Not racing this weekend and RANT

Unfortunately, I will not be competing this weekend. I still have a deep chest cough that begs me to keep resting.

I had this feeling Monday and Tuesday that there was something else going on in the universe that wasn't quite right. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself for being sick. But I knew something else was wrong. I thought about it--was I sad that I wouldn't be racing? No. Was I upset that I was losing some money on this trip? No. Yet I sensed this sadness.

I called my parents several times yesterday, and nobody was home. This is odd. I figured they must have been visiting doctors, as my mom is in fragile health. At about 7:45PM my phone rang, and I actually hoped it was my dad, as I had wanted to talk to him just the other day, but my voice was too trashed from all the coughing. He told me my mom is in the hospital. He had been out for an hour or so and returned home to her sitting on the floor unable to use her legs to get up. She's been experiencing all sorts of neurological problems related to being diabetic (adult onset), so this wasn't too surprising. Turns out she's had another mini-stroke. So far, they don't know what the cause of the loss of her ability to use her legs is. But what upsets me is how the paramedics treated her. My dad says they said to her, "Well, you're just old." What the fuck is that? Getting old doesn't imply the loss of the use of your legs.

I can tell my dad is upset. I'm pretty upset, too, especially since today I am still too sick to go visit mom in the hospital. But I will go tomorrow, even if it means I am wearing a face mask. So far they haven't figured what's going on with her. In my heart, I've known it was just a matter of time before she becomes wheelchair-bound.

To any of you out there who are 10 or more pounds overweight, consider yourselves warned. Excess weight, particularly belly fat, has been shown to be a marker for adult-onset diabetes. While the symptoms of the disease itself can be treated with medicine, you can guarantee there is already damage done to your cardiovascular system by the time it is diagnosed, and the damage continues as long as you have the disease, even with treatment. And it's ugly. Whatever excuses you may have for not losing weight, well I'm not buying them. Get off your fat ass, stop stuffing your face and take care of yourself. Oh, so you have problems? Try not being able to walk. Try having to be on 15 different medications because you couldn't be bothered to eat right and exercise in your youth. Oh, so you're a triathlete now, huh? Well the fitness you get from exercising is not erasing the problems you are causing yourself by being overweight. Anyone who has the economic means to belong to health clubs and pay to race has no excuses for not eating healthfully and maintaining a healthy weight.

I mourn the loss of my youthful, happy mom, who when she was first diagnosed with Type II diabetes that could have been controlled with weight loss and dietary changes, couldn't find it within her to make simple changes to prevent the full bloom of this disease. I know we all die of something, but it is really hard for me to watch the progressive degeneration of a person. My mom will never see me race; but I hope she remembers how much I loved riding my bike to the pool as a kid. Every summer morning I would jokingly ask her, "Mom, when does the pool open?" Every summer morning she would give me the same answer, "1:00. You can leave right after lunch." I think I will remind her of that tomorrow.

I swim, bike and run BECAUSE I CAN. And I hope I can keep doing it for a long, long time.