Make it HURT

My friends, the ultra-focused long rides, are back. As it should be. I've got to get in a number of them in the next few weeks to be ready, REALLY READY, for Ironman Brazil. I just wouldn't have it any other way.

Last summer, prior to Ironman Wisconsin, I got my first taste of these rides. They are the sort of thing that to execute them properly, it's tough to ride with someone else, unless they are willing to do what *I* need to do. They are best done on the flats (how convenient that I live in Flatland!), and I enjoy them more with a stiff headwind (cross winds not so much).

I got my wishes in spades today. The high only got to 68, and there were stiff east/east northeast winds blowing. When I do these rides, I go west. So in a perverted sense, I was excited today because I knew I'd have to ride home into a headwind!

I loaded up the Lobster bike (my road bike--the SRM isn't back until Monday, unlike what the service center promised--so it's road bike this weekend, and the Power Tap is fucked up or just needs a battery or something so I'm riding on feel, but I know what FUCKING HARD feels like!), and suited up. I chose rather skimpy riding clothes, since the plan was for a 4-hour ride followed by a 30-minute run. I pulled some weeds in my front yard flower bed to test out the temperatures, and knew I'd be fine.

The bike workout was to be this:
WU: 60' @ 65-70%
MS: 2 x (40' @ 88-90%, 10' Easy), 20' Easy, then 1 x 20' @ FT.
Remainder (50') is 80-85%, as you feel.

Remember, I rarely just go out and JFR anymore, although I did so in South Carolina due to the presence of certain "mountains." With those, you just push it up and hang on as you fall off the damn things.

I headed out and oh joy! Tailwind, so I'm in the 52/13 (highest available gear) heading west to Fermilab. Fermilab has an accelerator ring that you can see from an airplane. Very high-tech. Since I am going senile, I didn't remember how long it normally takes for me to get there from my house, nor did I have an odometer, but I figured on about an hour, and I was correct. Then I figured I'd do the 2x40' in there (a couple of loops), and then head back to a T intersection (Eola Road and Bilter, for those of you who might know the area), then west again to do the FT interval, and finally turn around and head for home.

What a beautiful day! I love being in Fermilab, because, well, it's so scientific. You see these various buildings where they are doing who-knows-what, and there are huge tanks of liquid helium and liquid nitrogen hanging around. And REALLY BIG electrical thingies. But there are woods in there, and also a herd of buffaloes (which I like to call bobbleheads), and there is very little to no traffic in there, and the roads are decent, so it's a nice place to put the focus hammer down.

And focus I did. The loop was mostly windy, and I would just pop into the big chain ring and ride as hard as I could for as long as I needed to. I could feel the muscular fatigue in my quads, but I didn't care. It was good I didn't have a speedometer, because I didn't care. All I cared about was make it hurt. Make it count. And I did. I could tell sort of from my heart rate and my calorie burn that I was kickin' it. And since I was riding mostly on flatness, there was no coasting, although I did have to stop and pee a few times, but I made it quick, because I was so into getting it done today.

While I was in there, I saw: buffalo, horses, egrets, herons, robins, cardinals, a red-tailed hawk and at least 10 other cyclists, all of whom had on way more clothes than me. All of them were happy to smile and wave at me, as I did to them, except for one woman. She looked a little surly on her tri bike (perhaps she was looking down at my silly clip-ons on a road bike which I was barely even using) as if she was the only one "working." WTF??? I can always at least lift my left hand off of wherever it is to give some sort of acknowledgment.

As I was leaving Fermilab, I thought to myself that I have come a long way, when I really have no problem looping around to get my "work intervals" done. There are other places I can ride, but I like being surrounded by science in a safe-riding haven even though I suppose I am picking up some spare electrons or something. I always feel pretty good when I'm in there!

But, as is always the case, all good things come to an end. So I left the place with one more nasty interval to go. And this one would include a few short hills. The deal was NO shifting into the small chainring even for those. I had to grind it a little bit, but no worries, it was only 20'. Most of it was on a north-south road, so I avoided the stiff easterly winds. But then I turned to ride home. Total headwind! Which was great, since I was not allowed to lollygag on the tail end of the ride.

About this time, my right foot started to hurt a bit, which was funny because usually my rule is 5 hours riding or 80 miles before that happens. But I guess with all the wind and with all the effort I was pushing (I would REALLY like to have seen what my true watts were--oh well, next weekend I get the big surprise!), it happened a little sooner, at just 3:30 in. At this point, I knew I had a long ride back into the headwind, so I unclipped that foot and stretched it a bit, and kept going.

