Musings

I am beginning to see that I am still who I thought I was, only now I can begin to know myself. And that knowing includes certain aspects of my personality that are just there, that some would argue are not "good," but I am not yet going for the complete overhaul.

I am still judgmental without expectations and realize that we all have our failings. That doesn't mean I can't make a conscious choice about who I associate with. Or that I can't have emotions about others that aren't necessarily shiny, happy ones. I do laugh at how I observe others judging me, and whereas it used to bother me, it no longer does. People like that just go on my discard list.

I am competitive. This is one of the big reasons for honing my mental skills. I want to see how far I can go in my athletic pursuits. Beginning after the Disney marathon in January, I am prepared to become more or less a hermit that eats, sleeps and exercises very precisely and purely. It will be an interesting experiment to see what life is like--not just for me, but how others react to it. Yet I know that I will continue to have my usual fun.

I did make a mistake the other day where I let my own curiosity get the better of me. I emailed J and asked what was going on with him. He did reply, but I am not going to read the email. I shouldn't have asked, and I don't need to know the answer. I am making progress!

Did have an interesting dream last night--I was at some sort of party thing that was divided into two rooms--the "cheap" room and the "expensive" room. I was at the cheap party. There was barely anything to eat or drink, but there were good, fun people to hang out with. I wandered into the expensive party, and there was a lavish buffet spread out, and most people had eaten, and I could have taken whatever I wanted, but I didn't. I returned to the cheap party. Then I put platinum blond hair color on my hair. In the dream I had a chin length, bob cut. I went outside to rinse off the hair color using a hose (!), and after rinsing and trying to dry my hair with a cheap towel, I went back inside to see how it looked. Well, I had these black roots about 2" long still showing! I wondered how I could have missed so much of my hair. Parts of it were a light brown, but the rest was platinum blond. I am not going to analyze this one!