Weekly Workout Totals 12/18/2006-12/24/2006, Dysfunctional Family Christmas and Feeling Good

First, accountability:

Swim: 7000 yards (3.97 miles) in 2.48 hours; 23% of weekly workout time; approx. 869 calories burned
Bike: Approx. 53.96 miles in 3.08 hours; 29% of weekly workout time; approx. 1662 calories burned Run: Approx. 23.8 miles in 3.54 hours; 33% of weekly workout time; approx. 1764 calories burned Strength: 1.68 hours; 16% of weekly workout time; approx. 420 calories burned
All Sports: Approx. 81.73 miles in 10.78 hours; approx. 4715 calories burned
Sleep: 9.11 hours avg./night
Stretching: 3.23 hours. Massage: 1.5 hours

Good week, training wise. Completed all workouts (a little light on the swimming, though), except for my Friday run. Since my calves were still fried from the Wednesday treadmill festival, I decided it wouldn't hurt to rest them. Had a good 1:30 ride on Saturday, and ran :30 on the track afterwards. Clearly, my legs prefer running NOT on a treadmill right now.

It was interesting on Saturday after a 2-hour workout that I didn't feel like I had "done" anything. Ah, the beauty of tapering and a shortened long-ish ride.

Sunday was reserved for baking a cake, watching the Bears almost lose, er...win, and cutting out 2 pairs of pajamas. I am using one pair right now, store bought, and I am tired of them and I need a spare. They will hopefully get sewn next weekend.

The cake was for today. Last Sunday I had lunch with my brothers, their wives, my dad and one of my nephews. My sister in law invited me and my Dad over for Christmas Day, or so I thought. So I thought I'd bring a nice dessert. I made a 3-layer coconut pecan cake. Yesterday I called my brother to confirm, and he insisted he hadn't invited us. Oh well, I wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up. He's been depressed and angry for years--since he lost his last "real" job--and he has some issues relating to my Dad (that's been going on for years, too--I have no idea exactly what the issue is). Since Tom (my brother) picked up the phone instead of his wife, Robin (who is extremely sweet), I guess he figured he could back out of it. That gave me a good cry--not because of not being invited, but it was typical behavior for Tom, and I am saddened that he can't bust out of his problems. If I was interviewing him for a job, I wouldn't hire him either, as it's completely apparent that he is angry with the world and feels put upon.

I called my younger sister, Lisa, and nobody answered the phone. She and her husband tend to screen calls (without call waiting--just wait to see who's voice leaves a message and decide whether to pick up or not), and I wasn't sure she was "talking" to me, so I chalked it up to she probably still didn't want to talk to me. She also is unemployed for several years and if you ask me, depressed as all get out, but just like Tom, not seeking professional help. God forbid it would help to talk to someone about your distorted feelings about yourself and the rest of the world! Hey--I've been there, done that, and while I still have my issues, I've learned that being angry doesn't accomplish anything.

The good news is that Lisa called me back later in the day, telling me she was "resting" from all the cooking (just for herself and her husband). Yes, she has such a hard life I guess that she needs a lot of rest from it! Anyway, we had a pleasant enough conversation, and it made me feel good that she was at least willing to communicate with me. Although she did let on that she couldn't come up here (she lives in Indianapolis) because she was still so distraught over my Mom's death that she can't bear to go into our childhood home. What the hell! How does she think my Dad feels? How does she think he feels to not see her for many, many months at a time, even though she doesn't work and is not suffering for creature comforts? Sure, she has issues--her husband's Mom is in a nursing facility suffering from Alzheimer's, and that puts a strain on her son and as a result, on Lisa.

We all have problems, don't we? Me--what do I have to show for myself? Spending another Christmas holiday alone for the most part. It is what it is. I wouldn't even notice it except for the fact that I am tapering for a race. But it does give me pause to consider how I got where I am today. I have plenty of acquaintances and even a few people I consider close friends. But alas, they are all married with children, and I am not the sort of person they would think about this time of year, which is fine. I tend to feel like a third or fifth wheel (depending on the family size). And it's not like I'm in the dating game.

Let me tell you it is no picnic being 50 and single. I am noticing the aging changes each year, and frankly, they SUCK. While I have very good muscle tone, my skin not so much. It's especially noticeable in the winter when my tan fades and all I'm left with is pasty-white, saggy skin. Gravity is good for some areas of the body--like the abs--in terms of the extra skin falling someplace else--but not so good for others like in my face. It's one thing if you've been with someone for years, so I suppose they wouldn't notice or care about such changes, but it's another thing if you're single. Oh well, another thing that there isn't much to do about it. And no, I am NOT considering Botox. I will look like what I will look like based on how I care for myself, and I think I'm doing the best that I can.

At one time I thought that maybe I'd meet someone (i.e., a GUY) doing something I loved, aka triathlon. Well, I have met and made plenty of friends, both men and women, but no single men that would be attracted to me. Perhaps it's true what someone said to me a year ago--that I am just too dedicated to training stuff and too competitive for most men's tastes. And then there's my age. Oh well, I should have been smart enough to know that taking up another hobby surely wasn't going to cure my social ills, and it hasn't. Some people who know me think I'm quite the extrovert, but what do they know? Sure, around my "game" and knowledge I am. But really, I'm the biggest social klutz. Don't take me to a party and leave me alone! I will fold up in a corner and drink myself to death!

But the way I look at it, at least I know this about myself. And I also know that feeling sorry for myself is not productive and that in the end, we all are alone. And I realize totally that there are so many people much, much worse off than me. I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I am not starving and I'm in good health. Things could definitely be worse!

So to those of you who think I never discuss anything personal here, there you have it. I am just not that "personal." If nothing else, I've learned that I am not my thoughts or feelings, and I just try to live in every moment as much as possible--whether that means doing the things that we must do to exist in this society or sometimes to ponder on my feelings.

After being shut out of my brother's today, I decided to go and see Casino Royale today with my Dad. It got him out of his house and me out of mine. I really enjoyed it, and Daniel Craig is H-O-T! Geez, what a physique on that man. I am asking Santa belatedly for one of those.

On the Goofy front, I'm feeling pretty good. The thought occurred to me today that if I can lollygag to 2:30 in the 1/2 and go 4:05 (Boston Qualifying time) or less in the full, then the sum is about the same as the sum of both race times last year. So it makes sense to me that if I go longer and easier in the half that I should have the gas left for the full. At least it is making sense to me today! My left calf is better in the sense that the outside part is no longer feeling like a problem, but the medial side is now tight, but that's OK, I'm working on things.

Today I lifted weights is all, and it felt good, since I did ZERO yesterday. I thought it would be prudent to have a protein shake afterwards since I had upped the weights (and besides, extra protein is good during a taper), so I put a scoop of egg protein powder into a glass and some glutamine and added water. Then I remembered I had bought a bottle of Bailey's Irish Creme to take to my ill-fated brother's house today, so I thought what the hell, put some of that in there. Turns out it was quite the tasty recovery drink! I can see having some Bailey's in my coffee this week, which is a bad thing to do, but I'm tapering and besides, I need to practice up in case I decide to have that beer if I locate the beer mile during the Disney marathon!

Life sucks AND it's great.