Crew is the person who tried to bring you down with false accusations that required you to bite your tongue so that you would learn in another situation that silence is sometimes the best reaction. Crew is the person who nearly told me I sucked at swimming but held his tongue and said I was doing pretty well for my experience level and gave me a few tips. Crew is some awesome fast people I know who sometimes would slow down their training to accommodate me. Crew is someone I barely know coming to fetch me and my bike with an unrepairable flat a couple of miles from home after being flagged down by her neighbor. Crew is a stranger getting the last 6 inches of tire onto my rim after another flat where I had failed to bring tire levers with me and my thumbs were both blistered. Crew is one of my college professors who made me sit for a unique final exam in statistics as punishment for either cutting or sleeping through many of his classes—I sat in front of him filling out the exam and completed it in 1.5 hours when we had 4 hours to do it. Crew is my junior high P.E. teacher who managed to get me to do my first cartwheel (in 7^th grade), and lit a spark in me that eventually grew into where I am now. Crew is the people who body-surfed me up onto the stage at a corporate user conference because they said I “needed” to be up there dancing with the band. Crew is the person who told me I must be the shit for getting into Ironman Hawaii and doing 2 Ironman’s in the same year (I have gone on to do 4 doubles—one more coming up soon!). Crew is a person telling me I’m a self-centered, bipolar exhibitionist, because there may be some truth to it for me to consider. Crew is a person telling me to go ahead and yell at them because they understood my stress and frustration over not getting my custom bicycle when I had wanted it. Crew is a person delivering a brand new cassette to my house that I had hoped to have a week earlier. Crew is someone making fun of me and calling me slow in front of others that I took to be a serious comment and spurred me to train harder. Crew is someone telling me I should be “softer” at times and realizing that it couldn’t hurt. Crew are all the near strangers who held me while I cried after the death of my Dad for months. Crew is whoever got me back to my dorm room in college after way too much tequila. Crew is another athlete who was slowing down and I wanted to stop and chat with him, but him telling me to “keep going you are doing great” as I passed him. Crew is someone I knew but did not know would be in Kona the year I raced there and catching sight of me and cheering. Crew is all the people I know who have put up with my antics, thinking I am a tad out there, and yet offering me their friendship.

By the way, all the “you’s” above are truths about ME. Crew also includes my regular service providers who have listened to me over the course of one or many years as I continued pursuing this passion of mine and I sometimes forgot to listen to them talk about theirs. I felt so bad the last few months for not having time to do my usual cheerleading on Facebook for everyone who was training and racing or doing other wonderful things. Crew is cheerleaders, and there is nothing I can think of that gives me greater joy than to observe someone else doing the thing that gives them happiness. I love to shout, laugh, do silly things, wear attention-getting clothes (and bikes!) and be the person with the biggest smile on her face, but also give someone a sweaty hug or soft words of encouragement or knowing when they are having a bad patch in a race—whichever is needed at the time. I can’t wait to do that at Ironman Wisconsin in a few weeks.

I hope I am being good crew for the others in my life, and now I will try and name as many of my crew as possible!

Lee, Richard, Mona, Steve S., Susan W., Cindy, Mark, Clorinda, Caryn, Mike M., Laurie, Mike O., David B., Mike P., William, Jen, Nick M., Nick O., Wayne, Rick P., Rob, Kevin, Jostein, Stan, Ken, Ali, Deanna, Jeff H., Shelley, Patricia, Dino, Vicky, Steve C., Eric, Erik, Julie, Maurice, Jon, Larry, Brad, Morgan, Mike C., Jamie, Jamey, Marty, Brett, Commodore, Jeff R., Jason, Greg, Ian, Lee C., Rich D., Tom, Mike H., Brent, A.J., Mj, Al, Adam B., Adam Z., Matt, Amanda, Amy, Andy, Anne, Rich S., Anthony, Leah, Katie P., Katie J., Cathy, Cheryl, Dave B., Deirdre, Denise, DPR, Gary, Judy, Joe S., Kim, Kurt, Lisa, Louis, Mike L., Peter, Susan A., Trevor, Vince D., Derrick, Mike A., Bob, Linda, Dave V., Eddie, Joe B., Chris S., Jerny, Chris C., Patty, Darren, Lori, David G., Walt, Forrest, Regina, Brenda, John J., Carl, Frank, Lora, Tony, Harlan, Ino, Alex, Mary Jo, Judi, Mike L., Jim W., Marc, Tom Z., Cameron, Dr. K., Cal, Dr. P., Dr. V., Dr. A., Dr. B., Harold, Gailmarie, Jim M., Vladtko, Val, Dan, Chip, Vince A., Debbie, Pascal, Alex

If your name is not in the list above, please don’t be offended—it just means you are not on Facebook, in my email contacts or my cell phone, or I can’t remember right now. But I love you anyway!