Stupid road bike doesn't have quite the aerodynamic position of my tri bike, but I made do. I got sick of riding in the hoods so I used the silly clip-on aerobars, which helped with the aerodynamics a little bit. I think I was gritting my teeth all the way back.

But wait--when I was about 5 miles from home (more or less), I got a special treat--2.5 miles of recently grooved road. I envisioned that I was riding the cobbles of Paris-Roubaix or something like that. It was actually better on the road bike than it would have been on the tri bike, but it still sort of sucked. But I was laughing, like how much more could this hurt? Here I'm kicking out HIM watts (most likely), I'm riding into a stiffy, I'm on fucking GROOVEMENT (that's what I call it, anyway), and joy of joys, now I get to ride up another hill! It just doesn't get any better than this! I was thinking that if I can remember shit like this during Ironman Brazil, the race should be a piece of cake. Note: training rides should ALWAYS be harder than the Ironman ride, if you are pacing properly, that is.

When the groovement ended, I was grateful (er...maybe I was grateful while I was on it). And it was then that I began thinking about my run to come. I have this bad habit of not holding myself back enough when I am supposed to, so I began a mantra, "GO OUT EASY, GO OUT EASY."

Since I'd be running from my house, I figured, what the hell, run east first, right into that headwind, to make it hurt even more, and at least I'd get some relief on the way back.

When I got home, I had to wash my face because I was such a mess of drool, Gatorade, salt, sweat, you name it. I put the running shoes on and assessed my legs. They felt worked. As they should have. OK, so now RUN, asshole.

And out I went. It did not feel good. My legs felt like lead weights. There were 2 young girls stretching as if they were going to run, and I felt obligated to tell them, "I really CAN run, but I just got off my bike after 4 1/2 hours," because I felt like I must've been running like a drunk person. Now, remember, right out my house I have to run up a 1/4 mile hill, so I really get to keep making it hurt. Then I turn left into the headwind.

The wind doesn't feel too bad on the run. I think it died down just a little. No wait. Now it's gusting, and picking up my feet and almost making me fall down. That's one of the fun things about being so lightweight. I literally get my feet picked up more than I'd like when they are already in the air. But it makes me laugh.

As always, I am battling the brick demons. I am just running as best I can. I'm not looking at the HRM, as it would be pointless. I'm just trying to get a decent cadence with tiny wittle steps (a la Elmer Fudd). I pull my hat down further over my eyes as the sun is bugging me and so is the wind. I get to the first mile. 8:42. What the fuck is that? I shouldn't be running that fast (remember, I am S-L-O-W). Especially after that hard ride. But really I don't feel all that bad. Just the usual this-fucking-sucks-it's-a-brick-run-why-the-fuck-do-I-do-this-shit bad. So I figure that since I'm into a headwind, and I will always run faster back towards home, what the hell let's do another 7 minutes out and then turn around.

No problem. It does suck just a teensy-weensy less with the little tailwind. I figure I must look like total crap, but then my head registers, "Hey, we don't really feel all that bad maybe we CAN keep a decent run pace up in an Ironman." I guess the more you do this shit that hurts you, the easier it feels. Thanks coach! My threshold for suckiness is much bigger now. I am thinking that few of my friends that I used to train with could keep up with the shit I do now. Or maybe they could. I alternate between feelings of invincibility and total suckitude. This is what keeps me training, I guess.

I start the last mile home, and all I can think is, "MAKE IT FUCKING STOP." No walking, no slowing down now, just run and get it done. In reality, I was also thinking how long could I keep going like this? And I know that with a little Coke or Ultra Violence, a long, long time (I didn't even use the old Ultra Violence today!!!). I was listening to some music on the radio, but seriously I didn't even hear it.

And I got home. 2300 calories later, you would think I ate my entire house, but I didn't. See yesterday I sort of crashed (verge of overtraining), and knew I had better seriously load up on carbs. So I bought a bunch of crap. 2 Butterfinger easter eggs. 3 Fannie Mae creme eggs. I made a high-fat salad of Boston lettuce (in honor of the marathon on Monday, of course), grape tomatoes, crab meat and Marie's Thousand Island dressing. I forgot the damn avocado! It's a good salad, but hey, it's salad--that's WHAT FOOD EATS! I ate all the candy, the salad, and then snacked on some Cheetos and Jordan almonds. I know, I know--not exactly the most nutricious choices, but I needed to REALLY CHEAT for once. And it was all good! I've been piling on the volume lately, and I didn't want to go into today's workout feeling like shit.

So I stretched some more, and I got my lunch down and now it's about time for dinner. I can't wait to ride tomorrow--3 hours sort of like what I did today, but no brick run (yippee-cay-ay). It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow, so most likely I'll be on the trainer. Oh well, it's got to be done.

Happy Easter!