Weekly Workout Totals 11/17/2008-11/23/2008

As I always say, no matter how I feel, I need to keep doing, and believe it or not, I actually cooked yesterday! What it is is scallops with red and green bell peppers, onion, garlic, peas (my modification to the recipe) and lots of Tabasco. It's simple to make, but really good, and it qualifies in my book as actual cooking. Roasting a chicken, making a salad, broiling a steak or taking something out of the freezer to microwave do not constitute cooking in my book.

Wanting to cook is a good sign.

The last 2 nights I slept 7 hours. And that is actual sleep. What I've been recording as sleep lately is the amount of time I'm in bed, even though there have been a few hours nightly where I am just laying there thinking, and it's interesting that I can lay there for like 2 hours and the time goes by quickly.

Beginning to sleep normally again is a good sign.

I made myself work out every day this week except Saturday. Friday and Saturday I felt like I was sick again, but you know it's the sickness of grief. Grief over losing someone that I truly loved with all my heart, because when you do that, you lose a part of yourself. I spoke my peace to him in a very long email which I have no idea if he read or not. I reread it myself maybe 20 times, and could not come up with anything more or different to say. In essence what it came down to was this: don't call it love if you won't do anything for it. If he was willing to give me a shred of something that demonstrated he was willing to work for it, I would have taken it, and still would. But I think that door has been closed, since in asking him what he could or would do, he replied, "Nothing."

Yesterday I felt pretty good actually, since I got some sleep and no longer felt sick. Imagine that! My back is still healing, and it still hurts at times, but I can distinguish the pain of making the muscles do what they are supposed to do and the repair process. Even if parts of my back hurt while I'm exercising, the fact that things feel better the next day tells me I'm doing the right thing.

I'm ready to build my training plan for the remainder of this year and 2009. That is a good sign.

Don't be misled--I am still in a very dark place. I just realized where I've been for the past 4 weeks or so, only I wasn't sure where it was. Now I know where it is, which means I can begin to find my way out, and I am doing that.

Anyway, I managed to do some decent training last week:

Weekly Workout Totals	11/17/2008-11/23/2008 This week's totals are sponsored by the darkness
Swim:	9100 yards (5.16 miles) in 3.15 hours; 25% of weekly workout time; approx. 1103 calories burned Canadian: 8321.04 meters
Bike:	Approx. 73.51 miles in 4.2 hours; 34% of weekly workout time; approx. 1891 calories burned; Total TSS=222 Canadian: 118.3 kilometers
Run:	Approx. 25.63 miles in 4.02 hours; 32% of weekly workout time; approx. 1828 calories burned Canadian: 41.25 kilometers
Strength:	1.15 hours; 9% of weekly workout time; approx. 288 calories burned
All Sports:	Approx. 104.3 miles in 12.52 hours; approx. 5110 calories burned Canadian: 1.25 kilometers
Sleep:	6.14 hours avg./night
Stretching:	1.07 hours. Massage: 1.25 hours