- I suck.
- I REALLY suck.
- Why do I keep doing this if I suck so much?
- Well, some people actually suck more than I do. They seem to be OK with it, so why aren't I?
- I wonder how many people who know me are laughing at me behind my back thinking, "she has a big ego for someone who sucks so much."
- Rest feels good. Maybe I'll just stop working out.
- It doesn't even phase me anymore to sign up for an Ironman race. No sense of wonder, no fear, no nothing. Been there, done that. What's up with that?
- Sometimes I think I've learned to dig deeper, and then I think I haven't. Tough to say.
- When I'm on, I feel like I'm on top of the world. When I'm not, I feel like shit.
- I wish I had started these sports when I was much younger. I wonder how good I would be now? Coulda, woulda, shoulda. I didn't know any better. I will say that I totally enjoyed smoking, drinking and partying heavily, and the drugs weren't too bad, either. I think a lot of triathletes (myself included!) would continue in those ways if they didn't think it was wiser to be "responsible."
- I think it was silly to think I could qualify for Kona. I'm not sure I want to try again or that I even have the ability to get there, but then if I don't, what's the point? I think that's what keeps me coming back, is that I'm looking for "the point." It's all about the journey and not the destination, right?
- There's no getting around it. I have to keep working hard if I want to improve.
- I wish I had the time to spend doing a LOT more swim technique work. I swim OK in a pool, and I seem to swim well in "normal" lakes, but very choppy lakes or oceans, I suck.
- I'm a pretty good cyclist. Maybe I should just focus on that.
- Occasionally I think I'm an OK runner, and wonder if there will ever be a point that magically I am able to run a lot faster. I seriously doubt it.
- Oh yeah I guess one of the reasons I do this is for my health. My physical health seems pretty good; my mental health dubious.
- Racing is a crap shoot. Some days you get lucky and it all comes together. Other days not so much.
- Sometimes I wish I trained less, but then I remember how little I need to eat if I'm not working out a lot. Am I doing this for vanity?
- At least I am not injured, KNOCK WOOD! If I've learned one thing in the past 6 years, it's that injury sucks more than anything else. I suppose there's some reward in being able to say I trained a lot, raced a lot, and was not injured (for the last 1.5 years!).
- I really love steak, onions, tomatoes and beer. I could live on just that!
- Sometimes I think I like to burn calories more than I like to take them in. I really don't like having to eat or drink when I'm training or racing. Maybe I am turning into a camel or a vampire.
- String theory--yep, I'm made up of a bunch of vibrating strings. Now if they could just learn to play a decent melody, I'd be all set!
- I miss my mom.
- The only thing that sucks about being my age is being single. Men just do not automatically think that an almost 50-YO woman is worth getting to know. But when I was getting body marked on Sunday, the guy asked my age, and I told him 49. He thought he heard 41, and said, "41?" I said, "Nope, FOR-TY NINE." Some young girl said, "I bet you wish you were 41." To which I said, "Hell no." See, that is what a lot of people think about being this age. That you've somehow turned into a ball of ugly mush. I'm fighting it tooth and nail.
- I love sleeping.
- I love my body, even though it doesn't always perform the way I'd like it to.
- I guess I'll go run now. Maybe something else will come to me.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Do You Ever Have These Thoughts?
Just some ramblings in a recovery period...
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7 comments:
I hope you had a good run!
i hate age stereotypes...everyone expect you to be like at certain age..>BS...the worst part is u don't care but everyone cares.and when u try to defend yourself, it looks like u care.
Just when I think I'm the only one who sucks, I read posts like this and I'm reminded of how fragile, human and yet incredibly indestructable we all are as triathletes.
Thanks for sharing. I have plenty of negative thoughts running thru my head....and there's always that "what if.." that can drive ya c-r-a-z-yyyyyy!
But we keep on keeping on..one day at a time...enjoy the journey...life sucks then ya die---whichever it is, somethimes it's just too much--other days it's a breeze. We're all just doing what we can to make it the best journey it can be despite the circumstances.
A couple of great things about getting older....we know there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and we develop quicker ways of getting to that light.
Shine on Girl!! You are loved!
I'm having no problem getting older. I see the results of the guys in the AG ahead of mine and some of them are beating my times. I see results of guys in the AG behind mine and I am beating many of them.
That tells me I am progressing, but that I still have room to improve. That is what keeps me coming back for more!
hmmm-what to comment on first! That's alot of free-fall thinking going on there. The one thing that sticks out from the rest is that don't give up on getting to Kona, if that's what you really want. Sometimes it's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time and having the roll-down come to you!
I have been "wishing and training for" IMH for about twenty-five years, and I still don't think it's completely out of the question that I may get there someday! And don't let the comments about not wanting to be 49 or 50. How old was this kid who made the comment? What I probably would have said to her would have been-"well, being 50 is a better alternative than not being here at all...and by the way, I am racing and not body-marking. I will race you next year and see who comes out ahead..."
And never say never about meeting up with someone. I met my husband when I was 43...ten years ago, and while it's not perfect, it has been very good, mainly 'cause he can tolerate and understand my wanting to workout/race all the time. Most guys are super-intimidated by this. Especially when you are 50 and beating the pants off of them!
You are just in a slump right now. Everyone has them. You have been training and racing alot. Take some time off-you won't lose your fitness levels that quickly, but will bounce back better both physically and mentally. Really you will!
Yeah I have those thoughts from time to time. Then I look in the mirror and tell myself that I am great. Every once in awhile I hear it from my girlfriend or family, and that seems to help as well.
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