This One's for Momo

I can't believe I hadn't found Momo before. But now I have. Thank you, Momo, and others for being real people.

Those girls to the left? Them's be part of my bitchin' collection of Barbie dolls. I have others--the current count is 16. I got one at Ironman Brazil last year that's wearing FMP's. I have Cali Girl that I refer to as "Whore Barbie" (well, really all of them are stinking whores, who am I kidding?), because when my mom bought it for me, she told me she asked the store if they had "CALL GIRL Barbie." I have the first Barbie doll I got when they were first made, and she's wearing a hula outfit right now.

These girls do NOT exercise. And yet they have hourglass figures and are beautiful and have a nice complexion. BITCHES!

I'd like a Triathlon Barbie. I could make her outfit except that my vision is so wacky now that forget it trying to sew minute little things out of spandex. Damn, though, if I DID have triathlon Barbie (TB), then I would be firing up a whole NEW collection of gadgets for her. Like my own obsession isn't enough.

Triathlon Barbie gets her first tri bike.

Triathlon Barbie gets a power meter.

Triathlon Barbie gets race wheels.

Triathlon Barbie gets a coach.....

Then I'd have to start another blog about TB's training exploits. I can tell you that I, as her coach (who else would coach her? Oh wait, she has a huge rack I guess they'd be lining up) would make her do harder workouts than I do, and then I'd get to watch her boobs disappear because her bodyfat got so low and she'd stop wearing makeup (too time-consuming) and perfume (hard to hide that chlorine smell). Every other day I would yell at her, "Hey you stupid bitch, get on that bike right now and give me 5 FT intervals." And she'd be all like, "My legs don't bend so well I'm having trouble on the bike," and I'd be all, "Too bad, bitch, saddle up and make the best of it."

If I had TB, then I suppose I'd have to get Triathlon Ken (it is ironic that my ex-husband's name is Ken). But TK would get all wigged out because TB was getting so fast on the bike and even letting him draft occasionally in training (again, ironic, because my ex-husband was insecure because I am so much smarter than him and he told me so--not that he was a dumbass, he wasn't, but still he claimed I "intimidated" him. And I helped him with his master's Computer Science project which he couldn't figure out on his own). And TK would be all like, "Hey, TB, I'm not getting enough lovin' because you are so competitive and always training and tired from training." And then TB would have to boot TK's sorry ass. Sorry guys, I'm not saying you are all like that. But I KNOW that Triathlon Ken probably is :)

I guess it's a good thing that Triathlon Barbie doesn't exist. I really did try to write to Mattell to tell them to make one, but you aren't allowed to do that on the Internet. They could make a small fortune off of Triathlon Barbie and all her gear. Maybe I should write Graham Fraser and ask him to team up with Mattell for Ironman Barbie. They could sell her when you register on Active.com. That's a no-brainer. Even guys would buy her, or better yet, offer Ironman Ken for the guys (ironically he is built nearly anatomically correct for a male triathlete). I'd strap Ironman Barbie onto my X-Lab on the bike and make her suffer while I'm putting out wattage.

Thanks, Momo. You inspired me.