The non-training (yet still quite tan) species of the Strauss creature was sighted in my home yesterday, after arriving on its mobile habitat, a striking blue motorcycle (we hope to obtain a photo of it in its "Action Figure" phase next week).
Its call alternates between, "Where is the nearest Starbucks," and "Where can I work wirelessly?" which I've learned are its primary animalistic drives, seeking to satisfy both simultaneously; yet it can quickly adapt to home-brewed coffee and an actual couch.
The non-training form of the Strauss appears to thrive on bratwurst, caffeine and cookies. It was also observed stealing most of the filet from a just-off-the-grill Porterhouse steak--so one can only guess the makeup of its usual diet. It also has this weird habit of having packages delivered to my house with instructions to do something with the contents. Usually there's something for me in the package, though, so I really can't complain. If anyone knows of a way to encourage it to send carbon bike parts, please let me know.
I am attempting to stimulate the metamorphosis of the non-training Strauss creature into the rarer training/racing form (sometimes known as the "triathlete" phase). So far, I've been coaxing it gently with the words "Miami Man 1/2 Ironman 2007" and "Triple T 2008," but I'll need to be careful before using the words "diet" and "run." I'm pretty sure it doesn't understand the word "swim," although it seems to know how to force other species to do it while it watches (voyeuristic tendencies are a surefire clue to identifying the coaching form of the Strauss).
So I'm asking all of you to help me out here before the training Strauss becomes an endangered species by allowing it to subsist on its in-the-wild diet of Infinit, Gatorade, lean protein and veggies. I'm told this metamorphosis can take several months. I think it can be done over the next 5 months by Miami Man 2007 this November.
1 comment:
Hehe - awesome post.
Post a Comment